7 Life Lessons I Learned in 2009

Jennifer at Conversion Diary posted her "life lessons" from the year 2009 and I thought it was a great idea for a blog post to wrap up this year. Here are my very own "life lessons" of 2009.

1. Just breathe, and take one step at a time. The beginning of this year was rather hectic. I was planning for our April wedding while finishing up my final semester of college. I was only taking six credit hours, so I thought the next few months would be easy peasy. I was very wrong. My senior seminar thesis class was over John Paul II's Theology of the Body. It was a very intense class and consumed a majority of my time. I was also driving an hour and a half to get to my 8 a.m. class...meaning I had to leave super early in the morning. (In case I haven't told you, I am NOT a morning person! Zombie movies have nothing on me!)

Ryan and I had a rather long engagement so I had a majority of the big details of our wedding taken care of, but little bumps in the road kept creeping up. I was trying to focus on the beautiful sacrament that I was going to take part of, but kept getting majorly stressed out.

The wedding turned out perfectly, but the next few weeks were filled with writing two 20 page research papers, a presentation for my senior seminar, moving three hours away from home to move in with my husband, writing thank you note after thank you note, preparing our new home and getting ready for graduation. I felt like a nomad because I was traveling a couple hundred miles a week to get where I needed to go.

I was overwhelmed quite a bit. I was facing huge life changes all in the time span of a few months. I could have easily had a nervous breakdown, but I learned to focus on one thing at a time. It was easy to get freaked out at all that had to be done, but I just went week by week and tackled what needed to be accomplished. For example, instead of freaking out about decorating for our wedding reception that was three weeks away, I just needed to prepare what I could with the time I had and focus on what was right in front of me (like reading 150 pages of TOB in one night.) When it came to decorating for the reception I felt a little less stressed.

This way of thinking has really helped me in other minor situations that have come up throughout the year!

2. God will help you if you let Him. This fall I suffered a miscarriage. This was a huge heartbreak for both my husband and I. In the past, when something traumatic has happened in my life, I've often either gotten very angry at God and crossed my arms like a toddler and said to Him, "I'm not talking to you!" or I've been so focused on myself that I forget to even turn to Him in my sorrow.

When we lost our baby Gus I ran to God so fast like a little child who just fell and scraped their knee runs to their parent for comfort. I completely opened myself to trust in His Divine plan and rely on his comfort. It was scary to do that, but you know what...it worked. He helped us in ways I cannot number or explain. If I would not have trusted in Him I would still be a mess. Now I wasn't always a pious ray of sunshine during my miscarriage. There were times I seriously wondered what we did to deserve this pain. There are still days I cry, especially this holiday season since I was expecting to be rubbing a very preggo belly while sitting by the Christmas tree. But I can smile now knowing that our St. Gus in up in heaven praying for his mom and dad here on earth. Now isn't that amazing?

3. You can't please everyone. I hate making people mad. I hate causing problems or hard feelings. I hate confrontations. But if I go through life being politically correct or changing what I say to make everyone happy that will make ME unhappy. Especially when it comes to my religious beliefs. There is a particular Bible verse that I always keep in mind. Jesus says, "And I tell you, everyone who acknowledges me before men, the Son of man also will acknowledge before the angels of God; but he who denies me before men will be denied before the angels of God." (Luke 12:8-9) I've learned I need to gain courage to speak my mind and to defend the glory of God and to trust in the Holy Spirit that He will guide me in what to say and do.

That being said....

4. I need to grow a layer of tough skin. Being Christian isn't easy in today's world. Being Catholic is even harder. There are going to be people that will try and tear apart my faith, disrespect it and fight against it. I could be called horrible names, have people stop talking to me or have my feelings hurt. I have seen people comment on other people's blogs with horrible insults. I've learned I need to prepare myself for the wackos out there who like to cause trouble. There will even be the Catholic-Puritans that accuse me of not being Catholic enough. I am a very sensitive person, so this tough skin will take awhile to grow!

That being said....

5. It is very important to do all things with love. I've often struggled with defending the faith. There are facebook statuses and comments I hear all the time that go against what I believe. What do I do? Say something? Correct someone when they are wrong? I've learned through one of Jennifer's posts on her Conversion Diary blog that sometimes the best thing to do is nothing but pray. Sometimes correcting someone's belief can cause them to go further away from the Truth. People's pride can easily be hurt. Sometimes it's best to let the light of Christ shine through us. If people see that you are a loving and happy person maybe they will be more likely to approach you regarding your beliefs feeling safe and secure. They won't feel like they are being judged or condemned. Another lesson in trust in the Holy Spirit for guidance.

6. Marriage ain't too shabby! Ryan and I were best friends before we started dating. I knew I was going to marry him before we even dated. Transitioning into marriage was fairly easy for us. We have learned that communication is a key ingredient to a healthy marriage. There have been many, many times where we've gotten into a spat, and we are both so stubborn we won't talk it out. I go up to him and say, "We need to talk this out. You go first." He then says, "NO, YOU go first!" and so on and so forth. We end up laughing because we realize how childish we are acting. We have learned not to take ourselves so seriously and to pick our battles.

Natural Family Planning has also been a great blessing to our marriage. It has taught us not to be slaves to sexual pleasure. We see sex for just how awesome and holy it is, both physically and emotionally. There have been times we've wanted to be *ahem* sexually intimate but knew our union could result in a pregnancy. We had discerned that we weren't ready for a baby. But just laying there, him rubbing my back, caressing my face and just talking was amazing. There are times that doing those things are better than a romp in the bed. :-)

7. Prayer works. Really it does! This last part of 2009 has been a struggle. With me being unemployed and Ryan's job not paying very well we've struggled financially. Prayer has strengthened our relationship to not be strained by money problems. Prayer has assured us that everything WILL work out just fine. Things may get worse before they get better, but God never abandons those who seek His help. I've been praying a 54 day Novena (basically praying a rosary every day). It has brought me great comfort and strength. I'm not just saying that in a sugar and sweet, cup half full way. I am a pessimist, but Mary the Mother of God has brought us some amazing graces. And when the bills come and we stress how to handle them, God hands us the grace and blessings to figure everything out.

I hope everyone had a very blessed and wonderful holiday with family and friends. I pray that you all have a very happy and prosperous New Year!

Christmas, Christmas Time is Here!

*That bald-headed babe is me on my first Christmas being held by my loving big brother, Roman Catholic Cop. Looks like I'm trying to punch him...even then I was trying to defend myself!

I should be packing my suitcase because tomorrow we leave for Kansas City to spend one Christmas with Ryan's family and then off to Tarkio to spend another Christmas with my family. I should be baking sheet after sheet of cookies. So what am I doing instead? Trying to write this blog post while being distracted by home videos that I burned to DVD last night.

A couple weeks ago I had big plans to dive deep into all my favorite Christmas memories and put them in blog form. And even though I am unemployed, I got too busy to organize my Christmas memory thoughts.

So here is a shorter version of my favorite Christmas memories.

Childhood

When I was growing up we didn't have a lot of money. We didn't have a telephone or a car. It was because of the generosity of family and of strangers that made my Christmases a wonderful childhood memory.

I'm not sure how old I was- maybe four or five years old, when one day we came home to find a box on our front porch. In it was a few toys for me (one was a big moose stuffed animal named Mooseltoe that I still have to do this day), a winter coat and a few groceries. My mom had no clue who it came from.

Thanks to my Uncle Steve and Aunt Betty and my Mom and I actually got a good Christmas. Without them my Chrismases would have been pretty bleak. Every Christmas until I was about eight years old Steve drove the two hours from Kansas City to Tarkio to pick us up and take us back to his house. He, his wife, and my mom pitched in for wonderful presents and goodies. His wife always cooked an amazing Christmas dinner. One year I was supposed to say grace before dinner and I stood up and said the "Pledge of Allegiance" like Aunt Bethany does on the movie "Christmas Vacation." (In my defense my older cousin convinced me to do it. I sure hope God has a sense of humor!) One time we drove to another uncle's house and sang Christmas carols in his front yard. We'd always go look at Christmas lights on the beautiful big homes on Ward Parkway and the Plaza Christmas lights. It wasn't anything too spectacular, but for this small-town girl I was awe-struck.

My mom and Steve used to take me to see Santa Clause at the Ward Parkway mall. Now here's the funny thing: while I was little I never knew the street with all the big homes was Ward Parkway or knew that all the shops lit up were called the Plaza. The only thing I was familiar with about Kansas City in my later years was Barry Road and North Oak Trafficway since my brother lived in that area. We never went south of the Missouri River. But when Ryan and I started dating I went south of the river a lot because his parents live there. They live just a few blocks from the Plaza and Ward Parkway. So when Christmas came and I begged Ryan to take me out to look at all the Christmas lights I was almost in tears because I was looking at the same houses and buildings I had ooo'ed and aahhh'ed at when I was a little kid! I never made the connection that these were the same areas! And it made me wonder....Like me, Ryan always went to see Santa at Ward Parkway mall. Maybe I was standing next to my future husband in line to see Santa when we were six years old! (I've scoured all my mom's photos and Ryan's mom's photos to see if that was the case...I don't have any hard evidence, but I'd like to think we did stand next to each other!)

Oh I have so many more memories to share of my childhood, but that will have to wait until next year. BUT- there is one commercial that always stands out to me and I swear it's been on for years:

Christmas Through a Child's Eyes

It is this time of year that gets me SO excited to have children someday. As adults we stress during this joyous holiday season. A lot of times we see no joy at all. We see expenses, budgets, event after event, time constraints, and pressure to make everything look holly jolly. But if you look at a child and see how excited they are, how pure their happiness is that Christmas is coming soon, the season takes on a whole new meaning.

I remember when my nephew Max was about three years old. I was helping him with his stocking and his joyful reactions to each thing pulled out brought tears to my eyes. When he pulled out a bottle of Elmo bubble bath you'd think he pulled out the Holy Grail he was so excited and happy!

That is a memory I will cherish and I cannot wait to see that same look of happiness and excitement on my own child's face someday.

Yay Mass!

I just love, love, LOVE Midnight Mass. Before Mass begins all the lights are off except for the lights in the back choir loft. The rest of the church is lit by candle light and Christmas lights. There are tons of sparkling poinsettias around and a large and beautiful nativity scene. While all the world is either asleep or doing their own holiday shin-dig, I am there with my family celebrating the birth of Christ by receiving His True Presence in the Eucharist. It truly is a silent night before Midnight Mass. I sing in the choir and we're pretty good (I think so anyway!)

It is so quiet and peaceful before Mass but once Mass begins it's an all out celebration! The lights turn on, the procession starts and the birth of Jesus is proclaimed! Our priest uses incense and all the High Mass goodies that is only used for Easter and funerals.

The church is usually packed. On any other Sunday many pews are left empty, but at Midnight mass even the much-avoided front row is filled. Sure they are not all St. Paul parishioners; many are family members of parishioners and CEO Catholics (Christmas, Easter and Other Occasions) but I'm sure a full church pleases the Lord.

Well I've already spent way too much time blogging away. I need to pack and bake! I'm taking a blogging break to spend time with family and friends. I wish all of you a very happy and blessed Christmas. May God bless each of you and your families!

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred,

and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit,

become a child again at Christmas-time.

-Laura Ingalls Wilder

7 Quick Takes Friday Vol. 4

1.

On Thursday my husband and I went Christmas shopping. I was beyond annoyed, grouchy and tired. The mall was packed and I'm just not that into shopping. The one thing that made the trip enjoyable was that I got to spend quality time with my husband and see all the adorable kiddos in line to see Santa Claus. I think I wouldn't have been such a Grinch if we didn't have to drive over an hour to get to the mall.

2.

I have wedding ring dermatitis! The skin underneath my ring is itchy, red and irritated. I know what caused it- ever since my miscarriage I have never taken my ring off, not in the shower or at bed time. Moisture got trapped underneath and has reeked havoc on my skin. I have to keep my ring off until it heals. I hate it- I feel naked without my ring! Every once in awhile I'll look down and have a heart attack thinking I lost it somewhere. Once it heals I'll probably start taking it off whenever I wash my hands, shower and put lotion on, but now I'll be paranoid that I will lose it!

3.

In the last couple weeks I've seen a couple people have their Facebook status as "I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints." That saying just drives me crazy! I think a blog post about heaven and hell in regards to this quote may be written in the near future.

4.

I found out tonight I am singing a solo for Midnight Mass. I've sang solos in church since I was junior in high school and I still get horrible stage fright. St. Cecilia, pray for me!

5.

Ryan and I exchanged our Christmas gifts tonight. I got him an Xbox video game and he got me a very nice blow dryer. We are both VERY pleased with our gifts! Years from now when we look back and remember what we got each other for our first Christmas as a married couple we will probably laugh!

6.

On Wednesday Ryan came home from work and a lady there had given him and his co-workers some sort of banana bread as a Christmas gift. It was baked in a cylindrical form. (How do you do that? Don't judge...I'm a cooking novice!) Well, I decided to eat a piece and oh. my. goodness. IT IS GOOOOOOOD! There has to be some sort of drug in there because I cannot stop eating it! There's a little tiny itsy bitsy piece left for my husband...that is if I don't get to it first...

7.

My friend Sarah at Fumbling Toward Grace mentioned in her 7 Quick Takes that she cheers on a certain undefeated team. I think I'll move to Colts country! For the second week in a row there is a threat that my beloved Kansas City Chiefs will be blacked out. Although...I think blacking out the game is actually a blessing in disguise....it is NOT pretty to watch them lose so horribly week after week. But they are still my team and I love 'em. And like I always say- there's always next year!

Wondering Wednesdays Vol. 3: Facebook and Blogging

My wondering Wednesday thought for today: Why do I get all bummed out when I find out I've been "unfriended" on Facebook or when someone "un-follows" my blog?

Which leads me to re-think of why I started a Facebook account and this blog in the first place.

"Unfriend" was named the Word of the Year by the New Oxford American Dictionary last November. Unfriend means to remove someone as a "friend" on Facebook or other social networking site.

I'll be browsing Facebook and look at the corner where Facebook annoyingly suggests a friend. "Add Jane Doe as a friend- you have 35 friends in common." I'll think, "Wait a minute...we are already friends! We took a lit class together! Sure, we only had a handful of conversations but I know we are friends because I've looked at her hilarious youth group retreat pictures!"

I'll click on her name and there she is- all her info she once shared with me has poofed into private cyberspace and there's the rectangular block that says "Add as Friend." She had unfriended me.

But why? Did I say something inappropriate on my status? Am I not interesting? What did I do wrong? But then my common sense comes slowly flowing back to me. Um, hello Maggie- you barely knew each other! You weren't really "friends." Having your feelings hurt over this is simply foolish. She is smart in not sharing her info with everybody. My overly-sensitive nature has really screwed up my reasoning!

I started my blog in September, so I am still a blogging newbie. I started it as a way to sort out my thoughts regarding married life, religion and life in general. But soon after I started it I found myself getting caught up on how many comments I received or how many followers I got. Whenever I saw that someone new started following me I'd do a little mental happy dance. I'd start watching my SiteMeter closely- to see how many "hits" my blog was getting. My heart would soar when I noticed that many had visited. If the numbers didn't move much I just assumed I had written a boring post that day.

I have a small number of followers who I appreciate very much. A couple days ago I noticed that I had "lost" a follower. I have a couple of friends who are atheists that are following my blog and I very much admire them and are thankful that they are reading my words that contain a lot of God in them. When I noticed I was down one follower my heart was saddened because I thought one of them got too annoyed with my spirituality talk and unfollowed. But they are still there as followers. Since I have a small number of followers I quickly realized who it was...someone who had just recently started following me.

Again, just like with the gal who unfriended me on Facebook I started racking my brain for what I could have done to chase this person away. Was it due to a comment confusion? Do I have a boring blog? Did I say something wrong?

Again, I need to get a grip. Just because I have a certain number of followers doesn't mean they actually read my posts. Perhaps my type of blog wasn't what this person was wanting to read. Perhaps they wanted to read more of apologetics or news in the Church. This person did nothing wrong by unfollowing. Then why am I making such a big deal about it? (Stupid Original Sin messing with my emotions and intellect...)

My brother started his blog earlier this year and has a good number of followers and has been linked to New Advent and even Danielle Bean. (Here is where I insert my twinge of jealousy.) My inner three year old throws a temper tantrum and wants to be like him. We tease and joke with each other about our "competition" but I must count my blessings because it has brought us even closer together.

So I have to step back and think about why I am on Facebook and why I started this blog. I'm on Facebook to keep in touch with family and friends. I'm on there to keep in contact with friends that I haven't seen in years. I'm on Facebook to get to know my new friends.

I blog because I love to write. I blog so I can encourage others. Some days I look at my ho-hum boring life and rack my brain for something interesting to write about, but it gives me something to pass the time. But both Facebook and blogging are evangelical tools...and ways to proclaim the Gospel without shoving it down people's throats. Nobody likes that. But I've found myself editing my own writing. I don't want to write about anything that will make people mad or upset. I shouldn't be afraid.

It's not about how many comments someone gets with their Facebook status or with an intriguing blog post. It's not about how many "hits" my blog can get. It's about reaching out to others to help, encourage and inspire. Sometimes it's just about sorting out my own thoughts to help myself. I am so thankful for all the people I have met in the blog-o-sphere. I have met kindred spirits, women who I aspire to be like someday, and brilliant apologists.

Now I wonder why I'm complaining so much!

Chandler the Special Dog

Happy Monday everyone!

I didn't have time to write a post today, but I wanted to share with you this wonderful YouTube video. The dog in it is simply hilarious and the man video taping it and talking at the end sounds like he's very handsome! Yes, it's just a dog chasing his tail, but you can tell that he is just so determined to get it! Enjoy!

(OK...so I'm biased since it's my doggie and my hubby!)

Blog Awards!

Oh my goodness...I have received my first blog award! (Am I complete nerd for being uber excited about this?) I am honored to receive this award from Sarah at Fumbling Toward Grace. She is a wonderful friend who writes about being a wife, good books, and life as a Catholic woman. Go stop by her blog!

In order to accept this blog award I have to list ten things you may or may not know about me. I'm a quirky girl, so I may actually get to ten...we'll see!

1. I have two tattoos, a butterfly on my heel and a Chinese symbol for love on my back. (I am aware that the Chinese symbol may not mean love...it could mean toilet brush. Oh well, live and learn!)

2. I played clarinet in high school.

3. I collected unicorns and ducks when I was little. (Told you I was quirky.)

4. My eyes change colors depending on my mood. (Helpful tool for my husband!)

5. My big brother walked me down the aisle at my wedding.

6. I have tried out for a Broadway musical.

7. (OK...this is getting harder..) I've never flown in an airplane; although a couple years ago I was planning on sky diving. So my first time in a plane would have ended up in me jumping out of it!

8. I hate, I mean HATE, getting tickled. I practically turn into the Hulk.

9. My all time favorite movie is Return to Me. Romantic, funny, not trashy, with Catholicism in it!

10. My Confirmation saint is St. Cecilia, saint of musicians.

I'd like to pass on this Sugar award to Kate at Momopoly. She is a very busy stay at home mom of three adorable daughters and a fantastic writer. She's a great inspiration as a Catholic wife and mother and has helped and encouraged me in my dreams of being a free-lance writer. Thank you Kate!

7 Quick Takes Friday Vol. 3

1.

Last Monday I mentioned my husband went to apply for a new job. He'll find out about in a month if it will work out. This is definitely an exercise of patience for us. It may or may not work out, but no matter what happens I know things will work out eventually. Above all- God's will be done.

2.

My big brother has begun the process of becoming a deacon. It is a four-year process of discernment. He is such an amazing and spiritual man and I know he will make an amazing deacon if God chooses him to take that path. He's also a bit of a goof so I know he'll give some great homilies. (Anyone who can give a Harry Potter reference with a spiritual topic has my attention!) If he does become a deacon I can't wait for him to baptize my future children. (Not meaning to put pressure on you Jamie!) I'm sure he won't mind me asking for prayers for his journey in becoming a deacon.

3.

I just love the way Christmas lights look at night. I love sitting at my computer catching up on some of my favorite blogs, sipping a cup of tea, all in the glow of the lights from my tree, front window and entertainment center. It is so peaceful.

4.

My hometown in northwest Missouri got slammed with snow earlier this week. They got about 10 inches! Here in Waverly we got about an inch. I know this sound silly, but I just LOVE snow! Well, technically I love the first snow of the year and snow at Christmas. And I guess you could add to that list any snow that I don't have to drive in. I don't like it when it gets all dirty and slushy and gross. And of course when it snows I think back to the days when I could go what seemed like all day long outside sledding, building snowmen and having snowball fights. I could spend forever out there...now I'm lucky if I can survive 10 minutes in the cold. I'm a weenie now...

5.

I should probably go to confession for being so gluttonous during this holiday season. My excuse is that I only indulge like this once a year. And I usually don't like sweets but around this time of year my rare sweet tooth hungers! But here are some of my holiday goodie favorites. Please don't judge me!


Ryan and I discovered Candy Cane Chill Blizzards while we were dating in Atchison. Many times after a night of studying or after a rough exam we'd run out and get these. I haven't had one this year since the nearest Dairy Queen is 50 miles away!

I loooooove candy canes. Of course the normal red and white are my faves, but these are also pretty good. However they are so sweet I don't eat them very often. The only problem is they practically dye one's teeth and tongue the color that you eat. Don't eat them before you go to work. (Not like I've done that before or anything...)

Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes are fabulous!

They are like Little Debbie Zebra Cakes, but the thing that makes them extra yummy are the green sparkles.

I know some people who give up something during Advent, like during the time of Lent. Maybe I should give up sweets next Advent.

6.

With all that talk of sweets I'm thinking how much I need to start working out. I am lacking some serious motivation. Eating healthy is not a problem, it's actually getting off my rear and exercising. Sigh...I don't want to even think about New Year's Resolutions...

7.

I love getting Christmas cards! I walk up our very long driveway to check the mail each day with high hopes of getting that festive card in the mail with those special Christmas stamps. We've only received three so far, and I still get all giddy when I see "Ryan and Maggie Crawford" written together (I hope that newlywed bliss lasts awhile!) Of course me being the procrastinator I am I haven't even bought cards to send out....

On Being Lonely

Last night I was talking to an old friend. I could tell he was in a bummed-out mood. When I asked him what was bothering him he told me he was tired of coming home from work at night and watching TV by himself. He felt lonely.

I knew exactly what he was talking about. Lately I've been throwing pity parties for myself because Ryan has been working his 4:00-midnight shifts again, and I have felt very lonely. I eat supper by myself, usually something less than nutritious like spaghetti-o's or a bowl of cereal. I watch my TV shows by myself, read interesting Internet articles and wish he was there so I could share them with him and say my nightly prayers by myself. I think what makes it worse is that with being unemployed I have no co-workers to spend time with. Ryan and my dog are my only companions these days. While we are friendly with our neighbors we don't really hang out with them, and they are the only people we know in this tiny town.

Being lonely is something I've struggled with for a long time. Even though I have an older brother, he is so much older that he was out of the house by the time I hit kindergarten. I was basically raised as an only child. Sure I didn't have to share a room or my toys with siblings, but I always longed for a brother or sister my age. My mom worked long hours and sometimes I was left at home by myself. I had many friends and I hung out with them quite a bit, so it wasn't like I was some poor little girl left out of all the fun. But every once in awhile my friends would have other plans with their family and I was all by myself. I'd throw pity parties for me even back then. I even wrote in one of my diaries that I wanted to "have a bunch of kids so I won't ever feel alone." Thankfully my attitude has shifted- I still want to have a lot of kids, but not to quell my feelings of loneliness.

I worked at a nursing home for short while a couple years ago. My heart would ache for my elderly patients that had no visitors. They would sit in their rooms and watch TV or read a book. I would try to imagine what their lives had been like years before. Did they used to have a bunch of kids running around? Did they have a church group or club they once belonged to where every week they were surrounded by their companions? I would try my best to spend extra time with those folks who had no visitors but then a call light would go off and I'd have to tend to somebody else. I'd try not to look at their disappointed faces when I left their room.

Not all loneliness is bad. When I first moved to Atchison I didn't know anybody. I'd get ready for work in the morning, work eight hours, then come back home. I'd eat supper by myself and watch TV. I was happy during these alone times because it made me reflect on what I wanted to do with my life. I had time to pray, meditate and shift my focus from myself to God. I was better able to hear God speak to me. I cherished these times. Sometimes we need to step back from our social circles and regroup.

We read in Scripture that God said, "It is not good for man to be alone." (Gen. 2:18) We are social creatures by nature. I know that is true for me because my favorite memories involve times where a bunch of people were around: a family reunion, a Christmas morning, a pep rally in high school, a slumber party with friends, my own wedding.

But what about those who are alone not by choice? Those folks in the nursing home. A widow who had no children of her own. A thirty-something male who wants true companionship and not always a rowdy drunk group of friends? This time of year can be especially hard for them.

I complain a lot about being lonely, but I actually have it pretty good. I really should not be complaining at all. I have a husband that comes home to me. This Christmas I will be at my mother's house with my brother and his family PLUS I get another Christmas with my husband's family. It's time to end my pity party and start praying for those who are truly alone.

When I feel alone I should give thanks that I am not truly alone. I have family and friends, and although they live far away they are still a part of my life. I am a part of the body of Christ, there are dear friends and even strangers praying for me.

Let's pray for those who are truly lonely. Let's visit them when we can. Let's give them words of encouragement. Let's bring the light of Christ to them.

In a Funk

I feel like a selfish child. I feel mad. I feel empty. And there's no reason why I should feel these things. I'm just in a spiritual funk. I've felt that way since Friday, and maybe it is because Ryan worked evenings this weekend and I felt really lonely. I should be thankful that I did get to spend time with him before he left for work....but like I said, I feel like a selfish child. I feel another spiritual dry spell coming on. During Advent. Awesome. I wish I could have my big brother's thankful attitude toward God right now. (Here comes the selfish child again...) I guess instead of wasting time reading blogs and feeling sorry for myself I should focus on the big picture.

I don't have a lot of time to blog today. I could ramble on and on and on about my feelings, but today my husband is in Kansas City searching for a new job. We've been praying hard for this. We've felt stuck in a rut for awhile. We're waiting for the next step in our lives. This could be it...but we have to prepare ourselves that it may not be "it" yet. Maybe my mixed feelings of nervousness and excitement are adding to the funk. But no matter what, God's will be done.

Instead of writing a lament of "Why me? I wanted Advent to be special this year!' I'll leave you with some YouTube videos. The first one is very clever, and you've probably seen it because I've seen it buzzing around different blogs. (I found it at Creative Minority Report.) The other one is a good one to think about during this busy holiday season. Enjoy!

*If you don't mind...if you have a minute, please offer up a prayer for us.

7 Quick Takes Friday Vol. 2

1.

A couple weeks ago the heater unit in our bathroom went kaplooey. So I've been a very grumpy girl in the morning because I HATE being cold. Yesterday our landlady sent over her son to fix it. YAY! Not only did he fix that, but he fixed our toilet that keeps making strange noises. This has gone on since we moved in, it annoyed me at first but I got used to it. But the quiet is nice! He also turned up the thermostat on our hot water heater. Now I can shave while showering! I used to have to bring in our space heater, let the bathroom warm up, then take a bath to shave. I love baths, but still I'd run out of hot water. But still a bath was better than having one leg shaved and then ice cold water beat down on me.

Can you tell I'm a wuss when it comes to the cold?

2.

Yesterday I gave my dog a bath. He actually looooooves bath time. And now he's silky smooth and doesn't smell like...well, like a stinky dog!

3.

I've been on a baking kick. I've made brownies and lots of cookies. We gave some to our neighbors this week. Which makes me think that during Christmas time, I love giving more than receiving. I love finding that perfect gift and seeing their reaction when the person opens it.

4.

I read through some of my diaries and journals I wrote from 3rd grade-8th grade. Wow, I laughed A LOT. I sure thought life was complicated back then. If I got into a fight with a friend I thought the world would end! And *wow* was I boy crazy! I read these and I feel like I was a completely different person back then. I know I've grown and matured (a bit) since then. It makes me wonder what my own future teenage daughters will be like. What kind of mother will I be to them? I know I was a huge brat to my mom...if there's such a thing as karma I will be in LOTS of trouble!

5.

I hate when I have long fingernails. I find when I have long fingernails it is hard to type. When I take out my contacts long fingernails are a pain! I love that just clipped feeling! However I do like the look of long nails. It makes me feel semi-sophisticated. Too bad I can't function with them!

(Can you tell I'm running out of stuff to write about?)

6.

My husband has been having a lot of nights off of work lately. His job has him working very odd shifts. For the longest time he was working 4:00-midnight shifts. I felt so lonely and felt like we never saw each other. It's nice to have him home, cook him supper, watch movies and have our nightly prayer. In less than a week he'll be looking to see if he can get another job...with better hours. I'm flooding the heavens with prayers!

7.

I'm tossing around the idea of going to grad school to get my masters in Theology. However that thought scares me to death. I loved taking Theology classes at Benedictine. I enjoyed going to class and my professors. However, presentations and research papers were not my strong point. It seems that's what grad school is all about. And the thought of taking the GRE scares me too. Plus we'd have to move far away from here....and our goal is to move closer to family. And we want to start our own family soon. Could I manage moving away from my loved ones, taking care of a child and going to class? Something to pray about.

Wondering Wednesdays Vol. 2

Welcome to the second volume of Wondering Wednesdays! So often when I pray, meditate or daydream all these pondering thoughts pop in my head. So I'd like to share my ponderings with you!

1.

Where did the word "BOO" come from? I thought about this while watching football this past weekend. People boo when they get mad at refs or other players. Why? People yell "Boo!" to scare one another. What's up with that? And now boo is used to mean girlfriend or boyfriend. Weird....

2.

The Annunciation has been on my mind lately. Not just because we're in Advent, but because while praying the rosary this mystery is number one in the Joyful set. While praying those ten beads a plethora of ponderings pop up.

First of all, I love the above picture. It is called "The Annunciation" by Henry Ossawa Tanner. There are hundreds of paintings depicting the moment Mary received news from the angel Gabriel that she would bear the Son of God. This painting is my favorite because it seems so real. Other paintings show the Annunciation as Mary dressed like a forty-year-old Renaissance queen in the 1600's. These paintings of course are beautiful, but just seem to lack something. I wonder where Mary was when Gabriel appeared to her. Was she outside working in the fields as the movie The Nativity Story portrays? Was it while she was praying? Was it while she was fast asleep?

The other thing that boggles my mind was that Mary was so very young when she was told this miraculous news. I've heard she was between the ages of 13-16. Now I understand Mary's culture was very different than ours today. It was common for Jewish girls to get married at such a young age. However when I try and put myself in Mary's shoes- how would I at age fourteen have acted if an angel came to me telling me I was going to bear the long awaited Messiah? To see how my fourteen year old self was thinking at that time I pulled out my very private diary. I read over some entries, and let me tell you- I laughed A LOT. Life seemed so "horrible" back then! Here's a little taste.

Dear Diary,

Tomorrow is my first track meet with the hurdles. I'm so scared! I don't want to fall and look stupid! God help me! I got my math test back today. 94%- I'm kinda bummed. (Wow the perfectionist in me was alive and well even back then!) Matt walked by me today in the hall and smiled at me!! During track practice he came over and talked to me and asked if I wanted to sit by him on the bus tomorrow!!!!!!!! I'm so happy!!! Nicky saw Matt and I talked and she looked mad. I don't want to make her mad! What do I do?

Wow. Thoughts of getting married and starting a family were not my primary focus like they were for young Jewish women. But even though it was common for Jewish girls to get married so young were they psychologically ready for that? I don't think I could have handled the extra "drama" of an angel coming to me announcing I was to be the Mother of God. :-) Makes me respect the Virgin Mary even more. She said "yes" to the will of God at such a young age. And God's request to Mary was a HUGE one. Becoming pregnant with God even though she had not been with any man.... wow. And yes, I know that she was born without Original Sin, but still! She was human and young. My fallen nature made my teenage years a little bit difficult! :-)

Mary is so awesome!

Dear Lord- I'm Distracted!

I really need to have prayer time. Talking with God always gives me strength and a sense of peace. Even during part of my "dark years" I prayed fervently. (Although not always for the best intentions.) You know the good feeling you get after having a really good conversation with a good friend? Well it's an even better feeling when you have a good conversation with the Creator of the Universe!


As much as I love praying I get so incredibly frustrated when I get distracted. I'll be praying about my day or my petitions when all of a sudden images of a TV show I watched earlier that evening will pop into my head. For example, last night How the Grinch Stole Christmas was on TV. So while praying here were the thoughts that popped in my head: the Grinch's dog reminds me of my dog. He was such a good little doggie, how did he ever end up with the mean old Grinch? Dr. Suess is a strange name. I don't know much about him...was that a pen name or his real name? I remember hating The Cat in the Hat story when I was little. I did love reading Charlotte's Web. I loved the cartoon too. I wish I lived on a farm. I miss my hometown sometimes. I wonder where Ryan and I will be living in a couple of years. Did I lock the front door?


Then I realize that I'm still supposed to be praying to God. I'm sure our Father in Heaven is chuckling to Himself while listening to my sporadic prayers.


A lot of times an idea for a blog posting pops into my head while I'm praying. Sometimes I have a hard time discerning if it's the Holy Spirit guiding me or just my plain ol' crazy thoughts.


I also almost always have a song stuck in my head while praying. It might be a TV theme song or lately Christmas carols have been playing over and over and over as background music to my prayers. (Especially this catchy jingle.)


One of the best places I have found for praying is while driving alone. I actually talk out loud, which helps. Even my dear hometown priest mentioned this in his last homily. "God is right there with you. Talk with Him. Just make sure you check your rear-view mirror to make sure the cops aren't chasing you!"


What has really been helping me lately is praying the rosary. I'm in the middle of praying a 54 day novena. I used to pray the rosary a couple times a year half heartedly. But now meditating on the mysteries of Jesus and focusing on my intentions uniting with the will of God has really been spiritually uplifting. Hopefully I can keep that up.

Does anyone have any good tips to combat distraction during prayer?

A Newlywed Tale of Christmas Decorating

This weekend my husband and I decorated our apartment for Advent and Christmas. This is a special time for us since this is our first holiday season as a married couple. No children, tiny apartment, living in a town where the number of bodies laid to rest in the cemetery far outnumber the number of living residents. We're not completely happy with this arrangement. We'd much rather have a little one to dote one, live in a happy, cozy house and reside in a town that resembles civilization. (Maybe next year!)

Instead of focusing on the negative, we're choosing to look at the positive. This is time for us to really learn about each other's holiday traditions and favorite memories. This is a time for us to dream about what our future Christmasses will be like. A time for us to bond. A time for us to fall in love all over again.

Also a time to argue...playfully of course! We've come to a point where each of our family traditions differ. But this is also a time to work on building our marriage. Compromise, communication, sacrifice- all important tools for a good marriage.

Our fully decorated tree. Pretty isn't it? One of the points of disagreement was the use of sparkly garland. My mom and I have always used it. Ryan informed me that his family doesn't. But my dear husband, after seeing what the garland looked like, gave in.

Now don't get me wrong- I love Star Wars. I'm not ashamed to say I'm a huge fan. However, I didn't want the whole galactic gang on the tree. There's only so much room!

Good ol' George Brett. Hero of the Kansas City Royals. But look at my poor angel in the bottom right-hand corner. So little room for my ornaments!

Here is my very first "Mary's Angels" Hallmark ornament. It is #9 in the series. I have bought one every year since then. This year's angel is #22. That's a lot of angels to put on the tree. Ryan graciously let me put up all of my angels. Sigh....so I let him put up the Millennium Falcon, Satchel Paige, Cal Ripkin Jr., and Batman ornaments. It might not look "pretty" but it sure gives the tree character. I realize I need to stop being so selfish. And I think my angels like having Han Solo as company on the tree.

Perhaps one of my favorite memories of decorating this year's tree was the ornaments we bought together. Here is the ornament we bought at Mount Rushmore during our honeymoon.

This is the ornament we will always remember. When we're old and grey we'll remember this was the ornament we bought for our first Christmas together at the very first town we lived in as a married couple!

Another point of disagreement. This nativity scene is from the Holy Land. Ryan's uncle bought it while he was a seminary student. Ryan made the box holding the nativity scene when he was around 10 years old. He was bugging his mom (I can't imagine that!) so she told him to go down to his dad's shop and build a house for Baby Jesus. This was the result. I wanted to put it underneath the tree so it didn't look so bare. Ryan was worried that our dog Chandler would a) pee on the nativity scene b) eat one of the sheep or c) gnaw on one of the wise men. Seeing how Chandler kept wanting to sniff the tree and walk behind it, I put my pride in my back pocket, admitted to Ryan that he was right and put the nativity scene on one of our book shelves.

After a few days of disagreements and compromises, we ended up having a very blessed weekend. We watched the movie The Nativity Story. We lit the first candle of our Advent wreath, read a meditation and prayed a decade of the rosary. (We're taking Advent seriously this year!) We were safe and warm in our beautifully decorated home after a fun few days spend with our families.

Our disagreements were all in fun and I am thankful that Ryan takes traditions just as seriously as I do. I can't wait to make new traditions with him. I can't wait to see his mannerisms and characteristics in our future children and how he will make Christmas special for them.

But for now, our little family consists of him, Chandler and myself. Last night we used the self-timer on our camera to capture a family portrait in front of the Christmas tree. The dog wouldn't cooperate.

Finally we captured a decent pose, but Ryan had to hold a doggie toy off the the side to get Chandler to sit still!

"Is your house on fire, Clark?"

"No, Aunt Bethany. Those are the Christmas lights."

-Christmas Vacation

Advent is Here!

Wow, I sure had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I hope you all did as well! Today I decorated our apartment with our Advent wreath and Christmas tree. I can't believe tomorrow is the first Sunday of Advent- this year has gone by so incredibly fast! (I guess getting married and graduating college in the same year will do that to a person!)

Below is a poem that is a good read as we prepare our hearts and minds for this Advent and Christmas season. My priest read it in one of his homilies and it really struck a cord with me. Something our culture really needs to hear:

Mary's Dream
I had a dream, Joseph.
I don't understand it, but I think it was about a birthday celebration for our son.
The people in my dream had been preparing for about six weeks.
They had decorated the house and bought new clothes.
They'd gone shopping many times and bought many elaborate gifts.
It was peculiar, though, because the presents weren't for our son.
They wrapped them in beautiful paper and stacked them under a tree.
Yes, a tree, Joseph, right inside their homes! They'd decorated the tree with sparkling ornaments.
There was a figure like an angel on the top of the tree.
Everyone was laughing and happy.
They gave their gifts to each other, Joseph, not to our son.

I don't think they even knew him.
They never mentioned his name.
I had the strangest feeling that, if our Jesus had gone to this celebration he would have been intruding.
How sad for someone not to be wanted at his own birthday party!
I'm glad it was only a dream. How terrible Joseph, if it had been real!
-Author Unknown

Happy Thanksgiving!

I was planning on writing a list of what I am thankful for, but I ran out of time! Maybe after all the Thanksgiving festivities I will write one. But until then, I'm taking a blogging break! I hope all of you have a very blessed and safe Thanksgiving. God bless you!

"But the Catholic Church is Boooooooring...."

I was honored to volunteer for this year's National Catholic Youth Conference held in Kansas City and was excited to hang out with my brother. We listened to some speakers, visited some expo booths, walked in a Eucharistic procession and basically witnessed 20,000+ teens on fire for the faith.

It was an amazing experience and my brother pretty much took the words right out of my mouth in his blog post of fourteen things that were amazing about NCYC. It was quite clear and obvious that the teens there were excited about being Catholic.

However, of course, there were kids there that had a bit of a lackluster attitude. During the exposition of the Blessed Sacrament there were kids there that didn't kneel, that were sleeping, or simply sitting there with a comatose "ZzzZzzzzzzZZZZ" look on their face. Hello people! That's JESUS UP THERE!!! Do they realize this? Probably not. Do they realize that while participating in the Mass that Heaven and Earth are connected and we are in the presence of all the angels and saints and God Himself? Probably not. Do they realize the amazing graces they receive in the Sacraments? Probably not. They see the Church as boring.

The nature of being a teen has a lot to do with this lack of knowledge of the Catholic Church. However I have seen this attitude in adults as well. There are adults that leave the Catholic Church for a Protestant church or stop participating because they feel the Church "doesn't do anything for them." It's boring. Just a bunch of pomp. The music makes you want to snooze. Catholic weddings and funerals are too long and emotion-less. Too much external stuff (kneeling, genuflecting, candles, incense.) Not enough spiritual content.

I will admit there was a time I felt this too. I went into a big church with all those saint statues looking down on me and I felt like such a horrible sinner. I felt like the paintings of Popes were looking down on me saying, "You better get on your knees and pray little girl!" I felt an emptiness in the Catholic Church. I wanted Mass to get over with because I was bored beyond belief. I knew there were resources to learn more about the Church, but basically was too lazy to take the time to read them or I was worried I wouldn't understand what the heck the authors were talking about.

Finally during my spiritual growth spurt I started to learn about what the Church was really about. Yes, I read "A Dummy's Guide to the Catholic Church." I read "Why do Catholics Do That?" by Kevin Orlin Johnson. Finally it took a book written by a former Protestant preacher turned Catholic named Scott Hahn to make me really want to learn more about the faith that I had been a part of since I was a newborn. His book "Rome Sweet Home" details his journey of being a proud Protestant, almost a tad little bit anti-Catholic, to how the Bible and other Church writings led him to the Catholic Church. Yes, it was a former Protestant that made me proud to be a Catholic!

This may be a horrible analogy, so bear with me. I think of the Catholic Church like the ocean. Imagine you are in a boat in the middle of the ocean. Sure the waves and the ripples of the surface look interesting, but they don't really do anything for you emotionally. But you have to dive into the ocean to see the real beauty. You have to really learn about the Church to see her true beauty. There are whole mountain ranges down blow the water's surface. There are volcanoes, canyons and ravines. There's amazing plant-life that you will never see on dry land. There are thousands of unique and beautiful animal species that find their home in the sea. There are even species that we don't even know about. The saints, the papacy, the Church teachings, the history- these are gems and treasures of the Church, but instead of looking at them you need to learn about them! Sure gazing down from the boat you can see a little bit, but you have to have faith and take the plunge (sorry I couldn't resist) to see all the awesomeness the Church has. You have to have faith that the Holy Spirit will guide you in your learning. Don't judge the Church by it's cover.

I pray those who have left the Catholic Church know exactly what it is they left. There are those who have done their research and have left, and I respect those who honestly feel that the Holy Spirit is calling them somewhere else. I will never judge those who leave the Church, but I will admit I always get a little sad. But everyone has their own reason, and that's between the Lord and them.

Unfortunately there are those Catholics out there that are a little less than charitable when it comes to dialoguing with our Protestant brothers and sisters and even fellow Catholics. I like to call them "Catholic Puritans" who have no sense of humor and who tell everyone different from they them are going to hell. These are the Catholics who think Christopher West is the devil and give the stink eye if they see someone not going to communion or to a parent who brings in young children. Yes, I am proud to be Catholic, I uphold the Truth, but I like to have fun and be joyous about it. Yes, I like Christian rock. Yes, I like Gregorian Chant. No, I don't think the priest should say "Our Creator" Instead of "Our Father". No, I don't believe children should be left at home or have a Sunday School class during Mass. I think it is about moderation.

The Church can seem boring. That is why I am thankful for programs such as NCYC that ignite the flame. Maybe someone was snoozing during Mass, but hopefully during this past weekend a seed was planted. I'm thankful the Holy Spirit gave me a nudge to learn more about my faith!

7 Quick Takes Friday Vol. 1

1.

This is my first volume of 7 Quick Takes Friday. I'm not sure of the exact format, but judging by others' Quick Takes, it's seven short random tidbits. Am I correct? Or will these next six be complete butchering of 7 Quick Takes? :-)

2.

I just got back from my shift as a "Night Angel" at NCYC. I have got to hand it to these youth group leaders, chaperons, and volunteers. A lot of hard work goes into this conference. They have put in countless hours and many sleepless nights to make this an enjoyable event for the youth. I felt like a weenie for being worn out for just working two and half hours! God bless you guys in your work to bring teens closer to Christ! I sure wish I would have went to events like this...maybe I wouldn't have had my "dark years."

3.

While patrolling the halls at the hotel I noticed that all hotels smell the same. Well except the real cheapy roach-motels. They have a completely different smell all together!

4.

I love being in the same room as my husband and brother-in-law. We always laugh so hard and have a great time. I miss the days when we all lived in Atchison and we'd watch "The Office", browse hilarious YouTube videos and grab a bite to eat at Subway. My husband and BIL have such a great relationship. I hope our future sons have a bond like that.

5.

I've mentioned before how I love reading the blogs of mothers, especially stay at home Christian moms. However, I've been blessed to make two new blogging friends- That Married Couple and Fumbling Toward Grace. Both of these women have been somewhat recently married (to two amazing guys it sounds like!) and have many of the same goals, dreams, beliefs and values as I do. They are such and inspiration!

6.

I used to take piano lessons when I was in junior high. I quit when I was a freshman because I was just too busy chasing boys, talking hours on the phone to my best friend even though we had seen each other all day at school, and...well just being a teen! My mom said I'd regret it someday and....*cringe* she was right. I've been having an itch to play again. Maybe in the future I can take adult piano lessons!

7.

I love my Burt's Bees chapstick. I am getting sleepy and writing seven quick takes were a lot harder than I thought it would be. So yes, in an attempt to write a 7th, I looked at the closest thing next to me and that chapstick was it. So it got me thinking- I always have my Burt's with me. There's an extra in my purse, one on my bedside table and I always have one in my pocket or if no pocket is available- right next to me on a table. Such yummy and soothing chapstick!


Well that's all for now. I could have elaborated a little more on some, but my eyelids are getting heavy and I've corrected about a gazillion typos.

Please pray for those attending NCYC!

Wondering Wednesdays Vol. 1

Last Sunday my older brother called me up to ask if I wanted to volunteer as a "night angel" for this weekend's National Catholic Youth Conference held in Kansas City, MO- my neck of the woods(ish). Basically some other adults and I will patrol the halls all night to make sure the teens have their lights out and don't go gallavanting around after hours. Because of this I'm kind of preparing my body for a disruption in my sleep schedule by staying up later than normal. Since I cut caffeine out of my diet I should have expected that drinking three Dr. Peppers tonight would have me WIRED at 3:00 a.m. So I suppose since I'll blog now instead of later when I wake up (which will probably be late in the afternoon!)

I'm sure some other clever blogger has thought of these kinds of posts. However, I'd like to start my own "Wondering Wednesday" posts because so often when I daydream/pray/meditate all these pondering thoughts pop in my head. So I'd like to share my ponderings with you. Some weeks they will be deep and theological, other times they will be just plain silly everyday wonderings. I've already rambled on enough, so here I go.

#1.

I wonder what the disciples thought when they saw Jesus ascending into heaven. I wonder what it looked like. The accounts in scripture and in art depict Christ being raised bodily into heaven. You know when someone lets a helium balloon go and it floats slowly higher and higher and higher in the sky and it becomes smaller and smaller until the tiny dot of a balloon disappears? Was that what His ascension looked like to the disciples? What were they feeling? Amazement, I'm sure. They had seen their Lord defy the laws of nature, and here He did it again. I'm sure they felt sorrow as well. Jesus had been ripped away from them so violently and I'm sure when He appeared to them afterwards in His resurrected body they were so happy to have him "back." He was their teacher and leader. And with the ascension he was gone bodily again, so did they again feel sadness and fear that Jesus wasn't there to guide them? What were those nine days like before Pentecost when they felt their Lord with them again in the form of the third person of the Trinity? They must have had tremendous faith and courage to overcome their fears and sadness.

#2

What did Jesus' laugh sound like? I know this sounds kind of silly. In the Bible we read of some of Christ's emotions (death of Lazarus, agony in the Garden) but the writing styles of the early Church weren't written like novels or biographies that go into great detail of what people are feeling emotionally. Even in most art Jesus is pictured in a very noble and serious manner. I bet Jesus had the most warm and gentle smile and a hearty laugh. I wonder if He ever joked around. I love the flashback scene in The Passion of the Christ where it shows Jesus joking around with His mother (respectfully of course!) It shows the human side of Jesus. He's not some strange spiritual entity that is foreign to us. He lived, breathed, ate, drank, suffered, slept, enjoyed wedding feasts, worked, taught- just like we do or will do in our lifetime. We can relate to Him. Yeah...I bet Jesus had a great laugh!

I was going to write three of these do-dads; but, alas, sleepiness has crept up on me. I know that maybe these aren't too enlightening or brilliant, and I'm sure some seasoned theologian could run circles around my "ponderings." But these are my wonderings for the week!

Tis the Season...?

Thomas Kinkade's "A Blessing of Christmas"

There are blog postings and facebook statuses expressing concerns and annoyances of Christmas being talked about so early. I will admit that I find it disturbing that the day after Halloween you can go to Wal-Mart and find skulls and vampire teeth on clearance right next to Christmas cards and nativity scenes. Yeah, now that's just plain weird. And I am a firm believer that you should not decorate for Christmas until after Thanksgiving.

But.....

I will also admit that when I look past the Halloween goodies and see all the Christmas stuff I melt into a pile holiday happiness!

I'm not the one who complains when Christmas carols start their jingle jangle over the radio. Like a little kid I go running (in a mature adult way of course) to the holiday section and oogle over the ornaments and stockings. I might grab a box of candy canes while grocery shopping.

But it's not just Christmas that I get so excited about. I'm not the one to skip over Thanksgiving and Advent- I think it boils down to that I just LOVE this whole time of year. I am anxious to write a "What I am Thankful For" blog posting and a theological reflection of Advent and Christmas. I want to write a list of my favorite Christmas memories. But I don't want to jump the gun with all this holiday happiness too quickly.

I get excited seeing all the Thanksgiving fixings all bunched together in the grocery store. I get excited for the first snow of the year. I'm jealous of those of you in my hometown and at Benedictine! (Just to let all you know who just rolled your eyes/laughed/scoffed/thought I was crazy for the previous statement I only like the first snow the year, snow at Christmas time, and any snow I don't have to drive in!) Even though most of the time I hate how it gets so dark early, I love the feeling of being safe and snug inside snuggling with my hubby.

I get so happy to see the buzz of excitement for this time of year. Families coming together, delicious food, and lots of laughter. There are people who are less fortunate who don't get to experience all these joys. However, and this may be my Pollyanna view of the world coming out in me, but I'd like to think that people step up and show their generosity towards those in difficult situations.

Maybe all this joy is due to all those "breaks" schools give out- fall break, Thanksgiving break, Christmas break. Any chance to relax after hard work and spending time with family is always great!

Maybe all this joy is due to seeing the excitement in kids' faces when they get to see Grandma and Grandpa and their cousins at Thanksgiving and the optimistic joy in writing letters to Santa and making Christmas present lists (because deep down they think there's a possibility of getting everything on the list!)

Perhaps most of all, I think all my joy regarding this time of year is reflecting on all of God's beauty and all the goodness He has provided for me.

So bring on the jars of gravy, boxes of stuffing, Christmas trees and twinkly lights.

I love it all!

Why St. Joseph is My Homeboy

One of the many things I enjoy about being Catholic is how we honor the saints. Such amazing and inspirational stories of holy men and women- priests, nuns, popes, lay people, married couples, even children, point to the glory and power of Jesus Christ. We have a patron saint for just about anything: St. Jude, saint of hopeless causes; St. Peregrine, saint of cancer patients, St. Anne, saint for mothers; St. Clare, patron saint of television. We even have St. Gertrude of Nivelles, saint of those who fear mice.

When I was a child, I remember really admiring and loving the Virgin Mary. For me she was like a very holy version of a Disney princess. (I know that sounds bad, but I mean it in a very endearing way!) I used to put blankets on my head like Our Lady's veil and my baby dolls were Jesus and I "played" Nativity scene.

I will always have a great devotion to Mary. However as I became a boy-crazed teenager, I grew a new-found devotion for Mary's husband, St. Joseph. I never really knew why I went to light candles below the St. Joseph statue rather than under Mary's statue. I didn't know why I felt drawn to his statue. He looked so simple and humble, yet strong. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Mom and I started going back to Mass regularly around the time I received the Sacrament of Confirmation. Around that time I started singing in the Christmas Choir at my small parish of about 50 families. There was one song called "Joseph's Song" that had a gorgeous melody and beautiful lyrics:

I felt alone, I felt betrayed.

How could Mary feel such joy when I felt so afraid?

Though I wanted to believe her when she said an angel came,

I feared that she would only bring me shame.

I wish that I could understand why this has come to be.

The life I built with rugged hands is just a broken dream.

The pain within my heart is more than any I have known.

How could I ever hold this child and love Him as my own?

And then last night the angel came.

While I dreamed he spoke to me and called me by my name.

He consoled my fear with comfort, and faith became renewed.

I knew that Mary's words to me were true.

Although I do not understand why this has come to be.

A father who has rugged hands will find the strength he needs

to build a place within his heart where tenderness is shown.

These rugged hands can hold God's child yet love Him as my own.

This song struck a cord with me. Here was Joseph, a good and holy man, and his betrothed (essentially his wife) was pregnant with a child who was not his. How heartbroken he must have been. He had a very difficult choice to make- send the woman he loved to death for breaking the Law, or divorce her quietly. Here was God's plan laid before him, but he felt betrayed and confused.

He could have sent Mary to her death, wiped his hands clean and moved on. He could have abandoned Mary to raise her child all by herself. He could have forgotten all about her.

But he didn't. He stayed by her side. He continued to love her. And by the grace of God he was able to follow God's will (even if it made NO sense- the Messiah the Israelite nation was yearning for coming into this world as a new born babe in a manger? Who'd a thunk it?) Joseph didn't abandon Mary in her time of need, and that's what made me realize why I admired St. Joseph so much.

I didn't meet my father until I was eleven years old. To make a very long story short (perhaps another post on another day) my father abandoned my mom when I was born. He was faced with a difficult situation. They weren't married, he already had a thirteen year old daughter, and to put it bluntly, he was selfish. He could have been brave and stuck around like St. Joseph, but he didn't. He left my mother in a time of great need.

At the time I realized why I liked St. Joseph, I was in high school. You know that time, when your boyfriend breaks up with you the world is going to end? And when you see him flirting with another girl by the pop machines you can feel your heart breaking into a jillion pieces and sinking to your stomach? I had a couple of serious relationships in high school- some great, some not so great. And of course I had a myriad of crushes that never panned out. At this time when I felt like all the "loves of my life" were leaving me I really looked to St. Joseph for comfort. I knew in my heart I would find a good man someday.

It was St. Joseph's model of manhood that made me really look up to my brother and uncles who were huge father figures in my life. His example made me really appreciate the good men in my life.

But the story doesn't stop there!

While I was in my "dark years" trying to figure out where to go to college, my mom prayed a St. Joseph novena. Of course it didn't "work" then since I decided to to go Northwest instead of Benedictine. But when I moved to Atchison and expressed a desire to apply to Benedictine she prayed another St. Joseph novena and a week or so later I was a BC student! (A lesson that prayers work, just not always in our time.)

When my husband and I were in our best friend phase we went to Sonic after class. While we were waiting for our food he asked me to hold on to his wallet. (OK...so I snatched it to be nosey!) I opened it up and right there tucked inside the plastic covering his driver's licence was a St. Joseph medal. "Cool! You like St. Joseph?" I asked. "Oh yeah, my whole family has a great devotion to St. Joseph. My grandma always told my mom to pray to St. Joe to find a good husband." Little did I know that St. Joseph had already led me to my future husband- right there beside me in that car eating tater tots!

There are MANY reasons I love St. Joseph. Here is a YouTube video that I encourage you to look at. It's kind of long, but very interesting. Plus this video features Fr. James Martin S.J., the chaplain to the show Colbert Report.

St. Joseph pray for us!