7 Years Ago...

This weekend Ryan went to a friend's wedding out in Colorado. I spent one night by myself with the boys and quickly declared that those women who have husbands who work nights or are deployed or are single mothers are SAINTS. SAINTS, I TELL YOU!

I went to my mom's house for the rest of the weekend and it was nice to have an extra pair of hands to help me out. (And to take Joe when he woke up early so I could sleep in a little bit. Thanks, Mom!) Even though I had help, I really, truly missed Ryan. I didn't get to talk with him much because he was busy with wedding festivities. I was up at 4:00 a.m. on Sunday morning and I couldn't get to sleep. I just felt part of me was missing.

I don't write about Ryan on this blog as much as I should. But our love is hard to put into words. We do not have the perfect marriage. We fight and bicker and annoy the crap out of each other. Still, our relationship rises above all that.

I don't like to say that Ryan is my partner or best friend or soul mate (even though he is all those.) I can't find the right "label" to put on us. We both agree that our main goal in this marriage is to get each other and our children to heaven. This life is only a short time, but heaven (or hell) is foooooooreeeeeeveeerrrrr. But the greatest part of our marriage is that we make the time we have on this earth just so darn wonderful. We have fun, we laugh, we love. We have two boys that are a challenging delight and one saint in heaven praying for us. We struggle financially and are trying to find a place to settle, so we don't have the stability that others have. I know some people question our way of life, and that's OK. We have a love and a faith in God that has carried us through a lot. We have loving families that we have as a model of what really matters in life. We might live in a small house and not have enough money for beach vacations and remodels, but we are far richer in love, family, trust and pure joy than many others I know.

Today marks the 7th anniversary of Ryan and becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. I never knew that night I went to visit Ryan in his dorm that homecoming weekend that I'd walk out being his girlfriend. However, when I walked back to my campus house I knew I had found my future husband. Just like that campus tour guide had said to me two years before this- I found my spouse at Benedictine. Today I look back fondly on those first days of dating- meeting each others families, dreaming about the future and the thrill of holding hands, stealing kisses, and just being together. I definitely look forward to see what the future brings.

"My dearest friend if you don't mind, I'd like to join you by your side. 

Where we can gaze into the stars... and sit together, now and forever. 

For it is plain, as anyone can see. We're simply meant to be." 

-Nightmare Before Christmas

2006

2013

Three Years of Love

Three years ago today I said "I do" to my darling husband. We were surrounded by our family and friends. Most importantly, I could feel God was truly there and a part of our sacrament.

I wish I had enough time to write a lengthy post about all the wonderful and not so wonderful parts of our marriage journey. However, I have a sleeping toddler who could awake at any moment and I don't think I will have enough time to write what I'd really like to write about.

So much has happened in these three years. We have moved three times. We have conceived three children. We have had many highs and many lows. We've laughed and cried. We have fought. We've made up. We've had to figure out this parenting thing.

Sometimes it seems we've been married much longer than three years, but I can still remember our wedding day like it was yesterday. It was a bit on the cool side, and there was a soft rain in the morning and later that night. I wasn't nervous at all that day, like I thought I would be. My favorite moment? Seeing Ryan for the first time at the end of that aisle. I was on the arm of my brother, hundreds of people were standing up looking at me, but it was like the only person there was my beloved, waiting patiently for me.

Ryan and I aren't big anniversary people. This weekend we are going to celebrate by going to the Titanic exhibit at Union Station. I am going to try and convince him to see Titanic in 3D. I have no idea what dinner plans we have. Nothing candle-lit or romantic. That's just not really our style.

Ryan did get me a CD and a DVD that I've been wanting for awhile. But my favorite thing was probably the card he got me. On the front there is a freakishly perfect man and woman with their son and daughter. It says, "We're not the average family with 2.5 kids. Which is probably for the best." The inside says, "That 1/2 a kid might really freak our neighbors out." It reminded me that Ryan and I are not like everybody else. We want a big family. We aren't ashamed of our Catholic faith and take joy in it. We don't want the big house with the nice cars and want to travel the globe. We aren't worried about careers or retirement plans. We want to glorify God through our marriage, through the blessing of children and we want to get to heaven.

It isn't always easy to live with that mentality. But marriage isn't always easy either. None of the good, grand and wonderful things in life are easy peasy. But I sure do thank God for giving me the helpmate that he did and for the wonderful years we've had, and the adventure that is sure to come!

Our Song

The awesome Katie at NFP and Me has a great link-up going on at her blog inviting us to share our wedding song! I've already kind of told my story why we picked the song that we did here, but I'll expand the details!

1. What's your song?

The song we picked is called "Forever" by the Beach Boys.



2. Did you always have a song or did you have to find one?

Ryan and I never had a song while dating. I had friends who shared songs with their beloved, but I always felt it was kind of high school-ish. Neither Ryan and I don't have that uber-romantic spark, which I guess makes us perfect for each other!

3. Why did you pick this song?

When it came time to find the song we wanted to use for our first dance as husband and wife Ryan and I were clueless. I told Ryan that I'd go through some songs and run them by him. We wanted something different. We didn't want something modern. We wanted something special.

I suddenly remembered one of my favorite TV weddings- the wedding of Jesse Katsopolis and Rebecca Donaldson on Full House. Jesse sat down at the piano and sang a song, complete with a stringed orchestra and Gospel choir. I searched high and low to see if I could get it in a downloadable version. In my search I came to find out that this song was originally by the Beach Boys. (Which makes sense it was featured on Full House. Those guys were on it practically as much as Kimmy Gibler!)I Googled a video of the song and fell in love. It was simple and sweet.

I played it for Ryan and he stood up and took me in his arms to dance with him. While swaying to the music, listening to his heartbeat and feeling safe and warm in his arms I knew that this was the perfect song.

4. What does the song mean to you?

The lyrics are very simple. One lyric that repeats is, "I've been so happy loving you." That is the truth, plain and simple, for our relationship.

5. How has the meaning changed since you first chose it?

It hasn't, much. We're just more in love now. Our relationship is stronger. Forever is the title of the song and that's what our marriage is all about. No matter how much we bug each other and bicker- we're in it for the long haul!

Go to Katie's blog and tell her about your song!

Man Card

My husband and I aren't really that into St. Valentine's Day. Yeah, it's SAINT Valentine's Day... named after a SAINT. Hallmark and Kay Jewelers did not invent this holiday. But I think I'm preaching to the choir here.

Anywho, like I said, we don't really celebrate. Ryan did get me Breaking Dawn Part 1 on Saturday (but I would have bought that regardless) and I let him get a video game. Those were our gifts to each other. No card. No nothing else.

But then my husband who is just too too good to me surprised me this morning. I woke up and there was a HUGE box of chocolates and a hilarious card. My chocolate craving goes skyhigh when I'm pregnant, so the big box of Russel Stovers were a joyous sight.

But then I felt guilty. I didn't even buy Ryan a card. I know he doesn't care about that stuff, but I wanted to get him SOMETHING to show him I care.

I got a piece of paper, some camo duct tape and paint pens and made a pretty testosterone-themed St. Valentine's Day card. Duct tape and paint... pretty manly if you ask me.

Who needs Hallmark OR Pinterest. I can get pretty creative if I want to!

Hope you all have a great St. Valentine's Day!

RIP Hudson

I have a million and one things I want to write about. I am writing a post criticizing/defending the Twilight series. I have a post floating around in my head about large families and spacing children. All these things I want to write about.

This post, I wish I didn't have to write.

This evening we put the family dog to sleep.

His name was Hudson. Ryan brought him home back in 1999. "He's not that big, mom," he said. He wasn't quite truthful. The family that owned him were moving. He didn't have the greatest upbringing. I was told he ate out of trashcans for his meals. They weren't even sure how old he was- maybe 2 years old they thought.

It's a good thing he found the Crawford household.

Hudson was Ryan's dog. But when he left for college, Ryan's dad took over. But he really was everybody's dog. We all loved him. He touched every one of our hearts. Give him a tennis ball, a belly scratch and a doggie cookie and he was your new best friend.

I remember seeing pictures of him on Ryan's facebook. I was nervous when we went to meet his family because I was scared that Hudson would jump up on me or hump my leg creating all sorts of awkward situations. But when we walked in, Hudson greeted us with a giant wagging tail and excitement. I immediately fell in love with him.

Before we were married and would visit Ryan's parents, we would stay in separate rooms. I would always let Hudson on the bed to sleep with me. He snored, but that was fine with me.

Over the years two new dogs came into the picture. Our beagle, Chandler, and Ryan's parent's new dog June Bug. When they got June Bug it seemed like Hudson was on his last leg. He had fallen and was injured. When Ryan's mom called him with the news that he might have to be put down Ryan cried. That was the first time I had seem him cry.

June Bug seemed to zap some life into Hudson. These past 2 years we saw the slow decline, but Hudson was happy and occupied by June Bug and Chan.

Just this week the back gate got unlatched and Hudson escaped. For about 10 minutes we waited and worried. Soon a neighbor about a half a block up came walking with him. I swear Hudson looked like a puppy. He was so energetic and happy! He had just had quite the adventure!

These past two days came Hudson's downfall. For the past few weeks we've noticed his legs giving out. Last night, after a trip to the vet, who happens to be a close family friend, the decision was made that today would be Hudson's last day on earth.

We all spoiled him and gave him extra attention. We were all bracing for 5:00 when we were to take him to the vet.

I didn't really expect to be in the same room as Hudson. I just figured I would wait in the waiting room. But it all happened so fast and I wanted to be there for my husband.

Hudson was happy at Dr. M's office. He was walking around slowly and sniffing. He was happy in the room with us and didn't flinch at the sedation shot. In about 10 minutes he was snoozing soundly. Deep sleep. He was dreaming. We were petting him, talking to him, kissing him. He was happy.

Then came the final shot. Ryan asked how long it would be. She said he would probably be gone before the injection was finished. As soon as she was done I noticed his side wasn't moving in his rhythmic beating breaths. One minute he was there. Now he was gone. I kissed him, said I loved him, and left Ryan to be alone with him.

We are all heartbroken over the loss of Hudson. However, I think there is a feeling of bittersweet relief. His pain is gone. He is happy. A lot happier than we are right now. He had a happy death.

I used to get semi-annoyed at "my doggie died" posts. Now I see the need to post. It helps us to heal. It helps us to honor our pet. I know there are debates on whether dogs go to heaven. I can't phrase it as well as Anthony DeStefano in his book A Travel Guide to Heaven, but I believe that we will see our pets again someday. God creates good. He created pets for us as good things. So why would they be taken away forever? In the new world God creates for us after the end of times, there will be beauty. There will be animals. Surely our pets will be there, too.

Hudson's death has hit Ryan especially hard. I hate seeing my beloved in such pain. That might be the hardest part for me. Yes, I will miss Hudson, but I know he's in a better place. I just wish I could take the pain away from my husband. I don't like to see him so upset. I want to make it better, but I know time, love and comfort from family and friends will heal his wounds.

This experience has made me resolve to spend more time with Chandler. He always so active running around with the other dogs that I haven't really had a chance to spend some cuddle time with him. I'm sure that he and June Bug will be out of sorts when they realize that Hudson is gone and won't be back.

I would rather write a post bringing on an onslaught of judgment and criticism for my enjoyment of the Twilight series or wanting a big family than this one.

Hug your pets tonight.

St. Francis of Assisi, pray for us.

Rest in peace, dear Hudson. We love you.

My Moments of Peace

I have been feeling down and out lately.

What else is new, right? It seems a lot of my posts have been me bleepin' and moanin'.

The stress and anxiety are starting to take its toll. I can actually feel my chest tightening with tension when I start worrying. I catch myself subconsciously holding my breath and clenching my jaw multiple times a day.

I keep thinking I need to suck it up and go to a doctor and get some anti-depressants. I have been on them before and they have helped. But for some reason I feel uncomfortable going on them again. I can't really explain it. Maybe I'm being too prideful. Maybe I just need a good confession and some spiritual direction. Maybe I just need some booze. I'm only partially kidding on that last one.

But God is merciful and sends me moments of peace throughout the day. They are true fuzzy-wuzzy feelings. I feel like the world slows down, my heart softens from the burden of worry and for a moment I only feel happiness. I'd like to share some of those fleeting peaceful moments that get me by.

I find peace...

...in Winter Candy Apple lotion from Bath and Body Works. It is my most favorite smell in. the. whole. wide. world. I start wearing it after Halloween and stop wearing it soon after Christmas, so it's very much a holiday smell. It has actually become a Christmas tradition for me. It instantly puts me in a good mood. I've been wearing it for years. If they ever get rid of it I will be very sad.
... in long conversations with my big brother over theology and other random subjects.

... in more long conversations with my nephew. This past weekend I drove him back to my brother's house and we talked the entire way. It was an hour and a half long trip! Max is almost twelve years old, but he is so grown up. But he's not obnoxious like adults are- he still has that innocence about him. It was a nice fall evening when we were driving back. We talked about a variety of things. It was actually almost therapeutic for me! I dropped him off with a smile and in wonderment at how fast he has grown up.

I find peace...

... in the first forecasted snow of the year. Snow is so magical. So otherworldly. There is nothing better than that seeing the silent snowflakes fall and to hear the cold winds howl while I am nestled all toasty underneath a warm cozy blanket. I love this time of year. Even though the vibrant beauty of the beginning of fall has faded, I find allure in the bare trees and the lifeless grass. Plus, I love all the things that are associated with this time of year- hoodies, fireplaces, chili, piping hot soups and stews, hot chocolate, fuzzy socks, fleece, over-sized blankets, warm bubble baths... I could go on and on.

... in listening to the soundtrack from Chronicles of Narnia. For some reason I always get the urge to watch it when it gets cold and snowy. This music of this soundtrack is pretty fantastic.



I find peace...

... in going to Mass. Yesterday I went to All Saints Day Mass by myself. (Joe wasn't feeling well so Ryan stayed home with him.) It was nice to be able to actually focus on the Liturgy. When I walked in I just felt a sense of peace. I found comfort in that church smell. It's hard to describe- you can smell the oldness of the building, the perfume and cologne from the parishioners. It just has that clean, holy smell. And when I am praying I really feel that Jesus has his arms around me and is letting me know that all will be well.

... in the anticipation of the upcoming holidays. This is another reason I love this time of year. I love Advent and Thanksgiving. And of course I absolutely love Christmas. There is nothing better than friends, family, scrumptious food, traditions and memories and it all being centered around being thankful for God's blessings and for the birth of Jesus Christ.

One of the reasons I feel so down lately is because we don't have our very own home to celebrate these holidays. We won't be able to pull out the ornaments that I have collected for nearly 15 years because they are in storage. One of my favorite parts of the holidays is making my home festive and joyful. However, the joy of this holiday season overcomes my bitterness and sadness over not having our own place.





I find peace...

... in my husband. Our marriage gets stronger every day. We laugh often despite me being a Mrs. Poopie Pants. He always knows what to say to cheer me up. I think back on our friendship and budding relationship in college and the memories always make me smile.


I find peace...

... in my son. He lights up my life and I hope to have many more babies that are just as fun and sweet as he is! I feel like he is growing up so fast. Sometimes I still can't believe that he is my son. I helped create him. I nourished him in my womb. His personality bursts through every day and I find myself smiling every day because of him!





I have a lot I can complain about in life. I often feel beaten down. But God sends me these moments of peace and for that, I am thankful.

Our Engagement Story

This was taken right before he proposed. Ring was in his hoodie pocket. See his sneaky little look on his face?

Betty has such fun ideas to blog about! Now she is asking us to share our engagement stories… I LOVE hearing about other’s romantic tales of how they got engaged. Here is mine!

Ryan and I started dating in October of 2006. We had met earlier that year in our speech class and had become very close friends. When we started dating we immediately talked about getting married and how many kids we wanted. It’s just something we knew would eventually happen. It was like we’d known our whole lives.

We wanted to wait until we had dated at least a year before we got engaged. We looked at rings a few times and talked about when we’d get married. My grandfather passed away during our one year anniversary so engagement was far from my mind.

In November I mentioned to Ryan how I wanted to lose weight before we got married and he snapped at me saying that he didn’t want to feel pressured into proposing. This was NOT like Ryan at all. I was shocked at his demeanor, but understood where he was coming from.

That episode started off a week of pure hell. I was in the middle of taking 20 credit hours and was taking an education class where I had to basically student teach for a week. I had to make a religion class Jeopardy game geared towards 4th graders and build a volcano. I had a couple tests to study for and I was behind on homework due to taking time off for my grandfather’s funeral. I was beyond stressed! To make matters worse, Ryan was acting very distant and not himself. I felt like I was losing him.

On Friday November 9, we decided to go to a movie after he got done working an afternoon shift at the bar. As we were driving out of town he asked me if I wanted to go to State Lake. He had driven by there when he was doing an internship with the sheriff’s office and thought I’d like to see the pretty fall colors. It made me happy that he thought of me like that, so I knew our relationship would be fine.

We got out there and I happened to have my camera so I started shooting pictures of the beautiful fall foliage. Ryan pointed out some fisherman across the lake and I noticed it was a pretty shot, so I snapped the picture. I turned around to see Ryan on one knee with a box in his hand with a ring in it. He was shaking and asked me to be his wife. I was in such shock that all I could say was, “OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod!” He had to ask me again before I finally got on my knees, looked him in his eyes and said, “Yes!”

He later told me that he was acting all weird that week because he didn’t want me to suspect anything. Everyone and their dog knew that Ryan was going to propose that night. I was completely and totally surprised- he did a good job! Sigh…. I just love my husband!

The shot I snapped as Ryan was behind me going down on one knee!

After I said YES!

My beautiful ring. It doesn't fit anymore... one of the reasons I'm losing weight!

Our favorite engagement photo!

10 Facts about Me and My Hubby

The wonderful Hallie over at Betty Beguiles has yet another fun idea! Here is a list of 10 facts about my husband and myself.

1.

We met during our 8:00 a.m. speech class in college. Ryan said he almost dropped the class since it was "too early for him" but when he saw me sitting there he decided to stay. :-)

2.

We were best friends before we started dating.

3.

I knew I wanted to marry him before we even started dating. It was the summer before we started dating and we had an impromptu "friend" date at Hooters. (Yeah, I know..) Afterwards we went and looked at puppies and drove around discussing that we both HAVE to have big front porches on our future homes. After he dropped me off I had the biggest gut feeling that "Oh my goodness... I want to marry him someday!" I was really freaked out!

4.

He is a city boy and I'm a small town girl. Now we live in a town that is even smaller than my rinky dink hometown!

5.

Ryan told me before we dated that he didn't think he'd ever get married.

6.

We are both VERY competitive. That makes playing video games and board games and any sport veeeeeery interesting! We scream and yell and call each other names, but end up laughing hysterically in the end!

7.

He has turned me into a comic book and sports nerd. I've turned him into a good Catholic boy.

8.

Our favorite date is simply going out to eat (McDonalds, Applebees.. nothing fancy) and out to a movie.

9.

Ryan was really nervous about me having a c-section. He doesn't handle blood and scalpels very well. But when they lifted Joe out of me and they told Ryan to stand up and look at his son he did without hesitation. He was so brave and strong!

10.

In April we will be married 2 years. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for us. We've already been blessed with one child born to heaven and another who turns 7 months on Saturday. I can't wait to expand our family and watch our love grow!

Head over to Betty Beguiles to tell her your own 10 facts!

Crazy Day!

Wow... today has been a crazy day.

This morning I went to visit my Uncle Bob's grave. When I came home I sat down to type out some words for a blog post when all of a sudden I felt very short of breath and had some chest tightening. This has happened before, but it is usually when I'm up and about doing stuff, and it was never to this degree. I started getting an over-all crappy feeling and my heart rate started getting faster and faster. I tried to calm myself down, and immediately Ryan knew something was wrong. He called the doctor, even though I told him not to, and away we went to the emergency room.

I was hooked up to a heart monitor, an IV was started and they gave me oxygen. They kept asking me if I was having contractions. I had no clue! Talk about being freaked out! They even gave me an EKG. All I cared about was if my baby boy was OK. I could feel him moving around, THANK GOD, and they checked his heart rate with a doppler fairly quickly and it was perfect! I definitely calmed down after that. I was a little dehydrated as well, so the fluids helped.

It turns out being short and petite isn't all that awesome. At a couple days shy of 24 weeks I have already run out of room for this little human inside me. Next I suppose he'll start using my bladder as a punching bag. I don't care if I'm short of breath or having to pee every 4 seconds- as long as he is happy and healthy!

I was observed for a little while longer and sent home to rest and drink plenty of fluids. I go in for my regularly scheduled doctor's visit tomorrow, so I'll get to hear baby boy's heartbeat again!I've stayed off the computer most of the day because, well... let's face it- being on the Internet/blogs/Facebook can cause unnecessary stress!

So what I'd really like to blog about tonight is: pray for my husband that he does well on his interview tomorrow morning! Pray that we accept God's will! And pray that I don't have to go to the E.R. again because that was just plain not fun!

The Story of How We Met

This photo was taken literally two minutes before he proposed!

The happiest day of our lives.... so far!


South Dakota honeymoon!

Someone left a comment asking me to tell the story of how my husband and I met. Part of the purpose of this blog is to tell the tales of newlywed life, so I thought I'd start from the beginning! (The other part of my blog is to explore Catholicism, but I'm still struggling to piece together an interesting, enlightening post. Stay with me faithful followers- I promise these posts will get better!)

It was my very first day of class at Benedictine. I was so incredibly nervous. Even though it was an 8:00 a.m. class, I dressed my best and even put make up on! (This is a rarity for me.) I got there twenty minutes early and sat anxiously at my desk. The classroom was very small, something I wasn't used to since in the rare times I did go to class at CMSU and Northwest the classrooms were huge and nearly every seat full.

When 8:00 drew near, only seven other students had joined me. The teacher walked in and right behind her was Ryan. He had a gray Chiefs hoodie on (I thought, "This dude has great taste!") He had a ball cap partially pulled down over his eyes, but I could still see his dazzling baby blue eyes. He had a semi-comatose/zombie look on his face and carried a Dr. Pepper can. He sat down two rows in front of me off to my right side.

It was a speech class, so I was even more nervous. Thankfully public speaking doesn't freak me out too much, so my fears slowly went away. It was a small and very fun group of classmates I had, so that helped a lot too.

We had a week or two of just lecture and learning about the structure of speeches, voice dynamic, etc. so we didn't have to worry about giving a speech just yet. I noticed Ryan always turned around and looked at me, but I didn't have a clue who this guy was so I didn't think much on it.

Finally we had to give our first speech. The topic was "The scariest/most memorable moment of your life." I gave my speech about how I was in my very first car accident. My boyfriend at the time and I were supposed to go to the Plaza in Kansas City, but instead went to another town where the roads were slick. After my speech Ryan came up to me and said, "I'm from the area around the Plaza." That got us talking. I told him I had a brother who lived in Kansas City and worked as a police officer. He had two uncles that also worked in the Kansas City Police Department. That conversation started our friendship.

We spent the rest of the semester practicing our speeches together, making late night runs to Wal-Mart, pigging out at Sonic and expressing to each other our romantic woes. He was in an on-again/off-again relationship and I was trying to find the man I would marry but was having a heck of a time. There was a time I met one of my ex-boyfriends and his buddies for a couple of beers and I called Ryan out in the parking lot for some encouragement. After this "date" didn't go so well Ryan assured me that my heartache wouldn't last long since some guy would sweep me off my feet someday.

He quickly became my "best guy friend." He was always there for me, always made me laugh and I knew he was one of those genuine good guys. The only point where we would disagree was with the subject of religion, but whenever I explained my point he would have an open mind and say, "I never thought of it that way." He was far too stubborn to admit that I was right, but he wasn't a close-minded jerk.

That summer we didn't talk as much as I would have liked. We kept meaning to meet up but work or girlfriends or other plans got in the way. Finally we planned a "friend date." He picked me up and we ate at Hooters (classy and dignified, I know.) We sat there talking about what we had done that summer and our recent romantic crap stories. He told me something that made me VERY upset. He said he thought he'd never get married. I was appalled. I was upset for him because I knew he'd make some girl really happy and make an awesome father. I told him this and he shrugged his shoulders. We spent the rest of the meal talking about how many children we'd like to have and speculating what our lives would be like if we married each other...

After our lunch we went driving around and saw some people selling puppies and stopped to oooo and aaaahhhh. Then we went driving around this new development and complained that no one ever builds houses with big front porches. A big front porch was a requirement for both of our future houses.

He dropped me off after a fun-filled day and I suddenly started to freak out. I felt I was developing a "crush" on Ryan. But usually my crushes are along the lines of "I wonder what it would be like to hold his hand" or "I'd love to go on a date with him." But the feeling I was getting was, "I can seriously see myself marrying Ryan and having his babies." This scared me to death because Ryan was such a dear friend that the thought of dating him and possibly breaking up was unbearable. I dwelt on this for a long time, but eventually got it out of my head.

The next semester we didn't have any classes together but we hung out quite a bit. He introduced me to one of this dorm buddies and he thought I was Ryan's girlfriend! Speaking of Ryan's girlfriend, he and her were having great difficulties. My first and foremost concern was Ryan's happiness. His girlfriend never seemed to like me (in hindsight I can see why...) He finally broke up with her and what came next was Ryan and I deciding to become a couple.

Our relationship was a happy one. Since it was built on friendship and we actively tried to include God in our relationship (there were many times we failed at that) we had a solid relationship. Sure we argued, but we always resolved it.

Marriage to each other was on our mind from day one of dating. I had always had visions of getting married to the men I had dated before but it always kind of frightened me. Not with Ryan. I knew our relationship was special and was marriage material. We went ring shopping occasionally but I never had a clue when Ryan would pop the question.

The fall semester of 2007 was a crazy, insanely busy. I was taking 19 credit hours, my grandfather had passed away and I was behind on homework. I was doing 20 hours of observation for an education class and had to build a volcano and come up with a Religion Jeopardy, had two papers due, plus about 500 pages worth of reading to catch up on all in the same week. I was a tad bit stressed so Ryan promised me a date on Friday night. Before we went to see "A Bee Movie" we stopped by State Lake because Ryan thought I'd like to see how pretty the scenery was in the fall. I took my camera to snap some photos.

I took the photo displayed at the top of this post then Ryan pointed across the lake at a very pretty scene. The sun was setting behind the trees that were emblazoned with orange, gold and brown. They reflected perfectly on the lake. I snapped the picture and turned around and Ryan was down on one knee with a ring in his hand. I was beyond surprised and happy!

He had asked my mom and my big brother for their blessing in our engagement. After Midnight Mass we had our engagement blessed by my hometown priest. I knew that wedding planning was going to be a stress, but I knew our marriage was going to be a wonderful journey.

These past nine months we've been married have been amazing. We've had many ups and downs in our lives but have faced them head on together. He still makes me laugh and he takes such good care of me. When I look at pictures of him when he was a tot with big blue eyes and curly blonde hair I long to hold a baby that looks just like him in my arms- that's how much I love him.

For the sake of making this too mushy and gushy, I'll end this for now.

How did you and the love of your life meet?

My Darling Husband

It's a lovely fall day. The sun is finally shining, the Chiefs are playing (albeit losing as usual) (UPDATE: The Chiefs actually won! WOO HOO!!!); I have an apple cinnamon candle burning and a pot roast and vegetables warming in a crock pot. The best part of it all- my husband doesn't have to work today and we get to celebrate our six month anniversary. No flowers or cards were given and we do realize that not many people "celebrate" their six month mark. But today is a special day.

Ryan and I met in January of 2006 at my first ever college class at Benedictine- speech class. I remember Ryan walking into the classroom. He was wearing a Chiefs hoodie, a Chiefs hat and carrying a Dr. Pepper can with a zombie-look on his face. (I could tell right then and there he was NOT a morning person!) He was pretty cute especially since he was wearing Chiefs stuff. After I gave a speech about my brother being a cop in Kansas City he came up to me after class and mentioned that he had two uncles that also worked for KCPD. Our friendship budded from there.

We practiced our speeches together, complained about our relationships, made random trips to Wal-Mart and Sonic and chatted before another class in the hallways of the Admin building.

We started dating in October of that same year. That was such a fun time. We'd hang out in his dorm room and watch movies and funny You Tube videos. We'd do our homework together and run to McDonalds (or Sonic, or Taco Bell, or Dairy Queen) for a break.

This may sound weird but one of the funnest parts of our relationship was when his little brother Conor came to hang out with us. We'd talk sports, the Office, movies. Many laughs were involved. In fact it was Conor who took me out to a movie before Ryan ever did!

When I met his family they were so welcoming and loving. I loved getting in the car with Conor and Ryan and travel to Kansas City. Ryan has such a close-knit family and I always hoped that I would someday be a part of it.

The fall semester of 2007 was insanely crazy. I was taking 19 credit hours, my grandfather had passed away and I was doing some observing/student teaching for one of my education minor classes. I had papers galore that were due, projects for my 4th graders to be done and was still catching up on homework that I had missed during Grandpa Joe's funeral. One week was particularly crazy and Ryan decided that Friday we would see a movie in Kansas City. Before we left he wanted to take me to a place he had driven by when he did his internship with the sheriff's department. It was a place called State Lake and he thought I'd like it.

I took my camera to take some pictures of the beautiful fall leaves around the lake. Ryan pointed out a particular spot to take a picture. I snapped the pic and turned around and there was Ryan- down on one knee with a ring box. I was in pure shock. We had talked about marriage even when we were just friends. I knew we'd get married, but after the incredibly stressful week I had gone through, getting engaged was not on my mind! (He had to ask my twice because I was speechless!)

The following is a note I posted on Facebook very shortly before my wedding:

I'm getting married in 48 days.

Holy crap.


I've had most of this wedding planned since I was in 5th grade. Ashlee (my maid of honor) and I would dream up what colors to use, who the bridesmaids would be and print out fake wedding programs. The only missing piece of the plan was the groom.

I thought wedding planning would be fun, and most of it has been. A friend of mine told me that if he and his wife would do their wedding all over, they would have eloped. I thought, "Nah, that won't be me." Boy was I wrong. I have people coming at me from all directions saying I need to do this, I need to play this, I need to order this, I need to book this, I need to decide this...AHHH! I want the wedding in the Church- that comes with rules I am ready to accept. I want all of my family and friends to be there- that comes with a large guest list which I gladly accept. But it's all those nitty gritty details that people are shoving down my throat. I am that type of girl who has a "it'll all work out great in the end" attitude. I refuse to be the bridezilla who has every detail planned to a tee and if the plan gets out of wack then I become a fireball of fury. It's getting to the point that I can't wait until this day is over with. It shouldn't be like that.

I also am losing sight of what this day is about. I'm marrying the perfect man for me. I can't believe I get so focused on the DAY and not the MAN I am marrying.

The man I am marrying was my best guy friend before we dated. We talked about everything ranging from old loves to the Chiefs. We had fun going to Sonic, browsing Wal Mart and practising our speeches for speech class together.

The man I am marrying makes me laugh. He can say the most random thing and I'll laugh until I cry. We have so many inside jokes that people would think we're crazy at what we laugh at.

The man I am marrying takes care of me. When I'm sick he bends over backwards to make sure I'm comfortable, runs out to Wal-Mart for soup and 7-UP at 2:00 a.m. and takes me to the E.R. even when I refuse to go, because he knows I am very very sick. He holds my hand when they poke me 100 times at the ER for an IV even though he can't stand needles. He also laughs at me whenever the morphine kicks in.

The man I am marrying encourages me when I'm down. When I have three 15-page papers due at the same time and my normally sweet disposition (HA!) is changed to a super brat, he pops in a Robot Chicken or a Full House or Friends episode in the DVD player because he knows that's just the ticket to get me to calm down, de-stress and re-focus.

The man I am marrying asked my mother's permission to date me and to marry me. That's old school. Some people scoffed at that when I told them that's what he did. Yeah that's old school- but it's also very respectful and honorable.

The man I am marrying wants me to get to heaven. He wants Christ to be an active part in our relationship. He used to go to Mass and confession because I kind of forcefully suggested he go, but now he does these things because he wants to. He does them because he loves God and wants to better himself for the Kingdom of Heaven. He wants me and him to spend eternity together with God and the angels.

The man I am marrying loves me for me. I know I can be a spoiled, self-centered brat. There have been times I have not been good to my family and friends... and to him. I can be a drama queen, loud, obnoxious and crazy. But he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. (Something my mother can't quite wrap her head around...lol.)

So now when it comes to what color ribbon to get for the napkins, what song will be played while I walk down the aisle, who will sit where...those things aren't important. I'm beginning a marriage. God willing Ryan and I will have miniature versions of us running around someday very soon. We're going to grow old together- still watch the Chiefs and dote on our grandchildren.

I can't wait for my wedding day. But I'm more excited about my marriage with Ryan Patrick William Crawford!

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Our wedding was a big one. It was stressful. We could have had a smaller wedding and during the wedding preparations I was beginning to think that perhaps we should have cut down the guest list. But when I was up at that altar looking into the eyes of my beloved, physically feeling the grace of God wash over us, it meant the world to me that my best friends were backing me up as bridesmaids and that all of our family and friends could witness our Sacrament. I wouldn't have changed anything about our wedding day. I know the Sacrament is between Ryan, myself, and God, but it was such a joyous occasion that I wanted everyone there to share in our happiness.

Now it's six months after the wedding. We still joke around and watch You Tube videos. I'm trying to learn how to cook so we can stop depending on Taco Bell for our nourishment. Although we don't hang out with Conor as much as we used to, when we do, it's still full of laughs.

We've had our own heartbreaks and struggles with jobs and finances. But we know that God will take care of us in our time of trouble and need.

There are minor struggles- like when there are little white specks of toothpaste on the bathroom mirror and his chin whiskers are sprinkled around the sink after he shaves. I clean the sink and mirror (and his empty pop cans) and think "I'm on a path to sainthood." However, I am certain there are things I do that drive him nuts as well.

We strive to keep Christ an active part of our relationship. After all, it was through Him that we have our life, our family, our friends...and each other.

Happy anniversary to my best friend, my soul mate. I love you more than words can say.