Wondering Wednesdays Vol. 12: How Far I'd Go for a Pregnancy Craving

Today for my Wondering Wednesday post....

I am wondering how far I would really go to open a can of spaghettios when the only can opener we own is packed away at our new house.

I'm also wondering how long it would have taken for me to chop off my fingers if I would have continued chopping away at the can lid.

I invite you to write about your own wonderings/ponderings. They can be silly (like this one) or serious. Half the time I just write my wondering Wednesday posts to flesh out my thoughts that I have bumping around in my noggin. In some posts I do look for feedback (not on this one, obviously. Unless you want to share your own story of how to open things when you don't have the right tools!) Elizabeth from That Married Couple and the gentlemen at Defend Us In Battle have started their own Wondering Wednesday posts. Feel free to join us!

Here are the tools I tried to get the can open!

I decided to stop stabbing the can for fear I would chop my fingers off!

My dog had a Wondering Wednesday of his own- "I wonder what the heck she is doing!!!"

ACK!

Organizing, packing up and cleaning an apartment for a move is definitely an exercise in compromise for a marriage! As a homemaker I feel that I should have a bigger say in where things go, but then I remember the world doesn't revolve around me and I should stop acting like a three year old!

Why am I blogging when I have SO MUCH TO DO?! It's better to read blogs and browse the Internet than to start organizing because then I get so overwhelmed. Procrastination should be the 8th deadly sin.

OK... I am seriously logging out now! Have a happy Monday, everyone!

Just One Quick Post!

So... I know I stated yesterday that I was taking a blogging break. Well I just wanted to take a moment to celebrate the fact that today marks day 1 of my 3rd trimester! The final stretch! I thank God we've gotten to this point with no complications!

And... well, I just had to share this.

This is something that makes me go, "Huh?!"

ACTION FIGURE GOD!


What makes this even funnier is he has an AK-47 assault rifle. Really? If God weren't the merciful, loving, and kind being that He is and was a big ol' meanie- would he really need an assault rifle?

The hallowed cloak of invulnerability is pretty sweet though.

I found this at FailBlog. I'm sure you already knew this was an epic fail!

Blogging Break

Hello, friends!

I think I'll be taking a blogging break for the next week or so. We're packing up, organizing and cleaning and moving to a new house, I'm planning some activities for my family reunion in July, and trying to stay cool in this icky heat- all while growing a person inside me (which is super hard work!)

I have so many ideas in my head I want to write about, but I have bigger issues to deal with right now. I'll still be reading all your blogs, since I am required to take breaks and rest, and simply because I love reading what you all have to say!

I hope you all have a great week! I'll be back soon, I promise!

Adventures in Swelling

What is that large blue object my darling doggie Chandler is looking at? Uh... that would be my growing belly!

This isn't going to be a post complaining about all the aches and pains of pregnancy. I am actually in amazement of the changes- both good and bad- going on with my body. There are so many changes happening in a short period of time that I just stare in the mirror in awe instead of discomfort or disgust (although those looks creep in every once in awhile.) No other time in my life will my body change this much. No man will ever go through what we women do during pregnancy. This is kind of a pregnancy journal entry. This is just to explain the latest chapter in this adventure.

There are good changes and not-so-good changes going on with this pregnancy. I'll save the best for last!

Swelling

One thing I love about being short is having cute little pixie feet. I love my feet- they are so dainty. That was until the day I looked down after a long day of cleaning and saw my little dainty toes had turned into puffy Vienna sausages. How and when did this happen!? Just a couple hours ago they looked normal! Eventually the puffiness went away....

That is until a couple weeks later when the temperatures started to soar and I went to the E.R. The puffiness had gone from just funny looking-feet to painful. My hands also started to swell to man-hand size. Of course I was (am) paranoid of pre-eclampsia (excessive swelling can sometimes indicate pre-eclampsia.) Thankfully my doc told me my blood pressure is perfect and I should drink more water and put my feet up more often. I drink two or three 34 oz. mug-fulls of water each day and try to relax more. (I actually have an excuse not to clean the entire apartment.. although it's hard for me to sit still when things need to be done.)

My shoe size has gone up because of this swelling. I used to wear a size 5 1/2. I bought some flip flops a couple weeks ago... in a size 7!

Swelling is a normal part of some women's pregnancies. My body is retaining more water and my blood chemistry is all a'changin' since there's a human growing inside of me!

Stretch Marks

When I went to the E.R. they asked me a bunch of questions. One was "have you had any breakdown of the skin?" I asked, "Do stretch marks count?" I've always heard of women getting stretch marks and didn't think that they would be such a big deal. However, that all changed when my thighs starting itching like crazy. Did I have some rash? Did some bug bite me? I looked in the mirror and it looked like a cat had scratched up and down my thighs. I screamed in terror and Ryan came running in. He of course said those nice husbandly things, "Oh, you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Yadda, yadda, yadda..."

Some women think using cocoa-butter lotion is a complete waste of time. I have used it, and I know they won't erase the stretch marks completely, but fade them. Mine have actually faded a bit. Well, then new stretch marks appear. I've decided to start naming them. The two newest are Carl and Lenny.

Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum!

I have a big ol' preggo belly. But that's not one of the bad things of pregnancy- I'm actually saving that for the good part. Being so big has made me think- it has to be hard for giants to move around. Their bodies are so cumbersome. Have you ever seen a giant try and pick up a quarter from the floor? It's the same for me- moving around is just plain difficult! I swear I need one of these old-people chairs:

My husband would like it if he didn't have to pull me out of the recliner every time I needed up to go potty (which is often these days.)

I can't ever get comfortable when I'm trying to fall asleep. I'll be comfortable on my left side for about 2. 7 minutes and then need to switch to my right side. I kind of have to give myself a little push off the mattress or kind of sway a little side to side to get some momentum to turn over. And since I'm running out of lung space due to this growing boy I am always out of breath. Just from turning over in bed!

Getting in and out of our van is always a chore too. I used to think those pregnant women who couldn't pick something up off the floor or tie their shoes were exaggerating. Um. No. My mind is completely changed. I'm just thankful it's summer and I can slip on my flip flops, otherwise my husband's job would be to pull me out of chairs and tie my shoes!

Insert Annoying Beavis and Butt-Head Laugh Here

I make bodily noises like a frat boy. Actually I think I make them better than a frat boy. That's all I'll say about that...

What is Going On?!

I've been pregnant before, but I lost Gus when he was 5 weeks gestation. So the first-few-week-symptoms weren't new to me with this pregnancy. But now that I am nearly 28 weeks there are new things going on that have puzzled me. The baby hasn't been very active in the past few days. I don't really feel the kicks anymore, just like he's rubbing his head and/or baby bum over the walls of my uterus. What are baby hiccups supposed to feel like? Am I having Braxon Hicks contractions? My back is hurting more than usual- am I having pre-term labor? I don't have a lot of experience to draw on in these situations! I am a little anxious sometimes, but I just trust in God and know everything is in His hands. I do my part by staying healthy.


Now on to the brighter side of pregnancy...


I'm Ready for My Shampoo Commercial

I've always had really thin, limp hair. I use volumizing shampoo, conditioner and hair products. I blow-dry my hair upside down. About one hour after I do my hair it goes flat.

But now- WOW!

I don't even have to do my hair for it to appear thick and full. If I just wash it and let it air dry it looks luxurious. I've never really fussed over my hair, so while this is a perk, it's not like the most wonderful thing in the world. I'm not getting too attached because I know when the baby is born it will all start falling out!

My Job as a Hand Model Starts Now

My fingernails now grow quickly. They also don't chip. Too bad I HATE long fingernails. I can't function with them. I feel like I'm scratching my eyes when I am putting in my contacts. Again, this is just a perk!

Braxton Hicks

This may sound strange, but I am actually grateful for Braxton Hicks contractions. I can definitely feel them, but they are painless. I'm sure in a couple weeks when they start to be a little more painful they will bother me. But for now I'm happy for these practice contractions. It is nice to know my body is preparing for the real deal.

My Big Beautiful Belly

I mentioned before that I've always had kind of a poochie tummy before pregnancy, so seeing my belly grow because of a child inside of it instead of eating Taco Bell is nice. The stretch marks haven't crept up to my belly yet (they're hanging out down south on my thighs.) So sometimes after I get out of the shower or when I change my clothes I just stare in amazement at my stomach. It's so BIG and so awesome! It's been interesting to see my belly button get more and more shallow. It hasn't popped out like a turkey timer yet, but it's pretty darn close.

I just love to rub my belly and feel how hard it is. And the best reward to rubbing- I feel my baby boy kick. Deep below the layers of fat and tissue our son is living and thriving. The first few months of pregnancy were odd- you know there is a living being inside you, but it doesn't really feel like there's anything going on. The first time I felt him kick and really knew it was him kicking and not gas bubbles- my heart skipped a beat. It was a nervous and excited and new feeling I had never experienced before. You imagine what it feels like to feel your baby kick, but when it happens... it's indescribable. As he has gotten bigger he's actually moving all the skin and tissue on my belly. It looks like a little alien trying to escape. Last night while I was reading, I was resting the book on my belly. Maybe I was "squishing" him or maybe he just wanted to say hello, but my book started "bobbing" up and down. He was kicking my book!

I'm not quite sure what body part is what, but sometimes I feel something really hard at certain areas of my belly. I mean really hard. Is that his head? Or his little bum? Maybe his back? It's so neat!

Ryan can't get enough of watching my belly move. He could touch and stare at my belly for hours if he could. I see him in awe of his son already. Just imagine how much love and devotion he will have for his son when he is outside the womb.

The Best Part of Pregnancy....

is our baby, of course. Knowing there is a person inside me, with his own DNA, his own soul, his own identity. Sure he has both my husband and me as a part of him, but he is his own little person. I wish I had a camera to see what he's doing down there in my womb. I wish I could see his little face. I wish I could hear his cries and coo's and baby laughs. It's kind of a strange thought- we will see our son for the first time sometime in September. But I have known him since found out we had conceived him. One minute he'll be a mystery- the next he'll be born and all our wonderings (most of them anyway) about him will be realized. Our lives will change forever when this baby is born. An indelible mark will be placed on our souls when we become parents to our child when he comes into the world. Sure it will be scary. We'll be responsible for a body, mind and soul other than our own. I'm thankful God is merciful.. we will need all the help we can get.

I know I may have complained too much about my pregnancy, but that really was not my intent. I am very lucky to have had a non-complicated pregnancy. And really, if I didn't have the stretch marks or the back aches or the aversion to certain foods I would be freaking out. I'd rather have all uncomfortable symptoms than a symptom-free pregnancy. I want to know that things are going the way they should be. And I shouldn't get to discouraged about the weight gain or the cottage cheese thighs or puffiness. I know most women experience these things in pregnancy, even though it feels like I am the only one in the world that has these red badges of motherhood.

The only part I very much dislike about this pregnancy is the renewal of depression in my life. It's not a Darth Pregger, easily annoyed, cry over a car commercial kind of depression. It's a bit darker than that. It is something that I have talked to my doctor about and am now receiving appropriate help. I have battled with depression on and off since high school, and it saddens me that it struck again during the happiest time of my life. But this deserves a separate post that I hope to get to soon.

I embrace all the changes going on with my body. I read somewhere that a pregnant woman is like a beautiful tree that bears heavy fruit. I think that quote is perfect. All the changes that are happening - the good, bad and the ugly are beautiful because they are a result of a greater good- the creation of a new soul, a new life- my son.

7 Quick Takes Friday Vol. 14

1. We have some exciting news! We're moving to a house! It's still in this dismal little town, but it is away from my neighbors that occasionally turn me into Darth Pregger! It's a small little house, but has a big kitchen. There's a front porch (both Ryan and I are front porch fans) and lots of tress for shade. My total excitement buzz was killed for a bit when our land lady told my husband that she "didn't think we could handle it" meaning the rent/utilities (even though this house rent is cheaper than our apartment) and the mowing and all this with a new baby. We've been praying over this and looking at our finances and we can handle it. I was a bit fired up when we went over to look at the house and I made sure our landlady knew that we WILL MAKE IT WORK. (I could have used a little more Christian charity while talking to her, but trust me, I could have been worse.)

I could tell Ryan was still kind of upset at her comment. I reached over to hold his hand and told him not to worry about what she says because she's kind of a crazy bat. While we were driving back to the apartment he looked at me with resolve and said, "To quote John Locke from LOST- 'Don't tell me what I can't do!'" YES! MY HUSBAND IS SO AWESOME! I love him so much! By the grace of God we will make this work, and is the next step to the next chapter in our lives!

2. One of my friends announced she is having TWINS! Twins run in both my family and Ryan's, so I have often wondered if I will pop out two at one time someday. I've always had this feeling in the back of my mind that it could happen!

3. Ryan and I watched the final game of the NBA finals last night. I laughed when L.A. Lakers' Ron Artest thanked his psychiatrist after he won the championship. In a way- I think that's kind of sweet.

4. Speaking of the NBA Championship- my favorite part is when the confetti rains down at the end. I love that part of any event- the Super Bowl, American Idol, and especially ticker tape parades! I need to add to my bucket list that I want to be at an event where confetti comes down- I just think it would be so cool!

5. I've been planning out a post on all the changes going on in my body with this pregnancy. These past couple of weeks have been rough- both physically and mentally.

6. I'm starting to read the Chronicles of Narnia. I've already read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, but it has been awhile. I love the movies and can't wait for the next installment!



7. Well, folks, I have some packing to do! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Stress-Proof Your Marriage

Stress-Proof Your Marriage by Cory and Heidi Busse is a quick read, but an excellent one. I read the book in one sitting, but I found myself truly interested in what the authors had to say and was nodding my head in agreement nearly the entire time I was reading. The book is peppered with humor and I found myself laughing out loud quite a bit. (I understood why when I read the back cover and found out that Mr. Busse is a former stand-up comedian.)

They start off the book by explaining that no marriage is perfect and that all marriages have their share of ups and downs. I believe this is so important for married couples to remember. It seems that too many marriages fail because once the going gets tough, too many people throw in the towel. Faced with Original Sin and the Fall of Adam and Eve, we are faced with challenges in any relationship. Mr. and Mrs. Busse touch on this beautifully.

The authors then get into their tips on how to stress-proof a marriage. They draw from their own experience from their twelve year marriage plus some outside sources. Their tips range from everyday matters such as finances, eating together, intimacy and communication to spiritual matters of going to Mass together and praying. The advice they give is practical and can be used by all married couples.

I believe this book can be a beneficial tool for all married couples- from newlyweds to "veteran" married couples. I also think this book would be great for engaged couples to read as well to prepare them for the adventure of marriage.

This review was written as part of the Catholic books reviewer program from The Catholic Company. Visit The Catholic Company to find more information on Stress-Proof Your Marriage.

Wondering Wednesdays Vol. 11

Most of my Wondering Wednesday posts are long ponderings. Sure, they are subjects I "wonder" about, but a majority of the wonderings are questions/fears/anxieties that cannot be answered at the present time.

Today my wonderings I believe are a bit more answerable. Maybe y'all can help me out!

#1.
My husband and I went to Saturday evening Mass this past weekend. While the priest was walking over to read the Gospel, Ryan leaned over to me to inform me that he was going to use the rest room when the homily began. This is a tiny little church, so if you need to use the rest room you have to exit the church, walk across the lawn and go into a side entrance of the rectory. Ryan returned a little sooner than I thought he would. "The door was locked to the rectory," he whispered in a bit of a panic.

He started doing the "gotta pee knee jiggle." I put my hand on his knee and out of habit I said, "Offer it up." He stopped and stared off into the distance for a second then whispered, "What does that mean exactly?" Then it was my turn to stare off into the distance and wonder. I wasn't really sure what that meant! I just shrugged my shoulders and went on to listen to the homily.

While driving home I was wondering what "offer it up" means. Does it mean to offer up your pains and sufferings for the release of the poor souls in purgatory? Or does it mean to offer up your pains to be united with the pains that Christ suffered on the cross. Perhaps it can mean both? I really don't know!

#2.
This is something I've been wondering since I was pregnant with our Baby Gus. When I receive Jesus in the Eucharist, does the grace affect the soul of the unborn baby inside me? I thought for sure it does.

But then I started thinking technically. To receive their First Communion a child must be baptized. There's obviously no way to baptize a baby in the womb. There is the baptism of desire, but isn't the reserved for babies who pass away before they are born or in infancy? But I'm not wanting to go that route.

I'm just thinking in simple terms. My body is a home to two souls; my own and the soul of my son. (That just blows my mind!) Surely God's infinite grace and love affects the soul of my baby when I receive the Body of Christ. Maybe I'm just being naive and my mind-set is of the fairy dust theology kind. But whenever I pray for my unborn son I pray that he grows healthy and happy in both body and soul. There might be some strict theological teaching regarding this, but I have too much on my plate right now to figure it out.

I just think it's a nice thought to think that my baby's soul is being nourished by Christ while still floating away in my womb.

What do you all think?

I See Jesus!

Every once in awhile I will come across an article on the Internet with the title "Man Finds Hope After Seeing Image of Jesus in Toast." These are the things in life that make you go, "Huh?" I actually always get a kick out of stuff like this. Jesus appearing in the form of a Cheeto? An image of our Blessed Mother on a Dolce and Gabbana purse? God works in mysterious ways...

I recently came across a book called "Look! It's Jesus!" and it is a bunch of pictures of food and other random objects with supposed images of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, and even Moses (I personally thought that one looked like Noah, but that's just me.) The book is a hoot! Some of the images were crazy difficult to make out. There was an image of Jesus in a guitar and I looked and looked and still couldn't see it. The food images were the best. I am definitely not one to examine my food before I eat it to see if there is some holy image. I don't stop and think, "Is Jesus in my spaghetti?" and look diligently for his blessed face. The only thing I say before I eat is, "Mmmm... yum!" before I start scarfing it down like Homer Simpson.

Like I said, I always get a kick out of these situations. It's fun to see what crazy object Jesus will "appear" on next. The even funnier thing is to see how much that object or food item will go for on Ebay.

All this "seeing Jesus in a nacho chip" got me thinking. We are supposed to see Jesus in everyone. Even Mother Teresa said, "I see God in everyone." Look in the Bible. Jesus himself tells us that we should see him in everyone we see. "The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'" (Matthew 25:40) Sigh... My path to sainthood is doomed because I see more of Jesus in an Arby's curly fry than I do in that mean lady who cuts in front of me at the grocery store and gives me the stink eye or my neighbor that wakes me up at 7:15 a.m. to work on his 3-wheeler (yeah, I'm still not quite over that one yet.)

Not to get all happy-clappy, Kumbaya-ish on you all, but sometimes it is easier for me to see Jesus in nature than in my neighbor. It's not a bad thing to see God's amazing glory in an awesome sunset or a beautiful lake scene; it's just that God made human beings to be a greater good than nature.

We are supposed to see Christ in everyone we meet. It is a good thing to see God in all his majesty when we walk out in nature. It's an amusing thing to see Jesus in a Snickers candy bar. But I believe the most important place to see Christ is in our own lives. He should be front and center in all we do. I love reading this particular part of St. Patrick's Breastplate:

Christ be with me, Christ be within me

Christ behind me, Christ before me

Christ beside me, Christ to win me

Christ to comfort and restore me.

Christ beneath me, Christ above me

Christ in quiet, Christ in danger

Christ in hearts of all who love me,

Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I encourage you to read the rest of this beautiful prayer. It is truly beautiful.

A long time ago, I used to feel a little uncomfortable when I would hear people say they loved God more than their own family or friends. Sure, I thought God was supposed to be an important part of one's life, but I thought their sentiments were a little extreme. It took me awhile before it dawned on me- without God we wouldn't have our families. We wouldn't have our friends. We wouldn't have our boyfriends/girlfriends or spouses. We wouldn't have our community or homes. We wouldn't have the good things in life (laughter, love, passion, memories, sun light, an ice-cold beer, a good book, a comfy sweatshirt... ) We wouldn't have our existence. Shouldn't we honor our Creator and thank him for all he has given us? Shouldn't we make him a part of the rest of the good things in our life?

I need to work on seeing Jesus in everybody. I need to work on seeing him in my life, even when he seems far away. OK... and maybe I should forgive my neighbor already for disturbing my sleep! I'm a work in progress!

Breast Pumps and Boppy's and Bumbo's- OH MY!

A couple weeks ago my husband and I ventured out to register for baby stuff. Now, before I was preggo, walking down the baby aisles of Target and Wal-Mart was so much fun. I couldn't wait to have my own little bundle of joy. I was excited for breast feeding items, slings and car seats. When it came time to actually choose these things for my 26 week old baby inside me, I was quite overwhelmed!



I asked for advice before I registered and got quite a few helpful responses. I was still worried that I would "over register" and people would look at my list and think I was super greedy. I was also wary about registering for breast feeding products. That might give some people the heebie jeebies (even though breast feeding is natural and beautiful- nothing to be embarrassed about.) One of the best pieces of advice was given to me by a first time mom. She told me I was not alone in being clueless what to register for and just to go with what I think would benefit me, my husband and our baby. She gave me peace of mind to just go for it.



I went to Target first. They give you a checklist of things to register for. I could tell already that I wouldn't be getting everything they suggested. I went along, zapping cute little blankets and burp clothes until I got to the onesies. There were packages of "newborn" onesies and "0-3 month" onesies. The differences were in relation to the weight of your baby. Uh... I have no clue what size my baby is going to be at birth! Both Ryan and I were little scrawny newborns. But that doesn't necessarily mean that our baby will be tiny. But what if there is an emergency and the baby is born prematurely? All of a sudden these panic-y visions started running through my head of having a premature baby or a 12 pound chunker. I just zapped a couple of both sizes and ran away.



Then came the breast feeding aisle. I knew for sure I'd need nursing pads, and creams and ointments for my future sore breasts. I zapped away at those. But then there were those pumps. Some of the electric ones were expensive! WOW! Then were were manual pumps that were super cheap. I stood there looking at all the pumps and breast feeding bottles and storage bags and started to really wish I would have researched more on breastfeeding. Did I really need a breast pump? I figured it would be a good idea to go ahead and register for a moderately priced one. I wouldn't use it all the time (since I have no job to go back to after the baby is born) but it would be nice so Ryan could feed our son every once in awhile or in case of some unforseen emergency. I registered for a few extra bottles and storage bags and went on my merry way.



What confused me the most was car seats. I never knew there were so many varieties of car seats! I knew I wanted an infant carrier because it has a handle on it. You can take it into church, into the store, into the house, etc. I really wanted to register for a travel system- the car seat that snaps into a stroller. A nice two-for-one item! But then I discovered the convertible car seat. Infant carriers only work for infants up to about 22 lbs or so. But a convertible car seat "grows with your child." It can be used while the baby is an infant and when they graduate to front-facing car seat status. Should I really register for two? That seemed really greedy. But then I figured if we did receive both as gifts that one of the grandma's could keep one at their house as a spare!



Then we got into the non-essential items. Bumbo's- some people said don't get them- they are unsafe, others said it was one of the best baby items they received. Swings- some people said don't bother, others swore by a certain brand and model. Don't get a Diaper Genie. Don't get wipe warmers. Do get a diaper caddy. Do get an activity mat. Don't get a baby sling, they've been recalled. ACK!!!



I survived that registering experience. I registered at Wal-Mart through the Internet, which was really nice because you can read product reviews. I still have a couple things to add, but I'm basically done and happy with the items I registered for.



This whole experience has taught me something about advice and parenting. Advice from others can be a good and bad thing. I'm definitely a "if I want your advice, I'll ask for it" type of person. But I know there will be those overly-helpful people who will give me advice even if I don't ask for it. I know that is something I will have to get used to. (Just offer it up, Maggie, just offer it up!) I do appreciate those people who offer snippets of advice every once in awhile. It's just those people who are constantly telling me how I should do things! (I still have a little 3 year old in me shouting, "I can do it myself!")



But even the advice I do ask for may get to be a little overwhelming (for example- what to register for.) I've already decided not to rely on many books for parenting advice (have you SEEN the parenting section at your favorite book store?! There are as many parenting techniques as there are fish in the sea it seems like!) Everyone has their own unique way of parenting. Every child is different and needs different ways of parenting.



I think that is going to be one of the greatest adventures of new motherhood- figuring it all out. It will be scary, I know. I will be looking for advice and good role models in parenting (thankfully I have quite a few around me!) But I can't wait to learn more about myself as a mother, Ryan as a father, and especially about the little miracle growing inside me!

How Jesus Showed Me His True Presence

I have mentioned before how naive I used to be regarding the teachings of the Catholic Church. I'm not kidding here, folks. When I was in high school, I believed that the little white circle called communion (the word Eucharist was far from my vocabulary at that point) was a symbol of Jesus. I actually believed that was what the Catholic Church taught.

I wonder how I could have possibly come to that conclusion, because now when I go back to my hometown, the priest (who is the same priest I had in high school) talks frequently about Christ's true presence in communion. How could I have missed that in high school? Sigh... I think I remember how. During the homily my mind would often wander. "I can't wait to go to home to take a nap. I wonder what my boyfriend is doing. I wonder what is for lunch. What outfit should I wear tomorrow? Shoot, I have a quiz I need to study for. I can't wait to take a nap. I can't wait to talk to my boyfriend, it's been 10 hours since I've last talked to him. I can't waaaaaaaaaait to take a nap!" Before I knew it the homily was over and it was time to stand. When we would get in line for communion I thought it was just like any other part of the Mass, like the sign of peace or the offering. No biggie, nothing special.

Fast forward a couple years to my spiritual growth spurt. I actually started to read the "why's" behind all the unique things Catholics did. It was like being hit in the head with a grace-filled hammer. Holy moly I had missed out on so many awesome things the Catholic Church had to offer! One of the biggies- the Eucharist- that little circle bread that I thought was a symbol of Jesus actually was Jesus. His body, blood, soul and divinity were contained in that little piece of bread.

***I'm not very good at explaining the theology or apologetics behind the true presence of Christ in the Eucharist. If any of you are interested in learning what Catholics believe I suggest picking up or going online to the Catechism of the Catholic Church and read paragraphs 1322-1372. Scott Hahn, a former Protestant minister, wrote a really good book about the Mass in general called The Lamb's Supper. This post isn't to bring up the debate of Jesus truly being present in the Eucharist. However, there are a few things I have total and complete faith in- God, the Catholic Church, the Eucharist, my marriage and duct tape. I will have to pull on my Chuck Norris boots if you fight me on any of these topics. :-)***

I read these things about Jesus in the Eucharist and as strange as it all seemed, I believed it. Jesus is God, but also man. He walked on water. He multiplied food to feed thousands. Jesus is known to do things out of the ordinary. Suddenly all the guidelines I had heard in passing regarding communion made sense. So that's why you are supposed to fast one hour before receiving communion- the Creator of the Universe should have sole residence in your body. He doesn't want to share your Cheerios. So that's why you should be free of serious sin before you take communion- our bodies should be pure vessels if Jesus' actual presence will be inside us.

I accepted all this, but it still didn't quite "click." That was until I went to Adoration.

My Uncle Alan did business in Atchison while I was living there. He'd usually take me out for dinner and daily Mass the next morning. One time he suggested we go to Adoration, and I had no clue what that was. I had come across it in my reading, but never bothered to look into it. He took me to St. Benedict's- the church I always went to. We went behind the main altar and a new little world appeared to me. There were about 5 or 6 pews facing the back side of the altar. On that altar sat a beautiful golden object with a communion host (the Body of Christ) stuck right in the middle. I learned later that this object is called a monstrance. (The picture below is a monstrance. The circle in the middle, surrounded by the red jewels is where the communion host goes.)



Alan had explained to me beforehand that since the Body of Christ wasn't hidden in the tabernacle like we usually see during Mass that we were to really show the upmost respect. Instead of the usual one-kneed genuflect, he got down on both knees and made a very reverent bow. This was something I had never seen, but since Jesus was exposed, and he is King of the Universe, then bowing only made sense. We sat in the pews. There were quite a few other people there. Some were praying rosaries, others were reading their Bible. Some were just silent in prayer. I didn't really know what to do. "Hey, Jesus, how's it going?" is all my silly little mind could think up. We sat there for awhile and left. I never had experienced anything like it.

I went home and did a little more research on this whole adoration thing. Some Churches have the Blessed Sacrament exposed (the monstrance thingy) just once a week or once a month for a couple hours. St. Benedict's offers what they call Perpetual Adoration. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every single day of the year the monstrance is exposed and there is someone scheduled to always be present with Jesus. If you needed some one-on-one prayer time with Jesus at 4:00 in the morning you could mosey on over to St. Benedict's where someone would let you in. My Uncle Dave used to do the 5:00 a.m. Holy Hour regularly at his parish in Omaha.

I was intrigued by this adoration thing, so I started going back somewhat regularly. I would go after daily Mass or in between classes. The monstrance was beautiful to look at and the architecture was beautiful. Seeing all the different people come in was interesting as well. There were little old ladies and old men. Priests and nuns. There were young mothers who would bring their sleeping babes with them (oh how beautiful to see a mother and child in the presence of Christ!) Of course there were tons of college students that would visit Jesus. Sometimes all the pews would be filled with young people. If there were no seats available some people would pray on their knees on the hard floor the entire time. It was a nice quiet place to meditate, but I never really "felt" anything.

One day I went in to the adoration chapel and every pew was filled except the very front. I reluctantly sat in that pew. I know Jesus is a good guy, but it was still very intimidating to have that monstrance mere feet away from my face. I didn't have some one's weird sweater pattern or hair style to zone out on. I wasn't in a position to peek over some one's shoulder to see what book they were reading or what color their rosary was. It was just Jesus and me- face to face.

My mind started to wander. I started to study the beautiful monstrance. Suddenly I remembered where I had seen one before- at my very own hometown church. Fr. Reginald would expose the monstrance twice a year after Mass- once during Lent and the other during Advent. He also exposes it during Stations of the Cross on Lenten Friday nights, but I was always much "too cool" to go to Church on a Friday night. But I do remember those times after Mass where no closing hymn was sung and he'd place the monstrance on the altar. Then he would proceed directly toward the confessional. A small group of us would go to confession. (I was always grudgingly a part of this group because if I didn't go, my mom would give me the classic "you better go to confession, or else!" look.) But everyone else would make a mass exodus for the door. If I could have, I would have been one of them.

I remember sitting in the back pew and waiting for my turn in the confessional and the Church would be empty. I remember looking up at that monstrance and not thinking anything of it. Suddenly, as I was sitting in adoration, face to face with Jesus I imagined back to my high school days, the empty church, the communion host exposed and instead of the monstrance there was a gigantic resplendent throne and instead of the communion host, there was Christ himself. He had his arms wide open, welcoming everyone to him. To talk with him, to cry with him, to take their troubles to him, to laugh with him. He was waiting there for the parishioners of my hometown church, but everyone had left him. Everyone had better things to do than to spend even 10 minutes with Jesus. But no matter how long it took, Jesus was waiting there with arms wide open. He would never put them down. He would never stop waiting there for us.

How many times had I ignored Jesus' open embrace throughout my life? "Sorry Jesus, I'd love to spend some time at Mass with you, but I'd rather sleep in." "Sorry Jesus, I'd love to pray to you, but I have a movie to go to with friends." "Sorry Jesus, I'd love to read your Word in Scripture, but I'd rather read this People magazine instead."

As I sat there in Adoration thinking on all this, I started to sob. Jesus has given me so much- my life, my family, my friends.. and I kept leaving him time after time. Now I was thankful I was up in the front pew so no one could the tears run down my cheek. I turned around to see if the chapel was still packed, but the only person there was the little old lady who had the 2:00 p.m. Holy Hour. She gave me a warm smile and returned to praying her rosary. I had no clue how long I had been there.

I had already had my spiritual growth spurt, but it was this experience that solidified my commitment to God. This wasn't just another spiritual "high" I was going through, like I had so many times before in my life. This wasn't some church-of-what's-happening-now feeling.. with the latest music, the best light show, the most dynamic preacher- this was CHRIST himself revealing his love for me.

I left that chapel a new person.

Now I wish more than anything there was a church nearby that offered perpetual adoration. I highly suggest that if you are lucky enough to have an adoration chapel nearby to visit it. Even if you are clueless as to what to do, just go and sit with Jesus.

Just Keep Praying....

Do you remember that part in the Disney movie Finding Nemo where Dory tries to cheer up Marlin? "Cheer up Grumpy Gills... you know what you gotta do when life gets you down? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..."

Well I need that as my mantra, except replace the word swimming with praying. Ryan was informed today that he did not get the job we were so hoping he would get. I can tell you that I was not a happy camper when we got this news. I've been feeling down lately and this was just the last straw for me. It was very tempting to start getting mad at God. It is so hard to accept God's will when you pray so hard. I was praying so hard that I would squeeze my eyelids together real tight (like that makes God change his mind or something...)

But I'm not going to get mad at God. I'm not going to do my usual routine when God doesn't answer a prayer how I want and start stomping my feet and sticking out my lower lip. I'm not going to shut him out. I'm still really confused as to why Ryan didn't get the job. I know that God doesn't grant any prayer requests that might harm us or ultimately not be good for us, but I still wonder why? I am really worried about the future. My prayer for God right now is, "What's next?" I'm trying to be positive.

I just wanted to keep you all updated and thank you for your prayers.

With this ring...

Ryan and I purchased a new wedding ring for me yesterday at JC Penney's for $10.00. It has come to that point in my pregnancy that my extremities are beginning to swell. (Look for a post in the near future titled "Adventures in Swelling".) My wedding ring has always been a little tight so that was put in the jewelry box a month or so ago. I then started wearing a claddagh ring Ryan's dad bought me a couple years ago at an Irish festival. I can wear it in the morning, but by mid-afternoon I have to take it off, because if I wait a couple more hours it is nearly impossible to remove.

I have to have some sort of ring on that finger. I feel naked without something there to show the world that I am happily married. We don't have a lot of money to buy a fancy-schmancy ring, plus I might swell even more, so we opted for cheap, yet beautiful eternity band like the one shown above. We got back to the truck, Ryan opened the box and slipped the ring on my finger. Not as romantic and special as the day he put my original ring on at our wedding, but my heart was still filled with warm-gushy lovey-dovey feelings for my beloved.

Last night I was sitting in bed admiring my new ring. I somewhat wished my fingers weren't plump little piggies so I could wear my actual wedding ring. It has my engagement ring attached to it and I just love the way it looks and the memories it brings to me. But nonetheless, I am happy I have a new ring because it signifies the new chapter in our lives.

I started thinking about how the changes in my body are the reason I had to change wedding rings. The changes in my body are due to a little miracle growing inside me. I started thinking about how having a child will change my marriage.

I've read in some of the pregnancy books and baby websites of how having a baby drastically changes a marriage. The way the authors of these books and articles write it sounds like having a baby puts a huge damper on marriage. I've read somewhere that marital satisfaction goes way down when the couple has a baby. Talk about depressing...

There are statistics and and research backing up these claims, so I begin to think how a precious little baby could bring down a marriage. There are financial struggles, sleepless nights, worries of how to raise the child, and stresses of keeping the child happy and healthy. The number one problem, I believe, is that now the husband and wife can't focus solely on each other- they have a child to focus on now.

I can see how balancing a relationship with one's spouse and a relationship with a child can be a challenge. Adding a child to a family is a huge life change. There are bound to be struggles.

I wonder how my own marriage will change with the birth of our son. I know that it will change the dynamic of our lives forever. When Ryan and I were driving home the other day I was thinking, "In a few months it won't be like this anymore." We'll either have a child in the car with us, going to pick up said child, or be thinking about him.

It won't be "just us" anymore, and I am totally satisfied with that. I refuse for our marriage to be all about the kids. I want our lives to be about all of us as a family. I want to focus on my husband and children. I want to spend the rest of my life taking care of them all. Maybe those of you with kids already are thinking, "Oh sweet, innocent, naive Maggie. You have no clue." I really am clueless when it comes to life with a child of my own. (Look for another upcoming post titled, "Breast pumps and boppy's and bumbo's- OH MY!")

This past Sunday was Trinity Sunday. I learned in my Christ and Trinity class I took at Benedictine that a family mirrors the Trinity. The love between the Father and Son is so great it flows to the Holy Spirit. The love Ryan and I have is so great it overflows into our offspring. I love my husband SO much that I want to see miniature versions of him running around. It may seem by some of my past posts that I am in love with future mommy-hood. I am first and foremost in love with my husband, and the love of being a mother to a child flows from that. I see his gorgeous blue eyes, his joyful laugh and his unwavering care and concern for others and want to see that in our children. How perfect is this- I get to love my husband and our children that have a part of him in them! This is where I find it hard to believe that having babies puts a damper on marriage. (Unless of course the baby was conceived in a relationship that wasn't healthy to begin with.)

I look at my new ring and smile at the change. It signifies a new chapter in our lives, but it doesn't necessarily replace the previous chapter of just being husband and wife. We're building on our life experiences. Hopefully by the grace of God my husband and I can face these new challenges with strength, courage and love.

*My apologies if this post doesn't make sense. I'm sleep deprived. Having nightmares where I'm protecting my baby from Depression-era gangsters makes it hard to sleep!