Last night my husband and I watched the Oscars. I have watched the Oscars for years. Sure, it's a bunch of people wearing ridiculously expensive clothes and jewelry congratulating each other, but I love it. I love movies, beautiful gowns, heart-felt acceptance speeches and the funny/corny jokes.I always have to chuckle a little bit to myself when I watch the Academy Awards. When I was in high school I was so certain I would be up there on that stage with the bright lights glaring down on me, all my peers and fans looking at me with awe, me holding that 6 lb, 13 1/2 inch golden man statue. I would of course be on the "best-dressed list" and my flowing beautiful gown would match my sleek updo perfectly. My mom would be in the crowd looking on with tears in her eyes and a smile full of pride as I thanked the Academy, the cast and crew of my movie, my family and friends, and of course, God.
I had big dreams of becoming an actress. I half-heartedly tried to follow those dreams by quitting college and making plans to earn money to move out to L.A. I even auditioned for a Broadway musical to get some experience.
I often thank God that this dream of mine did not pan out. My values don't mesh well with those of Hollywood. I am a zillion times happier that my dream of being a wife and mother have come true.
I'm not a big believer in what they tells kids- "You can be anything you want to be." God gives us each different talents and so we all do different things. No matter how hard I want to be a star basketball player, I don't think I could achieve that dream. I'm just too short and don't have the talent. No matter how badly I would want to become a president of a bank, I couldn't do it because I don't have the talent for finance and numbers.
I've learned to become realistic about my dreams and goals. I still like to make fun, silly goals, like learn how to play the accordion and go skydiving. Will those probably happen? Nah, but you never know!
One goal of mine that I haven't even worked on lately is to be a free-lance writer. For some reason that has really been bothering me. Starting this blog was supposed to be a sort of starting point to my writing career. I emailed one of my favorite bloggers for advice on how to break into the biz and she graciously gave me oodles of info. Have I followed up on it? No. It is my own fault that I haven't advanced anywhere in writing. I'm just too lazy.
My writing is something very personal to me, so when it gets criticised, rejected or changed I get very upset. I spend a lot of time trying to find the right words and half the time after I hit "publish" I am never fully satisfied. I read other blogger's words and am so impressed with how well they can weave a tale or put together beautiful sentences with the perfect words. Most of the these talented bloggers have multiple children or jobs outside the home. I have just one and I feel like I don't have time to spell check anything! These women also seem to have many more interesting things to talk about. They talk about motherhood, femininity, NFP, cooking, sewing, moving to a new house, remodeling, etc. The only interesting thing I have to write about is how Joe's poop changes texture and color.
I love to write. I have written stories since I was a young girl. I even liked to write papers in high school and college. I still enjoy writing very much. I like to entertain, encourage, inspire and sometimes just to vent. And I want to stay home with Joe more than anything in the world, and I believe that free-lance writing can help me achieve that dream.
Becoming a new mother has definitely put my plans of writing on hold. I am totally OK with that because he is way more important than writing and I knew that motherhood would be a huge adjustment. I just wonder when I will finally feel I can spend more time for writing. Maybe I need to track my day, like Elizabeth at That Married Couple, so I can see where I am wasting time. I already have to pencil in time to shave my legs and brush my teeth, so writing has for sure taken a back seat.
I'm not too worried about fulfilling this dream right this very second. (What?! Me not too worried about something?! This is something new!) If it is God's will for me to be a writer, then it will happen on his time!
4 comments:
I just wanted to say that I totally empathize with what you're saying here. Writing is very important to me, too; I've always had dreams of being a published author some day, and I also started my blog as an incentive (and forum in which) to write more. I have to say though that I have no idea how other moms find time for it. It wasn't so bad when my daughter was a tiny baby (although even then I'd stare at her for hours instead of writing), but finding time to write with a toddler in the house just hasn't been happening. Sometimes I do feel like I must be lazy to not be able to find time, when moms with 5 kids are able to write every day. Then again, if you have four kids and a toddler, you also have four times as much help as you or I.
Take heart, though. If God's given you the talent and desire, you can trust He'll give you a time and place to use it. My mom always talks to me about living life sequentially - that there is a time for everything, and you can "do it all"- you just can't do it all at the same time. Joe will grow up and need less intensive attention, and one day you (and I, too!) will have more time for things other than baby poo :)
I have a 4th baby on the way, and I'll let you in on the secret. When I sit down to write, I inevitably sacrifice something else. It could be doing the dishes, or maybe I put off washing my hair, or sometimes I write while my kids watch a cooking show or two. I can't do it all, and I have to be OK with that. So I do what I can, and I try to squeeze in writing because without it my brain dies and I start to slide into depression. Will I ever be an accomplished writer who makes money? Maybe. But when we need the money, it's more probable that I will get the morning shift at the bakery or an evening waitress shift while my husband puts the babies to bed. And that's OK too.
Take heart, Maggie - you already are a writer! Even if you never make a single penny off it, you have many women who enjoy hearing what you have to say! Heck, 62 of us even call ourselves your followers!
At least that's what I tell myself when I also wonder if my same dream will ever pan out :) It was really humbling to me when I realized just how many bloggers were out there, and how many of them held the same aspiration of becoming a free-lance writer - and how many of them are better than me!
I totally agree with your last paragraph, though. I've decided to sit back and see what He has in mind for my writing. If that means blogging and never writing anything else, so be it. If that means someday fulfilling my goal to write a book, so be it. If that means becoming overwhelmed with motherhood and eventually not writing anything, so be it. My constant prayer these days is "Thy will be done!"
I was going to comment the same as the one above - that you already are a writer! I only blog for fun, so I can't offer any advice there, but I remember one blogger who got a book deal say that she just wrote in her own style, about what was happening to her, and she was discovered. Don't go overboard trying to impress others or worrying what we think, do it all for the glory of God! He will take care of you :)
Post a Comment