My Moments of Peace

I have been feeling down and out lately.

What else is new, right? It seems a lot of my posts have been me bleepin' and moanin'.

The stress and anxiety are starting to take its toll. I can actually feel my chest tightening with tension when I start worrying. I catch myself subconsciously holding my breath and clenching my jaw multiple times a day.

I keep thinking I need to suck it up and go to a doctor and get some anti-depressants. I have been on them before and they have helped. But for some reason I feel uncomfortable going on them again. I can't really explain it. Maybe I'm being too prideful. Maybe I just need a good confession and some spiritual direction. Maybe I just need some booze. I'm only partially kidding on that last one.

But God is merciful and sends me moments of peace throughout the day. They are true fuzzy-wuzzy feelings. I feel like the world slows down, my heart softens from the burden of worry and for a moment I only feel happiness. I'd like to share some of those fleeting peaceful moments that get me by.

I find peace...

...in Winter Candy Apple lotion from Bath and Body Works. It is my most favorite smell in. the. whole. wide. world. I start wearing it after Halloween and stop wearing it soon after Christmas, so it's very much a holiday smell. It has actually become a Christmas tradition for me. It instantly puts me in a good mood. I've been wearing it for years. If they ever get rid of it I will be very sad.
... in long conversations with my big brother over theology and other random subjects.

... in more long conversations with my nephew. This past weekend I drove him back to my brother's house and we talked the entire way. It was an hour and a half long trip! Max is almost twelve years old, but he is so grown up. But he's not obnoxious like adults are- he still has that innocence about him. It was a nice fall evening when we were driving back. We talked about a variety of things. It was actually almost therapeutic for me! I dropped him off with a smile and in wonderment at how fast he has grown up.

I find peace...

... in the first forecasted snow of the year. Snow is so magical. So otherworldly. There is nothing better than that seeing the silent snowflakes fall and to hear the cold winds howl while I am nestled all toasty underneath a warm cozy blanket. I love this time of year. Even though the vibrant beauty of the beginning of fall has faded, I find allure in the bare trees and the lifeless grass. Plus, I love all the things that are associated with this time of year- hoodies, fireplaces, chili, piping hot soups and stews, hot chocolate, fuzzy socks, fleece, over-sized blankets, warm bubble baths... I could go on and on.

... in listening to the soundtrack from Chronicles of Narnia. For some reason I always get the urge to watch it when it gets cold and snowy. This music of this soundtrack is pretty fantastic.



I find peace...

... in going to Mass. Yesterday I went to All Saints Day Mass by myself. (Joe wasn't feeling well so Ryan stayed home with him.) It was nice to be able to actually focus on the Liturgy. When I walked in I just felt a sense of peace. I found comfort in that church smell. It's hard to describe- you can smell the oldness of the building, the perfume and cologne from the parishioners. It just has that clean, holy smell. And when I am praying I really feel that Jesus has his arms around me and is letting me know that all will be well.

... in the anticipation of the upcoming holidays. This is another reason I love this time of year. I love Advent and Thanksgiving. And of course I absolutely love Christmas. There is nothing better than friends, family, scrumptious food, traditions and memories and it all being centered around being thankful for God's blessings and for the birth of Jesus Christ.

One of the reasons I feel so down lately is because we don't have our very own home to celebrate these holidays. We won't be able to pull out the ornaments that I have collected for nearly 15 years because they are in storage. One of my favorite parts of the holidays is making my home festive and joyful. However, the joy of this holiday season overcomes my bitterness and sadness over not having our own place.





I find peace...

... in my husband. Our marriage gets stronger every day. We laugh often despite me being a Mrs. Poopie Pants. He always knows what to say to cheer me up. I think back on our friendship and budding relationship in college and the memories always make me smile.


I find peace...

... in my son. He lights up my life and I hope to have many more babies that are just as fun and sweet as he is! I feel like he is growing up so fast. Sometimes I still can't believe that he is my son. I helped create him. I nourished him in my womb. His personality bursts through every day and I find myself smiling every day because of him!





I have a lot I can complain about in life. I often feel beaten down. But God sends me these moments of peace and for that, I am thankful.