7 Quick Takes: How My Son has Changed My Life

It has been quite a while since I’ve done a Quick Takes Friday. Visit the lovely Jen for more!

*****

A year ago today, at 8:52 a.m., my son entered the world. He came to us in ways unexpected, and even though I had a hard time adjusting to motherhood, he has changed my life for the better. He has brought so much joy to my life that I cannot imagine my life without him.

Here are seven ways my Baby Joe has changed my life.

1. It is actually possible to survive on little sleep.

This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but, before Joe was born I would sometimes sleep in until 1:00 in the afternoon! I can’t believe how slothful I was! I was easily getting about 10-12 hours of sleep. If you cut that down the recommended 8 hours you had better watch out. I was evil when I was tired. Pure evil. I was the crankiest person you’d ever met. And if I was tired AND hungry, well, it was pretty much game over.

Since Joe has NEVER slept through the night I can say that I have not gotten a full night’s sleep since September 2, 2010. The first few weeks were brutal. I was so tired that I felt my eyeballs were screaming, “PLEASE COVER US UP! WE’RE TIRED OF SEEING THE LIGHT!” If you would have put a zombie next to me we pretty much would have looked the same; I just wouldn’t be lumbering after you to eat your brains.

I’ve gotten used to running on only a few hours of sleep. I know it’s not always healthy to not get enough rest, but I do try and nap when Joe takes his morning nap. That has helped tremendously.

I’m not going to say that nighttime parenting has made me a better person. There are times that I just want to let Joe keep crying in his crib and move to Mexico where surely I won’t be able to hear his shrieking cries. My frustrations rise and just when they are about to hit the boiling point (the point to which I tell my husband to take him and I go scream into a pillow) he settles down and nestles next to me in bed. He has actually gotten into this habit of not always wanting to co-sleep with me. Sometimes nothing I do will calm him down until I place him back into his crib and he’ll fall right back to sleep. Other times he has to be near me and nothing else will do.

Yes, I have survived on little sleep. I can do it. If I wouldn’t have been able to, well… let’s just say no one would probably ever want to be near me. So far I haven’t scared off too many people.

2. I totally get the multiple baby photos and videos on facebook now.

I’ve always loved babies and children. However, I really wasn’t interested in seeing 196 photos of your kid in the snow or a video of him eating spaghetti. That has changed. I love putting up pictures of Joe on facebook. Some of them are practically the same pose, but they are all just so dang adorable that I can’t just pick ONE. So you get to see them all! Lucky you! And the nearly four minute video of Joe eating watermelon? You have to watch it all. Not just part of it, ALL of it, because it is full of angelic adorable-ness and if you don’t watch it you have no soul.

3. I have a lot more empathy and sympathy toward other parents and their struggles and heartbreaks.

Before Joe was born and I would hear on the news about a toddler drowning in a pool or a baby who has cancer, I would be sad, but that would usually be the extent of my feelings. Now I can barely even stand to hear stories like this. I remember after the Joplin, MO tornado there was a report of a 16 month old who had been ripped from mother and father’s arms. He did not survive and it took them a few days to find his body. When I heard that story I was sick to my stomach. I can’t even imagine having your baby ripped from your arms and him being exposed to the elements after he had died. Whenever the news would bring up this story I just had to turn it off. I couldn’t bear to hear it again.

If any news story comes on regarding a child being abused or harmed or sick I just can’t watch it. Because I look at my son and my heart breaks to even think about him being in pain.

I had a college professor whose premature son died moments after he was born. My professor was able to baptize him before he took his last breath. When I read this on a friend’s status I bawled. I don’t like to see other parents in pain over their children.

Before Joe was born these stories would make me said. Now they break my heart because I don’t know how I could carry on if something tragic were to happen to Joe.

I also empathize with pregnant women who have pre-eclampsia or who have had a birth experience they didn’t except. And those new parents who have babies younger than me and are struggling with the first signs of teething or projectile vomit- oy, I’ve been there done that and I feel your pain. Before Joe was born I thought teething was no big thing. That changed BIG time!

4. Joe has taught me to live in the moment.

“The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.”

I came across this quote on a friend’s Facebook status. Babies don’t keep. That is so true. Just a year ago today I was holding this tiny helpless little being in my arms. Now as I type this he is bursting into toddlerhood with the energy of a cocaine addict. He is wanting his independence from me and that makes me a little sad.

I have a tendency to be nostalgic. I look back and cherish the good memories I’ve experienced. High school football games and pep rallies. Late night study sessions in the college library. Random road trips with my hubby when we first got married. Even when I think about some not so fun memories I try and remember the lessons I’ve learned from them (Lesson learned: Getting wasted after a breakup and dressing up like a hoochie mama won’t make things better.)

I also am very impatient for the future. I can’t wait until Joe starts walking and talking. What is he going to look like with a head-full of hair? What is he going to look like when he is sixteen? How many more children are we going to have? I can’t wait for Christmas mornings with lots of excited children running about and wrapping paper and bows everywhere and yummy food on the table.

Too many times I have one eye looking in the past and one eye looking to the future. I forget to live in the moment. I forget to enjoy what is right in front of my face. If I spend too much time looking forward to the future I’m going to miss these precious moments that are so fleeting. I practically have to remind myself everyday to enjoy the moment. Last night after Joe’s bath I spent a good five minutes smelling his head and soaking up that baby shampoo goodness. Someday his head might not smell so good. I’m thinking those teenage years when he thinks showers are of the devil and I’ll be begging him to put on deodorant.

5. Joe has helped me to fall even more in love with my husband and to be a better wife.

Everywhere I go people always say, “Oh, your baby looks just like his daddy!” I just love hearing those words. Joe does look an awful lot like his dad even though there are some days where he looks just like me. Just depends on the angle. When I look at Joe I sometimes sit back and marvel at God’s wonderful plan of procreation. Joe is a part of me and a part of my husband. When I see those moments where Ryan shows through Joe’s personality I just fall even more in love with my husband. I didn’t even think that was possible.

Our marriage has definitely changed with the addition of Joe. Our love overflows from each other down to our child. Joe is the greatest blessing to our marriage, but I don’t want to neglect my duties as a wife. Before Joe was born it was easy to just be the wife and not strive to be the best wife I can possibly be to my husband. But since our son has arrived I now make an extra effort to be the best helpmate I can be to my husband.

6. I don’t have to be perfect.

I’ve always struggled with being a perfectionist. Everything has to be just right. I have to check off everything on my to-do list. Certain things need to be in place before I can start on another task. I have a big list of stuff to do before Joe’s birthday party, including finishing up this post. I told myself I could type here and there while he played. But then I realized how ridiculous this thinking was. Who cares if I get this post up or not? I’d rather be playing with my son, cuddling with him and laughing and being a goof ball. I shouldn’t have this attitude just because it is his birthday. I should have this thinking all the time. I can blog when he naps. (Right now he is supposed to be napping but I can see in the video baby monitor that he is throwing his stuffed animals onto the floor. Has he decided to boycott his naps now?) I can blog when Ryan gets home. I shouldn’t always work on my to-do list when I should focus on being being a mother.

Joe doesn’t care if his birthday cake matches the decorations. He doesn’t care if my eyebrows are waxed. He doesn’t care that I haven’t written a blog post in two weeks. He doesn’t care if I don’t make my goal weight. He cares about me being with him and living life. No one expects me to be perfect except for me. I’m a pretty harsh critic of myself, so I might as well just give it up.

7. I am a different person now.

I am still Maggie. But life started changing for me once I said “I do.” I couldn’t spend my days thinking about myself. I had my darling husband to give my whole self to. However, once I became a mother, my life has been transformed even more. I have two people in my life that I would die for in a heartbeat. One of them is a baby. He is defenseless and completely, totally depends on me. The 20 year-old Maggie could not have handled this very well. I am an adult now (even though it sucks sometimes.) I am a wife and a mother. With the birth of Joe my life has expanded. My heart has expanded. My ability to love has grown. My world is completely different. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Thanks be to God, from whom all blessings flow.