Why I think 3 will be fun

I just realized that the title of this post may convey why I think three CHILDREN will be fun. While I am sure that is true, this isn't some pregnancy announcement!

In less than a week Joe will turn three years old. Ryan and I have said for a couple months now that we think Joe might have the "terrible threes" rather than the "terrible twos." Our personalities are really clashing now that he's becoming more and more independent. There are more many, many, many, many more tantrums now than when he was two. Maybe they are more infuriating because we can't use the "oh we just can't communicate" excuse. There are days I want to pull my hair out and start hitting the wine bottle because maybe that would make the "I'M AWAKE! I'M AWAKE, MOMMY! I'M AWAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!" coming from his bedroom as soon as I put him down for a nap a little more bearable.

But as much as there are times I feel like my brain is going to explode there are those times that my face hurts from smiling so much. Joe has matured so much in the last few months. It seems like in lightning speed he's gone from a bumbling toddler to a little social human being.

I realized on Sam's birthday just how much fun Joe's birthday will be. Joe enthusiastically opened all Sam's presents and even started the chorus of Happy Birthday without being prompted. I think this is the first birthday he actually understands the concept of birthday. I'm so excited for him to see his party guests.  I can't wait for the excited happy look on his face when he opens presents. I wonder how he'll react to everyone singing to him. At least I know he can blow out his candles. Last year he just kind of blew raspberries at them. We're planning on decorating for the party the night before while he's asleep to surprise him the next morning. It's going to be a dinosaur theme. And we are so doing this for the party:

Don't judge us cuz we're awesome.

Thinking about how Joe is more aware of what's going on makes me excited for this upcoming holiday season. Each fall we go to Vala's Pumpkin Patch in Gretna, NE. We've gone the last two years with a group of my cousins. The first year, when he was one, he had a blast. Last year.. he had just turned two... and the terribleness was coming out. But this year I think will be fun. He won't be so afraid of the petting zoo and he'll probably want to do more the activities. Or he could be a holy hell terror... but I prefer to keep an open mind!

Joe when he was 13 months old

The one thing I am hesitant on is Halloween. I've seen the fear factor creep into his eyes these last few weeks. Just a couple weeks ago we were all sleeping in bed and he woke up saying there was a bear in the bed. He was pointing to Sam. I turned on the light to show him it was his brother. He said, "Oh." then looked a little closer to be sure, and then he really figured it out and said, "OOOOH!!!" An hour later he woke up saying there was another bear, but it was just a shirt hanging by our closet. Just this week he tells me he doesn't want to watch certain movies because they are "'cary" and has insisted I remove Buzz, Woody and Jesse from his bed at night. Just today he said the crack between the bed and the wall was scary. I think we are entering the realm of fear. I've written about my thoughts about the scariness on Halloween before, but this year I think we're going to have to be extra cautious. I do think he'll be excited to dress up and get candy. I'm sure he'll ask to watch The Great Pumpkin fifty times a day, but judging by the worried look on his face while looking at the inflatable Halloween decorations at Wal-Mart... this may be a tricky holiday.

I don't blame Joe for being freaked out.

Joe at 13 months helping us carve a pumpkin

I can't wait for fall and to show him how the season is changing. I can't wait to rake up leaves and have him jump in them. I can't wait to fix yummy crock pot meals and watch the Chiefs play when we get back from Mass. I can't wait to teach him about Thanksgiving and how we should count our blessings.

Don't EVEN get me started on Christmas. Oh, Lawdy. I revert into a seven year old at Christmastime... always have. But now that Joe will be a little more aware of what's going on... I'm going to go all Buddy the Elf. I will be just as excited as he will to see Santa and all the lights and presents because I will get to see that magic and wonderment in his eyes. So often I feel like I fail in teaching Joe about God, but I think Advent will be a perfect opportunity to start. Maybe, just maybe.... I can finally start doing all those Catholic liturgical crafts because Joe might understand it now!

Joe at 15 months being amazed at the Christmas village at Crown Center

I have always loved this time of year. It's magical to me. Even my melancholic personality seems to fizzle away in the months of September, October, November and December.

I really do think three will be a fun year. Sam is starting to walk all over the place and he laughs hysterically at Joe all the time. Joe often encorages Sam to walk and says, "Good walkin'!" I know there will be those maddening times when they start to fight over stuff, but absolutley cannot wait to see how their relationship develops.

And I can't wait to see how Joe's relationship develops with Ryan and me. He's talking so much now and we actually have conversations. Sometimes Ryan and I will be talking in the car and Joe will just butt in with some story about a lion and a dinosaur. We can actually sit down and watch a movie together and talk about it. He asks me to sing songs and how things work and what is the monkey's name and it. is. so. fun.

Seeing him run around in super hero underwear instead of diapers makes me realize just how fast he is growing up. So much has changed in a year and I know more changes are coming in leaps and bounds!

Happy almost 3rd birthday to my Joe. Words cannot express the love and joy I have in my heart because you are in my life!

Turning 2... he still looks so babyish!

Almost 3... my little hero!

My Moments of Peace

I have been feeling down and out lately.

What else is new, right? It seems a lot of my posts have been me bleepin' and moanin'.

The stress and anxiety are starting to take its toll. I can actually feel my chest tightening with tension when I start worrying. I catch myself subconsciously holding my breath and clenching my jaw multiple times a day.

I keep thinking I need to suck it up and go to a doctor and get some anti-depressants. I have been on them before and they have helped. But for some reason I feel uncomfortable going on them again. I can't really explain it. Maybe I'm being too prideful. Maybe I just need a good confession and some spiritual direction. Maybe I just need some booze. I'm only partially kidding on that last one.

But God is merciful and sends me moments of peace throughout the day. They are true fuzzy-wuzzy feelings. I feel like the world slows down, my heart softens from the burden of worry and for a moment I only feel happiness. I'd like to share some of those fleeting peaceful moments that get me by.

I find peace...

...in Winter Candy Apple lotion from Bath and Body Works. It is my most favorite smell in. the. whole. wide. world. I start wearing it after Halloween and stop wearing it soon after Christmas, so it's very much a holiday smell. It has actually become a Christmas tradition for me. It instantly puts me in a good mood. I've been wearing it for years. If they ever get rid of it I will be very sad.
... in long conversations with my big brother over theology and other random subjects.

... in more long conversations with my nephew. This past weekend I drove him back to my brother's house and we talked the entire way. It was an hour and a half long trip! Max is almost twelve years old, but he is so grown up. But he's not obnoxious like adults are- he still has that innocence about him. It was a nice fall evening when we were driving back. We talked about a variety of things. It was actually almost therapeutic for me! I dropped him off with a smile and in wonderment at how fast he has grown up.

I find peace...

... in the first forecasted snow of the year. Snow is so magical. So otherworldly. There is nothing better than that seeing the silent snowflakes fall and to hear the cold winds howl while I am nestled all toasty underneath a warm cozy blanket. I love this time of year. Even though the vibrant beauty of the beginning of fall has faded, I find allure in the bare trees and the lifeless grass. Plus, I love all the things that are associated with this time of year- hoodies, fireplaces, chili, piping hot soups and stews, hot chocolate, fuzzy socks, fleece, over-sized blankets, warm bubble baths... I could go on and on.

... in listening to the soundtrack from Chronicles of Narnia. For some reason I always get the urge to watch it when it gets cold and snowy. This music of this soundtrack is pretty fantastic.



I find peace...

... in going to Mass. Yesterday I went to All Saints Day Mass by myself. (Joe wasn't feeling well so Ryan stayed home with him.) It was nice to be able to actually focus on the Liturgy. When I walked in I just felt a sense of peace. I found comfort in that church smell. It's hard to describe- you can smell the oldness of the building, the perfume and cologne from the parishioners. It just has that clean, holy smell. And when I am praying I really feel that Jesus has his arms around me and is letting me know that all will be well.

... in the anticipation of the upcoming holidays. This is another reason I love this time of year. I love Advent and Thanksgiving. And of course I absolutely love Christmas. There is nothing better than friends, family, scrumptious food, traditions and memories and it all being centered around being thankful for God's blessings and for the birth of Jesus Christ.

One of the reasons I feel so down lately is because we don't have our very own home to celebrate these holidays. We won't be able to pull out the ornaments that I have collected for nearly 15 years because they are in storage. One of my favorite parts of the holidays is making my home festive and joyful. However, the joy of this holiday season overcomes my bitterness and sadness over not having our own place.





I find peace...

... in my husband. Our marriage gets stronger every day. We laugh often despite me being a Mrs. Poopie Pants. He always knows what to say to cheer me up. I think back on our friendship and budding relationship in college and the memories always make me smile.


I find peace...

... in my son. He lights up my life and I hope to have many more babies that are just as fun and sweet as he is! I feel like he is growing up so fast. Sometimes I still can't believe that he is my son. I helped create him. I nourished him in my womb. His personality bursts through every day and I find myself smiling every day because of him!





I have a lot I can complain about in life. I often feel beaten down. But God sends me these moments of peace and for that, I am thankful.

Joe's Autumn Adventures

Fall has definitely arrived here in Kansas City. It's simply wonderful. Autumn is probably my favorite season so I gladly welcome the chilly temperatures and falling leaves.

I feel like this is Joe's first "real" autumn. Yes, he was around last fall, but he was a newborn and I was in the first-time-newbie-zombie mom stage and was impervious to the changing seasons. This year, Joe absolutely loves everything to do with autumn. He loves to play in the leaves and play with pumpkins ("ba" he calls them, because he thinks they are balls.) Last week I took him to a local park and had our own fall photo shoot.





Have I told y'all that Joe is walking now? He would take wobbly steps now and again but a couple weeks ago at my mom's house he just took off walking. He's officially a toddler now. Makes me kind of sad...

He looks so grown up here!

This past weekend Ryan, Joe and I went with my mom and some of my cousins to Vala's Pumpkin Patch in Gretna, NE. This place is HUGE and so much fun! I think we are going to have to make this a family tradition! (The website to Vala's is down for some reason, but I encourage you to go check it out sometime to see how huge this place is!)

We stopped to eat at our favorite restaurant, Cracker Barrel, before we went to the pumpkin patch.

Joe LOVES pumpkins! Here he spots his first one!

"Ba!"

They have a huge, deep corn pit. Joe wasn't sure at first but you can see here that he eventually started having tons of fun!

Ryan and I jumping on these huge jumping things. Excuse my dorky look and the appearance of my husband being beamed up by aliens!

More pumpkins! Joe was in heaven!

Joe was fascinated by this huge dragon walking around. He kept dragging me to go see him!

Eating a pumpkin cookie!

Getting ready to get on the hay ride. Note the pumpkin in his lap.

The next day we decided to carve a pumpkin. We let Joe scoop out the guts. I wasn't sure how he would react (I personally think that pumpkin guts are the epitome of ICKY) but he LOVED it!

Yes, he is tasting some of the pumpkin guts.

Yes, he is chewing on the rind.

Grandma Mary carved an Elmo for Joe! (He is obsessed with Sesame Street!) She used a pattern and I think it came out quite well!

It is so much fun to see Joe react to all the seasonal goodies that come with fall. He is growing up so fast and it's amazing to see him learn and explore. It is so special to me to see the fun of fall through the eyes of my child.

I can't wait to see how he reacts at Christmastime!

A Happy Heart

Today I was wanting to write a post about "Why does God let bad things happen?"

But when I would open my laptop, I felt no motivation to write. Is it because I'm too tired? No.. I am finally regaining some energy after weeks of fatigue and exhaustion. Is it because I'm lazy? Hmmm... I don't think so. I want to write.

I finally realized why I don't want to write about such a heavy topic.

I am in a fantastic mood!

Why? Because SPRING IS HERE!

On Monday the weather was so nice we were able to open our windows. The fresh air and cool breeze felt amazing. Monday was also the day the one restaurant where we live re-opens for the spring/summer season. (It's closed during the winter... much to my dismay!) Of course Ryan and I ordered our supper from there. I got a nice juicy hamburger.. a food item that always reminds me of summertime!

Yesterday it rained. Glorious puddles were formed. The last form of precipitation we've had for months is snow, ice, sleet, freezing rain... all that yucky stuff. After the rain passed, we took a walk. I love that rainy, springy, new-life a'growin' smell!

Today I took another walk. I was able to walk in jeans and a t-shirt and I got a little too warm! And there are thunderstorms predicted tonight. I LOVE thunderstorms!

This winter has been rough. I don't think I've ever experienced such a long and depressing winter season. I remember last year wanting winter to be over badly because spring meant two wonderful things: our wedding (in April) and my graduation from college (in May.) Maybe since I've unemployed this winter has seemed to draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag on.

I'm sitting here writing while our patio doors are open, birds chirping joyfully out in the timber behind our apartment and Chandler snoozing away on the couch. I know that we will probably have another week of freezing temperatures, maybe some more snow (oh please Lord... NO!) But I will take these warm, glorious spring days as a blessing.

My heart is too happy to write about why God allows bad things to happen. I'm focusing on the good he is giving us.

Beautiful Fall

It's that time of year....the days get shorter, the weather gets cooler, and the landscape bursts with beautiful shades of red, gold and brown.

I absolutely love fall. I'd say it's my favorite season of the year, but when the first snow falls, I say winter is my favorite; when the tulips start to peek out of the ground, spring is my favorite; when the pool finally opens and it's sunny until 9:00 p.m., my favorite is summer!

I'm in the mood for listing, as you can see by my last blog. So I'll do it again, it's easier for me to type and doesn't bore y'all too much!

Why I love fall:

-hoodies

-the smell of burning leaves

-pumpkins (picking out, carving)

-the sound of crunching leaves under your feet

-turning on the heat for the first time (I love that musty smell that first comes out)

-putting stuff in the crock pot and smelling the yummy smells when you come home from work or school

-FOOTBALL!!!! (College, pro, high school- I love em all! I have great memories of attending high school football games!)

-caramel apples- yum!

-mums

-Halloween and Thanksgiving (I love the food, candy and history involved! I'm a nerd, I know..)

-decorating (My mom is the best fall decorator- the pumpkins, Indian corn, small gourds, neat Halloween stuff)

-chili

-the fall TV line-up (FINALLY my shows are on!)

-fall-scented candles

-apples in general

Autumn is such a peaceful and beautiful time. And it's a time for change. I feel a change in the air for my life... the job interview this past Tuesday went very well, so I'm hoping that a change of scenery will be in store for my husband, my doggie and I.

Like I mentioned a few blogs ago, I'm trying to get healthy. Eating-wise, I'm still eating junk, but just not as much! I'm walking about three miles a day, except for the last couple of days since I've been sick. I'm taking vitamins and getting to bed before midnight.

I'm making some changes with my appearance as well. I have never been or ever will be obsessed with appearances. But after dressing up nice for my interview I realized there are some areas I can "tend" to. I need to tweeze those eyebrows! I need to keep my hair brushed and a little bit of make-up isn't a bad thing. And for the love of Pete....I need to wear anything besides sweatpants!

I've been doing pretty good spiritually; I haven't been through a dry spell in awhile. I'm continuing daily reading devotions and praying nightly with my husband. However, I know that spiritual dry spells are always lurking around the corner. I'm trying hard to stay devoted even when it is not easy.

What a beautiful time of change.