On Being Lonely

Last night I was talking to an old friend. I could tell he was in a bummed-out mood. When I asked him what was bothering him he told me he was tired of coming home from work at night and watching TV by himself. He felt lonely.

I knew exactly what he was talking about. Lately I've been throwing pity parties for myself because Ryan has been working his 4:00-midnight shifts again, and I have felt very lonely. I eat supper by myself, usually something less than nutritious like spaghetti-o's or a bowl of cereal. I watch my TV shows by myself, read interesting Internet articles and wish he was there so I could share them with him and say my nightly prayers by myself. I think what makes it worse is that with being unemployed I have no co-workers to spend time with. Ryan and my dog are my only companions these days. While we are friendly with our neighbors we don't really hang out with them, and they are the only people we know in this tiny town.

Being lonely is something I've struggled with for a long time. Even though I have an older brother, he is so much older that he was out of the house by the time I hit kindergarten. I was basically raised as an only child. Sure I didn't have to share a room or my toys with siblings, but I always longed for a brother or sister my age. My mom worked long hours and sometimes I was left at home by myself. I had many friends and I hung out with them quite a bit, so it wasn't like I was some poor little girl left out of all the fun. But every once in awhile my friends would have other plans with their family and I was all by myself. I'd throw pity parties for me even back then. I even wrote in one of my diaries that I wanted to "have a bunch of kids so I won't ever feel alone." Thankfully my attitude has shifted- I still want to have a lot of kids, but not to quell my feelings of loneliness.

I worked at a nursing home for short while a couple years ago. My heart would ache for my elderly patients that had no visitors. They would sit in their rooms and watch TV or read a book. I would try to imagine what their lives had been like years before. Did they used to have a bunch of kids running around? Did they have a church group or club they once belonged to where every week they were surrounded by their companions? I would try my best to spend extra time with those folks who had no visitors but then a call light would go off and I'd have to tend to somebody else. I'd try not to look at their disappointed faces when I left their room.

Not all loneliness is bad. When I first moved to Atchison I didn't know anybody. I'd get ready for work in the morning, work eight hours, then come back home. I'd eat supper by myself and watch TV. I was happy during these alone times because it made me reflect on what I wanted to do with my life. I had time to pray, meditate and shift my focus from myself to God. I was better able to hear God speak to me. I cherished these times. Sometimes we need to step back from our social circles and regroup.

We read in Scripture that God said, "It is not good for man to be alone." (Gen. 2:18) We are social creatures by nature. I know that is true for me because my favorite memories involve times where a bunch of people were around: a family reunion, a Christmas morning, a pep rally in high school, a slumber party with friends, my own wedding.

But what about those who are alone not by choice? Those folks in the nursing home. A widow who had no children of her own. A thirty-something male who wants true companionship and not always a rowdy drunk group of friends? This time of year can be especially hard for them.

I complain a lot about being lonely, but I actually have it pretty good. I really should not be complaining at all. I have a husband that comes home to me. This Christmas I will be at my mother's house with my brother and his family PLUS I get another Christmas with my husband's family. It's time to end my pity party and start praying for those who are truly alone.

When I feel alone I should give thanks that I am not truly alone. I have family and friends, and although they live far away they are still a part of my life. I am a part of the body of Christ, there are dear friends and even strangers praying for me.

Let's pray for those who are truly lonely. Let's visit them when we can. Let's give them words of encouragement. Let's bring the light of Christ to them.