Hi, folks! I'm still here! Jillian hasn't killed me yet!
People weren't lying when they said this workout was tough. You have to do jumping jacks, people! Do you know how long it has been since I've done a jumping jack?!
I am on day 11 of the 30 day shred. The first couple of days were torture. My muscles ached SO BADLY. I could barely walk. Thankfully we have a bath tub so I could take a nice hot steamy bath to soothe my muscles that were punishing me for making them work harder than they had in a gajillion months.
I skipped day 5 because I was out of town. I was very nervous about the next day. I was afraid that Jillian would make me pay, but I conquered her and her giant nostrils and athletic smirk!
Each day gets a little easier, except level 1 is getting a tad bit boring. Yesterday would have been my last day on level 1 but I was traveling to my mother's house, so I skipped again. Sure, I could go ahead and start level 2, but I have such a big guilt complex that I would feel like I'm cheating if I continued without doing the full 10 days of the first level. Plus, I don't think I'm quite ready for level. 2 Tomorrow will probably be my last day on level 1 and a whole new kind of torture will begin!
So, you might be wondering if I've seen any results. I didn't think I would at this point, but surprisingly- I have seen a difference! I haven't lost any weight really, but I think a small amount of fat has melted away. My pants seem a little bit looser. And today I noticed in the full-length mirror at my mom's house that I can see a part of my c-section scar peeking through my "apron" of tummy fat. I never was able to see it before unless I lifted my apron up. So I am assuming that some of my tummy fat is going away since I can see my scar now. Now I am kind of worried that I am imagining things, like my mom has some sort of special, different mirror than the full-length mirror at my house.
My hunka-hunka-burnin' love of a baby boy gets very heavy to hold after awhile. When I was at Mass this last weekend and holding Joe, my arms didn't start trembling after 5 minutes like they usually do! It's such a great feeling to be able to hold my son for much longer!
One of the biggest changes is the amount of energy I have now. I think I would take that over sculpted abs and small numbers on the scale! I feel so much better nowadays! It's great!
I am trying to eat healthier- more fruits and veggies and eating smaller portions. My only problem is that I just had Girl Scout cookies delivered to me.... so... I'm sure you can guess how that is going! Stashing them in the freezer is helping a little bit.
So that's how it's going so far! Jillian is still evil, but I can conquer her!
Writing about abortion is difficult for me. Why? One reason is because I am a huge coward. I have been praying to God to give me the courage to proclaim the truth. I wish I was more courageous like Marc Barnes at the blog Bad Catholic. He has a great pro-life post with a YouTube video that gives me Holy Ghost goosebumps!
The second reason is because I know two women who have had abortions. They don't know that I know. I know the reasons behind the abortions, but don't know how they feel about the decision they have made. My heart breaks for them. I still stand 100% behind the teaching of the Church on abortion, but my my heart is heavy when I think about all that I know.
I still don't know how to write about how I feel about abortion. Someday I will find the courage and the words. But for now I'd like to share an amazing video. It is a 3-D version of the conception of a baby and her journey of growing in the womb. It is scientific, spiritual, miraculous, and simply beautiful. It's kind of long, but I encourage you to watch the whole thing.
It seem pretty clear to me that life starts from the very beginning.
I am praying for the pilgrims at the March for Life, all women who have been affected by abortion, and most importantly, for the souls of all those lives that have tragically been cut short.
How many blogs do you follow and how many of them do you actually read?
I'm finding it harder and harder to keep up with peoples' blogs. I keep finding great new ones to read! I find them in other people's blog rolls, and through commenters on my posts.
There are some blogs that I always read because I consider them dear blogging friends and they always have something interesting to say. I will admit that there are some blogs in my reader that I just skim over. I mean, my goodness.... just look at my profile and you will see how many blogs I follow. Granted, not all of them post frequently, and some of them don't post at all, but still!
I feel like my days are so busy with Joe, which I'm not complaining about! It's just I feel like I really have no time for myself. I can read blogs and have me-time when he goes to sleep, but honestly, I'm ready to go to bed myself. I don't understand how some women who have like eight kids find time to even write their own blog posts! How do you do it?!
I know that this may seem like a strange dilemma. It's not really a problem, just more of a minute frustration. It's not the end of the world if I don't get caught up on my blogs. Spending time with my husband and son is waaaaaaaaay more important than reading a blog post. I get that. But I enjoy reading blogs. I enjoy reading Faith and Family Live. I want to get more involved with the online NFP community at LivingTheSacrament.com. I just think I'm just bad at managing my blog reading time. Maybe it's that evil facebook that sucks me away!
So, how do you go about reading your favorite blogs and websites?
Day One of Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shread complete.
I'm still alive, but barely.
Many things went through my head while I was doing this 20 minute workout:
"This isn't so bad."
(15 seconds later...) "OK, I was wrong."
"My muscles! They... hurt! They.... ache!"
"MOMMY!"
"Jillian, you're a devil woman."
"How long will it take for Ryan to discover my body?"
It didn't help that we have a loose floor board so every time I did a jumping jack I was fearful of crashing into the basement below. Nothing like hearing "creak, boom, creak, boom" when jumping up and down. Oh yeah, I also had to take down the pictures and breakables from the top of the entertainment center because they were shaking. Let me tell you, that made me feel SUPER AWESOME.
At least Joe was entertained for awhile watching me jump around and pant like a fool. Well.. about 10 minutes into it he had a look on his face that said, "Mommy, why is the mean man-lady hurting you?"
My legs and arms feel like jell-0. Tomorrow will probably be pure torture. Thank goodness I took a picture of my belly to remind me what I'm trying to accomplish, otherwise I would probably throw in the towel.
I'll keep you updated on this new, budding relationship between me and Miss Michaels.
Oh yeah, is there a patron saint of exercise? Or maybe I should pray to St. Michael the Archangel since Jillian is certain to be in league with the devil! :-) I mean seriously, look at her!
It's time to get back in shape after having a baby! (Wait a minute... I was never in shape to begin with!)
I'd like to join Weight Watchers because the program was a great success for me when I wanted to lose weight for my wedding. Unfortunately the funds aren't there, so I'm starting to keep a food diary and making plans to start exercising.
Yesterday I wrote down everything I ate and figured how many calories I had consumed. It seemed like a lot, but it was actually in the high end of the normal range for a breastfeeding mother. (In other words, if I wasn't breastfeeding and eating this many calories, I'd be a blobby monster.) However, I need to replace some of the food I eat with healthier alternatives. I'm OK with that- I don't have to cut out calories, which is good for this gal who loooooves to eat!
Exercise... ugh. I know I'd be a lot happier with my body image if I just got off my duff and got active! It is so hard for me to get motivated. I feel like I never have time and/or energy. If I ever do get motivated then I usually lose dedication. Well, hopefully I can stick with it this time. I asked for suggestions on a good workout for post-baby, and many people suggested Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shread. To be honest, I don't like Jillian Michaels. I complained about her during my pregnancy. But so many people I know tell me how awesome her workout is. They also tell me how it can be very difficult. Will exercising a brutal workout to a woman I don't like work for me? I don't know. But I already bought the DVD (it was on sale!) and opened the packaging. I watched some of it to see what I was getting myself into. I'll admit I'm a tad bit afraid, but I'm not backing down from this challenge!
Weight-wise, I'm satisfied. I've been back to my pre-pregnancy weight for a long time now (thank you, breastfeeding!) I just have this flabby "apron" where my stomach used to be. And I was a little overweight before I got pregnant, so I want to go even lower than my pre-pregnancy weight!
I'm not concerned about what I look like. There are days I look down at my ankles and think, "Damn, those are sexy!" after what they looked like when I was pregnant. (They were NOT pretty.) I relish in the fact that I can see my knee caps again. I'm at peace with the stretch marks. I know I'm not ever going to wear a bikini. I don't want rock hard abs or buns of steel.
I want to be healthy.
I want to be the very best I can be for my husband, son and future children. I want to be able to run and jump and dance and be silly for years to come. I am blessed that my pregnancy was fairy easy until the very end, but I want to be even healthier for my next pregnancy. If I ever want to consider a VBAC I want to be in great shape.
I'm starting Jillian on Monday. I'll keep you updated! In the meantime, if any of you ladies out there have good tips for sticking with a exercise program or how to maintain a healthy lifestyle while busy with children, please, feel free to share!
Today I am wondering why I bother watching the news. It's so depressing.
I never really grew up watching the news, except for maybe the morning news shows before I went to school. But the last couple of years Ryan and I watch the news nearly every night. Before I had Joe I would spend the day writing or reading with CNN Headline News on in the background.
Whenever the local news comes on and they say "Breaking News" Ryan always says, "It's either a house fire, a car accident, or a shooting." He's usually right. There is rarely ever breaking news that a child was cured of cancer or that a father of 4 finally returned home after a 15 month tour of Iraq.
There are chilling mugshots of murderers flashed on the screen. (Have you seen the mugshot of the alleged shooter of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords? That smirk, those eyes- it's pure evil.) There are stories of people losing their homes to fires or natural disasters, getting scammed, abusing animals, killing infants, abusing children and elderly folk. There are stories of wars, bombings, big companies screwing over common people. It makes me wonder why news shows are still on. Why do people keep turning on their TV sets to see these sad stories? It makes me think we are on the verge of the end of the world. I know there is evil in this world, but it just seems like that is all the news reports.
So why do Ryan and I watch it? Mostly for the weather and sports. Plus we live out in the sticks, so we like to know what is going on in the world. I also like hearing the heart-warming human interest stories. They give me some hope for humanity!
Maybe I will stop watching the news and stick to getting my info from the Internet- at least I can skip the headlines that will give me nightmares.
Do you watch the news or do you stay away? What do you think of all the sadness?
I can’t believe how fast my little boy is growing.
When I am holding him in my arms I am amazed at how long he is getting and how heavy he is.
When I hold him in my arms I study him.
I see his fat little feet. Someday these tiny feet will be big. They will take him so many places. Will they kick a soccer ball? Will he kick a football in the NFL? Will he be good at dancing? Will I complain someday when he’s a teenager that his feet stink?
I see his chubby legs. I am amazed at the intricate fat rolls. It seems like his fat rolls have their own fat rolls! Someday they will be long and lean. Someday the smooth chubbiness will be replaced with man hair and knobby knees. Where will these legs take him? Will he be a fast runner? Will he backpack across Europe? Will he swim in the Olympics?
I see his chunky arms. Someday they will help him pull himself up to take his first steps. Someday they will be covered in more man hair and be full of muscle. Will he throw a baseball for the KC Royals? How many people will he hug with these arms? I hope Mommy and Daddy will be his most favorite people to hug.
I see his precious hands. They are no longer tight clenched little newborn fists. They reach out to explore. They stroke my face and my arms and my heart melts. I feel their satiny softness. I see the little dimples where his knuckles will someday appear. He discovered his hands a few months ago. “Yes, my baby, those are yours,” I whisper to him. They are his favorite toys. I love how tightly he grasps my finger. Someday they will be big and not so satiny smooth. What will he do with these hands? I know he will do great things with them. Will he write amazing stories? Will he save hundreds of lives as a doctor? Will he win the Nobel Prize for chemistry? Will he paint masterpieces? Will he plant flowers and vegetables? Will he work with animals? Will he build houses? Will he hold up the Precious Body of Christ as a priest of the Catholic Church?
Then I see his face. I see so much of both Ryan and I in him. I see his adorable chubby cheeks. They won’t always be so chubby. His little nose will grow. His drooly gummy grins will someday turn into a dazzling white smile. I see his perfect little lips. He’s already quite vocal. Will he be a good public speaker? Will he be a good singer? Will he be a comedian? Will he be a dynamic preacher? Will he be a loud-mouth like his Mommy?
I see his eyes. Will these be one of the only physical traits that won’t “grow up”? His eyes are a dazzling blue. They could possibly change to my shade of green. I hope his eyes stay blue, just like his daddy’s. What will he see with these eyes? He will see so many different people, different places, different experiences. They will look into the eyes of his wife. He will sit in a rocking chair and look into the eyes of his own child, just like I do with him. He stares at me so intently. I can see my reflection in his eyes. I see the love he has for me. I see the total dependence he has for me. They hypnotize me. I hope he sees me as a good woman and mother.
I look at my son and I just shake my head in pure amazement. I can’t believe how blessed I am to have my Joe. My Joe. My son. My flesh and blood. A supreme gift of Ryan’s and my marriage. I have waited my whole life for fulfillment and I see it in my child. I have waited for years to fulfill my vocation as wife and mother. When Joe was in my womb I had no idea what was in store for me. I had no idea how much my life would change. I had no idea how much I would fall in love with this tiny, brand new person.
My Joe is growing so fast. I whisper to him as I rock him in our warm, dim-lit bedroom, “Please stop growing so fast.” I’ve heard so many parents talk about how fast their children grow.
I can’t wait to see the man he becomes, but I wish time would slow down…
So for now, the constant prayer on my lips is, “Thank you, God, for these precious moments. Help me to cherish them. Always.”
You want to know a sure-fire way to really confuse a first-time mom?
Give her reading material on how to get her baby to sleep well.
I’ve never really given much thought on the business of getting my 4 month old to sleep. Everyone always asks me “Does he sleep through the night yet?” Um, no. He is still getting up about every 2 hours to nurse. (Isn’t it obvious he doesn’t sleep all through the night? My hunka-hunka burnin’ love is 18 lbs! There aren’t enough daylight hours to keep him plumped up like that!)
I figured it wasn’t normal for Joe to finally settle down for the night between 11:00 p.m. and midnight. I just chalked it up to his temperament and/or maybe the fact that at his 6:00 a.m. feeding I would bring him into bed with me to nurse and we’d sleep in.
His late-night settling down was a topic I was going to bring up to his doctor. But then I got an email from BabyCenter.com with the subject line of “How much sleep does your baby need?” Ah ha- maybe this will give me some answers! When I clicked the link I was immediately flooded with guilt.
There was a large chart of different infant ages, how much day time sleep and nighttime sleep they need and the approximate number of naps they need to take. In the 3 month-old box the info stated that he should be getting around 5 hours of sleep during the day spread out in 3 naps. Well Joe gets some long naps, then he cat naps throughout the day. I never even really take the time to “time” how long his naps are. Even though the article stresses that every baby is an individual, I started getting a little worried that I was sleep depriving my baby.
I especially started getting worried when I read this: “Often, says BabyCenter sleep expert Jodi Mindell, author of Sleeping Through the Night, if a child has poor sleep habits or refuses to go to bed before 11 at night, his parents will think that he just doesn't need a lot of sleep. That's probably not true — in fact, it's likely that such a child is actually sleep-deprived.”
Then there was a list of questions to determine if your child is sleep deprived:
Does your child fall asleep almost every time he's in a car? Of course he does. I thought driving around was like chloroform for kids.
Do you have to wake your child almost every morning? Mmm… not really. There have been a few times I have had to.
Does your child seem cranky, irritable, or overtired during the day? Yes, just like his momma.
The next sentence stated, “If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these, your child may be getting less sleep than he needs.
D’OH!
I figured it was about time for me to really start to try harder in setting a sleep routine. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I was bound and determined to stick with it.
The first night we took a bath at 7:00 p.m. I gave him a massage with baby lotion, then sat in the rocker with the lights dim and read him my all time favorite Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown. I nursed him and rocked him and he drifted off to sleep. It was 8:00.
SUCCESS!
Sure, he still woke up numerous times to nurse but I was expecting that.
The following night was also a success. He had even taken 2 scheduled naps with me during the day. This wasn’t so bad.
Well, I’m sure you know where this story is going.
New Year’s Eve night was the third night of getting Joe to bed early. He went down around 8:30 with relatively no problems.
Then 10:00 rolled around and he started fussing. I walked in and instead of continued fussing he flashed a huge smile that said, “Let’s party!” He wasn’t ready to go to sleep anytime soon.
Long story short, he fought sleep so hard and after awhile his lovely grins became ear-splitting screams. This happened the following night as well.
So what do I do? I hit the books and websites for tips on how to deal with the problem. And, of course, this was a big mistake.
Everywhere I read there were subtle suggestions of the cry it out method. Don’t rock your baby to sleep. (I do that.) Don’t nurse your baby to sleep. (Guilty.) Don’t pick up your baby if he starts crying (Yup, guilty again.)
Everything in my very motherly being tells me to do these things. And it’s not only instinct, but I enjoy rocking him and watch him drift into a deep peaceful sleep. Sure, the first couple of weeks of being a new mom it was a drag to get out of my nice warm bed to nurse him, but now my body has adjusted to not getting a solid 4 hours of sleep and getting up multiple times in the night is second nature.
I remember at Joe’s 2 month well-child check I asked his pediatrician about his major fussiness. I was asking because it was nearly always after he ate so I thought it was a digestion problem. He immediately chalked it up to Joe being overtired. To “help” him sleep better I needed to not nurse him if he needs to be comforted (“You don’t want to turn into a human pacifier,” he says) and to let him cry it out so he can learn to sooth himself to sleep.
**Side note: Joe’s doc is an OK guy. He’s nice and has calmed some of my worries, but he gives me the heebie jeebies. I can’t put my finger on why he does, but he just creeps me out. It doesn’t help that he once wore the same sweater that Freddie Krueger wears. I kid you not. Reason #729 that we want to move.)**
I remember that night I tried the whole cry it out. I lasted ohhhhh…. About 11.7 seconds. I just couldn’t do it. His whimpers got louder. His whimpers turned into fussy noises, then the mad cries started and I swooped up my little boy in my arms to comfort him. It’s like this- you have an itch- you scratch it. You see your baby son crying- you pick him up. I can’t just sit there. I’ve heard of parents who stuff blankets in around the door to block out the sound or who go to other parts of the house to not hear the crying. You’d have to knock me out, tie me up and lock me in a closet a county away for me to not run to his aide.
But here is where I get confused. There are SOOOO many “how to get your baby to sleep to make your life easier and have your baby become a thriving contributor to society” tips. There are so many DO THIS OR ELSE reading materials out there that it gives me a headache. I have found my parenting groove with Dr. William Sears’ book “The Baby Book.” His natural, no-nonsense, attachment style of parenting fits in with my outlook of parenting. His section on getting baby to sleep was/is helpful, but I still have my doubts about myself.
Am I being too much of a helicopter parent? You know, that mother who hovers over her child, never letting him experience things on his own and to learn his own life lessons. Maybe I should wait a little longer to see if Joe will soothe himself to sleep. Maybe I should wait to walk into his room when he starts whimpering. All the cry it out proponents say that if you run to your baby at every cry they will become too reliant on you. He will basically learn that whenever he wants something, all he has to do is cry and mommy and daddy will get it for him.
Now, I don’t pick Joe up every time he cries. Usually I just hold his hand or pat his belly, or stick his paci back in and he drifts off to sleep. But as soon as those whimpers become something more, he’s in my arms.
Am I spoiling him? Suddenly, a vision of Joe pops into my head- he’s in a plush leather chair wearing a smoking jacket. He turns to me and says in a British accent, “Mother dear. Run on over the kitchen and fetch me a chilled glass of milk. Chop, chop.” He then turns back to his friends as they continue their conversation about yachts and caviar.
Am I setting him up for failure? Will my picking him up when he cries, rocking him to sleep, nursing him before bed parenting ways mean he won’t get accepted to college, he’ll live in my basement when he’s 36 and I’ll be cooking all his meals and trying to find him a nice girl to marry? Suddenly, a vision of Joe being like Chazz from the (horrible) movie Wedding Crashers comes to mind.
Basically what I’ve gathered from most baby help books is that if you don’t wash off baby food jars before you open them, if you don’t clean the baby’s spoon between jars, if you don’t show them pictures of black and white zing zag designs and if you use a sippy cup past their first birthday you are setting your child up for an epic fail in life.
Helping your baby learn and grow is essential. Helping them find their independence is important too, but he’s still a baby. He’s can’t be completely independent. He’s going to depend on me for years to come. Where do I find that balance of being a source of comfort for my son while letting him explore the world on his own?
Found this image on Google. Here is the source.
