Timeless beauty,
classic elegance,
stunning,
exquisite,
... and then there's me.
This is my daily attire. My husband's old t-shirt and old sweatpants. (I promise the undies are my own.) It has taken me awhile to come to terms that I dress and appear as a slob. I've never been much of a girly-girl. I burp, fart, and have been known to make the statement, "P.U. I should have put on deodorant today!" I rarely shave (not because I want to embrace my natural woman, but because I am lazy.) I hardly ever put make-up on or do my hair. Sometimes I don't even brush my hair. I don't mind getting dirty. I've never cared a lot about fashion. I'd much rather have a nice cold beer than a glass of wine or a margarita. However, there was a time that I used to take care of my appearance. I never went overboard for that look of perfection, but I looked presentable. I wasn't afraid to run to Wal-Mart in my sweatpants or without makeup, but for the most part, I wore nice clothes and at least brushed my hair. I do embrace the domestic side of my femininity. I want to learn how to sew and cook. I enjoy cleaning and making house. I take enormous pride and find unbelievable joy in my vocation as a wife and stay at home mother.
I have a lot of excuses for the way I appear now. Stay-at-home-motherhood is NOT one. I looked like this long before I got pregnant. The only difference now is I have spit-up on my shirt and mashed banana in my hair. Some of my excuses go like this:
My body is still all sorts of wacky since I had Joe. I can't find clothes that fit and look good.
I can't afford new clothes. Besides, I want to lose some weight, so if I do spend the money on clothes I want them to fit.
I crave comfort. Sweat pants and old t-shirts are the staple of comfort, at least for me.
I don't see anyone throughout the day besides my husband and son. Why do I have to look nice? I don't need to impress them because they love me unconditionally.
If I do get out it is usually to Wal-Mart, and I usually do put on a bra and jeans for that. I might brush my hair. I'll put on a "nice hoodie" over my ratty old t-shirt.
I don't want to do my hair because it's still falling out since I had Joe and I don't want to further the process by blow drying or coloring.
I can't put makeup on right. It looks good when I first put it on, but later it looks like crap. Plus, why put it if just Ryan will see it? That clogs pores, ya know, and leads to pimples and stuff.....
I'm not saying it's time for me to dress to the nines and spend hours on my make-up and hair. But at least maybe I could wear t-shirts and sweat pants that are supposed to go on a woman, rather than a man. I don't care about having mashed banana in my hair, but maybe I could brush my hair every once in awhile. Maybe put on a touch of makeup. Paint my fingernails. Wear a skirt. Own a pair of shoes other than sneakers and flip flops. Wear something other than jeans.
When I told my husband about my concerns about being a slob and not being feminine enough he assured me that I was feminine. "I didn't marry a dude," he said to me. No, he didn't, but I could embrace my girly-girlness a bit more. I don't want to look nice just for my husband, but also for Joe. I don't want him to look back at pictures of him and me and think, "This is how a woman is supposed to look?" Of course I don't want him to marry a prissy-priss woman who is obsessed with her looks, but still, he should know what a hard-working, balanced woman looks like. And when I have daughters I want them to be able to look up to me and think their mother is truly beautiful.
I complain and make excuses about dressing up, but in reality, I do like the way I look (most of the time) when I do try and look presentable. Even though I tend to avoid posts about femininity, modesty and style, I desire to look good.
So my goals are to start taking better care of myself with exercise and with my appearance. I know I will never be a size 2 again. I know I will never wear the latest fashion. I know my make-up won't look like a pro put it on.
I don't think I'll ever fully embrace my inner girly-girl. Fart jokes are a part of my family and yes, I DO think they are hilarious. I'd still rather watch Star Wars than a chick flick. But there can be balance, right?
Do I sound really vain right now? How do you dress up or make yourself "presentable"?
P.S. Please don't think I am a total slob. I do shower, brush my teeth, and change my undies. I'm not a complete barbarian!
9 comments:
I get where you are coming from. And yes, you are feminine. :)
I work outside the home full-time and I have to say that sometimes I am glad for a very simple reason that it requires that I dress in clothes other than jeans and a t-shirt and do my hair and makeup. It's just part of a professional environment and I lose credibility if I look tired, or don't wear professional attire.
But, I would like to think that if I were blessed to stay home to care for my husband, home and children, that I would do some of the same things. My sister laughs at me because I put on makeup on my days off...and I'll admit it...it's because I think I look much older and more tired if I don't have my eyes made up.
So...I say, go for it! I bet when you get outside a bit with the warmer weather, get some walks, to to the park...it will come naturally anyway. :) Maybe not every day...but sometimes.
LMOA!
Well...you've hit the important ones: clean skivvies and teeth brushing. You did say you do your teeth, didn't you?! LOL
If someone says that they've never been through the drab stage, espcecially after bringing home a new child or giving birth...then they are a rare species!
I do not wear make-up. I don't have time and it isn't me. I try a smidge of foundation and blush (I use I.D.) when I notice a few blotches that really stand out.
I bought my first curling iron in like 20 years...for my daughters' hair (one Christmas Eve.) I want easy-peasy, especially being a mother.
I forced myself to by jeans that fit. It took awhile. (They do have a bit of that stretch material...what is it called ?!)
I do like to wear pretty earrings or some accessory. I feel naked without earrings to be honest.
If you want to go for the girly-girl look, take babysteps as to not overwhelm yourself. Find one type of clothing....shirts....or shorts...or skirts. I love skirts and summer dresses. They feel so much better, especially down here in the heat.
Work in new areas slowly.
Have fun and enjoy babysteps!
I'm pretty easy going myself. Like you said, I put on jeans if I'm going out, but at home I'm usually in a t-shirt (and they are all to small these days what with the preggo belly and all) and yoga pants. My hair is wash and air dry, and I do brush my teeth and put on my natural deoderant every day. But makeup does not usually happen, I never got used to putting it on (it was banned in my house pre 18) and it still takes me forever to get it all on correctly. I do like earings though. Do you have a favorite jewelry item that you love? That's pretty easy to throw on. I like to paint my toes too, my fingernails never last long enough to bother, but my toenails look cute! I would also encourage you (when you have some money to spend) to buy a few items that fit. My weight has flucuated so much through these on and off pregnant years, I would be naked by now if I didn't buy clothes that fit. I reccomend going to the thrift store. It takes some work, but you can find nice, practically new, pretty and comfortable clothes that fit you, and not feel guilty about wearing them around the house where they could get stained because you only paid a few dollars for them. :)
I would much rather see your authentic smile than the airbrushed and posed pictures you placed before your photo. There's something about being genuine that's beautiful. I'm laid up on the couch right now with a broken arm, and I need to remind myself of that.
I feel you on wanting to look feminine. After I had Jack, all I wanted to do was feel like my body was *gasp* sexy again but I didn't want to put any effort into my looks (for many of the reasons you mentioned).
When I went back to work, I still struggle to wear appropriate (professional) clothes. Doesn't help that I got a "1-year of 'free' jeans" pass for a project I work on... because why put on dress slacks if I'm "allowed" to wear jeans? Ugh, I'll get back to some sort of womanly clothes... eventually...
I like this post. I can relate, sort of. I struggle with getting dressed at home. Which makes me sound like the laziest living human, but its tough! Heck, even before I had a baby, I never liked getting dressed at home.
I think I have previously associated "getting dressed" with leaving the house for work, school, etc. When I'm home, I'm usually relaxing. Except now I work from home. So I NEED to get dressed. I'm trying to find balance.
I have a lot of really nice clothes in my closet, and I won't wear 85% of them during the week because they're too dressy for home and I don't want to get spit up on them. Then I have ratty sweats. I am working on building a wardrobe around really basic nice, feminine t-shirts and yoga pants or jeans. I can wear them around the house, but also wear them out of the house. But I still feel dressed. The important thing for me is to change out of my pj's, even if its into yoga pants.
I only wear makeup on the weekends, or if I am going out somewhere. The same with jewelery, although sometimes I wear small earrings.
I also try to dress up a little for church too. But sometimes I wear jeans too. I try not to get too worked up about it.
You are so beautiful, even in Ryan's sweats! :)
I think you're right, that it's really about balance. Because sweatpants and T-shirts are really comfy, and I can't wait to get home and change into mine. On the other hand, I started paying a little more attention to what I wore to work, and I was really surprised at the difference that it made. Both in my own confidence level and the way my patients responded to me. (I never wore sweatpants to work, but I used to just do the old khakis and a polo routine, where now I dress up a little more.) Then again, I don't do much with my hair and I NEVER wear makeup (because I'm lazy and horrible at it).
Good luck finding your balance! (Loved the picture sequence, btw.)
I LOVE this! I am the SAME way - but we ARE women! We are living the vocation of a women.
I too talked to my hubby about this once and what I took from it was this: maybe we need to do a little something to makes ourselves feel better. But, most of the time I REALLY don't care. When I do start to care or feel down (the winter is really hard for me) I have to try at least a few times a week to get out of the house and dress ok. I know myself, if I am just staying home with my kids, I am NOT getting dressed, I'm lazy! :)
PS - I think you look beautiful in the pic you posted. Sweat pants work for you girl!
OK, here's my two cents. When I was a SAHM in the beginning, there were plenty if days I didn't get out of my pj's. I always felt really "blah" and tired.
Then I read the FlyLady book about how to keep your house in order in a logical timely way. And in the book she said that she put on shoes every morning. I thought, why put on shoes if you're going to stay in the house all day? But for her, it made her feel ready to conquesr the day.
So, I thought about what would make me feel better and more awake and alert, and I started doing a couple things. First, I would wake up and take a shower every morning. Then I would put on clothes (even if it was jeans and a tee-shirt). And I always put on moiturizer and mascara. Viola! Instant person :)
It seriously made me feel better and I could actually handle the day better. I also tried to keep the house clean first thing in the morning - do laundry, dishes, vaccuum, etc. so that the rest of the day I felt "accomplished".
Your husband is a GREAT guy, and he will love you no matter what you look like, but I think he will be nicely surprised to see you in something other than sweats. Don't you like seeing him dressed up?
You are beautiful already, so just think about what would make you FEEL better :)
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