Candy Canes and Conversation Hearts

We have a bowl on top of our microwave. In it are a few candy canes left over from Christmas and a box of conversation heart candies. Looking at those items reminds me of how much I dislike this time of year.

I'm usually depressed for a few days and I wonder why. Then I remember seasonal affective disorder. I always think, "Nah, that can't be it." But then I realize- "Yep, that's what it is."

The joy of Christmas is over and there is nothing really more to look forward to. Sure, there is the Super Bowl, but I actually get kind of depressed around this time because that means football is over. I am not much of a basketball or baseball fan so I have to wait awhile for football to come back.

It doesn't help that I haven't gotten out of the house since Sunday. Stupid massive blizzard.

It doesn't help that I'm feeling I'm in a rut in my exercise routine. Sure, it's still physically challenging, but it's starting to get boring. I remember why I hate exercising to DVD's- it can get to be a snooze fest. I haven't been losing weight (just one measly pound) and I wasn't smart and didn't take my measurements before I started this whole shenanigan so I don't really know how much progress I'm making. I wish the weather was nice so I could go walking or running. Or we didn't live out in the sticks so I could go work out at a gym.

It doesn't help that Baby Joe is not sleeping like he used to. It used to be fairly easy to get him to sleep, and even though he still wakes every 3 hours to nurse, I'm used to it, and he'd go right back to sleep. But now he won't fall asleep unless he is in my arms. As soon as I lay him down he is wide awake. So it's a back and forth battle of standing by his crib and comforting him, watching him drift off, sneak out of the room, him realize I'm not there and start screaming, I come in and rock him back to sleep, lay him down, and he starts fussing again. I love cuddling with my love bug, but I am losing even more sleep and my house is starting to look like a disaster zone.

It doesn't help that some news we have been waiting for has come back as bad news. I will go into details later. I received this news as I am writing this, so I think I'm going to stop writing for now. I had much more to say, but I don't have the strength to write anymore. I'm losing faith and losing heart. I foresee binging on Girl Scout cookies and watching a Harry Potter or Friends marathon tonight...

I'm thankful I have a very smile-y boy who cracks me up and a husband that bends over backwards to cheer me up. He let me take a long nap today. When he left for work today I told him I'm sorry I was in such a dark depressing place. Before he left he went into the kitchen, got a lighter and lit some candles in our living room and said, "Since I can't be here, I'll make some light for you."

Counting my blessings right now... that's all I can do.