Monday, June 7, 2010

How Jesus Showed Me His True Presence


I have mentioned before how naive I used to be regarding the teachings of the Catholic Church. I'm not kidding here, folks. When I was in high school, I believed that the little white circle called communion (the word Eucharist was far from my vocabulary at that point) was a symbol of Jesus. I actually believed that was what the Catholic Church taught.

I wonder how I could have possibly come to that conclusion, because now when I go back to my hometown, the priest (who is the same priest I had in high school) talks frequently about Christ's true presence in communion. How could I have missed that in high school? Sigh... I think I remember how. During the homily my mind would often wander. "I can't wait to go to home to take a nap. I wonder what my boyfriend is doing. I wonder what is for lunch. What outfit should I wear tomorrow? Shoot, I have a quiz I need to study for. I can't wait to take a nap. I can't wait to talk to my boyfriend, it's been 10 hours since I've last talked to him. I can't waaaaaaaaaait to take a nap!" Before I knew it the homily was over and it was time to stand. When we would get in line for communion I thought it was just like any other part of the Mass, like the sign of peace or the offering. No biggie, nothing special.

Fast forward a couple years to my spiritual growth spurt. I actually started to read the "why's" behind all the unique things Catholics did. It was like being hit in the head with a grace-filled hammer. Holy moly I had missed out on so many awesome things the Catholic Church had to offer! One of the biggies- the Eucharist- that little circle bread that I thought was a symbol of Jesus actually was Jesus. His body, blood, soul and divinity were contained in that little piece of bread.

***I'm not very good at explaining the theology or apologetics behind the true presence of Christ in the Eucharist. If any of you are interested in learning what Catholics believe I suggest picking up or going online to the Catechism of the Catholic Church and read paragraphs 1322-1372. Scott Hahn, a former Protestant minister, wrote a really good book about the Mass in general called The Lamb's Supper. This post isn't to bring up the debate of Jesus truly being present in the Eucharist. However, there are a few things I have total and complete faith in- God, the Catholic Church, the Eucharist, my marriage and duct tape. I will have to pull on my Chuck Norris boots if you fight me on any of these topics. :-)***

I read these things about Jesus in the Eucharist and as strange as it all seemed, I believed it. Jesus is God, but also man. He walked on water. He multiplied food to feed thousands. Jesus is known to do things out of the ordinary. Suddenly all the guidelines I had heard in passing regarding communion made sense. So that's why you are supposed to fast one hour before receiving communion- the Creator of the Universe should have sole residence in your body. He doesn't want to share your Cheerios. So that's why you should be free of serious sin before you take communion- our bodies should be pure vessels if Jesus' actual presence will be inside us.

I accepted all this, but it still didn't quite "click." That was until I went to Adoration.

My Uncle Alan did business in Atchison while I was living there. He'd usually take me out for dinner and daily Mass the next morning. One time he suggested we go to Adoration, and I had no clue what that was. I had come across it in my reading, but never bothered to look into it. He took me to St. Benedict's- the church I always went to. We went behind the main altar and a new little world appeared to me. There were about 5 or 6 pews facing the back side of the altar. On that altar sat a beautiful golden object with a communion host (the Body of Christ) stuck right in the middle. I learned later that this object is called a monstrance. (The picture below is a monstrance. The circle in the middle, surrounded by the red jewels is where the communion host goes.)



Alan had explained to me beforehand that since the Body of Christ wasn't hidden in the tabernacle like we usually see during Mass that we were to really show the upmost respect. Instead of the usual one-kneed genuflect, he got down on both knees and made a very reverent bow. This was something I had never seen, but since Jesus was exposed, and he is King of the Universe, then bowing only made sense. We sat in the pews. There were quite a few other people there. Some were praying rosaries, others were reading their Bible. Some were just silent in prayer. I didn't really know what to do. "Hey, Jesus, how's it going?" is all my silly little mind could think up. We sat there for awhile and left. I never had experienced anything like it.

I went home and did a little more research on this whole adoration thing. Some Churches have the Blessed Sacrament exposed (the monstrance thingy) just once a week or once a month for a couple hours. St. Benedict's offers what they call Perpetual Adoration. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every single day of the year the monstrance is exposed and there is someone scheduled to always be present with Jesus. If you needed some one-on-one prayer time with Jesus at 4:00 in the morning you could mosey on over to St. Benedict's where someone would let you in. My Uncle Dave used to do the 5:00 a.m. Holy Hour regularly at his parish in Omaha.

I was intrigued by this adoration thing, so I started going back somewhat regularly. I would go after daily Mass or in between classes. The monstrance was beautiful to look at and the architecture was beautiful. Seeing all the different people come in was interesting as well. There were little old ladies and old men. Priests and nuns. There were young mothers who would bring their sleeping babes with them (oh how beautiful to see a mother and child in the presence of Christ!) Of course there were tons of college students that would visit Jesus. Sometimes all the pews would be filled with young people. If there were no seats available some people would pray on their knees on the hard floor the entire time. It was a nice quiet place to meditate, but I never really "felt" anything.

One day I went in to the adoration chapel and every pew was filled except the very front. I reluctantly sat in that pew. I know Jesus is a good guy, but it was still very intimidating to have that monstrance mere feet away from my face. I didn't have some one's weird sweater pattern or hair style to zone out on. I wasn't in a position to peek over some one's shoulder to see what book they were reading or what color their rosary was. It was just Jesus and me- face to face.

My mind started to wander. I started to study the beautiful monstrance. Suddenly I remembered where I had seen one before- at my very own hometown church. Fr. Reginald would expose the monstrance twice a year after Mass- once during Lent and the other during Advent. He also exposes it during Stations of the Cross on Lenten Friday nights, but I was always much "too cool" to go to Church on a Friday night. But I do remember those times after Mass where no closing hymn was sung and he'd place the monstrance on the altar. Then he would proceed directly toward the confessional. A small group of us would go to confession. (I was always grudgingly a part of this group because if I didn't go, my mom would give me the classic "you better go to confession, or else!" look.) But everyone else would make a mass exodus for the door. If I could have, I would have been one of them.

I remember sitting in the back pew and waiting for my turn in the confessional and the Church would be empty. I remember looking up at that monstrance and not thinking anything of it. Suddenly, as I was sitting in adoration, face to face with Jesus I imagined back to my high school days, the empty church, the communion host exposed and instead of the monstrance there was a gigantic resplendent throne and instead of the communion host, there was Christ himself. He had his arms wide open, welcoming everyone to him. To talk with him, to cry with him, to take their troubles to him, to laugh with him. He was waiting there for the parishioners of my hometown church, but everyone had left him. Everyone had better things to do than to spend even 10 minutes with Jesus. But no matter how long it took, Jesus was waiting there with arms wide open. He would never put them down. He would never stop waiting there for us.

How many times had I ignored Jesus' open embrace throughout my life? "Sorry Jesus, I'd love to spend some time at Mass with you, but I'd rather sleep in." "Sorry Jesus, I'd love to pray to you, but I have a movie to go to with friends." "Sorry Jesus, I'd love to read your Word in Scripture, but I'd rather read this People magazine instead."

As I sat there in Adoration thinking on all this, I started to sob. Jesus has given me so much- my life, my family, my friends.. and I kept leaving him time after time. Now I was thankful I was up in the front pew so no one could the tears run down my cheek. I turned around to see if the chapel was still packed, but the only person there was the little old lady who had the 2:00 p.m. Holy Hour. She gave me a warm smile and returned to praying her rosary. I had no clue how long I had been there.

I had already had my spiritual growth spurt, but it was this experience that solidified my commitment to God. This wasn't just another spiritual "high" I was going through, like I had so many times before in my life. This wasn't some church-of-what's-happening-now feeling.. with the latest music, the best light show, the most dynamic preacher- this was CHRIST himself revealing his love for me.

I left that chapel a new person.

Now I wish more than anything there was a church nearby that offered perpetual adoration. I highly suggest that if you are lucky enough to have an adoration chapel nearby to visit it. Even if you are clueless as to what to do, just go and sit with Jesus.

7 comments:

Rebecca said...

Oh my gosh Maggie! Thank-you so much for posting this. I had heard about adoration, had some (small) idea of what it was, but this is so amazing!

Our Parish does not have Adoration, but I have been wondering about it (and really wanted/needed to go late last summer). I will have to do more research on other Parishes in our area that may have Adoration.

Joy said...

Beautiful post! I discovered Adoration in college when someone asked me if I would volunteer to cover an hour ~ so taking a leap of faith (or perhaps opening myself up to grace) I said yes ~ and also experience a lot of "Hi Jesus, what's up?" moments but came to treasure that hour of quiet contemplation.

Years later a local parish has Adoration several days a week for a few hours and while with an infant and now toddler an hour is not quite possible, ten minutes or so whenever I can manage ~ I seek out and sit in his presence.

That Married Couple said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful experience with us, Maggie!

(Also, I loved this: "However, there are a few things I have total and complete faith in- God, the Catholic Church, the Eucharist, my marriage and duct tape. I will have to pull on my Chuck Norris boots if you fight me on any of these topics.")

Rae said...

How wonderful!

I once met a Catholic man in his 40s (maybe 30s, but he looked older) who went to mass every Sunday and had no clue what adoration was. He had never understood why people stopped to pray in front of the tabernacle. I was quite shocked because I didn't understand how someone could be a reasonably active Catholic for that long and not *know*.

Good for you for helping to spread understanding.

Jamie said...

Maggie, you just answered a prayer of mine. There is a 5pm Monday slot for adoration that I have been pondering.

I discovered adoration within the last year. How in the heck did so many Catholic children grow up not knowing abou it? There ia a small chapel that is perpetual adoration a few towns away. There may be 10 rows of pews. It's tiny. It is the church that I made my most heartfelt confession within. I have stopped at that chapel on the way home from work more than once for some time with Jesus. How could I pass it up after I felt that true presence so strongly? Since then, some vandalism has caused the parish to stop perpetual adoration for safety's sake. I am so saddened by that.

I love your description of the throne and Jesus with his arms outstretched. It's so spot-on.

It looks like I will make that call. Yes, 5-6pm is dinnertime, but I'll make Mondays a crockpot day. Maybe Jesus needs me there during that hour.

Maggie @ From the Heart said...

Glad I could help you out, Jamie!

Catholic Mutt said...

I love this post! I really hope I can find a parish nearby that has Adoration. Thanks for sharing your experiences!

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