Ryan and I purchased a new wedding ring for me yesterday at JC Penney's for $10.00. It has come to that point in my pregnancy that my extremities are beginning to swell. (Look for a post in the near future titled "Adventures in Swelling".) My wedding ring has always been a little tight so that was put in the jewelry box a month or so ago. I then started wearing a claddagh ring Ryan's dad bought me a couple years ago at an Irish festival. I can wear it in the morning, but by mid-afternoon I have to take it off, because if I wait a couple more hours it is nearly impossible to remove.I have to have some sort of ring on that finger. I feel naked without something there to show the world that I am happily married. We don't have a lot of money to buy a fancy-schmancy ring, plus I might swell even more, so we opted for cheap, yet beautiful eternity band like the one shown above. We got back to the truck, Ryan opened the box and slipped the ring on my finger. Not as romantic and special as the day he put my original ring on at our wedding, but my heart was still filled with warm-gushy lovey-dovey feelings for my beloved.
Last night I was sitting in bed admiring my new ring. I somewhat wished my fingers weren't plump little piggies so I could wear my actual wedding ring. It has my engagement ring attached to it and I just love the way it looks and the memories it brings to me. But nonetheless, I am happy I have a new ring because it signifies the new chapter in our lives.
I started thinking about how the changes in my body are the reason I had to change wedding rings. The changes in my body are due to a little miracle growing inside me. I started thinking about how having a child will change my marriage.
I've read in some of the pregnancy books and baby websites of how having a baby drastically changes a marriage. The way the authors of these books and articles write it sounds like having a baby puts a huge damper on marriage. I've read somewhere that marital satisfaction goes way down when the couple has a baby. Talk about depressing...
There are statistics and and research backing up these claims, so I begin to think how a precious little baby could bring down a marriage. There are financial struggles, sleepless nights, worries of how to raise the child, and stresses of keeping the child happy and healthy. The number one problem, I believe, is that now the husband and wife can't focus solely on each other- they have a child to focus on now.
I can see how balancing a relationship with one's spouse and a relationship with a child can be a challenge. Adding a child to a family is a huge life change. There are bound to be struggles.
I wonder how my own marriage will change with the birth of our son. I know that it will change the dynamic of our lives forever. When Ryan and I were driving home the other day I was thinking, "In a few months it won't be like this anymore." We'll either have a child in the car with us, going to pick up said child, or be thinking about him.
It won't be "just us" anymore, and I am totally satisfied with that. I refuse for our marriage to be all about the kids. I want our lives to be about all of us as a family. I want to focus on my husband and children. I want to spend the rest of my life taking care of them all. Maybe those of you with kids already are thinking, "Oh sweet, innocent, naive Maggie. You have no clue." I really am clueless when it comes to life with a child of my own. (Look for another upcoming post titled, "Breast pumps and boppy's and bumbo's- OH MY!")
This past Sunday was Trinity Sunday. I learned in my Christ and Trinity class I took at Benedictine that a family mirrors the Trinity. The love between the Father and Son is so great it flows to the Holy Spirit. The love Ryan and I have is so great it overflows into our offspring. I love my husband SO much that I want to see miniature versions of him running around. It may seem by some of my past posts that I am in love with future mommy-hood. I am first and foremost in love with my husband, and the love of being a mother to a child flows from that. I see his gorgeous blue eyes, his joyful laugh and his unwavering care and concern for others and want to see that in our children. How perfect is this- I get to love my husband and our children that have a part of him in them! This is where I find it hard to believe that having babies puts a damper on marriage. (Unless of course the baby was conceived in a relationship that wasn't healthy to begin with.)
I look at my new ring and smile at the change. It signifies a new chapter in our lives, but it doesn't necessarily replace the previous chapter of just being husband and wife. We're building on our life experiences. Hopefully by the grace of God my husband and I can face these new challenges with strength, courage and love.
*My apologies if this post doesn't make sense. I'm sleep deprived. Having nightmares where I'm protecting my baby from Depression-era gangsters makes it hard to sleep!
8 comments:
The post definitely makes sense, and all I can tell you from my limited experience is that you are right~the sleep deprivation of the newborn period sometimes made us cranky and not as loving as we ought, but we learned to A-frame and communicate better.
Taking on the adventure of parenting together has greatly blessed and strengthen our relationship. So while I'm nervous about sleeplessness this new baby will bring~I'm excited to see what who he/she is and what graces will accompany their joining our family.
I love this post! I'm right with you on wanting to focus on us as a family (not just on the baby/kids). Congratulations on your new ring and on your new season in life!
Also, I can't wait to read the future posts you hinted at :)
Throw away the baby books! Especially if you are reading What to Expect When You're Expecting. They do more harm than good! Actually, the only book you should read is The Happiest Baby on the Block. The BEST BOOK EVER.
To be honest, having a wee one in the house has improved our marriage and made us communicate better. Now that we are expecting wee one #2, we expect our marriage to grow deeper.
Personally, I get frustrated when I read articles that talk about children putting a damper on marriage. I feel like it only does that if the people in the marriage are a little too selfish (as opposed to self-less). Remember the purpose of marriage and you'll be just fine (check out the catechism on that one... :) )
I think you're definitely on the right track remembering that how marriage relates to the Holy Trinity.
As for worrying about focusing too much on the children...there's really no such thing, in my opinion. Because more than likely you and your husband are both going to be so much in love with and in awe of the little bundle(s) entrusted to you, that you wouldn't have a need to focus on anything without encompassing them somehow anyway!
A loving family grows stronger as it grows, I remember being worried that I wouldn't be able to love my second child like I did my first but as soon as I held her she was part of us, and I loved her deeply. Sometimes true life is a bit different than the books, you will know what needs to change, just remember you are adding too not subtracting from.....:-) Hugs
Maggie,
Having a child has made us so much happier. Don't believe anything the books say. When I look back at our pre-child lives, I was so confused about what to do with my life, where I was going. When I had a baby, it was like, voila, here is your vocation. And I am loving it! Wouldn't have it any other way!
I think that you'll get what you want, so long as you're willing to work hard enough for it. :-) And thinking about what you want ahead of time is a good way to make sure that you actually realize your goal.
Also, if you miss your "real" rings you can always wear them on a necklace.
Nice ring! :) My wedding ring looks almost exactly the same!
Post a Comment