Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Weight Loss Update: Week 5

I thought I'd update y'all on my weight loss journey.

The past few weeks have been rough. During week 3 of WW I only lost 1.6 lbs. I thought it would be more. But WW guidelines state that when using the program, losing 1-2 lbs a week is the healthy way to go. I didn't let it get me down too much.

The next week I worked really hard at tracking my food and exercising a lot. When I weighed in I had only lost 1 lb. Now, I'm going to be crass and TMI-ish here, but I could lose 1 lb. in one day after taking a large #2. I was really discouraged. I thought it would be a lot more.

I'm not sure why I was so disappointed. Maybe losing 5.4 lbs in one week made me think that I could do that every week. Plus, I'm an American- I was results NOW!

I shouldn't have been bummed. I had met my 5% fat loss goal and had lost 8 lbs total. The program was working, but I, being the impatient perfectionist that I am, was getting upset.

Tracking and exercising this past week was hard. I don't think I even had time to exercise at all (except I did switch car seats in a 1000 degree garage with exceptional difficulty... that HAS to count as exercise!) and I pigged out a little too much. I was getting frustrated with the counting points and tracking. I went grocery shopping with my mom and gazed at all the fattening food that I normally would gorge on with longing.

Tonight was my weigh in. I was expecting a small loss, or perhaps even have gained weight. I lost 2.8 lbs! Funny how things work out! So that means I have lost 10.8 lbs! Almost half way to my goal weight!

There is a slight problem: my family reunion is next weekend. I doubt I track or exercise, but I will try very hard to limit myself from pigging out.

To recap:

First Weight Watchers Meeting: 146.6
2nd Week of WW: 141.2 (5.4 lbs lost)
3rd Week of WW: 139.6 (1.6 lbs lost)
4th Week of WW: 138.6 (1.0 lb lost)
5th Week of WW: 135.8 (2.8 lbs lost)

Total pounds lost: 10.8 lbs

Goal weight: 120 lbs







Friday, June 24, 2011

Ohmygoodness I almost forgot!

Joe slept in his own bed the entire night last night! He didn't sleep the entire time, but he didn't end up in bed with me!

I put him down around 9:00. I'm not sure why it was so late, but that is how it happened. He stayed asleep when I put him in the play pen which is an oddity. I observed him on the video monitor and he stayed asleep for a few hours just tossing and turning periodically but never fully waking up.

Around midnight he woke up. He stood up crying for a few minutes but then plopped back down into his usual lean-against-the-side-of-the-play-pen position. He fell back asleep and I saw him topple over with his butt still sticking in the air. I feel I'm getting over the "Oh my poor baby is all by his lonesome" feelings but I still worry he'll suffocate by having his face smooshed at the bottom of the playpen. I waited about 15 minutes and went in and laid him back down normally. He didn't wake.

I went to sleep in the guest room with the white glow of the video baby monitor fuzzing over my face. Around 2:15 a.m. he woke up and sat up and his cries were a little more urgent. He hadn't nursed since 9:00 which is one of the longest stretches he's gone in awhile so I figured he wanted to eat. I went in and nursed him in the bed in his room. I figured I was making a big mistake because surely I would fall asleep with him. But, no! After he was done eating I waited about 25 minutes until he was in a deep sleep and laid him back in the playpen. I went back to sleep in the guest room.

The next time he cried was around 5:30. I figured that was pretty darn good so I went in, laid in bed with him and nursed him. We slept until about 8:00. So yeah, he did sleep in the same bed as me, but having him sleep in his own bed for 8 hours and only waking up twice is pretty darn exciting!

I'm happy, but very tired today. I can't sleep well when he's not with me because I just have that dreading feeling that he's going to wake up any minute and I'll have to wake up, get out of bed and go get him.

Joe had a busy day today and went to sleep around 7:00. We'll see how tonight goes!

Old


Yesterday I was driving to my mom's house. It seemed like every radio station was on commercial except one: 95.7 The Vibe. It was all the latest hits in the pop music world.

I'm a fan of nearly every kind of music (except new-age-y elevator type jazz) so I gladly kept this station on. I was bobbin' my head to the music when I realized something:

I'm old!

I had no clue who these artists were. I had never heard some of these songs. Heck, these songs might be a year old and I'm just now hearing them. I mostly listen to country music and classic rock. Other times it's music from the 80's, 90's and early 2000's. (Are these considered oldies? Don't answer that.)

Kids dance to Ke$ha, Katy Perry and a Britney Spears who has been married, had 2 kids, had a meltdown and now a resurrected career since I last listened to her at their school dances. We had Destiny's Child, Backstreet Boys and whoever the guy was that wrote "The Thong Song."

I got on MTV.com (I know, I know... music consists of about 1% of their programming) and realized how out of touch I am. I feel like an Amish person. Working in an Apple store. In New York City. At Times Square. AT NIGHT!

I'm a few months away from turning 27 years old. I may not be with it, but I'm so glad I don't have to worry about who the latest tween-turned-hoochie mama is or who will be the next Justin Bieber.

I have much more important things to focus on. That makes me very happy.

Monday, June 20, 2011

I am the servant, my 9 month old is the master...

In my last post I chronicled our latest sleep saga. We put Joe in his play pen to go to sleep and he'll fuss for a few minutes, then it is silent.

I couldn't stand not knowing what was going on so we got a video baby monitor.

Big mistake. (Kind of.)

As you can see Joe will sit down and lean against the play pen side. His eyes are open and he is staring at the door. Sometimes he'll sit up straight and just stare into the darkness (the camera has night vision.) As soon as we crack the door open he's standing up and fussing for us to pick him up. This has gone on this whole week.

OK, people. I'm pathetic. But I stare at the TV monitor and my heart just breaks that he's sitting there alone in the dark. We put some a few toys in there and stuffed animals (not enough to suffocate him or anything) and we have a noise maker/night light but it goes off after 25 minutes. Then he sits in darkness.

We tried going to bed and leaving him in the play pen but when he knows we're in the same room he cries non-stop. So it's back into the bed with us.

I'm thinking that soon Ryan and I will have to experiment and sleep in another room away from Joe. But I know for a fact that I will stare at the TV baby monitor for hours. I will want to run in there and scoop him up and make sure he knows he's not alone. Make sure he is breathing. Make sure he knows we didn't abandon him. I don't know how other parents do it- having their baby in another room and not knowing what's going on. I swear Joe would stay awake all night if he wasn't in bed with us.

I've heard of babies having separation anxiety, but a mother having separation anxiety from her baby at nighttime??? I'm weird... and a loser. It doesn't help that Ryan jokingly said to me, "He's probably in there singing Eric Carmen's 'All By Myself' to himself."



NOT FUNNY!

How do I toughen up?



Friday, June 17, 2011

The Sleeping Saga Continues...

Life has been interesting around here in our household. I’ve been sick, my mother and father in law have been sick, and Joe has had an ear infection and explosive diarrhea (during one occurrence I nearly rolled into the poop pile). It’s been so much fun. Not.

But something else has been happening… a strange occurrence with Joe’s sleeping habits. I wrote about my trials of getting Joe to sleep in his own bed and trying the cry it out method here, here and here. Well the saga continues…

Last weekend Joe and I went and spent time with my mom. Ryan stayed behind in Kansas City. This changes our bedtime ritual a little bit. Usually in Kansas City I nurse Joe to sleep in the bed. Our TV/living room area is right next to the bedroom so we can keep an eye on him. Usually while we watch TV and if Joe fusses we run in there to give him his binky or rock him back to sleep. There has been a time or two that Joe has used his ninja like qualities and has crawled to the edge of the bed. Thankfully I see him in time and sprint over there before he dives off. We have to do this about 3 or 4 times a night before we go to bed. It’s a pain, but just something we’ve had to deal with.

However, at my mom’s house, in order to spend time with her, after Joe goes to bed I have to put him in his play pen that is placed in the guest room. Surprisingly he sleeps well in there. By the time I usually get to bed he’s ready to nurse again and I just keep him in bed with me.

Saturday night was interesting. I nursed Joe to sleep and laid him in the play pen. Usually he stays asleep but not this time. He wasn’t really crying, just whining. I decided to leave the room and see if he’d scream bloody murder like he usually does. To my pleasant surprise he didn’t! I went into the living room and he was fussing/whining, but not full out crying. After a few minutes it was silent. I actually panicked a little… had I gone deaf? Did Joe scale the play pen and fall out and go unconscious? I wanted so badly to sneak in there but I was afraid I’d wake him up if he was indeed asleep. After about 20 minutes I quietly walked in to this:





I just HAD to take a photo! Afterwards I laid him back down and he fell back asleep. About 30 minutes after I had gone to bed he woke up to nurse and slept with me the rest of the night.

Sunday was even more interesting. I laid him down while he was asleep but he woke up fussing. I left like I did the night before. Then the pattern of 3-5 minutes of fussing/whining then 10 minutes of quiet started happening over and over. After one of the 10 minute quiet stretches I went to check on him. There he was, sitting in his play pen staring into the darkness. Of course as soon as he saw me he stood up and reached for me. But seeing him all alone just sitting there almost broke my heart more than leaving him screaming his head off! I vowed next time to leave a book or small stuffed animal in his play pen with him.

I wondered how Joe’s new sleeping habits would go in Kansas City. We decided to do the same thing I had done at my mom’s and the crying/fussing/quiet pattern continued again! We were happy to be able to watch TV and have alone time without worrying about Joe falling off the bed.
When we go and check on him he’s usually asleep in a weird potition- just like in the photo above! Other times he is standing up. I swear he just stands there staring at the door for 30-40 minutes while we are in the other room. Sometimes we’ll open the door a fraction of an inch and he’ll start crying. I wish we had one of those video baby monitors to see what he was doing while we are in the other room.

When we go to sleep we bring him into bed with us. We’re taking baby steps to get him to sleep in his crib all night. Tonight we might leave him in the crib and see what happens. I’m just really in awe that he’s not screaming bloody murder for an hour while we are out of the room. He must be growing up. It’s strange also, because I think that I’d worry all night about SIDS or something if he was asleep in his crib and not next to us. If he slept all night I’d think something was wrong with him! That’s just the worry wart in me…

Do any of your babies sleep in weird positions? Every time I see the picture of Joe sleeping all weird in his play pen I think, “Gosh, that cannot be comfortable!”



Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Attempting to Lose the Baby Fat... AGAIN

I remember thinking I was fat in high school. I look back at old photos and want to strangle the 16 year-old-Maggie. ARGH- I was skinny! I was not fat! However, I still looked in the mirror with disdain. I must have lacked over-all confidence in myself- not just in the weight department.

During my senior year I ate right and exercised a lot. That was the first time I ever really felt confident about my body. And I was happier, too. I firmly believe that by taking care of my body it helped me overcome some of the obstacles I faced with battling depression.

After high school I added a few pounds. Of course I lamented that I was getting fat but looking back… I was being stupid, again. I was still within a healthy weight range for my height.

It was when I met my future husband that my weight really started to balloon. I can’t say that it was because I wasn’t trying to look my best to land a guy, because I was never doing that when I was maintaining my weight. I’m not sure what it was that made me gain so fast. It may not be related to Ryan at all- perhaps it was the stress of school.

When I got engaged I decided to do something about my weight. My mom was in Weight Watchers and since I was living with her at the time I decided to go with her. She had previously lost about 50 lbs with the program, so I knew it worked. And even though I complained about counting points and measuring stuff out, it worked for me as well. I lost about 10 lbs. I was truly happy with my body at my wedding.

But then things REALLY went down-hill from there. I gradually added the weight back on. Then 3 months after I got married I had a miscarriage. I felt my body had betrayed me by making me lose my baby so I just didn’t care anymore how I treated my body. I was depressed and when I get depressed I eat like crazy. I was also stressed due to money problems and not being able to find a job so I ate even more. Pretty soon my wedding ring was getting a little snug.

Before I had a chance to start my 12359827351293598719th attempt to lose weight I found out I was pregnant in January. I gained weight slowly until my 3rd trimester and then thanks to pre-eclampsia I blew up to resemble the freakin’ Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. But that’s a whole different story!

After Joe was born I lost about 40 lbs in 5 days. I lost another 20 lbs over the next few weeks thanks to breastfeeding. It was all due to the breastfeeding because I was eating everything in sight. I felt like a frat boy.

But now things have gotten out of control again. Joe isn’t nursing as often but I’m still eating as much food as I did when he was nursing every 2 hours. So now I’m gaining weight again but this time it’s more depressing.

I see myself in pictures and am simply disgusted with myself. I’m actually shying away from cameras and I used to be a ham in front of the camera. I just feel gross.

I feel like I can’t properly take care of Joe. I huff and puff when he is in my arms and I’m going up or down stairs. When I’m crawling around with him I get very worn out. I feel tired and blah alllllllll the time. I’m only 26 years old! I shouldn’t be like this! I want to have more kids… how can I keep up with them if I feel like a blobby blob of blubber?

Both my mom and dad have had heart troubles and have been overweight most of their lives. That doesn’t paint too pretty a picture for me. Better to do something now instead of in 30 years if I have a heart attack and it’s even harder to lose the weight.

After a lot of hemming and hawing I decided to join Weight Watchers. I’m just going for it. I know it works. I’ve personally witnessed numerous success stories.

A lot of women have weight loss goals to fit into a bikini or a wedding dress. My goal- to have my original wedding ring fit my finger. I haven’t worn it in over a year and I’m tired of wearing $12 fake rings from JC Penney.

So here I go again- trying to lose weight!

Weight Loss Journey:

High school: 98 lbs.
Party days: 111 lbs.
Pre-engagement: 125 lbs
Wedding: 115 lbs
After wedding: 130 lbs
Pre-pregnancy (Joe): 140 lbs
Joe’s birth: 199 lbs (I know… HOLY CRAP!)
After Joe’s birth: 135 lbs

First Weight Watcher Meeting: 146.6
2nd Week of WW: 141.2 (5.4 lbs lost- probably because I stopped eating ice cream every night!)
3rd Week of WW: 138.6 (1.6 lbs lost)

Healthy weight for my height of 5’00”: 103-128 lbs

GOAL: 120 lbs

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Our Engagement Story


This was taken right before he proposed. Ring was in his hoodie pocket. See his sneaky little look on his face?


Betty has such fun ideas to blog about! Now she is asking us to share our engagement stories… I LOVE hearing about other’s romantic tales of how they got engaged. Here is mine!

Ryan and I started dating in October of 2006. We had met earlier that year in our speech class and had become very close friends. When we started dating we immediately talked about getting married and how many kids we wanted. It’s just something we knew would eventually happen. It was like we’d known our whole lives.

We wanted to wait until we had dated at least a year before we got engaged. We looked at rings a few times and talked about when we’d get married. My grandfather passed away during our one year anniversary so engagement was far from my mind.

In November I mentioned to Ryan how I wanted to lose weight before we got married and he snapped at me saying that he didn’t want to feel pressured into proposing. This was NOT like Ryan at all. I was shocked at his demeanor, but understood where he was coming from.

That episode started off a week of pure hell. I was in the middle of taking 20 credit hours and was taking an education class where I had to basically student teach for a week. I had to make a religion class Jeopardy game geared towards 4th graders and build a volcano. I had a couple tests to study for and I was behind on homework due to taking time off for my grandfather’s funeral. I was beyond stressed! To make matters worse, Ryan was acting very distant and not himself. I felt like I was losing him.

On Friday November 9, we decided to go to a movie after he got done working an afternoon shift at the bar. As we were driving out of town he asked me if I wanted to go to State Lake. He had driven by there when he was doing an internship with the sheriff’s office and thought I’d like to see the pretty fall colors. It made me happy that he thought of me like that, so I knew our relationship would be fine.

We got out there and I happened to have my camera so I started shooting pictures of the beautiful fall foliage. Ryan pointed out some fisherman across the lake and I noticed it was a pretty shot, so I snapped the picture. I turned around to see Ryan on one knee with a box in his hand with a ring in it. He was shaking and asked me to be his wife. I was in such shock that all I could say was, “OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod!” He had to ask me again before I finally got on my knees, looked him in his eyes and said, “Yes!”

He later told me that he was acting all weird that week because he didn’t want me to suspect anything. Everyone and their dog knew that Ryan was going to propose that night. I was completely and totally surprised- he did a good job! Sigh…. I just love my husband!




The shot I snapped as Ryan was behind me going down on one knee!


After I said YES!


My beautiful ring. It doesn't fit anymore... one of the reasons I'm losing weight!


Our favorite engagement photo!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Come on over...

Oh the plethora of blog topics I have bouncing about in the ol’ noggin! I could write about my new diet with Weight Watchers, the fact that I feel like poop on a stick, depression/worry, and my distraught feelings of having a c-section… the list goes on. Instead of getting all serious and dreary and blah-tastic, I thought I’d write on another topic that I’ve wanted to write about for months now.

My dream home.

I read somewhere that if you procrastinate long enough on a blog post, another blogger will beat you to it. Well, the wonderful Elizabeth at That Married Couple wrote about her dream home a couple months ago. Now it’s my turn.

Come on over to my house.

It will be out in the country. I’ll have neighbors that are walking distance away, but we’re still secluded enough to have some sense of privacy. The driveway is kind of long since our house is a ways from the road, but we can still see our neighbors drive up and down the gravel road. We live on quite a few acres. There’s a pasture so if we ever get horses they can roam. Or if we ever get a 4 wheeler we can ride out there. There’s also a bit of timber to go exploring in.

Out in the pasture will be a pond. Big enough to build a dock and take a little boat on. It’s clean enough to swim in. There’s also a little crick out behind the timber.

Our yard is large with massive oak and maple trees and a few pines scattered throughout. One of the trees out back has a tire swing. Our backyard also has a swing set and a baby pool, 2 dog houses, a sandbox, a big vegetable garden and tons of flowers. There are numerous and varied children’s toys and bikes sprinkled throughout the yard. We have a nice deck with a charcoal grill (not that nasty propane) and lots of Tiki torches.

We also have a huge red barn. That’s where the horses will go. Maybe some milking cows someday. But it’s mostly for the kids to explore.

We also have an old fashioned windmill. Not the fancy-schmancy ugly kind they have nowadays. I’m taking old school. (Did anybody else play the road game Zip?)

Come on up to the house. It’s an old white 4 story farmhouse. It needs some work, but it’s home. There’s a bright red front door to welcome you. There’s a wrap-around porch with a porch swing and a citronella candle. There’s some comfy patio furniture to sink into. We have the American flag hanging and a Blessed Mother statue in the flowers by the porch.

Come inside! You’ll see we have big picture windows that capture the country scenery perfectly. We have a living room with my old piano with tons of family photographs piled on top. Our furniture is not brand new, and might have some marker stains on it, but it’s very comfortable. We have a large fireplace with our family picture hanging above the mantle with a crucifix hanging above that. We light it on cold winter nights and on Christmas morning.
We have a TV room/playroom that looks like a toy bomb went off, but I’m just thankful the mess is contained in there. We love popping some popcorn and watching a movie.

Our dining room is pretty big to accommodate our large dining room table for our large family. There’s a china cabinet that holds my grandparents’ wedding china and another cabinet filled with lots of other breakable mementos.

Our kitchen is kind of small and cozy, but big enough for a breakfast table. There’s a window above the sink overlooking the back yard so I can see what the kids are up to. The wallpaper in the kitchen is vintage… probably the same wallpaper the original owners had put up. We have a nice old fashioned pantry that connects to the dining room. We have a kitchen radio that plays country music while I cook supper or clean dishes. Off of the kitchen is the stairs to the basement. It has that old musty smell of a basement, that smell you smell when you know something interesting is down there. We’ll probably fix it up someday for one of our teenagers to have a bedroom down there.

We have a full bathroom on the main level- nothing special.

As you walk around the hardwood floors you can hear them creak. You can feel the life of the house in the floor boards. I contemplate getting carpet because I feel it’s easier to clean.

We have a very nice, old fashioned staircase. I can’t wait to see my daughters walk down that staircase when they are all dolled up for prom. I’m sure we’ll take a majority of special occasion photographs by the fire place, but most of my special occasion photos were taken at the foot of the stairs, so we’ll have to see.

Come up stairs! We have 4 bedrooms. One is my husband’s and mine, and we have a fire place in our room (ooo la la!) We have a king size bed and many of our children cuddle in bed with us. I wanted to splurge and have our own master bath, but we wanted more babies instead. I don’t mind taking a bath in our claw-foot tub after I dump the 122983th bath toy out. I just scoot aside the Mr. Bubble and pour in my own bubble bath. It’s a pretty big bathroom and there’s room for more than one person to get ready. There’s all our bathrobes hung up in a row. We have a giant mirror for the kids to make faces in.

We have a laundry chute that dumps our laundry to the laundry room that is right off the kitchen. I LOVE laundry chutes and think they are one of life’s greatest inventions!

We have a guest bedroom/office that will one day be Grandma Mary’s room (unless Jamie claims her first.)

The other two rooms are for our kids. Yes, they will share.

Our attic is full of old boxes of mementos from Ryan’s and my childhood. Baseball memorabilia, old Barbies, old journals and photos. Boxes of Christmas and Halloween decorations will also be up there.

I often dream of this home. What it will look like, smell like, feel like. But the bigger dream is the people that fill it- my husband, Joe and hopefully more children in the future. The dream that we are happy, healthy and on track to get to heaven.

Thanks for stopping by!


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Snack Suggestions!

My absolute FAVE!

I have a million and one blog posts about struggling with my weight. I have a million and one thoughts and concerns about my current weight. I've decided to do something about it: tonight is my first Weight Watchers meeting.

I'm not too worried about the program. I know it works. It worked for me to lose weight before my wedding and my mom is currently having lots of success with the program. Yeah, it will be a challenge, but I'm ready for it.

Except there is one problem.... I am addicted to ice cream, like seriously! Ever since Ryan and I got married we've had our little tradition of having ice cream at night. I've tried giving it up.. but I just can't! With WW I don't have to cut it out completely, but the brand I like... well... I can only have like half a cup and that's still a lot of "points." I have to have a giant bowl full.

I think the main problem is is that I have to have a sort of bed-time snack. I usually eat a lot of supper, but I'm hungry about the time I hit the hay and I have a hard time going to sleep hungry. (Yeah, yeah... I know there are children in Africa that go to bed hungry every night. Don't make me feel even more guilty than I already do!)


So I'm looking for a healthy bed time snack. I need your suggestions, dear friends!

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