Sam's Surgery Take 2

I haven't been able to blog today because I've been holding a very grumpy boy all day.

Yesterday Sam had surgery. No reschedules this time!

The surgery was later in the afternoon instead of the morning. I thought that would make the fasting from breastmilk part easier, but actually it was more difficult.

We got to the pre-op area and did all the same stuff we did at our previous appointment. Then the doctor came in and it was the moment of truth. He looked to see if his rash was gone and indeed it was! He left and we talked to anesthesia. After that conversation my heart kind of sank because there was no turning back.

We walked down the hallway toward surgery and when the nurse took him my heart broke. Sam had this scared look on his face and was screaming and crying and reaching out for me. Ryan had to usher me away quickly. It's very hard to fight that urge to go running after your baby to comfort him!

I was bawling as we went down to the waiting room and Ryan was crying, too. He said it was because I was crying... :-) But we pulled ourselves together since Joe was with us. I spent most of the time running after Joe in the waiting room.

The surgery was over in 45 minutes and the doctor came to talk to us. He was very happy with how it all went. There is a little thing on a testicle called a gubernaculm (isn't that the funniest word you've ever heard?) that basically anchors the testicle to the scrotum. Well this little guber had attached to the area next to the scrotum, so there wouldn't be a way for it descend naturally. Basically his little testicle didn't fall into the right slot.

We had to wait for Sam to get out of recovery, which was about another 45 minutes. We went to "Reunion Avenue" to meet him. I thought they might bring him out in a little bed. But a kind nurse walked out with him resting his head on her shoulder covered in a blanket. Another nurse was holding his IV bag. He had his face turned away from me and I could tell he was really out of it. As soon as I said his name he perked up and looked around for me. As soon as he saw me he wiggled and squirmed and held his arms out for me. Now THAT was a wonderful feeling!

We went to the post op room where I nursed him and we got some snuggle time. They gave us our discharge instructions and we were on our way home. He spent most of the night very lethargic in my arms. He didn't seem to be in pain until about 9:00, which was horrifying, but thankfully we had a prescription pain medication that seemed to help.

This morning he was in more pain. Then came the vomiting... ALL OVER MY FACE. There's nothing like feeling like someone tossed a glass full of curdled breastmilk/vomit all over your face at 6:30 in the morning. I mean it was DRIPPING off my face and was in my ears and nose and everything! It got all over Sam, too. Thanks be to God I have the most wonderful husband in the universe and he came home from work. When he walked in he saw the curds in my hair and I rushed to the shower! He spent the rest of the day cleaning and doing laundry and taking care of Joe while I laid around with Sam. He was pretty miserable all day. We took a long nap this afternoon and he seems to be doing much better!

Thanks all for the prayers and support. I can't imagine having to do this for a more serious surgery. There were big groups of families in the waiting room and you could tell their children were in much more complex surgeries than Sam's. I pray for all families who have to go through this!

Happy as usual right before his surgery!

Found these gems in the waiting room. My 1994 self was geeking out!

Had to take Joe with us which was a bit of a challenge, but thankfully he did very for the most part!

Reunited in post-op!

Happy to have my baby in my arms!

His little IV

My poor baby. Thank goodness for books and Toy Story!

 

My Birthday and My Grandmother

Today is my 29th birthday. So I guess next year is when I'll be all like "It's my first anniversary of my 29th birthday!" Am I really to that point in my life? Didn't I just enter 7th grade like 5 years ago? But I'm still in my 20's, so I don't really have any life affirming post. Today feels like any other day!

I was born on September 23rd- the same day as my grandmother's birthday. I was even named after her- Margaret Amy. She passed away when my mom was 12, so I really have no idea what she was like except for stories and pictures. I wrote a post last year about the questions I would ask her about her life. In honor of my grandmother and her birthday, I thought I would share this post again.

Click here to read it!

Surgery Postponed!

Sam's surgery was postponed! ARGH!

After a rough couple of hours last night where Sam wanted to nurse, I was crying because I couldn't comfort him, and Ryan finally taking him to snooze on the couch we left for Children's Mercy. There we met my mom so she could look after Joe. We spent most of our time in the pre-op area. Thanks be to Jesus Sam did very well. I even got to hold him without him digging into my chest. He was even flirting with the nurses. We got him into his hospital gown which was heartbreakingly adorable. As soon as the surgeon came in and saw his nether regions he was concerned. Sam has had a little spotty rash off and on, but it would always go away. The doctor thinks it's a fungal infection which makes surgery risky. There is a chance that the fungus could spread in his incisions and cause a fungal infection INSIDE his scrotum. I'm not messing around with that! So he prescribed some fungal cream and we rescheduled for Tuesday afternoon. He also told me that I could nurse up until 4 hours before the surgery instead of 8 hours. That makes life A LOT easier!

I'm frustrated, because my mom and Ryan took time off work and I was emotionally ready to have this process be done. But I don't want to risk anything with Sam's health, so we will be happy to wait. We appreciate your prayers, but save them up for Tuesday!

Makes my heart melt!

He is just TOO CUTE!

Sam's Surgery

Mr. Sam's surgery is scheduled for 9:15 a.m. tomorrow. I explain the details here.

Needless to say, I'm a freaking mess wee bit worried about it. Just thinking about handing him over to strangers and him being frightened and put under breaks my heart. But I know it will all be OK. Children's Mercy Hospital is one of the best in the country. I would think that most of the nurses and doctors there love their jobs and love children, so Sam will be in very good hands.

The worst part will probably be Sam's fasting requirements. He cannot have breast milk after 1:30 a.m. He can have clear liquids until 5:30 a.m., but unfortunately he doesn't take liquids out of anything but my boob. Of course we're going to try to give him a sippy, but I have a feeling we will be in for a long couple of hours! The staff knows that Sam is EBF and has an oral aversion, but they were adamant about him not taking any breast milk after 1:30. The hardest part is I won't really be able to comfort Sam during pre-op since all he'll be wanting to do is scream MILK MILK MILK!!!! That will be really tough.

So any prayers you can throw out tomorrow would be greatly appreciated!

7 Quick Takes Friday: Waverly, Alarm Clocks and My Boys

1. 

Tomorrow we plan on going on a day trip to Waverly. I haven't been there since we moved in April of 2011. There is an annual Apple Jubilee so we plan on enjoying the carnival and driving around reminiscing. Waverly is where Ryan and I started to build our marriage and where we became parents. It will always be such a special place to us so I am excited to go back!

2. 

Joe is basically potty trained. Still have some wiping issues and pulling up his underwear is kind of a challenge, but he hasn't had any accidents in a couple of weeks. *Knocking on wood.* I have a post in my drafts of basically a how-to of our potty training process, but things have been a little crazy around here.

3. 

The stupid hot weather has finally broken! We have the windows and the cool crisp air is flowing in. I love it! I am so ready for fall. Soon the complaining about the cold and snow shall commence!

4. 

Something bizarre happened this morning. Ryan's alarm went off and he got ready for work. He kissed me goodbye and left. When he leaves he always locks the screen door. Soon after he left I got a text asking for me to let him back in the house... BECAUSE IT WAS 2:30 IN THE MORNING! His phone got MAJORLY screwed up! I'm looking at you, Joe!

5.

  

I don't really have anything else to write about. So now you'll get pictures of my cute kids! I do want to thank you for all the support since I've received my rejection letter. I can feel your prayers.

Joe fell and hit his nose and the only way to make it stop "hurting" was to give him a band aid. He kept running to the bathroom to check out his "wound."

6. 

Sam still won't eat solids, but he'll gnaw on a Twizzler like it's nobody's business. If he sees you with a Twizzler he'll throw out his binky and reach for this delicious treat.

7. 

 

I sure do love my boys. They interact more and more everyday. Sam is starting to defend himself from his big brother. The other day he bit Joe...HARD. It almost drew blood. I think Joe was more shocked than anything! It sure is fun watching them grow up!

Have a wonderful weekend! Check out Jen for more Quick Takes!

Rejection Letter

Yesterday I took a nap with Joe and Sam. I dreamed of going to dinner for my father-in-law's birthday and telling him I received my acceptance letter packet for nursing school. When I woke up I checked the mail and there was a letter in the mail addressed to me from the nursing division of the school where I applied. I immediately knew that since it was a letter and not a big packet that it was a rejection letter. But I still clung on to hope that maybe... just maybe... it was a letter informing me I was on the waiting list. I was in the middle of praying my 3rd novena. This one was to St. Jude... patron saint of impossible and desperate cases. Maybe I should have started with him. Miracles happen, right?

I opened the letter and immediately saw the word "rejected." I took a deep breath and told myself that the whole time I've been praying I've said I wanted God's will to be done. The rejection was for my math grade, which I had figured would be the reason for not getting in. I explain it a little bit in this blog post. I wasn't completely caught off guard, but it still hurt. A lot. A freaking butt load. And I'm still hurting and moping today. I'm eating candy corn by the hand fulls and listening to Christmas music on Pandora. Yes, for real.

It is what it is. I didn't get the required score. This has definitely taught me a lot of humility. I felt pretty confident about my prerequite grades and felt I had a good chance at getting in. I thought that my grades from Benedictine would help me get in. I thought I was pretty hot stuff for going to school while raising two kids. Who needs math?! I can slip by that little thing, right? Well, it turns out that isn't the case. I'm sure there are many other women out there who are raising their kids and working full time AND taking all the required classes to get in. I don't deserve any special favors.

I plan on reapplying in January and also to another program to get my Bachelors of Science in Nursing (BSN) instead of my associates degree. The tide is turning in healthcare where many places only want to hire BSNs rather than RNs. But this BSN program is even more competitive than the program I applied to so I'm anxious. But maybe this rejection is God's way of having me apply for this higher program and things will work out better in the long run. But what if they don't?

I'm upset because I worked SO hard to get into nursing school. Ryan sacrificed so much these past eight months so I could do homework and get good grades. It KILLS me to hear Joe banging on the door wanting me to come play when I'm locked in our bedroom doing homework. We had everything carefully planned out... including a timeline regarding adding to our family. Now everything is messed up.  

I'm more upset about God not answering my prayers. I know that sounds SO childish of me. And it IS childish of me. I remember praying and praying and praying to have a VBAC. I didn't get one so I figured it was God's will. Perhaps if I would have tried Sam and I could have experienced some grave complication. But seriously... God created the universe out of nothing. He raised dead people from the grave. Couldn't he just throw me a bone and let my body work the way it is supposed to? Couldn't he have thrown me a bone and let me get into nursing school?

I was dead tired last night but could not sleep worth a damn. I laid in bed and Googled different schools and job opportunities and was getting very frustrated. I started praying... and this is kind of how it went..

"God. Why? Why do I always feel like your my dad and I'm a little kid tugging on your shirt asking for something, but you are too busy paying attention to your other kids? Why does everything seem so chaotic? I just want stability. I want to glorify you, but you are making it hard. Why are there some families out there that have no difficulties... they are buying houses, having babies whenever they want, getting good jobs, having close family and friend relationships and some of us are left out here in the crapper? Why are there some people who are so in fire in love with you and there's people like me who want so desparately to be close to you and you ignore them? Why won't you bless me and my family?"

Then I looked over and saw Ryan, Joe and Sam all cuddled together. Their soft breathing was almost in unison. I had a roof over my head and clothes on my back. There's food in the fridge. Just a few hours earlier we had a wonderful dinner with Ryan's family celebrating my father in law's birthday. I listened... all I could hear was the roaring sound of cicadas and an occasional car drive by. Somewhere across the ocean, in Syria perhaps, there is a mother holding her babies while they hear the sound of gunfire and bombs, not knowing if they'll survive the night. Somewhere, maybe even a few miles from me in a hospital, a mother is holding her toddler who is dying of cancer. Somewhere, 12 years ago, there was a son holding his mother after learning her husband died in the World Trade Center attacks. And here I was complaining that I didn't get into nursing school. Gah... how spoiled and selfish am I?

So I'll mope for a few days because that's what I'm really good at. Then I will start to figure out my next step. But God, you gotta help me out here because I really don't know what to do!

And of course as I am editing this Joe is watching Joseph King of Dreams and the song You Know Better than I is on. Crying.

You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go the need to know why

For you know better than I 

Peter Pan and the Jerk Factor

For Joe's birthday we got him the old Disney movie Peter Pan. I thought it would be great for a little boy. Pirates, adventure, imagination... all wonderful parts of childhood, right? Then Joe watched it and as soon as Peter said girls talk too much I started paying attention. I could go on and on about what bothered me in this movie, but basically... Peter Pan is a movie full of super mean people. Tinkbell is mean, Peter is cocky and mean, those horrid mermaids are mean (and attempted murderers.) Captain Hook is mean, but that's to be expected.

I'm not quite sure of the moral of the story with this movie. I haven't watched the whole thing beginning to end because that's impossible with two tiny people trying to mutiny against you. There very well could be a very solid message to this movie, but with all the cruelty and bullying going on, it's hard to tell.

I was tempted to put this movie onto my "hide the DVD box" list. It's not like I will forbid him from seeing it, but the movie just annoys me so much that I'd rather him not see it for awhile. This list is long... Cailou and Yo Gabba Gabba are also on here. This list contains programming that generally annoys me and/or that I think contains a poor message.

Some people might think I'm overreacting. It's just Disney. It's just a classic cartoon. Rest assured, I know all this. We are not those parents who are overly strict with what we will let our kids watch. We don't ban Santa Claus or tell him fairies are of the devil. There will obviously be some programming that will not be allowed, but classic Disney is not on that list. It's more of a "I won't encourage them to watch this show because it bugs the crap out of me" sort of list.

But all this got me thinking. I know that young children should limit their TV time, blah blah blah... but what I think is more important is for parents to WATCH the shows their children are watching and explain what is going on. Instead of shoving Peter Pan in the back of the DVD case maybe I should let him watch it and point out how we shouldn't be mean to others. Maybe this could be a good opportunity to teach him a thing or two about manners and how to treat others.

But is age three too young to do that? Do you sit with your children and explain what they are watching? 

Or should I just shut up and let him enjoy his cartoons?

Joe's Birthday Festival Weekend

Holy buckets, folks. I am tiiiiiiiiiiired. This weekend was Joe's birthday celebration festival hoopla.

I spent Thursday and Friday deep cleaning the house. Usually I just clean the main rooms that people will see (living room, bathroom, kitchen) and shut the doors to the rooms that look like hell and pray no one opens them for fear mountains of unfolded laundry will fall on them and trap them forever.. But this time the cleaning bug hit me hard and I organized and dusted our bedroom and Joe's room and deep cleaned every nook and cranny in the house. Lawdy, it needed it.

Friday night we decorated while Joe was asleep so he would be surprised the next morning. He ran out to the living room and as soon as he saw the big dinosaur Happy Birthday banner and the other dino decorations he exclaimed, "WOOOAAAHHH!!!" It was great. My mom came early to spend some time with us before the craziness of the party started which made Joe very happy. For the first time like EVER he went down for a nap with no objections because we told him that his party would be here when he woke up.

Oh my goodness he was SO SO SO excited when his guests started showing up. He ran out to greet most of them. Our family and friends crammed into our tiny house and celebrated all things Joe. We opened presents and in true fashion he tossed the clothes aside and shrieked in joy at all his toys. Then we had cake and ice cream. As we sang happy birthday to him he sang along with us. He spent the rest of the day playing with his toys and his friends.

Sunday we all went to Mass together. It's the first time we have all gone together since Yellowstone! We spent the rest of the day relaxing.

Yesterday was actually Joe's birthday. We went super early to the zoo to beat the crowds and the heat and Joe had a blast. He loves animals so he was so excited to see everything. We definitely made the right decision to go early. The last 45 minutes we were there were spent fighting the crowds. We went to Winsteads to eat lunch and then to Ryan's parents for another little party. Needless to say, we all were pooped out.

In similar fashion to how I was feeling after Sam's birthday, I felt blue and bummed out after Joe's birthday. I am always one who can't wait for the future, but so often that causes me to not cherish what is going on right in front of me. I am so ready for our life to have some sort of stability that I forget that Joe isn't going to be this little forever. Someday he'll be a stinky teenager who thinks I'm lame. Right now he is sitting next to me with his head on my shoulder while wearing a Kermit the Frog hat and watching Toy Story. That's my cue, folks. Time to close the ol' laptop and watch Woody and Buzz with my son.

So far year three is turning out wonderful! Can't wait for the rest of the year's adventures!

 

 

The dinosaur set up

This cake came from my hometown about 2 hours away and it was DELICIOUS!

Ready to party!

Mommy and Daddy with the birthday boy. Sam was snoozing. And yes, he had a dino shirt, too!

Joe with Grandma Mary

Kermit hat

He was singing along with us!

Hugging his new dino