Smile, It's Friday!

I don't like to be a gloomy gloomerson. I feel like yesterday's post was just pouring on the blah-blah-blee-blah's. Plus, things have been kind of boring around here.

Even though I feel melancholy a lot of the time, Joe always cheers me up. He is definitely getting into that giggly, rambunctious toddler phase. His laughter is awesome!

So here is a video of me splashing water into Joe's face during his bathtime and him laughing hysterically. Then he gets ticked off when I stop. Please ignore the annoying mommy noise I make!



Have a happy weekend!

Jesus, I (want to) Trust in You!

As I sit here in my recliner I reflect on this beautiful fall day. There is a crisp chill in the air, the trees are starting to change color and people are thinking crock pot meals and pumpkin spice candles instead of BBQ’s and sun block. Yet, I can still hear the chirping crickets. The orchestra of cicadas has drifted away these past few weeks, but the crickets still sing strongly in the cool evenings. It’s like summer and fall are one.

I sit here feeling a bit melancholy and fearful. I absolutely love the changing seasons. They are even more special now since I have become a mother. I have all these daydreams running through my head. I see Joe splashing in a baby pool and getting all dirty by playing outside in the dirt. I see him running through a giant pile of bright orange and red leaves and trick or treating. I see him playing in the snow and becoming mesmerized by twinkling Christmas lights. The reason I feel so blue is because we don’t have a house of our own to make these memories in.

My in-laws have graciously allowed us to live with them these past 5 months so Ryan and I can save up money to be able to afford to live in Kansas City. They have been nothing but welcoming and kind. Words cannot express how grateful we are for their unconditional love.

But I’m scared. Ryan’s job doesn’t bring a lot of income to our family. I have started a babysitting job that supplements some of his income, but just barely. It really isn’t feasible for me to get a full-time day job because we wouldn’t be able to afford the daycare. I sometimes wonder if we will ever be able to get a home of our own, and I mean renting our own home- the option of buying for us is as realistic as buying a spaceship. I see all these stories on the news about recession and poverty level and I immediately stress out.

We are thankful that my in-laws have opened their home to us, but we still want a place to call our own. I want my own plants to water in the spring and summer. I long for my own backyard with a vegetable garden and a swing set for Joe. I want my own front porch to put pumpkins out in the fall and a swing to spend relaxing evenings. I’d love my own kitchen to turn into a disaster while baking chocolate chip cookies.

My fear is that we will never have a house of our own. Are we destined to live in apartments forever and deal with barking dogs and neighbors who seem to think that no one will mind if they play their bass guitar at 3:00 in the morning?

Ryan and I are crippled by our debt of student loans. It is a burden I become anxious about every single day. I feel like we aren’t even making a dent in my loans. I know everyone worries about money. Our worry is constant. It is a “Will we ever be able to live on our own?” worry. It is a “Can we ever afford more children?” worry. I worry that when I talk about my dreams of having a large family people think, “Gosh, she is so stupid. They live with her in-laws! They are so foolish and irresponsible!” I’d rather have a large, loving family than any material thing.

Facebook can sometimes be a source of anxiety for me. I become green with envy when I see my friends (most who are younger than me) posing by “SOLD” signs or standing proudly in front of the door to the very nice home they just bought. I long for my own home when I see my friends posting their remodeling pictures. I get jealous of those friends who don’t have student loans to worry about or who have their debt all paid off.

I’m not asking for a 5 bedroom home, an annual summer vacation or satellite TV. I just want to know that after careful budgeting we can live in our own home, provide for our children and not live under this heavy burden of debt.

Ryan and I are doing our part as best we can to achieve this. We aren’t perfect by any means. There are times we mess up with our money. But we are trying.

We also try to trust in God to help us out.

We aren’t asking him to send us a check in the mail to cover our debt. We know it won’t go away overnight and that God expects us to help ourselves as best we can.

I have well meaning people tell me, “Trust that God will provide for you and your family.” I’ve also heard a saying, and I know I’m getting the words wrong, but it says something along the lines of, “Every time a baby is born, he comes with a loaf of bread under his arms for his family.”

There are tons of verses in Scripture that tell us not to worry:

But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?
(Psalm 56:3, 11)


Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Matthew 6:26)


Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. (John 14:1)


Even in the second reading for this Sunday’s Mass it reads, “Brothers and sisters: Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4: 6-9)

I want to trust in God that He will take care of us. I want to take comfort that He will not let us fall if we truly are trying to do His will and to glorify His name. I want to find peace in His merciful love. I am in awe of those people who put their complete trust in God and have no fear.

But sometimes it is so hard to trust. Sometimes I get so frustrated because it seems that God isn’t listening to our pleas. It is hard to trust in someone you can’t see. I get so scared that maybe there isn’t even a God out there who will take care of us.

What if Jesus Christ was so manipulative and charismatic that he was able to change the course of civilization? What if he was such a dynamic speaker and brain-washer that he was able to convert thousands to his beliefs? What if he was such a maniac that he would even be tortured and die a gruesome death to make absolutely sure that people continued to follow his teaching?

What if we are all part of the biggest conspiracy of the entire history of mankind? It has become so elaborate and detailed that nearly every day of the year there is feast day or liturgical season devoted to honoring an absent God. Every prayer, every Bible verse, every note we’ve sung in a hymn at church- it’s all for nothing.

Sure, there is a God. But he doesn’t take care of us. He just set the world in motion and it is up to us, and only us, to take care of ourselves. Those people who say God has helped them and provided for them- they are just lucky and it’s a coincidence that help showed up around the same time they prayed for it. Our devotion to God is empty. It is a hoax. We are destined for nothingness.

When these thoughts pop into my head I become very panicky. Perhaps my husband and I are supposed to be miserable with this cross of a huge debt. It is what it is. No God will help us in our time of need.

But I look around me and I look inside me, and I know that all these doubts and fears I have about God just aren’t true. I don’t have proof either way, but I still lean towards the God is Love camp instead of the God is Chillaxin' in His Lazy Boy and Doesn't Care About You camp. I won’t even say that something poetic like a fiery fall sunset or a baby’s laugh or that warm fuzzy feeling you get at Christmastime is what makes me know there is a God. It is in my innermost being. It is faith. I know that isn’t a great argument against atheism or agnosticism, but I'll leave the heavy lifting to the theologians.

Christianity is not a hoax. If Jesus were just a human, and an evil human at that if he duped that many people, then Christianity would not have lasted 2000 years, especially through those turbulent years known as the Reformation. God has provided for us. Ryan and I are still doing well. We’re not at the brink of having to live in a box by the river and have the state take care of our child. I have a tendency to look at the negative instead of the blessings.

It is so hard to trust God. You know those trust exercises where you fall backwards and trust the person behind you to catch you? Well imagine if that person were invisible. It makes it so much harder to fall and trust. Jesus will take care of us. God wants us to be happy. But then I get confused with that whole redemptive suffering thing and true happiness awaits us in heaven deal. I always long for “better times” where I am happy and not worried. If I do God’s will I will get that someday- in heaven, for all eternity. It would just be nice to be able to experience some of that while I’m still on this earth.

I find when I start feeling all Jesus-Isn’t-Real then it is time to go to confession. I need a soul-scrubbin’ and a good spiritual arse kick. I also need to realize that I am not the one in control. God knows what he is doing. I just wish he’d send me a flaming arrow from heaven with a scroll on it telling me of His plans. Even a post-it note would do.

I know things will get better. That is my mantra these days.

Jesus, I trust in you. Help me to trust in You.

Goal Weight

In the craziness of last week I forgot to tell y'all something.

I made my goal weight!

I was nervous when I stepped on the scale last week. I knew I was so close to getting goal, but with my overactive imagination I figured I had gained 3 lbs or something.

The receptionist told me, "You did good this week!" I figured I had lost just a pound, which is better than gaining, but I just wanted to get this all over and done with. As she was handing me my weight record back she did a double take and said, "Wait a minute... you did it! You made goal! Congratulations!"

I am very, VERY happy! Now I begin the 6 week maintenance program. If I stay within 2 lbs of my goal weight I will become a Lifetime Member and won't have to pay for meetings. I'm nervous. I've never gained more the 0.6 of a pound, but I am just worried that something will go awry. I'll just stick with what I have been doing and hopefully I will see success!

My in-laws gave me a wonderful birthday present- a gift card to buy new clothes. It is so nice to try on clothes now! I'm going to have fun!

Thank you for all your encouragement on here. I was hesitant to write about my weight loss journey, but I am so glad I did!

High school: 98 lbs.
Party days: 111 lbs.
Pre-engagement: 125 lbs
Wedding: 115 lbs
After wedding: 130 lbs
Pre-pregnancy (Joe): 140 lbs
Joe’s birth: 199 lbs (I know… HOLY CRAP!)
After Joe’s birth: 135 lbs
Starting Weight Watchers: 146 lbs
September 2011: 120 lbs

First Weight Watchers Meeting: 146.6
2nd Week of WW: 141.2 (5.4 lbs lost)
3rd Week of WW: 139.6 (1.6 lbs lost)
4th Week of WW: 138.6 (1.0 lb lost)
5th Week of WW: 135.8 (2.8 lbs lost)
6th Week of WW: 135.4 (0.4 lbs lost)
7th Week of WW: 134.4 (1.0 lb lost)
8th Week of WW: 134.6 (0.2 lb gained)
9th Week of WW: 130.2 (4.4 lbs lost)
10th Week of WW: 130.0 (0.2 lb lost)
11th Week of WW: 127.8 (2.2 lbs lost)
12th Week of WW: 126.0 (1.8 lbs lost)
13th Week of WW: 124.8 (1.2 lbs lost)
14th Week of WW: 123.4 (1.4 lbs lost)
15th Week of WW: 124.0 (0.6 lb gained)
16th Week of WW: 122.4 (1.6 lbs lost)
17th Week of WW: 119.2 (3.2 lbs lost)

Here are some before and after photos. They aren't the best examples, but these are all I could find. The before photos were taken in May, right before I decided to join Weight Watchers.

BEFORE

AFTER

Quick Update

Just thought I'd update you all real quick-

Things are going fine at Ryan's work. There haven't been any problems. Yesterday morning when he left for work I was a wreck, so I prayed my rosary. I fell back asleep and when I woke up I felt a sense of peace. Everything is going to be OK. I am thankful for you who have prayed. I can feel your prayers for sure and they have brought me so much comfort.

Tomorrow will be the day I am most nervous (and it's my birthday!) This guy who threatened Ryan will be coming back for his paycheck. Plus, Ryan has to open the building in the morning by himself. No one else will be around. The greatest birthday present will be him walking through the door! So please keep us in your prayers!

Blog Break...

I was ready to get into the heavy blogging stuff. I was ready to write posts that don't have to do with weight loss or baby poop. I have a post nearly completed about my fears about finances and wanting a big family and my fears of trusting in a God that I cannot see.

Right now, my fears have changed to something else.

First. I guess I should say that I have an irrational fear of something bad happening to my husband. I also have an irrational fear of shootings. (When the Virgina Tech shootings happened I was too scared to go to class for a week.) I'm talking paranoid, overactive imagination, scary stuff...

Well you can imagine my utter terror when my husband called me today and told me one of his co-workers was fired after he had an argument with my husband and this man looked at my husband and pointed his finger like a gun and said, "I'm gonna get you."

Ryan is calm and rational about this situation. He is not worried. I, on the other hand, am freaking the hell out. I am terrified beyond belief. I KNOW I will not be able to sleep tonight. I keep thinking that it was a mistake for us to move here and for him to take this job. I can't even type out the words describing my devastation if my husband was ever taken from me. I can't live without him.

I'm sure everything will be fine and I just need a heavy psychotic and some booze and a highly trained therapist to calm me down. But this situation has made me realize I need to step back from blogosphere to actually spend time with my husband. I need to be present with him and my family instead of stuck on my laptop. I'm also dealing with some heavy anxiety and depression over some other things in my life, so it would be best for me to just step back and take a breather.

Like I said, I'm sure I am overreacting and y'all probably think I'm nuts, but please, just pray for my husband that he remains safe. And if you could pray that I don't lose my marbles and for peace of mind, I'd appreciate that too.

I'll be back.

Almost there...

2.4

That's how many pounds I need to lose to get to my goal weight. I'm pretty excited and happy. I'm also impatient, but I know that slow and steady wins the race.

One reason I wanted to lose weight was so my wedding ring would fit again. A short time before I got pregnant I noticed my ring was a little snug (I had gained about 20 lbs since our wedding) and I was even starting to notice some wedding ring dermatitis. A few months into my pregnancy I had to store my wedding ring for good since I started getting gorilla fingers due to pre-eclampsia.

Since then I have had to get another new ring since the replacement ring I bought during pregnancy is too big. It's another cheapo from JC Penney.

Throughout my weight loss journey I have tried on my actual wedding ring many times. It wouldn't budge over my knuckle. When I was about 6 lbs away from goal I tried it on again and forced it over my knuckle... and... it finally was on my finger. It's been well over a year since I've worn my wedding ring. I smiled and admired it like it was my actual wedding day.

However, I noticed it was extremely difficult to get off. I had to get some soap to get it off my finger. I guess my hands put on a lot of weight that I can't burn off and my knuckles must be permanently big from my excessive swelling.

I've tried it on numerous time since then and it seems to be getting easier to get on and off. I'm still wondering if I should get it slightly enlarged to prevent wedding ring dermatitis and if I happen to swell during future pregnancies. I'm not sure what to do. We might go talk to a jeweler and get their opinion.

My dad got remarried this past weekend and the minister talked about the importance of a wedding ring. I am really hoping to get mine on again soon. I'm wondering if I will ever take it off.

I've lost just under 25 lbs and it feels amazing. It's awesome to be able to fit into jeans I couldn't even fit into before I got pregnant. But what means the most to me is to be able to run around with my son, wear the gorgeous wedding ring my husband picked out, and to add years to my life so I can take care of them and love them and our progenies for many years to come!

Guess What Joe Did?!

In Joe's baby book there is a spot to write down how old he is when he first sleeps through the night. It's listed with other early infancy milestones such as "When baby first holds up head" and "First smiles." I have everything written down in that early infancy milestone page except the "sleeping through the night" spot. I figured I'd have to wait until Joe was five years old before I could write anything down there.

Joe has never slept thought the night. I see facebook statuses of one month old babies sleeping through the night and I always wonder if I will ever get to see that day (or night, I should say.) There was a couple weeks that he would sleep in his crib all night, as opposed to sleeping with me, but he would still wake up about three or four times to nurse or need comfort.

The past month or so Joe has switched up his sleeping schedule. He'll go to sleep in his crib around 7:00, and I would usually bring him into bed with me at his first waking to nurse him. He'd usually fall asleep all cuddled next to me. He doesn't really like to do that anymore. I'll nurse him and he'll start freaking out until I put him back in his crib and he'll drift off to sleep. I still have to get up a few times to nurse him. Then he usually is awake at 6:30 ready to go play, and I can usually get him to go back to sleep for a little bit longer, but it's sometimes a challenge.

These past few weeks Joe has been perpetually fussy. His molars are coming in... Those evil, evil molars. Joe has never really had a problem with teething until now. The only thing that helps is Advil. He doesn't like teething toys or cold washcloths. He is skipping his naps and getting up a lot more at night and it's just been plain rough.

Last night was horrible. He woke up around 11:15 screaming and arching his back. He wouldn't nurse. He wouldn't take a binky. We had give him Advil about 2 hours before. We took his temp and he didn't have a fever or even a slightly high temperature. Holding him wasn't helping. We tried to put some teething tablets under his tongue but he'd push them out. I finally dissolved them in water and rubbed them on his gums and that didn't seem to work. I put him in his crib because I thought maybe he just didn't want to be around us. He still screamed, but after a few minutes he calmed down and went to sleep.

I was preparing for a disastrous night of no sleep. I had to babysit the next morning, and the little baby girl I watch is also teething, so I was really dreading the coming hours. I went to bed as soon as he drifted off- probably around midnight. Usually when I 'm nervous about him waking up a lot I can't sleep, but I must have been more tired than I thought because I fell asleep rather quickly.

Joe started screaming and crying. I put on my glasses and looked at the clock, figuring it would be about 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning since that is when he usually wakes up next. It was 6:00!!! I could barely believe my eyes! Did we actually get 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep?! I racked my brain... surely I got up once during the night. But no, I'm usually good at remembering stuff like that. Did he cry and I sleep through it? He is in the same room as me and his cries can get pretty loud, so I doubted I slept through.

I brought him into bed to nurse and he nursed for a long time, so that must mean it was awhile since I last fed him. I figured he'd be ready to party, but we both fell back asleep, cuddled nose to nose and when he woke up again it was 8:30!

I think technically a baby "sleeping through the night" means the baby gets 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Well, he definitely did last night! You have NO idea how excited I am!

Will this last? Oh dear Lord in Heaven, I hope so! Joe is growing and changing. He is right now boycotting his morning nap. I can see him on the baby video monitor just chilling with his stuffed animals. He isn't crying, so I'm leaving him in there for awhile so he can just relax.

Joe slept through the night!!! Huzzah!!!

Where were you?

My junior year school photo

When I was young I remember hearing older people comment on how they will never forget where they were when they heard Pearl Harbor was attacked or when President Kennedy was assassinated. I never thought I’d have an experience like that.

My experience, like the rest of yours, was 9-11.

I was a junior at Tarkio High School. My first hour class was band. We were in the midst of marching band season and I was in the color guard. While the rest of the band was in the band room learning the marching music, we color guard girls practiced in the gym. I remember we were just sitting around. We were just getting there so we hadn’t started our practicing yet. I remember one of the “S” twins coming in and saying that one of the World Trade Center buildings had been bombed. My first reaction was “Yikes…” but since I didn’t know the extent of the damage I wasn’t really too concerned.

That all changed in the next few minutes as the hallways of T.H.S started buzzing with activity. Something more was going on. I remember teachers going around and the words “We’ve been attacked” being said and rushing up to the library- one of the few rooms in our school that had cable TV.

The library was jammed full of students and thankfully the TV footage was projected onto a huge screen so we were able to see what was going on. We all looked in shock at one of the World Trade Center towers burning. A plane had done this. Was this an accident? What was going on? It was all so devastating and confusing.

Pretty soon we all knew that this wasn’t just a random, horrible accident. We watched as another plane slammed into the tower. We watched as a plane crashed into the Pentagon. We watched as yet another plane crashed a field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

Horror and panic set in. I remember my English teacher saying after the plane crashed into the Pentagon “We are going to war. You don’t mess with the Pentagon.” My thoughts had been on the boy I was dating at the time. He had graduated high school in the spring before and was far away at college. We had an innocent, young high school love that ran deep, and my fear was that he would be sent to fight those who attacked us. He had enlisted in the Air Force after he graduated from high school; long before any of this had happened. “Why, why, WHY did you decide to enlist?!” I kept mentally yelling at him while I was sitting there watching the attacks. We had no cell phones back then to text each other.

There was no way to get a hold of my mom. While watching the tragedy unfold I had a mental “I want my mommy” moment. My brother was far away in Kansas City. He is a police officer there. Seeing the officers on TV running around with blood on their hands and bravery on their face made me sick to my stomach. I kept seeing my big brother’s face on these police officers. I knew that these attacks were half a country away and my family and boyfriend were safe, but this was a moment where I just wanted to know where everybody I loved was at and if they were safe. I was thankful to be around my friends and teachers, but still yearned for more loved ones around me.

What was happening to our world? Attacks like this weren’t supposed to happen in AMERICA. My young classmates and I watched the news footage of the burning towers. We saw papers flying out of the windows of the Trade Center. We saw people running, crying, screaming. We saw sirens, smoke and dust. Would these horrors make their way to the safe, sleepy Midwest?

To our horror we saw the towers crumble. These massive, strong towers crumbling like they were nothing. All those people.. those innocent people. We couldn’t believe our eyes when we saw that death and destruction. My classmates and I matured in that library. Life wasn’t just worrying about a math test or striving to do our best at track practice. Life was more than getting ready for your driver’s test or making sure you had the right dress for homecoming. We learned in that hour or so that life was much, much more than what we thought it was.

We spent the rest of the day in a sort of perpetual study hall. We went to our classes, but nothing was taught. No work was done. We just all talked a lot about what we saw and how we were feeling. I remember being emotionally spent and learning there was still golf practice that afternoon after school. I remember thinking that our coach was so unfair, but I realize now that she knew we needed some sort of structure and normalcy. While walking the golf course my team mates and I looked up in the air, on this beautiful, clear fall afternoon, and saw no planes zigzagging the sky. It was a chilling, eerie feeling.

I remember driving home and seeing the gas station packed with people trying to get gas. The price was getting ready to go up to 3 or 4 bucks a gallon. That craziness went away after a few hours when our nation was assured that there would be no gas shortage.

I came home in a very foul mood. I was still mad that I had to go to golf practice when I wanted so desperately to call my boyfriend. My mom was expecting me to come home sad and wanting to hug her. I came home pissy, ranting and went straight away to call my boyfriend. (Ahh, how funny the emotions are of a teenage girl.) Eventually I came around and was able to spend quality time with my mom. I didn’t worry about homework that night. We watched the news coverage and thanked God we were safe.

I will always remember that day. It seemed so surreal. As we all know that day has forever changed our lives. Patriotism boomed the following months. Our homecoming theme was Patriotic. Our homecoming dance photo backdrop was an American flag. The yearbook theme for that year was All American.

Our fall homecoming was a couple weeks after the attacks.

My, how life has changed for our country these past 10 years. I have never flown before but my husband says that security before 9-11 and after are unbelievably different. We are in wars over this. I still consider my old high school boyfriend a friend and he has served our country overseas. I’ve had friends serve overseas. Ryan’s cousin was in Iraq. Everywhere you go you hear of someone who knows someone who is fighting for our freedom. Everywhere you go you hear of a young life cut short while fighting overseas.

Ten years is a long time. I’ve changed and grown so much. In some ways this 10 year anniversary of 9-11 makes me more sad then when it actually happened. I think that day and the months following 9-11 I was in shock. Now that I have gotten older I see that there is evil everywhere. I’m also more sad when thinking about 9-11 because I have a husband and a child. I cannot imagine losing my husband or child in a manner such as this. Something as routine as going into work or taking a flight ended up being the last day of their lives. How many spouses got into a fight that morning and parted ways mad at each other and one of them was killed in one of the planes? How many mothers and fathers were in a rush to get somewhere and didn’t kiss their baby goodbye and the child perished in one of the towers? I can’t fathom it and even writing those words make me sick with grief. The lesson I have learned is to never take for granted those you love.

My heart will be heavy this Sunday. However, it is my father-in-law’s birthday. I’m sure it’s not easy to share your birthday with such a day filled with sadness, but he is not the only person who was born on September 11. Thousands and thousands and thousands of babies have been born on this date since the attacks happened. Life goes on. We learn to see the beauty in life. We come to understand that life is precious. We learn that it isn’t the things in life that make us happy, it is that which you cannot buy and our loved ones.

I am proud of our country, especially the brave men and women of the military that sacrifice their well-being and their own lives to protect us. I am proud that we have been able to stand up and dust ourselves off from this tragedy. Life isn’t the same anymore, but I pray that we all can learn from this tragedy and live. Live.. truly live in a way that helps us to be better people, help those around us, and to be able to enjoy the eternal glory of God the Father in Paradise.

Praying for the victims of September 11th and their families.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let the perpetual light shine upon them.
May they rest in peace.
Amen.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:18-31

Weekend Recap.. a few days late!

I had a big post ready to recap our very busy weekend. I uploaded a bunch of photos on here in what I THOUGHT was chronological order, but when they appeared on this page they were all out of order. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Anywho, here's a small recap of Joe's party weekend:

We had a small family party on his actual birthday which was Friday. He had a cupcake and really seemed to enjoy it!

This is Joe on his big party day with his own cake. He really seemed to like this as well!

A family snapshot after the party!

Our weekend was super busy! On Friday after the little party we went to the Kansas City Irish Fest. I enjoyed some nice tall cups of beer there! It's been awhile since I've had a few!

Saturday we had a family wedding and we had a great time!

Sunday was Joe's big party. It was wonderful! Joe LOVES Sesame Street so that was the party theme and I did not hold back in decorating. Party City has TONS of super cute 1st birthday Sesame Street themed decorations so I went hog-wild. At least I didn't buy a life-size stand up Elmo balloon like my hubby did! Joe was awesome during the party! Since Joe doesn't eat table food yet I was worried he wouldn't be interested in the cake. Boy, did he prove me wrong!

On Monday the weather was PERFECT so we took Joe on his first trip to the zoo! It was kind of crowded, but we had a good time. Joe was terrified of the llamas and the birds, but loved the elephants and hippos!

This weekend was so busy but so wonderful! All the eating and drinking caught up with me, however; I gained 0.6 of a lb at Weight Watchers tonight. I was actually pleased because I thought I would have gained a lot more! Only 4 more lbs now to my goal weight!

Hopefully I get Blogger figured out someday. I still don't know how to schedule my posts or put photos in order or hyperlink photos. Oh well!

Hope your weekend was fantastic!

7 Quick Takes: How My Son has Changed My Life

It has been quite a while since I’ve done a Quick Takes Friday. Visit the lovely Jen for more!

*****

A year ago today, at 8:52 a.m., my son entered the world. He came to us in ways unexpected, and even though I had a hard time adjusting to motherhood, he has changed my life for the better. He has brought so much joy to my life that I cannot imagine my life without him.

Here are seven ways my Baby Joe has changed my life.

1. It is actually possible to survive on little sleep.

This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but, before Joe was born I would sometimes sleep in until 1:00 in the afternoon! I can’t believe how slothful I was! I was easily getting about 10-12 hours of sleep. If you cut that down the recommended 8 hours you had better watch out. I was evil when I was tired. Pure evil. I was the crankiest person you’d ever met. And if I was tired AND hungry, well, it was pretty much game over.

Since Joe has NEVER slept through the night I can say that I have not gotten a full night’s sleep since September 2, 2010. The first few weeks were brutal. I was so tired that I felt my eyeballs were screaming, “PLEASE COVER US UP! WE’RE TIRED OF SEEING THE LIGHT!” If you would have put a zombie next to me we pretty much would have looked the same; I just wouldn’t be lumbering after you to eat your brains.

I’ve gotten used to running on only a few hours of sleep. I know it’s not always healthy to not get enough rest, but I do try and nap when Joe takes his morning nap. That has helped tremendously.

I’m not going to say that nighttime parenting has made me a better person. There are times that I just want to let Joe keep crying in his crib and move to Mexico where surely I won’t be able to hear his shrieking cries. My frustrations rise and just when they are about to hit the boiling point (the point to which I tell my husband to take him and I go scream into a pillow) he settles down and nestles next to me in bed. He has actually gotten into this habit of not always wanting to co-sleep with me. Sometimes nothing I do will calm him down until I place him back into his crib and he’ll fall right back to sleep. Other times he has to be near me and nothing else will do.

Yes, I have survived on little sleep. I can do it. If I wouldn’t have been able to, well… let’s just say no one would probably ever want to be near me. So far I haven’t scared off too many people.

2. I totally get the multiple baby photos and videos on facebook now.

I’ve always loved babies and children. However, I really wasn’t interested in seeing 196 photos of your kid in the snow or a video of him eating spaghetti. That has changed. I love putting up pictures of Joe on facebook. Some of them are practically the same pose, but they are all just so dang adorable that I can’t just pick ONE. So you get to see them all! Lucky you! And the nearly four minute video of Joe eating watermelon? You have to watch it all. Not just part of it, ALL of it, because it is full of angelic adorable-ness and if you don’t watch it you have no soul.

3. I have a lot more empathy and sympathy toward other parents and their struggles and heartbreaks.

Before Joe was born and I would hear on the news about a toddler drowning in a pool or a baby who has cancer, I would be sad, but that would usually be the extent of my feelings. Now I can barely even stand to hear stories like this. I remember after the Joplin, MO tornado there was a report of a 16 month old who had been ripped from mother and father’s arms. He did not survive and it took them a few days to find his body. When I heard that story I was sick to my stomach. I can’t even imagine having your baby ripped from your arms and him being exposed to the elements after he had died. Whenever the news would bring up this story I just had to turn it off. I couldn’t bear to hear it again.

If any news story comes on regarding a child being abused or harmed or sick I just can’t watch it. Because I look at my son and my heart breaks to even think about him being in pain.

I had a college professor whose premature son died moments after he was born. My professor was able to baptize him before he took his last breath. When I read this on a friend’s status I bawled. I don’t like to see other parents in pain over their children.

Before Joe was born these stories would make me said. Now they break my heart because I don’t know how I could carry on if something tragic were to happen to Joe.

I also empathize with pregnant women who have pre-eclampsia or who have had a birth experience they didn’t except. And those new parents who have babies younger than me and are struggling with the first signs of teething or projectile vomit- oy, I’ve been there done that and I feel your pain. Before Joe was born I thought teething was no big thing. That changed BIG time!

4. Joe has taught me to live in the moment.

“The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.”

I came across this quote on a friend’s Facebook status. Babies don’t keep. That is so true. Just a year ago today I was holding this tiny helpless little being in my arms. Now as I type this he is bursting into toddlerhood with the energy of a cocaine addict. He is wanting his independence from me and that makes me a little sad.

I have a tendency to be nostalgic. I look back and cherish the good memories I’ve experienced. High school football games and pep rallies. Late night study sessions in the college library. Random road trips with my hubby when we first got married. Even when I think about some not so fun memories I try and remember the lessons I’ve learned from them (Lesson learned: Getting wasted after a breakup and dressing up like a hoochie mama won’t make things better.)

I also am very impatient for the future. I can’t wait until Joe starts walking and talking. What is he going to look like with a head-full of hair? What is he going to look like when he is sixteen? How many more children are we going to have? I can’t wait for Christmas mornings with lots of excited children running about and wrapping paper and bows everywhere and yummy food on the table.

Too many times I have one eye looking in the past and one eye looking to the future. I forget to live in the moment. I forget to enjoy what is right in front of my face. If I spend too much time looking forward to the future I’m going to miss these precious moments that are so fleeting. I practically have to remind myself everyday to enjoy the moment. Last night after Joe’s bath I spent a good five minutes smelling his head and soaking up that baby shampoo goodness. Someday his head might not smell so good. I’m thinking those teenage years when he thinks showers are of the devil and I’ll be begging him to put on deodorant.

5. Joe has helped me to fall even more in love with my husband and to be a better wife.

Everywhere I go people always say, “Oh, your baby looks just like his daddy!” I just love hearing those words. Joe does look an awful lot like his dad even though there are some days where he looks just like me. Just depends on the angle. When I look at Joe I sometimes sit back and marvel at God’s wonderful plan of procreation. Joe is a part of me and a part of my husband. When I see those moments where Ryan shows through Joe’s personality I just fall even more in love with my husband. I didn’t even think that was possible.

Our marriage has definitely changed with the addition of Joe. Our love overflows from each other down to our child. Joe is the greatest blessing to our marriage, but I don’t want to neglect my duties as a wife. Before Joe was born it was easy to just be the wife and not strive to be the best wife I can possibly be to my husband. But since our son has arrived I now make an extra effort to be the best helpmate I can be to my husband.

6. I don’t have to be perfect.

I’ve always struggled with being a perfectionist. Everything has to be just right. I have to check off everything on my to-do list. Certain things need to be in place before I can start on another task. I have a big list of stuff to do before Joe’s birthday party, including finishing up this post. I told myself I could type here and there while he played. But then I realized how ridiculous this thinking was. Who cares if I get this post up or not? I’d rather be playing with my son, cuddling with him and laughing and being a goof ball. I shouldn’t have this attitude just because it is his birthday. I should have this thinking all the time. I can blog when he naps. (Right now he is supposed to be napping but I can see in the video baby monitor that he is throwing his stuffed animals onto the floor. Has he decided to boycott his naps now?) I can blog when Ryan gets home. I shouldn’t always work on my to-do list when I should focus on being being a mother.

Joe doesn’t care if his birthday cake matches the decorations. He doesn’t care if my eyebrows are waxed. He doesn’t care that I haven’t written a blog post in two weeks. He doesn’t care if I don’t make my goal weight. He cares about me being with him and living life. No one expects me to be perfect except for me. I’m a pretty harsh critic of myself, so I might as well just give it up.

7. I am a different person now.

I am still Maggie. But life started changing for me once I said “I do.” I couldn’t spend my days thinking about myself. I had my darling husband to give my whole self to. However, once I became a mother, my life has been transformed even more. I have two people in my life that I would die for in a heartbeat. One of them is a baby. He is defenseless and completely, totally depends on me. The 20 year-old Maggie could not have handled this very well. I am an adult now (even though it sucks sometimes.) I am a wife and a mother. With the birth of Joe my life has expanded. My heart has expanded. My ability to love has grown. My world is completely different. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Thanks be to God, from whom all blessings flow.

Can you read me now?

Can you read me now?

I was having trouble with a faulty code, so hopefully you can read my blog instead of being kicked to another site!