7 Years Ago...

This weekend Ryan went to a friend's wedding out in Colorado. I spent one night by myself with the boys and quickly declared that those women who have husbands who work nights or are deployed or are single mothers are SAINTS. SAINTS, I TELL YOU!

I went to my mom's house for the rest of the weekend and it was nice to have an extra pair of hands to help me out. (And to take Joe when he woke up early so I could sleep in a little bit. Thanks, Mom!) Even though I had help, I really, truly missed Ryan. I didn't get to talk with him much because he was busy with wedding festivities. I was up at 4:00 a.m. on Sunday morning and I couldn't get to sleep. I just felt part of me was missing.

I don't write about Ryan on this blog as much as I should. But our love is hard to put into words. We do not have the perfect marriage. We fight and bicker and annoy the crap out of each other. Still, our relationship rises above all that.

I don't like to say that Ryan is my partner or best friend or soul mate (even though he is all those.) I can't find the right "label" to put on us. We both agree that our main goal in this marriage is to get each other and our children to heaven. This life is only a short time, but heaven (or hell) is foooooooreeeeeeveeerrrrr. But the greatest part of our marriage is that we make the time we have on this earth just so darn wonderful. We have fun, we laugh, we love. We have two boys that are a challenging delight and one saint in heaven praying for us. We struggle financially and are trying to find a place to settle, so we don't have the stability that others have. I know some people question our way of life, and that's OK. We have a love and a faith in God that has carried us through a lot. We have loving families that we have as a model of what really matters in life. We might live in a small house and not have enough money for beach vacations and remodels, but we are far richer in love, family, trust and pure joy than many others I know.

Today marks the 7th anniversary of Ryan and becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. I never knew that night I went to visit Ryan in his dorm that homecoming weekend that I'd walk out being his girlfriend. However, when I walked back to my campus house I knew I had found my future husband. Just like that campus tour guide had said to me two years before this- I found my spouse at Benedictine. Today I look back fondly on those first days of dating- meeting each others families, dreaming about the future and the thrill of holding hands, stealing kisses, and just being together. I definitely look forward to see what the future brings.

"My dearest friend if you don't mind, I'd like to join you by your side. 

Where we can gaze into the stars... and sit together, now and forever. 

For it is plain, as anyone can see. We're simply meant to be." 

-Nightmare Before Christmas

2006

2013

Three Years of Love

Three years ago today I said "I do" to my darling husband. We were surrounded by our family and friends. Most importantly, I could feel God was truly there and a part of our sacrament.

I wish I had enough time to write a lengthy post about all the wonderful and not so wonderful parts of our marriage journey. However, I have a sleeping toddler who could awake at any moment and I don't think I will have enough time to write what I'd really like to write about.

So much has happened in these three years. We have moved three times. We have conceived three children. We have had many highs and many lows. We've laughed and cried. We have fought. We've made up. We've had to figure out this parenting thing.

Sometimes it seems we've been married much longer than three years, but I can still remember our wedding day like it was yesterday. It was a bit on the cool side, and there was a soft rain in the morning and later that night. I wasn't nervous at all that day, like I thought I would be. My favorite moment? Seeing Ryan for the first time at the end of that aisle. I was on the arm of my brother, hundreds of people were standing up looking at me, but it was like the only person there was my beloved, waiting patiently for me.

Ryan and I aren't big anniversary people. This weekend we are going to celebrate by going to the Titanic exhibit at Union Station. I am going to try and convince him to see Titanic in 3D. I have no idea what dinner plans we have. Nothing candle-lit or romantic. That's just not really our style.

Ryan did get me a CD and a DVD that I've been wanting for awhile. But my favorite thing was probably the card he got me. On the front there is a freakishly perfect man and woman with their son and daughter. It says, "We're not the average family with 2.5 kids. Which is probably for the best." The inside says, "That 1/2 a kid might really freak our neighbors out." It reminded me that Ryan and I are not like everybody else. We want a big family. We aren't ashamed of our Catholic faith and take joy in it. We don't want the big house with the nice cars and want to travel the globe. We aren't worried about careers or retirement plans. We want to glorify God through our marriage, through the blessing of children and we want to get to heaven.

It isn't always easy to live with that mentality. But marriage isn't always easy either. None of the good, grand and wonderful things in life are easy peasy. But I sure do thank God for giving me the helpmate that he did and for the wonderful years we've had, and the adventure that is sure to come!

Our Song

The awesome Katie at NFP and Me has a great link-up going on at her blog inviting us to share our wedding song! I've already kind of told my story why we picked the song that we did here, but I'll expand the details!

1. What's your song?

The song we picked is called "Forever" by the Beach Boys.



2. Did you always have a song or did you have to find one?

Ryan and I never had a song while dating. I had friends who shared songs with their beloved, but I always felt it was kind of high school-ish. Neither Ryan and I don't have that uber-romantic spark, which I guess makes us perfect for each other!

3. Why did you pick this song?

When it came time to find the song we wanted to use for our first dance as husband and wife Ryan and I were clueless. I told Ryan that I'd go through some songs and run them by him. We wanted something different. We didn't want something modern. We wanted something special.

I suddenly remembered one of my favorite TV weddings- the wedding of Jesse Katsopolis and Rebecca Donaldson on Full House. Jesse sat down at the piano and sang a song, complete with a stringed orchestra and Gospel choir. I searched high and low to see if I could get it in a downloadable version. In my search I came to find out that this song was originally by the Beach Boys. (Which makes sense it was featured on Full House. Those guys were on it practically as much as Kimmy Gibler!)I Googled a video of the song and fell in love. It was simple and sweet.

I played it for Ryan and he stood up and took me in his arms to dance with him. While swaying to the music, listening to his heartbeat and feeling safe and warm in his arms I knew that this was the perfect song.

4. What does the song mean to you?

The lyrics are very simple. One lyric that repeats is, "I've been so happy loving you." That is the truth, plain and simple, for our relationship.

5. How has the meaning changed since you first chose it?

It hasn't, much. We're just more in love now. Our relationship is stronger. Forever is the title of the song and that's what our marriage is all about. No matter how much we bug each other and bicker- we're in it for the long haul!

Go to Katie's blog and tell her about your song!

We Are The 98%

Michelle from Endless Strength and Rebecca from The Road Home have co-authored a great post called We are the 98%. They have encouraged other women to share their stories with contraception and NFP. I have really struggled on deciding if I should write about my experiences. First of all, my mom reads this blog, as well as my big brother. I also have other family and friends who read this blog, and some of the things I have posted in the past has created some, erm, conflict. You've been warned: This is very personal.

I am going to share despite my hesitations. I sometimes feel so alone being a former contracepting-non-virgin-at-wedding Catholic woman. Maybe this will help some other Catholic gal not feel so lonely. Maybe it will clear up some questions some of my readers have about me. I'm sure when I'm preaching about NFP and saving sex for marriage that some people are like, "Uh, girl, we know about your past."

So here is my contribution.

***************

"You’ve probably heard it on the news lately; “98% of Catholic women are using contraception”. You’ve heard the statistic, but I’m here to tell you it just isn’t true. How do I know?

Because I’m one of them.

Even though I 100% wholeheartedly agree with the Church on contraception, I’m part of this “98%”. How can that be? Because the only question they’re asking Catholic women is this:"

"Have you ever used contraception?"

My answer would be yes. I can't say that my excuse was medical reasons. I was using contraception because I was sexually active, starting at an early age in high school.

"How did you previously view contraception?"

To be honest, I don't ever remember learning about contraception in high school classes. I probably wasn't paying attention. I learned about it from my friends and a teen website produced by, you guessed it, Planned Parenthood.

I remember reading the website and teen magazines and being terrified at the thought of getting pregnant. It could happen just ONE time! It could happen with just genital contact! They practically taught that if you took your shoes off in front of the opposite sex that you would get pregnant and your life would be ruined forever and ever and ever.



I remember being in middle school and thinking I would OF COURSE wait until marriage like all good girls do. But once high school hit and boys started taking notice of me, that all went out the window. With the teen hormones and the teen psyche and emotions, having sex was something you did. My friends were doing it. Teens on TV were doing it. It was a normal part of growing up.

I vowed not to be stupid about having sex. I protected myself from pregnancy in multiple ways- condoms, creams, films... lots of fun stuff to suit up with before doing the deed.

When I turned 18 I decided I was done with all those annoying barriers. I wanted to feel more "free" so I went on the Depo-Provera shot. No more condoms, no more creams. Just a shot in the hip every three months and I was good to go.

I was proud of myself for taking such precautions. I was a good girl, a good student and I didn't want to ruin my life or reputation by getting pregnant. That would have been the end of the world. I wanted to go out in the world and make a difference. I made sure my sexual actions had no negative consequences.

Even though I was sexually active in high school, I didn't become sexually slutty until I moved to Maryville. I was tragically depressed and the only thing that made me feel better about myself was lots of booze, buying pretty clothes and shoes, and having sex with pretty much whoever found me desirable. I was trying to live a Friends lifestyle. I was trying to live the modern college girl's lifestyle. I was being used and emotionally abused. Sex was making me happy and miserable at the same time. But it was so easy to have sex with whoever since I was on the shot. The shot also made it easier to be taken advantage of.

I remember hearing here and there that the Catholic Church was against contraception. I didn't grow up with a youth group while in high school so I was clueless when it came to teachings on sex and marriage. I just thought that contraception was frowned upon because it led to premarital sex. I thought the Church was cool with married couples using it. I never bothered looking into because I didn't care.

"What prompted you to stop using contraception?

It wasn't any religious awakening. It wasn't even going online and reading about how I was having carcinogens injected into my body every 3 months. I really think it was the Holy Spirit prompting me to get off the shot. I had gained a little bit of weight and was still feeling depressed even though I wasn't drinking anymore and was in a solid relationship with a decent guy. I didn't feel "right" being on the shot, so I just decided to stop. My boyfriend was upset. I went to my annual pap smear and said I was ready to be done. They gave be a huge paper sack of condoms. I was OK with that.

Fast forward to my spiritual growth spurt in Atchison. I started exploring more about the Catholic faith. I read Christopher West's book The Good News About Sex and Marriage and my mind was blown. Birth control wasn't just frowned upon by the Catholic Church- they thought it was intrinsically evil. And the reasoning they gave blew me away. The Truth knocked me on my ass. I was shocked at how my view of sex was changed. Sex was much more awesome than I thought, I was just doing it wrong. I was so angry that I was never taught this view of sex. The view I previously had of sex was so dull and cheapened. Never again would I have sex before marriage. Never again would I use contraception.

I decided to read up on how harmful Depo Provera really was. I learned there was a "black box warning" that read:

"FDA and Pfizer notified healthcare professionals of the addition of a BOXED WARNING along with revisions to the WARNINGS, INDICATIONS AND USAGE, PRECAUTIONS and POSTMARKETING EXPERIENCE sections of the prescribing information to include information on the loss of significant bone mineral density. Depo-Provera Contraceptive Injection is indicated only for the prevention of pregnancy in women of child-bearing potential. Bone loss is greater with increasing duration of use and may not be completely reversible. Depo-Provera Contraceptive should be used as a long-term birth control method (eg, longer than 2 years) only if other birth control methods are inadequate."

I was on the shot longer for just two years, thank God. I read elsewhere that getting the shot in your teenage years increases the risk of bone loss and can lead to infertility and breast cancer. Now I was scared.

The part that scared and devastated me the most was learning that some forms of contraception are abortifacients. How many of my own children had been swept away from my uterus by the hormones caused by the shot? If I get to heaven how many of my sons and daughters will be there waiting for me with love and forgiveness? Needless to say, I cried over that thought many many times.

The first time I had ever heard of Natural Family Planning was in Christopher West's book. I read about how awesome it is and how beneficial and beautiful. That was the path for me.

I turned my life to God. I changed.

Or so I thought.

I started dating Ryan about a year after my spiritual growth spurt. It had been a little over a year since I had sex. Those temptations were buried deep inside and sin took over. Ryan and I became sexually active and used birth control. It was a huge struggle for both of us because we knew the reasons why sex before marriage is a sin. We went to confession frequently. We prayed. We "stopped" only to start back up again. We were both weak and I was deeply, deeply ashamed.

Instead of helping the situation, I created more temptation. My cycles were all over the place, probably still trying to regulate after I got my period a year AFTER I stopped getting the shot, and also due to stress. I decided to go on the Pill to get regular. I was on the pill for two months, deluding myself that this was due to health reasons.

I remember the day I knew that Ryan truly loved me and that he was the man I was destined to marry. He picked me up from one of my classes and dropped me off at the house I was living. Before I left he took a deep breath and said to me, "This is your choice, but I really think it would be better for you to get off the pill. I'm afraid it will make me start viewing you as an object." That was the Holy Spirit talking through him. He wasn't very knowledgeable about Catholic sexual ethics or theology, but God showed him the truth. My heart filled with love and from that moment we stopped having sex and stopped contracepting.

"How did you learn NFP?"

I read about NFP in The Good News About Sex and Marriage, but didn't know the details. When I lived in a campus house with seven other good Catholic gals I got a basic gist of the idea. One of my housemates was getting married and she and her fiance went to an NFP class. Later that night she kind of explained some stuff. She mostly talked about periods and something called cervical mucus. Sounded interesting. I remember hearing in a conversation that using condoms was like french kissing with plastic grocery sacks over your heads. I couldn't agree more.

I don't really remember talking to Ryan about our decision to use NFP in our marriage. I'm not sure if was after our decision to stop sleeping together while we were dating or if we were engaged. He was fully supportive of using NFP even though he had only heard negative things about it.

When we got engaged I thought we should take a class and learn as much as we could before we would have to put it into use. A college friend of mine was going to a class with her fiance and she kind of explained the Sympto-Thermal Method to me. Sounded easy enough.

In our marriage prep we got a brochure about NFP. We went to an Engagement Encounter retreat and they talked about it there, but I didn't feel they really went into good detail about the benefits of NFP. It felt more like a lecture.

We never found the time to get into a class, so I ordered the home-study kit through Couple to Couple League. I read through the book and it all seemed fairly straight forward. Yeah there was a lot of weird sounding stuff like checking your mucus and cervix, but it takes a lot to gross me out. However, when I started to make my own observations I was confused beyond all measure. Was this sticky or stretchy mucus? Uh oh, I forgot to take my temp! What now?! And the one I asked frequently- Where in God's green earth is my cervix?!

It took awhile, and I still don't feel like an expert, but I got the hang of it. My periods were always very irregular, but once I found my temperature shift I knew in 13-14 days I'd have my period. I started learning more about my body. I was amazed at the female body. God did some nice work creating us females.

I found it very difficult to explain to Ryan how STM worked. I could work it out in my head but explaining it was tough. He's not much of a reader so I didn't want to just throw him the book to figure it out. We took a class with a very nice teaching couple. It was during that class that we found out there was a good possibility I was pregnant. A couple days later a positive pregnancy test confirmed it. We never went to another class.

I had two charts in between my miscarriage and getting pregnant with Joe. I was very nervous about NFP and breastfeeding. I could see that luteal phase was greatly affected by breastfeeding which I knew would create an obstacle with conceiving in the future, which it did.

To help with supplementing STM, I enrolled in a research study for the Marquette method using the Clear Blue Easy monitor. Ryan and I loved it!

"How has it impacted your marriage?"

We have never used any form of artificial contraception in our marriage, so I don't know how using it and then using NFP would have impacted our marriage.

A lot of NFP information talks about the beauty of the husband being involved in this form of family planning. With contraception it is usually the woman's sole responsibility. There are NFP stories of a husband filling out a woman's chart at the end of the day or who wakes her up to take her temperature in the morning. I'm sure that does happen, but not in our marriage, and I'm fine with that. I'm really anal and OCD about making sure everything is neat and correct, so I'd just take the time to double check his work anyway.

Ryan has learned a lot about my body and thinks it's pretty awesome how I am put together. He also knows ahead of time the times of the month when I'm more hormonal than usual.

NFP has opened the doors of communication in our marriage. Sure, we fight, we argue, we joke, we discuss, we debate- but we're always open and honest about our feelings. There is no silent treatment and we always resolve our negative issues fairly soon after they begin.

"What struggles have you had with NFP?"

Our main struggle was trying to understand how NFP works. There have been times that I have really had a difficult time understanding my signs.

It is hard to trust NFP and God sometimes. It can be downright scary.

We haven't had a lot of OMG ABSTIENCE IS TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! moments. That really hasn't been a difficulty, but those rare times that we have to put on the brakes have been tough.

The biggest struggle has been emotional for both of us. We have family and friends who just don't understand our decision to use NFP. It's tough to live in a society where everyone around you use contraception. It's tough and annoying to hear that NFP is "Vatican Roulette" or "What do you call couples who use NFP? Parents." comments. We feel like complete outsiders sometimes. There have been times I've thrown my hands in the air and yelled, "Fine! Let's just use the Pill! It'd be so much easier!" My saint of a husband has reminded me that we don't buy into modern day society. We buy into God's plan. God's plan isn't easy, but it is good.


So there is my contraception/NFP journey. NFP hasn't been easy, but it's been a blessing. Contraception was easy, but was destroying my life and my soul.

Oh yeah, and NFP really does work!

Man Card

My husband and I aren't really that into St. Valentine's Day. Yeah, it's SAINT Valentine's Day... named after a SAINT. Hallmark and Kay Jewelers did not invent this holiday. But I think I'm preaching to the choir here.

Anywho, like I said, we don't really celebrate. Ryan did get me Breaking Dawn Part 1 on Saturday (but I would have bought that regardless) and I let him get a video game. Those were our gifts to each other. No card. No nothing else.

But then my husband who is just too too good to me surprised me this morning. I woke up and there was a HUGE box of chocolates and a hilarious card. My chocolate craving goes skyhigh when I'm pregnant, so the big box of Russel Stovers were a joyous sight.

But then I felt guilty. I didn't even buy Ryan a card. I know he doesn't care about that stuff, but I wanted to get him SOMETHING to show him I care.

I got a piece of paper, some camo duct tape and paint pens and made a pretty testosterone-themed St. Valentine's Day card. Duct tape and paint... pretty manly if you ask me.

Who needs Hallmark OR Pinterest. I can get pretty creative if I want to!

Hope you all have a great St. Valentine's Day!

Our Honeymoon

Oh, that Betty Beguiles. She has the greatest blogging ideas ever! She has had these fun link-up's to participate in and now she wants us to write about our honeymoon! Go check her out to read her story!

Ryan and I never really planned on having a honeymoon. We got married in April of 2009 and I was still finishing up my final semester of college. It was stressful enough to plan for a wedding, take some really tough senior seminar courses, travel to get to college (1 1/2 hours away) and to visit my soon to be husband (3 hours away.) I wasn't going to add to the stress of trying to plan a honeymoon as well.

Besides, we couldn't really afford a honeymoon. And to add to that Ryan had recently started a new job and didn't have vacation time built up. We just figured that we'd take a honeymoon someday in the future. It wasn't really that big of a deal for us.

The wedding came and went and it was perfect. I moved in with my husband and focused on writing some huge research papers to finish up my degree. I was driving an hour and a half to school two days out of the week. I was beyond stressed but finally the papers were turned in, graduation day arrived, and I walked across the stage and received my diploma the month following our wedding.

It was time to relax and start to enjoy married life. The thought of a honeymoon was far from my mind. The week leading up to Memorial Day weekend Ryan mentioned that he had a very rare four days in a row off of work starting on Memorial Day. What were we going to do with all that free time? Go to St. Louis since I had never been there? Go down south so I could see the beach for the first time? I remembered my mom had taken my nephew to South Dakota to Mouth Rushmore the previous fall and had a really good time. I suggested we go up there since it wasn't too terribly far. I had received quite a bit of money from my graduation in addition to the money we had received from our wedding. It didn't even really dawn on us that we were planning for our honeymoon. This was just going to be a fun trip.

On Sunday evening around 8:00 we left for South Dakota. We drove through Iowa in the darkness, but were excited to be off and doing something new and different. We stayed the night in Sioux Falls. We mentioned we were newlyweds and they gave us a huge suite for a discounted price. There was a hot tub right in the room which was awesome. The next day we set out for the long trek across South Dakota.

We had no itinerary. No schedule. We just set out to where we wanted to go and spent however long we wanted to be there. It was relaxing not to stick to a schedule or budget. I don't get out much of this great state of Missouri, so it was so exciting for me to get to another state and see a different landscape. We went to Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse, Bear Country and Custer National Park. We roamed around Keystone and bought some salt water taffy and had pizza out on a deck. We drove around the Black Hills Forest and listened to the calming, ethereal sound of the wind through the pine trees. We hiked around the Badlands.

This honeymoon wasn't too terribly exciting or exotic. However, we did have a bit of a conundrum. While we were in South Dakota I was looking at my NFP charts. I realized that I was in my peak fertility. We were newlyweds, and this was our honeymoon. Did we really feel called to avoid pregnancy at this time? It was a bit of a risk but we decided open our hearts and trust that God would pick the right time for us to conceive. If I got pregnant on our honeymoon, then so be it.

It turns out that I did not get pregnant. I was shocked because even someone who barely knows anything about NFP could see that my body was in prime baby making mode. But God chose differently. This experience on our honeymoon really taught us to trust in God. It taught us the value of NFP. He knows what is best for us and our marriage is happier because we include the Almighty in it.

As we were driving back from South Dakota my husband asked if we were going to consider this our honeymoon or if were were going to save up and take a fancier one in the future. We both agreed that this was the perfect honeymoon for us. Talking, driving and being outdoors was exactly what we felt was right for our honeymoon. We didn't need a fancy cruise or sandy beaches to make us feel like we had a good trip.

It didn't matter where were, as long as we had each other, it was perfect.



Gosh, I feel like we look so young in these pictures and they were just taken 2 1/2 years ago!

Thanks, Betty, for hosting this fun link-up!

Almost there...

2.4

That's how many pounds I need to lose to get to my goal weight. I'm pretty excited and happy. I'm also impatient, but I know that slow and steady wins the race.

One reason I wanted to lose weight was so my wedding ring would fit again. A short time before I got pregnant I noticed my ring was a little snug (I had gained about 20 lbs since our wedding) and I was even starting to notice some wedding ring dermatitis. A few months into my pregnancy I had to store my wedding ring for good since I started getting gorilla fingers due to pre-eclampsia.

Since then I have had to get another new ring since the replacement ring I bought during pregnancy is too big. It's another cheapo from JC Penney.

Throughout my weight loss journey I have tried on my actual wedding ring many times. It wouldn't budge over my knuckle. When I was about 6 lbs away from goal I tried it on again and forced it over my knuckle... and... it finally was on my finger. It's been well over a year since I've worn my wedding ring. I smiled and admired it like it was my actual wedding day.

However, I noticed it was extremely difficult to get off. I had to get some soap to get it off my finger. I guess my hands put on a lot of weight that I can't burn off and my knuckles must be permanently big from my excessive swelling.

I've tried it on numerous time since then and it seems to be getting easier to get on and off. I'm still wondering if I should get it slightly enlarged to prevent wedding ring dermatitis and if I happen to swell during future pregnancies. I'm not sure what to do. We might go talk to a jeweler and get their opinion.

My dad got remarried this past weekend and the minister talked about the importance of a wedding ring. I am really hoping to get mine on again soon. I'm wondering if I will ever take it off.

I've lost just under 25 lbs and it feels amazing. It's awesome to be able to fit into jeans I couldn't even fit into before I got pregnant. But what means the most to me is to be able to run around with my son, wear the gorgeous wedding ring my husband picked out, and to add years to my life so I can take care of them and love them and our progenies for many years to come!

Our Engagement Story

This was taken right before he proposed. Ring was in his hoodie pocket. See his sneaky little look on his face?

Betty has such fun ideas to blog about! Now she is asking us to share our engagement stories… I LOVE hearing about other’s romantic tales of how they got engaged. Here is mine!

Ryan and I started dating in October of 2006. We had met earlier that year in our speech class and had become very close friends. When we started dating we immediately talked about getting married and how many kids we wanted. It’s just something we knew would eventually happen. It was like we’d known our whole lives.

We wanted to wait until we had dated at least a year before we got engaged. We looked at rings a few times and talked about when we’d get married. My grandfather passed away during our one year anniversary so engagement was far from my mind.

In November I mentioned to Ryan how I wanted to lose weight before we got married and he snapped at me saying that he didn’t want to feel pressured into proposing. This was NOT like Ryan at all. I was shocked at his demeanor, but understood where he was coming from.

That episode started off a week of pure hell. I was in the middle of taking 20 credit hours and was taking an education class where I had to basically student teach for a week. I had to make a religion class Jeopardy game geared towards 4th graders and build a volcano. I had a couple tests to study for and I was behind on homework due to taking time off for my grandfather’s funeral. I was beyond stressed! To make matters worse, Ryan was acting very distant and not himself. I felt like I was losing him.

On Friday November 9, we decided to go to a movie after he got done working an afternoon shift at the bar. As we were driving out of town he asked me if I wanted to go to State Lake. He had driven by there when he was doing an internship with the sheriff’s office and thought I’d like to see the pretty fall colors. It made me happy that he thought of me like that, so I knew our relationship would be fine.

We got out there and I happened to have my camera so I started shooting pictures of the beautiful fall foliage. Ryan pointed out some fisherman across the lake and I noticed it was a pretty shot, so I snapped the picture. I turned around to see Ryan on one knee with a box in his hand with a ring in it. He was shaking and asked me to be his wife. I was in such shock that all I could say was, “OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod!” He had to ask me again before I finally got on my knees, looked him in his eyes and said, “Yes!”

He later told me that he was acting all weird that week because he didn’t want me to suspect anything. Everyone and their dog knew that Ryan was going to propose that night. I was completely and totally surprised- he did a good job! Sigh…. I just love my husband!

The shot I snapped as Ryan was behind me going down on one knee!

After I said YES!

My beautiful ring. It doesn't fit anymore... one of the reasons I'm losing weight!

Our favorite engagement photo!

Why I Wore Strapless

I think I’m safe to say that mostly everyone loved Kate Middleton’s wedding dress. It was elegant, beautiful and classic. Her veil was almost ethereal. She looked perfect. I was not disappointed.

Many are talking about her dress. Many are talking about how her dress with the lace sleeves will probably be the new fashion trend in wedding dresses. Many are also talking about how strapless dresses are simply horrible.

I agree that strapless dresses are not the ideal. However, I wore one at my wedding and I have my reasons.

Strapless wedding dresses are e v e r y w h e r e. It’s very hard to find one with sleeves. The strapless fad is just getting kind of overdone and boring. I think it’s time to move on to the next fad, and I think Kate Middleton’s dress will be a step in the right direction.

Not only are strapless wedding dresses overused, but many of them are simply God-awful immodest. There are just some women who should not be wearing strapless. How do you think the pastor feels when he is uniting a man and woman in marriage and he is trying hard to avert his eyes from a woman’s buxom chest overflowing out of her dress? Dear Heavens- what if a nipple popped out?! Wardrobe malfunctions aren’t just in Hollywood.

I don’t think many women take seriously the holiness and reverence that are a part of the wedding ceremony. A priest once told me that while he was in the sacristy after a wedding he looked out and saw the bride lying across the altar getting her photo taken. He quickly went out there and stopped that sacrilege. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he would have gone all Jesus-and-the-moneychangers on them. I’m not making excuses for her, but she was probably just very poorly catechized and didn’t realize just how inappropriate that was. There are many women who don’t realize how inappropriate their cleavage showing for all on earth and Heaven to see. Either that or they just don’t care. They want to feel good about themselves. Who cares about modesty?

When I embarked on my journey to find my wedding dress it was not fun. I wanted straps. I wanted to be modest. I wanted to be different. My mom REALLY pushed for me having straps or a jacket of some sort. You can say I’m making excuses for myself, but- we just couldn’t afford it. Getting fitted for a jacket (with my short arms) or having a seamstress sew sleeves on just wasn’t feasible for me financially. I couldn’t afford to go to a boutique where it’s easier to find a dress with straps. I instead made sure that my dress’s bodice would be high enough on my chest so that there would be no cleavage and that my veil would be covering my shoulders. I agonized over this choice. If it wouldn’t have been for one of my college housemates who is one of the holiest women I know wearing a tasteful strapless dress to her own wedding I would have probably worn a white sweat shirt over my dress or something. Thankfully my mother approved of my choice of dress and when it was fitted to my body I felt absolutely beautiful. I also felt at peace with the appropriateness of my dress

So when I read comments stating how one hopes that wedding dresses like Kate’s will come into style- I agree. However, when I read comments on how tasteless and horrible strapless dresses are I get offended. I’ve read comments like these in blogs for a while now, but now they are popping up everywhere now that there’s commentary on Kate’s wedding dress. We don’t know the reasons for women wearing strapless. Maybe they can’t afford straps or something modest. Maybe they ran out of time to find a modest dress. Maybe they had limited resources to find a non-strapless dress. Maybe they are just honestly ignorant in their view of modesty and appropriateness in church. But when I read comments echoing the though “Down with the strapless dresses” I feel like one is saying to me- Your dress was ugly. It was inappropriate. Shame on you.

Instead of addressing strapless dresses in a way of making women feel inadequate, how about we show women that they can be beautiful brides without wearing strapless. Let’s accentuate how modesty is a beautiful aspect of womanhood and how we should embrace it.

Or maybe I’m upset about this because I’m hormonal and sleep-deprived. I don’t know, but this is just my two cents.

10 Facts about Me and My Hubby

The wonderful Hallie over at Betty Beguiles has yet another fun idea! Here is a list of 10 facts about my husband and myself.

1.

We met during our 8:00 a.m. speech class in college. Ryan said he almost dropped the class since it was "too early for him" but when he saw me sitting there he decided to stay. :-)

2.

We were best friends before we started dating.

3.

I knew I wanted to marry him before we even started dating. It was the summer before we started dating and we had an impromptu "friend" date at Hooters. (Yeah, I know..) Afterwards we went and looked at puppies and drove around discussing that we both HAVE to have big front porches on our future homes. After he dropped me off I had the biggest gut feeling that "Oh my goodness... I want to marry him someday!" I was really freaked out!

4.

He is a city boy and I'm a small town girl. Now we live in a town that is even smaller than my rinky dink hometown!

5.

Ryan told me before we dated that he didn't think he'd ever get married.

6.

We are both VERY competitive. That makes playing video games and board games and any sport veeeeeery interesting! We scream and yell and call each other names, but end up laughing hysterically in the end!

7.

He has turned me into a comic book and sports nerd. I've turned him into a good Catholic boy.

8.

Our favorite date is simply going out to eat (McDonalds, Applebees.. nothing fancy) and out to a movie.

9.

Ryan was really nervous about me having a c-section. He doesn't handle blood and scalpels very well. But when they lifted Joe out of me and they told Ryan to stand up and look at his son he did without hesitation. He was so brave and strong!

10.

In April we will be married 2 years. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for us. We've already been blessed with one child born to heaven and another who turns 7 months on Saturday. I can't wait to expand our family and watch our love grow!

Head over to Betty Beguiles to tell her your own 10 facts!

The Dress

I've been somewhat of a Mrs. Poopie Pants lately, so I thought I'd lighten things up around here!

The lovely Hallie at Betty Beguiles has invited us to describe The Dress. What a fun topic!

I remember dreaming of the perfect dress long before I even met Ryan. I would even buy bridal magazines just to get ideas for my future wedding day.

I always dreamed of my wedding dress being a Cinderella-type ball gown. I watched that movie nearly everyday when I was little. I remember my uncle had gone to a wedding and their favors were in small plastic "glass" slippers, and he gave one to me. I dreamed of a big fancy Cinderella wedding.

Years later, when it came down to the wedding plans, the one thing I cared about (besides the sacrament, of course) was my family and friends being there. We had a very large guest list, but I wanted a simple wedding. No fancy expensive centerpieces or flowers from an expensive shop. No bands, no world class caterer.

I wanted the same simplicity for my dress. I did try on the Cinderella ball gowns. They were absolutely beautiful, but they weren't me. I felt like I was playing dress up and with my short stature I looked kind of ridiculous. I decided to go simple yet elegant.



My dress was a strapless satin gown with a chiffon overlay. It had a sweetheart neckline with a flowered beaded bodice.

The train was a sweep train. I wanted a longer one, but like I said before, with me being a shortie, this one looked the best.

I absolutely loved the back of the dress!

I have no regrets about my dress. I do remember being kind of nervous because I thought my dress was a little too plain and simple for such a fancy church. Many of the reviews of my dress stated this dress was used in a lot of beach weddings. But I decided that I wanted to feel comfortable, happy and beautiful in my dress- and I did feel that way. I love love love my dress. I had it preserved and hope that my future daughters might be interested in wearing it to their own wedding!



Perfect dress. Perfect day. Perfect man for me. I am so blessed!

NFP and Trust

First of all, I want to thank all of you who left a kind and encouraging comment or email or text for me regarding my last post. You have no idea how much your prayers have helped. And God did answer our prayers- yesterday we looked at our bank account and there was an extra $200 there from a very generous family member. She didn't even know of our current financial situation, but she is a very holy woman, so I'm sure God gave her a heads up.

I've been having a hard time trusting God lately. This whole recent situation has caused me to look at the cross and close my eyes and make that leap of faith that all will be well. I've been needing some help in that trust area. And what do you know- this week is NFP Awareness Week and this year's theme is Trust: God Has a Plan For Your Marriage.

I was all for NFP when I first read about it long before I even met my husband. It's healthier both spiritually and physically, cheaper and the way God designed our bodies. Thankfully my husband was on board with using NFP before we were engaged.

When I actually got the at home study kit for NFP I was scared. I had irregular cycles. Could I actually learn all this stuff? Could I explain it to my husband? (This is why I recommend going to a class.) But we put our trust in God that with his guidance, we could figure all this stuff out.

The literature I had read had stated over and over that it didn't matter if you had irregular cycles; NFP could still work for me. And it did work. In fact the more I learned about my body and my cycle, the more regular I became, give or take a few days. After my miscarriage and a consultation with some NFP instructors I learned my basal body temperatures were abnormally low and that taking prenatals and flax seed oil would bring my temperature up and possibly be helpful in carrying a baby to full-term. And that worked too!

I discovered a few weeks before my wedding that I was going to be fertile on my wedding night. That wasn't going to stop us. We trusted that if God wanted to bless us with a child that night then we would be OK with that. He knows what we can handle. Well as it turns out, we did not conceive a child that night, nor on our honeymoon where I was super duper fertile.

I started getting a little worried that I wasn't conceiving right away. Since we were open to life and making love on my fertile days, shouldn't we be making babies easily? This showed us that we aren't in control of everything in our lives, including when to have children- that awesome power belongs to God.

In July of last year we finally did get pregnant, but sadly lost our precious baby a few weeks later. Before this event we were always "not trying to get pregnant, but not NOT trying either." After the miscarriage I was scared to death of getting pregnant. We abstained during my fertile times and we had never done that before. But oh my goodness.. just laying there in my husband's arms as he rubbed my back as I drifted off to sleep was almost better than having sex. (I said almost!)

After a month or so after I got my cycle back after the miscarriage I felt that pull to maybe think about being open to another life. But this time our trust was tested. What if we had to go through the pain of a miscarriage again? What if my fertility was negatively affected after the miscarriage that conceiving would be very difficult? We had discussed waiting until we were financially stable, but knew we'd probably never have kids if we went that route. It was scarier this time to be open to life.

But God wouldn't give us anything we couldn't handle. That pull to be open to life became stronger and stronger, and to our surprise and joy we conceived the baby I am now carrying during the second cycle after my miscarriage.

NFP has opened the door to allow me to be more trusting in God not only with planning our family, but with God planning my whole life. If I can make that huge step in trusting him to be a part of our marriage that involves the magnificent power and responsibility of creating human life then I should be able to do that in all areas of my life. I have to trust that God's time is the perfect time- not ours. God's plan is the perfect plan- not ours. I need to focus on one day at a time and see the blessings right in front of me instead of the blessings I hope God gives to me in the future.

NFP has been a huge blessing for my marriage, my health, and my own self-worth. But it has also been a pivotal tool in building a better relationship with God. And that is what I need right now. That is what I need at all times.

With this ring...

Ryan and I purchased a new wedding ring for me yesterday at JC Penney's for $10.00. It has come to that point in my pregnancy that my extremities are beginning to swell. (Look for a post in the near future titled "Adventures in Swelling".) My wedding ring has always been a little tight so that was put in the jewelry box a month or so ago. I then started wearing a claddagh ring Ryan's dad bought me a couple years ago at an Irish festival. I can wear it in the morning, but by mid-afternoon I have to take it off, because if I wait a couple more hours it is nearly impossible to remove.

I have to have some sort of ring on that finger. I feel naked without something there to show the world that I am happily married. We don't have a lot of money to buy a fancy-schmancy ring, plus I might swell even more, so we opted for cheap, yet beautiful eternity band like the one shown above. We got back to the truck, Ryan opened the box and slipped the ring on my finger. Not as romantic and special as the day he put my original ring on at our wedding, but my heart was still filled with warm-gushy lovey-dovey feelings for my beloved.

Last night I was sitting in bed admiring my new ring. I somewhat wished my fingers weren't plump little piggies so I could wear my actual wedding ring. It has my engagement ring attached to it and I just love the way it looks and the memories it brings to me. But nonetheless, I am happy I have a new ring because it signifies the new chapter in our lives.

I started thinking about how the changes in my body are the reason I had to change wedding rings. The changes in my body are due to a little miracle growing inside me. I started thinking about how having a child will change my marriage.

I've read in some of the pregnancy books and baby websites of how having a baby drastically changes a marriage. The way the authors of these books and articles write it sounds like having a baby puts a huge damper on marriage. I've read somewhere that marital satisfaction goes way down when the couple has a baby. Talk about depressing...

There are statistics and and research backing up these claims, so I begin to think how a precious little baby could bring down a marriage. There are financial struggles, sleepless nights, worries of how to raise the child, and stresses of keeping the child happy and healthy. The number one problem, I believe, is that now the husband and wife can't focus solely on each other- they have a child to focus on now.

I can see how balancing a relationship with one's spouse and a relationship with a child can be a challenge. Adding a child to a family is a huge life change. There are bound to be struggles.

I wonder how my own marriage will change with the birth of our son. I know that it will change the dynamic of our lives forever. When Ryan and I were driving home the other day I was thinking, "In a few months it won't be like this anymore." We'll either have a child in the car with us, going to pick up said child, or be thinking about him.

It won't be "just us" anymore, and I am totally satisfied with that. I refuse for our marriage to be all about the kids. I want our lives to be about all of us as a family. I want to focus on my husband and children. I want to spend the rest of my life taking care of them all. Maybe those of you with kids already are thinking, "Oh sweet, innocent, naive Maggie. You have no clue." I really am clueless when it comes to life with a child of my own. (Look for another upcoming post titled, "Breast pumps and boppy's and bumbo's- OH MY!")

This past Sunday was Trinity Sunday. I learned in my Christ and Trinity class I took at Benedictine that a family mirrors the Trinity. The love between the Father and Son is so great it flows to the Holy Spirit. The love Ryan and I have is so great it overflows into our offspring. I love my husband SO much that I want to see miniature versions of him running around. It may seem by some of my past posts that I am in love with future mommy-hood. I am first and foremost in love with my husband, and the love of being a mother to a child flows from that. I see his gorgeous blue eyes, his joyful laugh and his unwavering care and concern for others and want to see that in our children. How perfect is this- I get to love my husband and our children that have a part of him in them! This is where I find it hard to believe that having babies puts a damper on marriage. (Unless of course the baby was conceived in a relationship that wasn't healthy to begin with.)

I look at my new ring and smile at the change. It signifies a new chapter in our lives, but it doesn't necessarily replace the previous chapter of just being husband and wife. We're building on our life experiences. Hopefully by the grace of God my husband and I can face these new challenges with strength, courage and love.

*My apologies if this post doesn't make sense. I'm sleep deprived. Having nightmares where I'm protecting my baby from Depression-era gangsters makes it hard to sleep!

Lessons I've Learned in Our First Year of Marriage

The wedding is just a day... a marriage is a lifetime

The leaders at the Engagement Encounter Ryan and I went to drilled this saying into our heads. When I heard this I was annoyed because we were a month away from our wedding and still had tons of planning to do.

I had always envisioned a nice church wedding, but as the planning progressed I was having some major freak-outs. I refused to become a bride-zilla so I wasn't taking control in areas where I should have been. I was thinking that my grandparents had the right idea when they got married- elope and get married in the priest's living room! I knew that there was no Church canon law that required the white dress, the flowers, the musicians or the caterer.

Then a friend gave me the best advice. She said that no matter how carefully you plan your wedding, something will go wrong. But your wedding day isn't about the details- it is about you and your husband starting the rest of your lives together. After I heard that, the freak-outs subsided and I focused on the most important part of the wedding day- the sacrament.

Ryan and I went to confession a couple days before our wedding, and it was so freeing to know that we were free from major sin and could completely receive all the grace God had to offer. And when we were standing up at the altar administering the sacrament of marriage on each other, I could really feel God's grace flowing through us. Now, it wasn't like God's grace was magical pixie dust and I was getting Holy Ghost goose bumps, but I could feel something amazing as I was looking into Ryan's eyes. Peace, joy, happiness, an overwhelming sense of love. Confidence in knowing this man standing before me was more than a soul mate, "other half", or a best friend. I felt near ecstasy in knowing that we were now "one" forever and always. I felt pure joy in knowing that he was going to be the father of my children and we were going to grow old together.

The best part of focusing on the sacrament was that all the planning, the flowers, the guest list, the music- it just created an added beauty to the sacrament. Standing there surrounded by our family and friends, with all the hard work countless people had put into our wedding- it really was the perfect day.

I really do agree with the saying of "A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime" but I learned that by opening up to God's grace during our wedding day has been very beneficial to our marriage.

Pick your battles

I'm a bit of a clean-freak. So when I go to the bathroom and see my husband's facial hair sprinkled on the sink after he shaves, or his toothpaste flecks on the mirror I get a little irritated. OK, a lot irritated. But I learned quickly that this is not worth picking a fight over. It is not a crucial topic. It doesn't completely affect our lives. And guess what.... one time after brushing my teeth I realized (much to my chagrin) that I too leave toothpaste flecks on the mirror! (And I thought I was destined for sainthood every time I wiped off his toothpaste gunk without complaining!)

Another thing that I am currently working on is gloating after a disagreement that I was "right" about something. Most of the time we do this jokingly, but every once in a while it bruises both our egos. This makes me think of the following quote:

To keep your marriage brimming,

with love in the loving cup,

Whenever you are wrong admit it;

Whenever you are right shut up.

-Ogden Nash

But some disagreements are good!

Anytime I hear a couple say they never fight or disagree I want to gag a little. It is my opinion that due to our fallen human nature that no one can get along 100%. Of course it is ideal to be in harmony and peace with each other, but I think that the times of challenge and difficulty can be very beneficial. It helps us to grow closer to each other by learning more about each other, learning to compromise, and to keep our pride in check. Plus... making up after some disagreements can be FUN! :-)

COMMUNICATION IS KEY!

I read about how important communication is in any relationship. It is especially stressed in marriage prep. Boy, oh boy... are they right! Sometimes after a disagreement, or even times where I feel stressed, or Ryan feels overwhelmed- it's easier to shut down. Sometimes it takes a lot to muster the strength to sit down and talk. It makes us vulnerable and uneasy.

Sometimes we do need a couple hours to regroup our thoughts and feelings before talking. But taking the step to actually talk and communicate has helped our marriage by leaps and bounds. Keeping certain things bottled up is like poison to a marriage. When I have felt depressed and not talked to my husband, it creates a tension and unease. As much as I hate talking about my feelings, when I do talk to my husband it has made me feel better and helped our marriage in the long-run- every single time.

Natural Family Planning

I'm used to being looked at like I have four mutant heads when I tell people that my husband and I don't use birth control. But what we choose in our marriage isn't about other people- it is about my husband, myself, and God. I won't go into much detail here... my big brother reads my blog and I don't want to scar him for life or anything. But I will say this- NFP hasn't been easy. It is a challenge to break the bond of having sex rule our relationship. But the good things in life aren't always easy. As much as it has been a challenge- it has been so amazingly worth it. When Ryan took the time to learn about how the female body works, he started looking at me in a whole new, lovely way. I am genuinely blown away by how amazing he treats me and respects me because of our use of NFP.

I am not alone

Living in a small town, away from all my friends and family has proven very difficult for me. I feel very lonely. I find comfort in knowing that I am really NOT alone- I have my husband. He is always there for me. There are other times that I fall into a pit of despair because I am Catholic. I feel even more alone because I feel I am a part of a huge minority because of my beliefs, especially because a large majority of my friends and family don't share my beliefs. I've opened up to my husband about this (there's that communication thing!) and he has reminded me that I am not alone. "You have me," he has told me. There are two or three things we don't agree on in regards to religion, but for the most part we are in the same boat. It is nice to know that I have a partner who shares the same faith, the same goals, the same beliefs.

Take advantage of the circumstances God gives you

Being unemployed this last year has been tough on both of us. It has taken a direct hit on our finances. I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt for not contributing financially. Finances can make or break a marriage, and thankfully we have not let finances rule our marriage. (Communication... could have something to do with that!) But this time of me being at home I believe has strengthened our marriage. Ryan's work schedule is all over the place, and if I had a job, it might have gotten in the way of spending quality time together. I'm not saying that is a good excuse to not get a job, but having this time together during our first year of marriage has strengthened our relationship.

When we lost our first baby to a miscarriage, we were both incredibly devastated. This is a circumstance that I did not want God to give us. But His will is the best, even if we don't understand it. This event strengthened our marriage in ways I can't even name.

These are just a few of the lessons I have learned in our first year of marriage. I know there will be hundreds more as the years go by! I thank God everyday for sending Ryan into my life, and for giving us the grace and help to have a happy and healthy marriage!

Our Anniversary

Yesterday was our one year wedding anniversary. We didn't do anything super special, but we're just not big anniversary celebraters. We did have a wonderful weekend full of laughs and looking back on our relationship. I have a post all planned out about the lessons I've learned in our first year of marriage, but it is still tucked inside my head. Hopefully I will get around to writing it tomorrow!

In the meantime... here are some of my favorite wedding photos. I have about a hundred favorite photos, but I figured y'all would get tired of looking at pictures of Ryan and me!

Ryan's groomsmen praying for him... do they think he needs it?

We had a memorial table to remember our family and friends who couldn't share
in our special day.

Ryan's "Plan"

My brother walked me down the aisle. This is one of my favorite pictures!

Vows... letting God's grace flow!

After communion

Our first dance as husband and wife

I love this man!

A Newlywed Tale of Christmas Decorating

This weekend my husband and I decorated our apartment for Advent and Christmas. This is a special time for us since this is our first holiday season as a married couple. No children, tiny apartment, living in a town where the number of bodies laid to rest in the cemetery far outnumber the number of living residents. We're not completely happy with this arrangement. We'd much rather have a little one to dote one, live in a happy, cozy house and reside in a town that resembles civilization. (Maybe next year!)

Instead of focusing on the negative, we're choosing to look at the positive. This is time for us to really learn about each other's holiday traditions and favorite memories. This is a time for us to dream about what our future Christmasses will be like. A time for us to bond. A time for us to fall in love all over again.

Also a time to argue...playfully of course! We've come to a point where each of our family traditions differ. But this is also a time to work on building our marriage. Compromise, communication, sacrifice- all important tools for a good marriage.

Our fully decorated tree. Pretty isn't it? One of the points of disagreement was the use of sparkly garland. My mom and I have always used it. Ryan informed me that his family doesn't. But my dear husband, after seeing what the garland looked like, gave in.

Now don't get me wrong- I love Star Wars. I'm not ashamed to say I'm a huge fan. However, I didn't want the whole galactic gang on the tree. There's only so much room!

Good ol' George Brett. Hero of the Kansas City Royals. But look at my poor angel in the bottom right-hand corner. So little room for my ornaments!

Here is my very first "Mary's Angels" Hallmark ornament. It is #9 in the series. I have bought one every year since then. This year's angel is #22. That's a lot of angels to put on the tree. Ryan graciously let me put up all of my angels. Sigh....so I let him put up the Millennium Falcon, Satchel Paige, Cal Ripkin Jr., and Batman ornaments. It might not look "pretty" but it sure gives the tree character. I realize I need to stop being so selfish. And I think my angels like having Han Solo as company on the tree.

Perhaps one of my favorite memories of decorating this year's tree was the ornaments we bought together. Here is the ornament we bought at Mount Rushmore during our honeymoon.

This is the ornament we will always remember. When we're old and grey we'll remember this was the ornament we bought for our first Christmas together at the very first town we lived in as a married couple!

Another point of disagreement. This nativity scene is from the Holy Land. Ryan's uncle bought it while he was a seminary student. Ryan made the box holding the nativity scene when he was around 10 years old. He was bugging his mom (I can't imagine that!) so she told him to go down to his dad's shop and build a house for Baby Jesus. This was the result. I wanted to put it underneath the tree so it didn't look so bare. Ryan was worried that our dog Chandler would a) pee on the nativity scene b) eat one of the sheep or c) gnaw on one of the wise men. Seeing how Chandler kept wanting to sniff the tree and walk behind it, I put my pride in my back pocket, admitted to Ryan that he was right and put the nativity scene on one of our book shelves.

After a few days of disagreements and compromises, we ended up having a very blessed weekend. We watched the movie The Nativity Story. We lit the first candle of our Advent wreath, read a meditation and prayed a decade of the rosary. (We're taking Advent seriously this year!) We were safe and warm in our beautifully decorated home after a fun few days spend with our families.

Our disagreements were all in fun and I am thankful that Ryan takes traditions just as seriously as I do. I can't wait to make new traditions with him. I can't wait to see his mannerisms and characteristics in our future children and how he will make Christmas special for them.

But for now, our little family consists of him, Chandler and myself. Last night we used the self-timer on our camera to capture a family portrait in front of the Christmas tree. The dog wouldn't cooperate.

Finally we captured a decent pose, but Ryan had to hold a doggie toy off the the side to get Chandler to sit still!

"Is your house on fire, Clark?"

"No, Aunt Bethany. Those are the Christmas lights."

-Christmas Vacation