A Mother's Prayer

Yesterday, before Mass began, I started to seriously wonder if I’d never have a “normal” church experience again. Life has changed in oh so many ways since I’ve become a mother, and having a nice, peaceful, spiritual encounter during Mass is no more.

Now, I shouldn’t complain, because Joe is actually very good during Mass. The first couple of months he would snooze through the whole thing. However, I was still always looking at him in his infant carrier, wondering if he’d wake up, and thinking it was about time for him to nurse again- will he wake up and scream? Even though he usually never woke up, I would still not recall what the Gospel reading was.

Now that Joe is older, he is much more alert and active. But he is still such a good baby. He sits in my lap and stares around, and when we are standing he just studies the different people surrounding us. We don’t even have to bring any toys or books to distract him. Every once in a while he will babble, but it’s not loud, and my priest always says, “If you hear a baby chattering away during Mass, that is just his form of praying.” The only problem we’ve had is the one time he had a diaper blow-out and I didn’t bring the diaper bag… but that’s a different story for a different day.

I should take advantage of his good behavior now and start really paying attention to the Mass, because I’m sure when he gets older I won’t be so lucky. But I just can’t help watching Joe watch others, switching arms while holding him and wondering if my arm will fall off, daydreaming about what he will be like in church as he gets older, thinking about how nice a nap would be… my train of thought keeps going and going and going and BAM!- it’s time for Communion.

I used to get excited about Mass. Hearing Scripture, listening to a good sermon, being an active part of the Body of Christ, getting graces- I mean talk about Holy Ghost goose bumps! But now I don’t feel like I’m at Mass since I have Joe there. What about when we have more kids? Will it just be like going to the grocery store? Nothing special? I got a little sad at that thought.

Just then a woman and her three children entered the pew in front of me. Her husband walked to the front because he was going to be an altar server. She knelt on the kneeler and her two oldest kids followed suit (she didn’t even have to ask them to kneel!) Her youngest- an adorable little 2 year old was sitting on the pew and was kind of crawling around, but it wasn’t anything distracting. Instead of barking orders, the mother would simply bring her arm back behind her to make sure her daughter wasn’t running off or getting ready to dive off the pew.

Right before the Gospel reading, when we all make the Sign of the Cross on our foreheads, lips and heart, she was making sure her children did this as well. I was impressed. I never did this action until I was in high school! When it was time to kneel for the Consecration, she made sure her kids knelt as well. The 2 year old was still kind of restless, so she picked her up and held her. Now, I know that kneeling with a child isn’t easy- especially in these pews. There’s just not a lot of room. But instead of taking the easy way out and sitting on the pew (which I often do) she knelt on the floor. Her honor and devotion to the miracle of the Eucharist was so great!

Her kids were so well behaved. No whining or talking or kicking the pews. My mother told me that she brings them to daily Mass about 2 times a week. I’ve noticed a correlation between bringing kids to Mass more than once a week and their good behavior patterns. Something to look into for the future perhaps….

I talked to this mother after Mass. I told her that her family was beautiful and she smiled and mentioned that her youngest was kind of misbehaving. I’ve seen kids practically throw the hymnal across the aisle and scream loud enough to wake the dead and their parents don’t do anything, so I assured her that her daughter was great. But instead of talking about how it could be embarrassing (which is understandable- I know I will probably be worried that Joe will embarrass me someday!) she was worried that it was distracting from what was going on at the altar. Her reverence for the Mass was awesome.

We also talked about how we’d like to have a bunch of kids. The inner 5 year-old in me wanted to shout, “Can I be your friend?!” but it was time for us to part ways.

Observing this woman and her children made me realize that helping your children during Mass is an amazing form of prayer. She wasn’t at Mass because she had to be. She wasn’t at Mass to save face or to make it a social occasion. She was there because she loves Jesus and she wants her children to love Jesus as well. She wants her children to get to heaven.

Maybe she can’t recall what the second Scripture reading was. But God is smiling down on her because she is making sure that her children know what it is. Mass isn’t all about “what can I get out of this?” It’s helping others get to God.

Wiping noses, finding a lost sock, letting your baby gnaw on the missalette, teaching the Sign of the Cross- these are all beautiful forms of prayer. I sure hope I can do my very best in this way of praying.

I still need to find balance. I still need to find some more “God time” in my day and stop making Mass my only “God time” of the week. I just feel like I don’t have time.

Yes, life has changed so much since I’ve become a mother. I’m anxious to see where the rest of this journey will take me and what other lessons I will learn.