Jurassic Park and Facing My Fears

A couple days ago my husband said he had a surprise for me. He had recorded one of my favorite movies, Jurassic Park, in high definition. After we watched it I wondered aloud if I would have one of my usual recurring dreams about dinosaurs. Yes, I occasionally have a nightmare where a tyrannosaurus rex is chasing me. Why, you may ask? I’ll tell you.

Let me take you back to the summer of 1993. My mom and I had spent the weekend with my uncle and aunt down in south Missouri. I was 8 years old, and the only people remotely close to my age were my older boy cousins who were in their teens and twenties. They decided to go see a movie and I so desperately wanted to go with them to fit in and feel “cool.” I remember them insisting that I probably wouldn’t like this new dinosaur movie, but I didn’t want to be left behind with the boring grown-ups. Besides, I liked dinosaur movies- The Land Before Time was one of my faves!

Littlefoot says, "Don't do it, Maggie!"

We got to the theater and I remember sitting in the front row. I was beyond excited! I felt so grown up! Then the movie started. Epic, freaky-scary jungle music started playing. I started feeling a tad uneasy. The first scene opened up.

A bunch of people were transporting a dinosaur at night. (Night?! That’s like the scariest time ever to transport a dinosaur!) It’s a little cage, so it can’t be that bad. Wrong. The gate keeper dude on top of the cage falls after the dinosaur runs and knocks into the cage. He gets pulled in screaming in agony. The British dude with the Crocodile Dundee-type hat runs to save this guy who is being pulled into the cage. “Shooot hah!” He yells to the dudes with guns. “SHOOOOOOOT HAAAAAH!!!” It’s no use. In the midst of all the shooting and chaos the cage keeper guy gets sucked into the cage.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh nooooo…. I was already beyond petrified and it was only the first 10 minutes of the movie! I thought that perhaps maybe they put the scariest scenes at the beginning of the movie. I wasn’t so lucky.

It was 127 minutes of pure terror. Sure there was the “lighthearted scene” where Dr. Grant and the kids are up in the tree and they pet the nice veggie-saurus and it sneezes all over the girl and she gets covered in dino-boogers. Yeah, ha ha, that’s nice, but there are VELOCIRAPTORS out there!

The scenes with the velociraptors scared me the most. I mean, seriously- who ever heard of those? At least with a T-rex if you stood still or could get into a small building he couldn’t get you. But with the raptors- it doesn’t matter if you are underground in a maintenance shed, hiding in a kitchen or fleeing through the ceiling tiles, those jerks are hell-bent on eating you.

RUN, LITTLE BOY, RUN!

Hehehe!

I don’t remember how I acted after the movie. I probably cried hysterically and have just blocked that memory out. But this wasn’t just a scary movie that I forgot about the next day. I should have probably gone to therapy with as much as it frightened me for days afterward. I remember mom reading the book and just seeing the title JURASSIC PARK on the cover gave me an uneasy feeling. I also remember in our bathtub we had a plastic cup used to rinse my hair of shampoo. It was a special edition Jurassic Park collector’s cup from McDonalds. It had a scene with the T-Rex and I remember being terrified of that cup. And to top it all off I remember watching a 20/20 episode that started off in one of those news-y official voices: “Could Jurassic Park REALLY happen? We go behind the science to discover a lost world.” All I could remember thinking was “OH DEAR GOD. WE’RE DOOMED.” Kids my age were afraid of the boogie man under their beds. Not me. I was afraid of a velociraptor in my closet waiting to pounce on me!

Many years have passed and my how things have changed. Jurassic Park is one of my favorite movies. I’ve owned it on VHS and have two copies of it on DVD. If I see it on TV I’ll stop and watch. I’ve read the books. And yes, I do have dreams every few months of dinosaurs, but I wouldn’t even call them nightmares, because they don’t freak me out anymore.

Thinking back on my fears of Jurassic Park made me reflect on fear and worry in general. I look back on my fears and can laugh now. They seem so silly. I can now rest assured that Jurassic Park cannot become reality AND that velociraptors weren’t that big in real life (they were only like 3 feet tall), so if they were to become real I could kick them and run or take a baseball bat to them.

Fear is a good thing. It helps us to survive. We won’t walk on that narrow ledge on the 500 foot cliff during a wind storm because we could fall off to our deaths. We won’t stick our hand in a pit of rattle snakes because we could get bit and get sick. We won’t accept an invitation to visit a new park with real dinosaurs because we know that is just a disaster waiting to happen.

I have written of my fears before. I think some of them are legit- like my fears as a Catholic woman. Some are silly- like my worries of raising an axe murderer.

I think it is pretty clear in some of my blog posts that I am a huge worrier. In this day and age you never know if a psychopath will bring a gun to a mall or a school and shoot. You never know if you might get into a horrible car accident or have a loved one diagnosed with cancer. I always hear these horrible stories: a small child drowns in a neighbor’s pool, a baby dies of SIDS, and a father of three is killed while driving when a boulder crashes on his car. I remember discussing this last scenario with a friend. She said, “Whenever my time comes, I’m ready.” I wish I could have that care-free attitude. So many times I worry and take extra (probably unnecessary) precautions.

At least I don't have to worry about dying like this poor sucker. Wow, what a way to go.

I worry about money and finances but somehow we always get by. I keep trying to open myself up to completely trusting in God that we will continue to be OK. But where do I draw that line between trusting in God and being genuinely worried about making ends meat? Is trusting in God and sticking to a budget the best I can do? Will someday when I am 90 years old I look back on my fears of money and laugh like I do now with my fears of Jurassic Park?

This week’s Gospel reading is one of my favorites. Jesus’ instructions to the Apostles not to worry are words I need to hear. It’s like Jesus is talking to me, too. “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life.” He goes on to say that God takes care of the flowers and birds so of course he will take care of his children that are made in his own image. “O you of little faith,” Jesus says. Yes, Jesus, my faith could use some work. “Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of its self.” When will I take these words to heart?

I worry so much and am so afraid. I’m afraid I will lose my loved ones. I’m afraid I will fail at being a good wife and mother. I’m afraid of Hell. I worry constantly about my son. I worry that some guy will be driving drunk and I will get into a car accident. I am so scared of having another miscarriage someday. I worry me or Ryan will get diagnosed with cancer and not be able to take care of each other or our future children. But all this worry and fear- it takes the joy out of life.

It is so hard to let God be in control. It is so hard to trust his will. Sometimes his will doesn’t make sense, and that’s what scares me. I think one of the scariest things in life is to trust God completely. But it shouldn’t be scary. If we live how God wants us to live, then all should be well. We have nothing to worry about. I often take note of the words the priest speaks after we pray the Our Father- "Deliver us, Lord, from every evil, and grant us peace in our day. In your mercy keep us free from sin and protect us from all anxiety as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Savior, Jesus Christ.”

I need to be brave. Trust in God. Trust in his will. Give him the control. I need to stop thinking all gloom and doom and get back some of the joy in my life.

Now, with all this talk of bravery and getting over my fears, I still don’t think I could handle the Jurassic Park ride at Universal Studios. Being strapped in a ride while velociraptors jump out? I don’t think so. I would probably try and escape and /or pee my pants. I’m pretty sure there is a sign at the beginning of the ride saying “WARNING: If this movie scared you when you were young DO NOT PROCEED. You will probably die.”

Um, no thank you.