BACK FROM THE BLOGGING DEAD!

Have I become that blog?

The one that's buried deep within your reader? The one that has become so boring and bland that you've just given up reading? Perhaps even deleted it off into a cyberspace grave yard?

Ah, I wouldn't blame you if you've left. What once was a blog full of insightful posts about Catholicism, motherhood, and musings on life has become quite stale. And I haven't had the chance to catch up on your blog either. According to my Bloglovin' page I have about 300+ unread blog posts. Half of you are probably pregnant, gotten a new job or remodeled your house and I wouldn't know about it!

But for the first time since June 3rd, I am at my computer with a blank screen in front of me and I don't have to worry about reading 500 anatomy and physiology pages, memorizing all the muscles, bones, and cranial and spinal nerves, packing for a family reunion or trip or preparing for some nursing school exam. Tonight was night one of putting Sam on a sleeping schedule which was a miserable failure, but he is snuggled in bed with Ryan. Any minute now Joe could come bursting from his room, but for now I am enjoying the hum of the air conditioner and the Civil Wars playing in the back ground.

My summer has gone by in the blink of an eye thanks to a very intense class. I loved, loved, LOVED my anatomy and physiology class, but it was a 6 credit hour class that is normally 16 weeks crammed into 8 weeks. I was in class Monday-Thursday 9:00-12:30. I had to drive about 30 minutes to get to my class during the morning rush hour and then drive 30 minutes back home during the busy noon hour. I don't think I have ever worked so hard for a class before, including my senior seminar for theology.

I feel like I missed out on a lot of fun summery-type things with my boys because as soon as I got home from class I hit the books. I would be ready to pass out at 9:30... which left me very little time for anything.

Class ended July 25th. Two days later we left for a 10 day vacation to Yellowstone and South Dakota. Then as soon as we got back we basically had to get ready for Sam's first birthday party by organizing, deep cleaning, painting and hanging up pictures that we still haven't put up since we moved here in April. Today is  basically my first day to finally take a breath.

My last post was a request for prayers for a very important nursing school entrance exam. I never updated on that little gem, because a wrench has been thrown in my plan. I did well on the TEAS. However, I had to take another test. It was a placement test and it placed me lower than the nursing program's accepted score for math. I had about 5 days to relearn algebra and retake the test to bring up my score (during finals week of my class and when I was supposed to be packing for my vacation, I might add.) I retook the test and got 9 points below the required score. Awesome. I still plan on applying for the program this week and hope my having a bachelor's degree will help. There's no interview process so I can't dazzle them with my witty personality. It's all paper. I am also planning on taking a math class and rearranging my schedule so I can take some other classes to apply for a different program next year.

I was extremely upset at first when this all went down. I have worked so. damn. hard. to do well in my prerequisite classes. I have sacrificed time with my husband and kids. My husband had to pull double duty- as soon as he came home from a full day's work he had to take care of the boys, clean, do laundry and cook and listen to me complain about school and how stressed I was. And it all could be for naught due to 9 points on a placement test. But who knows... maybe a miracle will occur and I'll be accepted into the program. Everything happens for a reason, right?

I have missed blogging and reading blogs. But in some ways it just seems like just another thing to worry about. I often wondered if I would be missed if I just stopped blogging for good. I felt out of the loop. Then I got depressed thinking about it all... I hate that I'm lacking that passion for writing. I used to jump into a post all excited and eager to express myself and for the world to read my words. Now I worry no one is left to read my writing. I worry more about the fact that I have no energy or motivation to write anything. Calah, Simcha, Jen, Hallie, Dwija, Cari... I want to be where you are. I want the right words to come out at the right time. I want my words to help others. Maybe I just need my words to help myself.

Don't leave yet. Trust me, I know, I get so annoyed with those people who constantly post those "poor me!" posts. It seems like everyone is going through something. And it seems like that's all I've really posted about. I've said for months and months that I need to get in to see a doctor about my depression. But I keep thinking "I have no problems sleeping, for the most part. I don't cry all the time. Everyone seems to be depressed so it must not be a big thing. I'm fine." But I have no passion. I have energy but no mental energy. And it's not one of those "I'm a mom to two small children" energy zaps. I just feel so spiritually blah. I've felt this way for a long long time. And I think it's time for me to get help. But, alas, I am the Queen of Procrastinators, so you might get a few more "I need to..." posts.

What I miss most is my passion for God. I used to get all Buddy the Elf giddy when something Catholic related came out. Now I'm all like "Meh" and play another game of Candy Crush. I used to devour Catholic books and what have you, but now I'm lucky enough if I have enough energy to read Entertainment Weekly.

Well, that's enough complaining for now. Now that I have my blogging mojo back, I'll spread out my misery in multiple posts. :-) It's picture explosion time! I'll post some photos from our summer.

Started the summer off by celebrating the 50th jubilee of my hometown priest, Fr. Reginald. He blessed our engagement, was the priest at our wedding, blessed my pregnancy with Joe, baptized Joe, and was a key part in getting me to Benedictine to start this whole journey!

Had our annual family reunion in Tightwad, MO. This year's theme was cowboy. Joe had a blast! He sang and danced and even won an award for his stick horse. Sam was just plain cute. 

These next bajillion pictures are from our trip that my dad generously paid for. There's a mix of the Grand Tetons, Yellowstone, Buffalo Bill Dam, rainbows in Wyoming, Devil's Tower, Mount Rushmore, fun in Keystone during Sturgis, Reptile Gardens, and Wall Drug. 

I hope you enjoyed these photos. I have even more from Sam's first birthday party, but I'll save those for another day! :-)

Thanks for sticking with me if you're still reading this!

Quick Prayer Request!

Hey y'all. If you could spare a moment tomorrow at around 11:00, that would be awesome. I'm taking the TEAS V entrance exam for nursing school. It's a general standardized test with reading, math, science and grammar usage. I have to score at the very least a 51% in order to be an eligible candidate. Still, I want to do the very best I can do. Since I don't have any medical background, I need all the help I can get when it comes to being accepted into the program. If it comes down to me and one other person and they have a higher TEAS V score than I do... well.. that won't be good.

I'm only slightly freaking out about it.

I've been using a practice workbook to prepare for the test. I'll go through pages and think it's all relatively easy. Then I'll get to a problem (usually in the math section) and I'll just forget everything I've ever been taught in my whole entire life.

It doesn't help that I'm such a perfectionist. I mean I seriously think I need some therapy or something. I told Ryan I would be happy if I got an 85%. He then said, "You and I both know that isn't true." And it's not. But I shouldn't expect to get a 100% on something you can't really "study" for. Especially since I'm still in the middle of a very difficult summer class. And I have kids that need food.

This summer has flown by. I hate that I can't relax and play with my kids and watch them splash in the pool. In between bouts of studying about the endocrine system I get all weepy and look outside at my boys frolicking in the summer sun.

I've only had a few nervous breakdowns.

and yes, they were ugly Meg Ryan breakdowns

My husband has been awesome through this whole thing. I REALLY do not know what I would do without him!

Hey, uh.. can you cook supper, clean the living room, bathe, diaper and generally keep the children alive? Oh, and prevent me from jumping off the Bond Bridge?

Soooo anyways. I should NOT have wasted all this time looking up hilarious GIFs. Damn you, Internet!!!

If you could please send up a quick prayer tomorrow I would greatly appreciate it!

Quick Takes: The Bad Day Edition

I interrupt this blog break for a Quick Takes post. I actually have stuff to write about! Go visit Jen for more!

1.

My anatomy and physiology class is going well. I'll admit that I am stressed and exhausted pretty much all day everyday. Getting up early, getting the boys ready, driving in rush hour/construction, dropping off the boys, making sure I get to class on time... I'm pretty much ready to go back to bed at 8:30 in the morning!

The class is tough, but amazing. I love learning about the body and how it works. There's just A LOT of information to remember. Since it's normally a 16 week course jammed into 8 weeks it is extra tough!

2.

I've developed quite a hatred for city driving these past two weeks. Normally I have no problems driving in the city, especially up here in the 'burbs. But once I cross that river, a whole new level of annoyance comes bubbling through. I get super peeved at slow pedestrians and people riding bikes. I guess I'll never shake that small town girl out of me.

3.

Traffic contributed to part of my DAY FROM HELL that I experienced yesterday. First of all I only got like 3 hours of sleep since I was up late studying for a test and my boys insisted on being crabby all night long. So waking up was hard enough.

I was watching the morning news and saw the way I normally go was jammed because of a wreck. So I had to rush around so I could leave early enough to get to class. I was already stressed as it was because of my test.

Traffic sucked, but I got there in time.

My test went relatively well. There were two parts- multiple choice over our lecutures, and then our lab exam where we had to walk around different "stations" in the lab where there were models and microscopes. Well there was no structure or organization.. we all just walked around randomly. I felt all rushed and discombobulated. I didn't feel very good about it when I left.

I had to pay $1.00 for parking 10 minutes in a parking lot when I grabbed some lunch. Apparently the sign that read FREE parking meant I needed to get my ticket validated. Like I said before... this small town girl thing is with me forever.

As I was driving home I got pulled over for speeding. This is the second time in my nearly 13 years of driving that I've been pulled over, so naturally I was freaking out. I kept my composure in front of the officer, but while I was driving home I was bawling my eyes out.

I got home and just sunk into the couch. I didn't plan on moving at all until I smelled poop. Sam had a blow out. Believe it or not, he has NEVER had a blowout. The only thing is, I didn't know it was a blowout. He was in the bedroom so I just plopped him on the bed... and poop went everywhere. He was so messy from eating sweet potatoes earlier in the day and from the poop that I tried to give him a bath. Well, this kid HATES baths so I had to strip down and get in the bath with him. Ever wrastled a 20 lb catfish while you're naked in a tub? That's what this was like. Then Joe comes running in. Naked. Then he yells, "All done!" I thought he was referring me finishing up the bath. No. Of course not. That would have been too easy. He was done... pooping.... on our bedroom floor. Aces!!!

Thankfully my husband came home soon after that and I took a nap. I dreamed that I slept until Saturday morning.

Needless to say... yesterday sucked.

4.

I got this handy dandy little sheet of paper with my ticket with information about where/how to pay. I noticed that if I were to have a car seat violation the fine is $50. But if I were to fail to use my blinker it's $115?! Something is jacked up right there...

5. 

My diet has been suffering these last two weeks since I've started school. My main problem is not exercising. By the time Ryan comes home I need to start studying and doing homework. And that usually begins after about 45 minutes of laying comatose on the couch.

I haven't been tracking what I eat. I've been doing fairly well with not constantly pigging out, but I will admit that I've slipped a lot. I find that I do better when I have a predictable schedule. I weighed myself last week and today and I'm maintaining, so that's a relief. I'm just slightly annoyed because I'm only 2 lbs away from my goal weight!
 6.

Can I just take a moment to tell you how hard it is to be going to school and being a mom? I know quite a few of you have done it. I wish I would have gotten my act together and gone to nursing school a long time ago, like some of these young whipper snappers in my class are doing. I'm getting kind of bummed that my summer is going to be 95% studying and 5% complaining how tired I am!

7.

Tomorrow Ryan and I plan on going to see Superman. I am so excited to have a date with my husband! Plus, I love going to the movies. It's all overpriced and ridiculous and will REALLY kill my diet, but I am so excited! 

EXTRA TAKE!

Happy Flag Day! This was taken my older brother (you might know him as Roman Catholic Cop), came back from Desert Storm. I was just a wee bit happy to see my big brother! Have a good weekend y'all!

Summer School...

Hey y'all.

I started my summer class today. I knew going into it that it was going to be hard work. One look at the syllabus and I kissed my summer goodbye. I'm taking anatomy and physiology, thankfully a subject I think is really cool, but it's tough enough as a regular 16 week semester course... and I'm taking it in 8 weeks!

That's not the only stressful part. Thankfully my inlaws are super awesome and are watching my boys this summer. That is BEYOND helpful. But my class was moved from 11:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. So that means I have to drive through downtown Kansas City in rush hour AND construction. Normally that doesn't bother me, but I CANNOT be late to my class and I have very precious cargo with me. Everyone around me in their cars looks like this:

Walking to class is an adventure as well. I feel like I'm in a real-life version of Frogger. I guess I can't shake off my small-town-ness.

It is extremely important that I do well in this class, so I will be taking a break from blogging. I know I always say that, but this is fo realz. The nursing program is very competitive, and I'm getting into the the home stretch of applying. So any prayers would be appreciated.

So my summer will be full of this:

 

I'd rather be doing this:

 

So that's going to be my summer. And the really romantic falling asleep on my husband...

The adventure continues!

Quick Takes Friday "The A Edition"

I actually have stuff to write about this week! Huzzah!

1.
Yesterday my final grades for my two classes were posted.

I got As, baby!!!

You have no idea how happy this makes me. I got As in college (well, my third college.... DEFINITELY not at the first two I attended!) but I'm so proud of these As because I worked my butt off. And it was NOT easy with two children.

Trying to study #1

Trying to study #2

Trying to study #3

I may have done a fist-pumping, booty-shaking victory dance that frightened my children, but hey, I'm happy!

2.
Another bright little gem of my week? My Mother's Day present came in the mail on Monday!

There is one girl in my chemistry class who you can tell is.... eh... let's just say... you can tell she isn't a fan of the sci-fi/fantasy genre. She saw my phone and was like "Ohmygawd, what's on your phone?" I told her it was from Doctor Who. She looked confused. I told her it was a time machine/space craft. I could see the confusion and disinterest flooding over her face. I felt like a complete nerd... it was awesome!

3.
Ryan decided it was his turn to pick a TV show to watch since we are all caught up with Doctor Who. He picked The Walking Dead, which doesn't surprise me because he loves zombie stuff. A lot of my friends love it, so I was really interested in seeing what it's all about.

So far I'm really liking it. There are a few times I think it's super depressing and hopeless and I'm sure all my favorite characters will die like in Game of Thrones. But there is a lot of wonderful conversation about the value of human life, the existence of God, the value of redemption and hope, and just how screwed up people can get in a fight or flight mentality.

But oh my stars... is there A LOT of blood and gore. Many times I have to turn my head away... bleck. Sometimes there is SO much blood and gore that it's just ridiculously fake (I know it's all fake, but seriously, some of it is just redonkulous.) We are almost half way through season 2 on Netflix. I hope they get season 3 on there soon!

4.
Sigh... we have a bit of a potty mouth in our midst. Joe frequently says, "Damn it!" when he's frustrated. It's totally Ryan's and my fault, and you can save all your scolding, because I already feel horrible! We've redirected him to say "Aww, man!" when he's frustrated. It works most of the time....

5.
Since we aren't around other kids a lot of the time I'm not sure if Joe's speech is on target. I read a couple months ago where they should be putting sentences together, and Joe doesn't do that a whole lot (besides cussing...) He does put words together, but it's hard to understand sometimes. However, his very first clear as day three-word sentence came out recently. It has been a little on the warm side this past week and I refuse to turn on the air conditioners. We usually close Joe's door for bedtime, but this week we've been keeping it open after he falls asleep because it gets so darn hot in there. Well now when he wakes up he yells clear as day "CLOSE THE DOOR!" I'm waiting for the day he says that when he's a teenager...

6. 
So I survived my first couch to 5K workout. I didn't die, I didn't quit and I didn't have Ryan come pick me up. I really have no idea how I will get past week 1, but I'm sure it can be done. I have a lot of encouraging friends!

7.
Do y'all know I've been cloth diapering for that past couple of months? I have a post planned on my CD adventures.... I hope to get around to it soon! :-)

Have a great weekend! Go to Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes!

Real Food, Running, and Weight Loss

Remember that post I wrote a few months back about trying to learn more about real food?

Yeah, that hasn't happened.

I started Weight Watchers in March so I've cut out some processed foods and have added more fruits and veggies. I'm staying away from sugar, fat and fast food. So I suppose its a step in the right direction. However, if you want to take my asptertame-filled Diet Dr. Pepper from me you'll have to pry it from my cold dead hands.

Sometimes I have read comments like this on certain message boards: "We eat real food and it's awesome! I can never go back to processed foods again! I ate McDonalds yesterday and I felt sick all day!" I admit that I would always roll my eyes and think they were being a wee bit dramatic.

Well, I was wrong.

Like I said, I'm not all about real food, but I'm eating better since starting Weight Watchers. However, I've been totally pigging out these last few days. On Mother's Day I had three Krispy Kreme donughts and chocolate milk for breakfast, Winsteads for lunch and did NOT use portion control on the BBQ we had later that night. Weight Watchers allows you to have treats now and then, but I went a little overboard.

On Monday night I had my chemistry final. He said we could show up at 6:00 to take it early so I got there at 5:30. He didn't show up until 6:30 and then told us we had to wait until everybody arrived. We didn't start until 7:15. I was on edge and the final was a little more difficult that I had anticpated. So when I got home I had a giant bowl of ice cream.

On Tuesday my brother and I went to visit my mom and ate at the bar and grill. I could have had a salad. But no- I ate a hamburger and some greasy fries instead.

Later that night I felt like complete crap. I felt like my tummy was going to explode in more ways than one. I just wanted to crawl in a ball and cry- that's how bad my stomach hurt. Thankfully when I woke up I felt a little better. I had slept off my food hangover.

So I apologize to those I thought were being drama queens when they complained about their aching tummy after eating crap food. You were soooo not joking.

In other news, I've decided to run. I can be very ambitious sometimes, and I fear that this may fizzle away like my plans to freelance write or teaching myself to sew. But I downloaded the Nike Run app and Couch to 5K app so we'll see how it goes. Yesterday Ryan and I took the boys out on a walk. I tried to run to see how far I could go without feeling like I was going to die, but a certain 2 year old would scream bloody murder every time I would take off.

I am not a runner. I know everybody says that, but I just cannot breathe when I run. I sometimes wonder if I have exercised induced asthma. I know that sounds like some excuse a kid comes up with to get out of gym class, but it's a real thing. I have the lung capacity of a kitten. Needless to say, I'd be screwed in a zombie apocalypse.

Still, I'm going to try my best to get moving. I have a few blogging friends who talk about how they never used to run and they are running 5Ks and half marathons. That sounds like an awesome feeling to cross that finish line. Maybe someday.

My weight loss is going well. I'm about 9 lbs away from my goal weight. The weight has been coming off steadily and I haven't had any major setbacks besides my 3 day pig out festival.

I'm not sure why I haven't been all gung-ho on my weight loss journey this time. I wrote about it like crazy the last time. Maybe because I've already met my goal before so the thrill isn't quite as exciting. Plus, I not a big fan of going to meetings at Weight Watcher centers. The meetings I went to before were independently held and much smaller. The encouragement and camaraderie was great. I suppose if I was actually going to meetings consistently I might think differently.  For now I just go and weigh in and leave and get pissy when the receptionist forgets to give me my 5lb star sticker!

I can tell my energy levels have taken a boost since starting WW. I'm not quite as lethargic as I was before. I feel I have more stamina and endurance. I can wrestle around and play with my kids. I know I am taking a step in the right direction.

I'll let you know how the running goes. If I don't blog for awhile it's because I'm still on the corner of Brooktree and Bales Avenue trying to catch my breath.

Really Quick Takes Friday!

I have a very busy day ahead of me, so these Quick Takes are going to be REALLY quick!

1.
I wanted to take a minute to thank those who commented on my post about struggling with motherhood. It's still hard, but I do manage to find some iota of patience throughout the day. Your wisdom and kind words really helped me out!

Joe is still quite ornery. But oh oh flippin' adorable!

 

 2.
Sam is getting quite the personality as well. He's just so happy! He's starting to get a little bit more adventurous each day by climbing all over stuff!

3. 
We really need to do some work to our backyard. It's getting pretty red-neck around these here parts. And yes, that is a piece of gutter that Joe is playing with.

4.
Joe insists on sleeping with a hat each night. For the longest time it was his fedora that my mom got him for Easter. Now it's his daddy's new John Deere hat!

5.
Last weekend we went back to my hometown because an old close friend of mine got married. Sam was fascinated by my mom's cat.  It won't be too much longer that he'll be running after her trying to pull her tail!

6.
Joe partied hard at the wedding reception. It was very warm in there so we had to take his shirt off! I used to think that Joe looked so much like Ryan. Now I think he is starting to morph into me!

7.
I took my online class final this week. It was a total joke, but I did get a 100% on it and an A in the class. I have my chemistry final on Monday... I'm really nervous about that! I've been working my butt off this semester to get an A, and I don't want one test to bring me down!

Have a great weekend! Be sure to stop by Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes!