Joe's Neurology Appointment and Other Tid Bits

Yesterday Joe had his first neurology appointment since his seizures that occurred in October. Thanks be to God his Depakote medicine is working and he hasn't had any episodes. Joe's neurologist is so amazing. She took time to answer our questions and explained things so well. It's been a weird month. My paranoia of Joe having more seizures had kind of faded away until yesterday when we were driving the appointment. But she is very optimistic that he could possibly outgrow this in a few years.

Sam has been having a rough time lately. On Halloween he was diagnosed with hand, foot and mouth disease. His gums were SO swollen AND he was getting his molars at the same time. Poor baby was miserable. He's in occupational therapy for eating issues. I hope to dive more into that issue some other time, but his therapist, who is very very knowledgeable and good at her job, is stumped. Sam just isn't progressing. He's finally eating baby food, but that's a hit or miss sort of deal. His therapist warned us that if things don't progress in the next few months that they might have to put in a feeding tube. I'm still exclusively breast feeding (and yes, I'm exhausted) but his body needs more nutrients now that he's older. I'm hoping that once he gets his last two one-year molars in that it will suddenly click.

I'm making more of my saint dolls. I made a St. Andrew doll for my priest since our parish is called St. Andrew's. I also made one of him. I think he got a kick out of them. I actually have two orders for some dolls which I'm pretty excited about. I have to order the dolls and will be busy working on those before Christmas.

My parish priest. Yes, he's THAT bald. :-)

St. Cecilia

St. Andrew

I'm hosting Thanksgiving this year for my mom and my brother's family. I've cooked a turkey before, but my mom helped me. This year I'll be doing it all on my own. I looked up how to rinse and dry a turkey (DON'T JUDGE!) and I was met with a slew of articles debating on if one should rinse a turkey or leave it alone. I don't remember what I did the last time I cooked a turkey. I probably made my mom do it after I was traumatized after taking out the neck and giblets from the turkey. Hopefully it will all turn out fine... and not like the turkey from Christmas Vacation.

I'm actually looking forward to cooking and hosting. When my mom mentioned me hosting Thanksgiving a few months ago I was all for it. We have a small house, but I can't wait to fill it up with family and the smell of yummy food. Hopefully not burning food....

Good advice.

I job shadowed last Friday at a hospital here in Kansas City. I followed a good friend of mine and was able to get a good feel for nursing. It was really fun! I'm in the process of finishing up my last prerequisite class and setting up more job shadowing hours. I'm excited to get the ball rolling but so nervous that I won't be accepted.

I think that's enough randomness for your day... Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! Eat lots of turkey and pumpkin pie!

This Will Make You Smile

Once again I have a million thoughts in my head and would love a chance to sit in peace and write them out. But as usual... that isn't going to happen! So I thought I'd add some pictures and a video that is FOR SURE to make your day.

Sam now smiles on cue. It makes my heart burst into a thousand pieces and melt into a pile of love goo.

He looks like a little old man.

And of course we have video of his cheesy smiles.



He is too cute!

I don't know if I've ever posted it on here, but Sam is in occupational therapy for eating issues like Joe was when he was this age. Sam's issues are a little more difficult. Joe could eat babyfood, but gagged on it a lot and never ate solids. Sam won't eat solids OR baby food and still won't drink out of a sippy cup. Needless to say, exclusively breastfeeding for 15 months is a wee bit tiring. Sam's therapy sessions have been interrupted by Joe's hospitalizations and then getting hand, foot and mouth disease! But much to our delight he is FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY eating baby food!

You can kind of see his baby food mustache! :-)

It's the little things that make me happy. Hopefully this post has made you happy, too!

Sam's Surgery Take 2

I haven't been able to blog today because I've been holding a very grumpy boy all day.

Yesterday Sam had surgery. No reschedules this time!

The surgery was later in the afternoon instead of the morning. I thought that would make the fasting from breastmilk part easier, but actually it was more difficult.

We got to the pre-op area and did all the same stuff we did at our previous appointment. Then the doctor came in and it was the moment of truth. He looked to see if his rash was gone and indeed it was! He left and we talked to anesthesia. After that conversation my heart kind of sank because there was no turning back.

We walked down the hallway toward surgery and when the nurse took him my heart broke. Sam had this scared look on his face and was screaming and crying and reaching out for me. Ryan had to usher me away quickly. It's very hard to fight that urge to go running after your baby to comfort him!

I was bawling as we went down to the waiting room and Ryan was crying, too. He said it was because I was crying... :-) But we pulled ourselves together since Joe was with us. I spent most of the time running after Joe in the waiting room.

The surgery was over in 45 minutes and the doctor came to talk to us. He was very happy with how it all went. There is a little thing on a testicle called a gubernaculm (isn't that the funniest word you've ever heard?) that basically anchors the testicle to the scrotum. Well this little guber had attached to the area next to the scrotum, so there wouldn't be a way for it descend naturally. Basically his little testicle didn't fall into the right slot.

We had to wait for Sam to get out of recovery, which was about another 45 minutes. We went to "Reunion Avenue" to meet him. I thought they might bring him out in a little bed. But a kind nurse walked out with him resting his head on her shoulder covered in a blanket. Another nurse was holding his IV bag. He had his face turned away from me and I could tell he was really out of it. As soon as I said his name he perked up and looked around for me. As soon as he saw me he wiggled and squirmed and held his arms out for me. Now THAT was a wonderful feeling!

We went to the post op room where I nursed him and we got some snuggle time. They gave us our discharge instructions and we were on our way home. He spent most of the night very lethargic in my arms. He didn't seem to be in pain until about 9:00, which was horrifying, but thankfully we had a prescription pain medication that seemed to help.

This morning he was in more pain. Then came the vomiting... ALL OVER MY FACE. There's nothing like feeling like someone tossed a glass full of curdled breastmilk/vomit all over your face at 6:30 in the morning. I mean it was DRIPPING off my face and was in my ears and nose and everything! It got all over Sam, too. Thanks be to God I have the most wonderful husband in the universe and he came home from work. When he walked in he saw the curds in my hair and I rushed to the shower! He spent the rest of the day cleaning and doing laundry and taking care of Joe while I laid around with Sam. He was pretty miserable all day. We took a long nap this afternoon and he seems to be doing much better!

Thanks all for the prayers and support. I can't imagine having to do this for a more serious surgery. There were big groups of families in the waiting room and you could tell their children were in much more complex surgeries than Sam's. I pray for all families who have to go through this!

Happy as usual right before his surgery!

Found these gems in the waiting room. My 1994 self was geeking out!

Had to take Joe with us which was a bit of a challenge, but thankfully he did very for the most part!

Reunited in post-op!

Happy to have my baby in my arms!

His little IV

My poor baby. Thank goodness for books and Toy Story!

 

Surgery Postponed!

Sam's surgery was postponed! ARGH!

After a rough couple of hours last night where Sam wanted to nurse, I was crying because I couldn't comfort him, and Ryan finally taking him to snooze on the couch we left for Children's Mercy. There we met my mom so she could look after Joe. We spent most of our time in the pre-op area. Thanks be to Jesus Sam did very well. I even got to hold him without him digging into my chest. He was even flirting with the nurses. We got him into his hospital gown which was heartbreakingly adorable. As soon as the surgeon came in and saw his nether regions he was concerned. Sam has had a little spotty rash off and on, but it would always go away. The doctor thinks it's a fungal infection which makes surgery risky. There is a chance that the fungus could spread in his incisions and cause a fungal infection INSIDE his scrotum. I'm not messing around with that! So he prescribed some fungal cream and we rescheduled for Tuesday afternoon. He also told me that I could nurse up until 4 hours before the surgery instead of 8 hours. That makes life A LOT easier!

I'm frustrated, because my mom and Ryan took time off work and I was emotionally ready to have this process be done. But I don't want to risk anything with Sam's health, so we will be happy to wait. We appreciate your prayers, but save them up for Tuesday!

Makes my heart melt!

He is just TOO CUTE!

Sam's Surgery

Mr. Sam's surgery is scheduled for 9:15 a.m. tomorrow. I explain the details here.

Needless to say, I'm a freaking mess wee bit worried about it. Just thinking about handing him over to strangers and him being frightened and put under breaks my heart. But I know it will all be OK. Children's Mercy Hospital is one of the best in the country. I would think that most of the nurses and doctors there love their jobs and love children, so Sam will be in very good hands.

The worst part will probably be Sam's fasting requirements. He cannot have breast milk after 1:30 a.m. He can have clear liquids until 5:30 a.m., but unfortunately he doesn't take liquids out of anything but my boob. Of course we're going to try to give him a sippy, but I have a feeling we will be in for a long couple of hours! The staff knows that Sam is EBF and has an oral aversion, but they were adamant about him not taking any breast milk after 1:30. The hardest part is I won't really be able to comfort Sam during pre-op since all he'll be wanting to do is scream MILK MILK MILK!!!! That will be really tough.

So any prayers you can throw out tomorrow would be greatly appreciated!

Sam's Upcoming Surgery

 

Two days ago we went to Sam's urology consult. The appointment was at the big children's hospital here in town. As we walked down the colorful and happy hallways I felt anxious. I knew that the outcome of this appointment would mean Sam would have surgery.

We reached the waiting room and Joe and Sam immediately went to the activity center, which were much cooler than the activity centers in other waiting rooms. The room was packed with parents and their children.

The appointment was very quick. The doctor felt around and he did feel his little testicle, but it wasn't in the scrotum where it should be. He explained to us this was a better situation than if the testicle was way up in his body cavity. Sam has enough "give" on his deferens that putting it back in place should be relatively easy. Just two small cuts and they'll attach it to the underlying muscle. He said the surgery itself would take about 30 minutes, but with prep and all that it should be about an hour. It's an outpatient surgery so it's not a major deal. The recovery time is very minimal. The appointment was over before I knew it and the scheduling nurse came in and explained more of the details. We set his surgery for September 18th.

I know this surgery is needed. If his testicle stays up there the body heat could damage or kill his sperm, making infertility an issue in the future. The heat can also cause cancer to develop. Because it stayed up there for a year he is at a slightly higher risk and will have to check himself when he is an adult. So obviously the benefits of this surgery outweigh the risks.

Still, the thought of letting my baby go to strangers and having a gas mask put over his mouth to put him to sleep just breaks my heart. I know he'll be so scared and wondering what the hell is going on. He'll probably fight the mask and wonder where his mommy and daddy are. Or maybe he'll be his normal giggly self and it won't be a problem at all. (I tend to be a bit dramatic.) I hate having to give up that control. I want to know what is going on.

This surgery not nearly as serious as some other children's surguries. I saw infants in the waiting room with little oxygen tanks. I saw teeny tiny babies that were dwarfed by their infant carriers. I know there are toddlers in there with cancer or heart problems. I know of a couple who has their son in the NICU. He was born 13 weeks early and has had his fair share of ups and downs. There were memory quilts hanging in the hallway leading to the chapel and they had pictures of young children and babies who had died. When I was walking I was thinking "Don'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlook" because it just made my heart ache.

I have always admired those parents who have sick children. They show such bravery and strength. But now that I have become a mother I just want to hug them and cry with them. I cannot imagine the worry and heartache they experience. The thought of a young one being sick or suffering just nearly kills me. I'd have to be hooked up to a 24 hour IV of Zoloft if Joe or Sam were terminally ill.

I will keep you updated on the surgery and all the things that freak me out. In the meantime, let's keep those parents who have sick children in our prayers.

BACK FROM THE BLOGGING DEAD!

Have I become that blog?

The one that's buried deep within your reader? The one that has become so boring and bland that you've just given up reading? Perhaps even deleted it off into a cyberspace grave yard?

Ah, I wouldn't blame you if you've left. What once was a blog full of insightful posts about Catholicism, motherhood, and musings on life has become quite stale. And I haven't had the chance to catch up on your blog either. According to my Bloglovin' page I have about 300+ unread blog posts. Half of you are probably pregnant, gotten a new job or remodeled your house and I wouldn't know about it!

But for the first time since June 3rd, I am at my computer with a blank screen in front of me and I don't have to worry about reading 500 anatomy and physiology pages, memorizing all the muscles, bones, and cranial and spinal nerves, packing for a family reunion or trip or preparing for some nursing school exam. Tonight was night one of putting Sam on a sleeping schedule which was a miserable failure, but he is snuggled in bed with Ryan. Any minute now Joe could come bursting from his room, but for now I am enjoying the hum of the air conditioner and the Civil Wars playing in the back ground.

My summer has gone by in the blink of an eye thanks to a very intense class. I loved, loved, LOVED my anatomy and physiology class, but it was a 6 credit hour class that is normally 16 weeks crammed into 8 weeks. I was in class Monday-Thursday 9:00-12:30. I had to drive about 30 minutes to get to my class during the morning rush hour and then drive 30 minutes back home during the busy noon hour. I don't think I have ever worked so hard for a class before, including my senior seminar for theology.

I feel like I missed out on a lot of fun summery-type things with my boys because as soon as I got home from class I hit the books. I would be ready to pass out at 9:30... which left me very little time for anything.

Class ended July 25th. Two days later we left for a 10 day vacation to Yellowstone and South Dakota. Then as soon as we got back we basically had to get ready for Sam's first birthday party by organizing, deep cleaning, painting and hanging up pictures that we still haven't put up since we moved here in April. Today is  basically my first day to finally take a breath.

My last post was a request for prayers for a very important nursing school entrance exam. I never updated on that little gem, because a wrench has been thrown in my plan. I did well on the TEAS. However, I had to take another test. It was a placement test and it placed me lower than the nursing program's accepted score for math. I had about 5 days to relearn algebra and retake the test to bring up my score (during finals week of my class and when I was supposed to be packing for my vacation, I might add.) I retook the test and got 9 points below the required score. Awesome. I still plan on applying for the program this week and hope my having a bachelor's degree will help. There's no interview process so I can't dazzle them with my witty personality. It's all paper. I am also planning on taking a math class and rearranging my schedule so I can take some other classes to apply for a different program next year.

I was extremely upset at first when this all went down. I have worked so. damn. hard. to do well in my prerequisite classes. I have sacrificed time with my husband and kids. My husband had to pull double duty- as soon as he came home from a full day's work he had to take care of the boys, clean, do laundry and cook and listen to me complain about school and how stressed I was. And it all could be for naught due to 9 points on a placement test. But who knows... maybe a miracle will occur and I'll be accepted into the program. Everything happens for a reason, right?

I have missed blogging and reading blogs. But in some ways it just seems like just another thing to worry about. I often wondered if I would be missed if I just stopped blogging for good. I felt out of the loop. Then I got depressed thinking about it all... I hate that I'm lacking that passion for writing. I used to jump into a post all excited and eager to express myself and for the world to read my words. Now I worry no one is left to read my writing. I worry more about the fact that I have no energy or motivation to write anything. Calah, Simcha, Jen, Hallie, Dwija, Cari... I want to be where you are. I want the right words to come out at the right time. I want my words to help others. Maybe I just need my words to help myself.

Don't leave yet. Trust me, I know, I get so annoyed with those people who constantly post those "poor me!" posts. It seems like everyone is going through something. And it seems like that's all I've really posted about. I've said for months and months that I need to get in to see a doctor about my depression. But I keep thinking "I have no problems sleeping, for the most part. I don't cry all the time. Everyone seems to be depressed so it must not be a big thing. I'm fine." But I have no passion. I have energy but no mental energy. And it's not one of those "I'm a mom to two small children" energy zaps. I just feel so spiritually blah. I've felt this way for a long long time. And I think it's time for me to get help. But, alas, I am the Queen of Procrastinators, so you might get a few more "I need to..." posts.

What I miss most is my passion for God. I used to get all Buddy the Elf giddy when something Catholic related came out. Now I'm all like "Meh" and play another game of Candy Crush. I used to devour Catholic books and what have you, but now I'm lucky enough if I have enough energy to read Entertainment Weekly.

Well, that's enough complaining for now. Now that I have my blogging mojo back, I'll spread out my misery in multiple posts. :-) It's picture explosion time! I'll post some photos from our summer.

Started the summer off by celebrating the 50th jubilee of my hometown priest, Fr. Reginald. He blessed our engagement, was the priest at our wedding, blessed my pregnancy with Joe, baptized Joe, and was a key part in getting me to Benedictine to start this whole journey!

Had our annual family reunion in Tightwad, MO. This year's theme was cowboy. Joe had a blast! He sang and danced and even won an award for his stick horse. Sam was just plain cute. 

These next bajillion pictures are from our trip that my dad generously paid for. There's a mix of the Grand Tetons, Yellowstone, Buffalo Bill Dam, rainbows in Wyoming, Devil's Tower, Mount Rushmore, fun in Keystone during Sturgis, Reptile Gardens, and Wall Drug. 

I hope you enjoyed these photos. I have even more from Sam's first birthday party, but I'll save those for another day! :-)

Thanks for sticking with me if you're still reading this!