My wondering Wednesday thought for today: Why do I get all bummed out when I find out I've been "unfriended" on Facebook or when someone "un-follows" my blog?Which leads me to re-think of why I started a Facebook account and this blog in the first place.
"Unfriend" was named the Word of the Year by the New Oxford American Dictionary last November. Unfriend means to remove someone as a "friend" on Facebook or other social networking site.
I'll be browsing Facebook and look at the corner where Facebook annoyingly suggests a friend. "Add Jane Doe as a friend- you have 35 friends in common." I'll think, "Wait a minute...we are already friends! We took a lit class together! Sure, we only had a handful of conversations but I know we are friends because I've looked at her hilarious youth group retreat pictures!"
I'll click on her name and there she is- all her info she once shared with me has poofed into private cyberspace and there's the rectangular block that says "Add as Friend." She had unfriended me.
But why? Did I say something inappropriate on my status? Am I not interesting? What did I do wrong? But then my common sense comes slowly flowing back to me. Um, hello Maggie- you barely knew each other! You weren't really "friends." Having your feelings hurt over this is simply foolish. She is smart in not sharing her info with everybody. My overly-sensitive nature has really screwed up my reasoning!
I started my blog in September, so I am still a blogging newbie. I started it as a way to sort out my thoughts regarding married life, religion and life in general. But soon after I started it I found myself getting caught up on how many comments I received or how many followers I got. Whenever I saw that someone new started following me I'd do a little mental happy dance. I'd start watching my SiteMeter closely- to see how many "hits" my blog was getting. My heart would soar when I noticed that many had visited. If the numbers didn't move much I just assumed I had written a boring post that day.
I have a small number of followers who I appreciate very much. A couple days ago I noticed that I had "lost" a follower. I have a couple of friends who are atheists that are following my blog and I very much admire them and are thankful that they are reading my words that contain a lot of God in them. When I noticed I was down one follower my heart was saddened because I thought one of them got too annoyed with my spirituality talk and unfollowed. But they are still there as followers. Since I have a small number of followers I quickly realized who it was...someone who had just recently started following me.
Again, just like with the gal who unfriended me on Facebook I started racking my brain for what I could have done to chase this person away. Was it due to a comment confusion? Do I have a boring blog? Did I say something wrong?
Again, I need to get a grip. Just because I have a certain number of followers doesn't mean they actually read my posts. Perhaps my type of blog wasn't what this person was wanting to read. Perhaps they wanted to read more of apologetics or news in the Church. This person did nothing wrong by unfollowing. Then why am I making such a big deal about it? (Stupid Original Sin messing with my emotions and intellect...)
My brother started his blog earlier this year and has a good number of followers and has been linked to New Advent and even Danielle Bean. (Here is where I insert my twinge of jealousy.) My inner three year old throws a temper tantrum and wants to be like him. We tease and joke with each other about our "competition" but I must count my blessings because it has brought us even closer together.
So I have to step back and think about why I am on Facebook and why I started this blog. I'm on Facebook to keep in touch with family and friends. I'm on there to keep in contact with friends that I haven't seen in years. I'm on Facebook to get to know my new friends.
I blog because I love to write. I blog so I can encourage others. Some days I look at my ho-hum boring life and rack my brain for something interesting to write about, but it gives me something to pass the time. But both Facebook and blogging are evangelical tools...and ways to proclaim the Gospel without shoving it down people's throats. Nobody likes that. But I've found myself editing my own writing. I don't want to write about anything that will make people mad or upset. I shouldn't be afraid.
It's not about how many comments someone gets with their Facebook status or with an intriguing blog post. It's not about how many "hits" my blog can get. It's about reaching out to others to help, encourage and inspire. Sometimes it's just about sorting out my own thoughts to help myself. I am so thankful for all the people I have met in the blog-o-sphere. I have met kindred spirits, women who I aspire to be like someday, and brilliant apologists.
Now I wonder why I'm complaining so much!
7 comments:
Aha, I know what you mean! I used to feel bad whenever someone would delete me as a friend on a social networking site like Facebook....well sometimes I do still get a little curious :P. I always used to worry about what I had done to make them decide they didn't want to be "friends" anymore.
I do agree with you though. You shouldn't have to edit your writing. If someone doesn't like what you have to say, then they can always go read something else.
This is YOUR blog where you can write about all of YOUR thoughts, feelings and opinions, no matter what they are. :)
<3
I hear you! Especially with the blogging part - I'm like an addict, having to check my hit count every day. I'm seriously considering stopping that for good. It's not good for me (especially if I'm truly striving for humility!). And I kind of like our little community as it is - while I welcome new friends, I'm perfectly content with the ones I have on here!
And as for facebook, I'm a bit fickle about that. I'm insulted if I'm unfriended, but at the same time I sometimes unfriend people (usually if they're too active and clog up my homepage). My husband has declared that he is going off facebook permanently on January 1. While I will not be following him in that decision, I am contemplating cutting down. I'm not sure yet if this will take the form of unfriending a bunch of people or just putting them into a limited profile group? We'll see.
Anyway, thanks for bringing the topic up! Good to see other people struggling with the same things!
Thanks Carrie...your words have always encouraged me!
Elizabeth- I know what you mean about facebook- I actually do "unfriend" people as well, but usually only if they never ever get on facebook. Hypocritical I know! And I was actually going to mention that I need to be more humble and link back to your post on the Litany of Humility but I forgot!
Hi there, nice to meet you. Found your on Jamie's Twitter profile.
Yeah, I've been "unfriended" before. And, yes, it can hurt the ego. But you really can't please everybody. Everyone has different reasons for unfriending. Some people will delete you if you post too much, some people will delete you if you don't post enough. Some people, I think, get upset if you don't stroke their ego by commenting on their status or photos.
As someone who posts a lot of updates on Facebook, I try not to think of whether or not people will get annoyed because:
a) They don't HAVE to follow me or be friends with me
b) It's not like I'm clogging up their email box.
- Dan
Hey Dan! Thanks for stopping by! My ego bruises like a peach and I'm just so sensitive! I need to get a dose of humility and grow some thicker skin. You'd think that being Jamie's little sister I would have grown some thicker skin by now...but nope!
I know what you mean about Facebook. I actually did what I call a "cleansing" awhile ago. I just had a ton of "friends" who never talked to me. I would post on their Wall and never really hear from them. My friend put it this way and I concur...
"I feel bad, deleting people I have nothing against, but I just don't see the point in letting them browse my pics and such. I wouldn't invite them to my house to browse my life and not talk to me...why here?"
AS for blogging, it's tempting to feel upset if I don't get a lot of comments on a post...I definitely try to work on my humility with that one!
Great post!
It's very, very tempting for me to quantify my worth by number of followers or friends, but our eternal value has nothing to do with any of this. I removed my followers from my blog for this very reason. Likewise, I rarely check my Sitemeter stats anymore.
Thank you for your honesty. I think most bloggers struggle with the very things you describe in this post. Be authentic. Compare yourself to no one but Christ. And please keep writing. We're reading even if we don't comment. :)
God bless.
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