Studying My Son

Joe at 1 month old in his swing.

Joe at 3 1/2 months in his swing.

I can’t believe how fast my little boy is growing.

When I am holding him in my arms I am amazed at how long he is getting and how heavy he is.

When I hold him in my arms I study him.

I see his fat little feet. Someday these tiny feet will be big. They will take him so many places. Will they kick a soccer ball? Will he kick a football in the NFL? Will he be good at dancing? Will I complain someday when he’s a teenager that his feet stink?

I see his chubby legs. I am amazed at the intricate fat rolls. It seems like his fat rolls have their own fat rolls! Someday they will be long and lean. Someday the smooth chubbiness will be replaced with man hair and knobby knees. Where will these legs take him? Will he be a fast runner? Will he backpack across Europe? Will he swim in the Olympics?

I see his chunky arms. Someday they will help him pull himself up to take his first steps. Someday they will be covered in more man hair and be full of muscle. Will he throw a baseball for the KC Royals? How many people will he hug with these arms? I hope Mommy and Daddy will be his most favorite people to hug.

I see his precious hands. They are no longer tight clenched little newborn fists. They reach out to explore. They stroke my face and my arms and my heart melts. I feel their satiny softness. I see the little dimples where his knuckles will someday appear. He discovered his hands a few months ago. “Yes, my baby, those are yours,” I whisper to him. They are his favorite toys. I love how tightly he grasps my finger. Someday they will be big and not so satiny smooth. What will he do with these hands? I know he will do great things with them. Will he write amazing stories? Will he save hundreds of lives as a doctor? Will he win the Nobel Prize for chemistry? Will he paint masterpieces? Will he plant flowers and vegetables? Will he work with animals? Will he build houses? Will he hold up the Precious Body of Christ as a priest of the Catholic Church?

Then I see his face. I see so much of both Ryan and I in him. I see his adorable chubby cheeks. They won’t always be so chubby. His little nose will grow. His drooly gummy grins will someday turn into a dazzling white smile. I see his perfect little lips. He’s already quite vocal. Will he be a good public speaker? Will he be a good singer? Will he be a comedian? Will he be a dynamic preacher? Will he be a loud-mouth like his Mommy?

I see his eyes. Will these be one of the only physical traits that won’t “grow up”? His eyes are a dazzling blue. They could possibly change to my shade of green. I hope his eyes stay blue, just like his daddy’s. What will he see with these eyes? He will see so many different people, different places, different experiences. They will look into the eyes of his wife. He will sit in a rocking chair and look into the eyes of his own child, just like I do with him. He stares at me so intently. I can see my reflection in his eyes. I see the love he has for me. I see the total dependence he has for me. They hypnotize me. I hope he sees me as a good woman and mother.

I look at my son and I just shake my head in pure amazement. I can’t believe how blessed I am to have my Joe. My Joe. My son. My flesh and blood. A supreme gift of Ryan’s and my marriage. I have waited my whole life for fulfillment and I see it in my child. I have waited for years to fulfill my vocation as wife and mother. When Joe was in my womb I had no idea what was in store for me. I had no idea how much my life would change. I had no idea how much I would fall in love with this tiny, brand new person.

My Joe is growing so fast. I whisper to him as I rock him in our warm, dim-lit bedroom, “Please stop growing so fast.” I’ve heard so many parents talk about how fast their children grow.

I can’t wait to see the man he becomes, but I wish time would slow down…

So for now, the constant prayer on my lips is, “Thank you, God, for these precious moments. Help me to cherish them. Always.”