Wondering Wednesdays Vol. 5: Heaven

Many people have different reasons or events for their conversion or reversion to Christianity. My reversion back to the Catholic Church was due to my Uncle Dave's death. He was such a holy and devout man that there is no doubt that he is in heaven. If he did go to purgatory it was for a short pit stop.

The thought of someone I was very close to being in the eternal glory of heaven just blew my mind. I mean Uncle Dave was in the same company as the angels, the saints, his mother who had passed away 40 years before, and um, JESUS! I mean the fact that he was face-to-face with our Savior and the Blessed Virgin made me SO incredibly happy for him.

He was in eternal happiness. No more tears, sadness, anger, or worry. At this point of my life, tears, sadness, anger and worry were running rampant. I didn't want all that negative energy so I knew that if I wanted to someday be eternally happy I would need to change my sinful way of living.

So I did.

Heaven is often on my mind. I read a wonderful book a couple years ago called "A Travel Guide to Heaven" by Anthony DeStefano. He used the Bible and other Church teachings to speculate on what heaven would be like. His images are stuck in my head often when I think about heaven. I also get excited when I read all the lovely images of the Kingdom of God in Holy Scripture.

I wonder what heaven will be like if I am lucky enough for the Lord to say to me at the time of my death, "Well done, good and faithful servant. Come and share your master's happiness!"

The first thing I wonder about is how I will react when I see Jesus face-to-face. Sure I'll drop to my knees in praise. I think I will shake uncontrollably with nervousness. I would be shaking like a leaf if I met someone famous and holy like the Pope...just imagine my nervousness when I meet the Son of God- the Alpha and the Omega- the creator of the universe!!! I will probably bawl my little eyes out in awe and wonder at meeting my Savior. Will He come to embrace me? I think I'd faint...

I wonder if the whole "life flashing before your eyes" thing is true. My husband and I were talking about this the other day. Would we relive our life through our own eyes or be looking down on it all? I know one thing for sure- there are some points in my life that I would love to fast forward through. I know I will bury my head in shame during certain points.

I wonder which relative I will see first, or will they all come to greet me at once? Will it be my grandmother, whom I am named after? Will it be my Uncle Dave or Uncle Mick, whose deaths caused me to embrace Christ? Or will it be some ancestor?

I wonder what it will be like to walk around Heaven and see Adam and Eve, Moses and John the Baptist. "Oh look, there's George Washington!" Maybe St. Cecilia (my patron saint) will mosey on over to hang out with me. Oh. how. COOL!

I wonder what it will be like to meet our guardian angels. They have been with us from the moment of our conception and have protected us from more harm and evil than we will probably ever know! Will we hear the beautiful angel choirs? I've heard some tear-jerking choirs in my time... can you imagine how beautiful the singing will be in heaven?

You know that amazing, fulfilling, peaceful feeling you get after an amazing Mass or Eucharistic adoration? We all know that Mass in heaven on earth... but in heaven those feelings will not be "feelings." They will be a way of living every single second of our heavenly existence.

When we receive our glorified bodies, what will life in heaven be like then? Often heaven is described as a banquet, a feast. Just imagine the joy, the laughter, the music, the smiles... the food! I realize we won't really need to eat in heaven, but I can't imagine there not being food there. The yummiest, most scrumptious meal we've ever had on earth won't compare to God's cooking!

With our glorified bodies will we be able to fly? To see colors we've never seen before? Will we all be able to sing? Will we all be able to create amazing pieces of art? Will I be 5'5" instead of 5'0"? :-)

I remember once when I was in elementary school a friend of mine said that in heaven, all we would be doing is bowing down in worship. I remember being really bummed out and thinking, "Who would want to go to heaven if that's all you do?" I've come to realize that we will be worshipping God in every moment while in heaven- by loving, by being happy, by actually being with Him, and by living our life the way it was always meant to be lived.

Have You Hugged an Atheist Today?

Here is something I have always found interesting/entertaining- according to some Christian denominations both atheists and Catholics are going to hell. We "Whores of Babylon" and those "Deniers of Christ" have a one-way ticket to that burning inferno. Maybe it is this line of thinking, plus the fact that I have a couple friends and family members who are atheist, that causes me to look at atheists with lenses of love rather than lenses of condemnation and hate.

While I lived in Maryville, I had a very good friend who was an atheist. He was one of the nicest, funniest people I knew. Although we've grown apart he taught me a lot of what it means to be a Christian in a world where not everyone shares my beliefs.

When I was attending Benedictine, he and I exchanged a few emails. Since I was beginning to grow in my spirituality I asked him why he was atheist. He emailed me back a very long and detailed letter of why. There were the typical reasons I had heard before: the Bible is a fake. If God is so good, why is there evil in this world? There are too many "man-made rules." I had to admit that these thoughts had popped into my head more than once, but I took the time to learn about these topics and realized that by using logic and faith that these arguments weren't rational and just didn't hold up.

However there was one point he made that really struck me. He said that one reason he wasn't Christian was because there were people around him that declared themselves "devout Christians" were anything but. They went to Church every Sunday but they were cheating on their wives, drinking every night, cheating other people, lying, and were just plain uncharitable.

Now there was something I couldn't refute.

I am not making excuses for my friend, but I can see his point in why it is hard to want to be a Christian when there are other Christians around that are hypocrites or who teach false teaching.

Maybe this is my Pollyanna, can't-we-all-just-get-along, Miss America "I want world peace" view of the world that makes me want approach atheists with love and tenderness. Will an atheist want to learn anything about God when we are condemning them left and right and cramming religion down their throats? I doubt it. Will they want to learn about God when they see someone genuinely happy and joyous by following God's will and following Christ's commandment of "love you neighbor as yourself"? Perhaps...

I had a Theology professor at Benedictine who told us that we shouldn't be quick to assume that all atheists were going to hell. There could be many atheists who have a better chance of getting to Heaven over those of us who have all the tools of salvation. He mentioned what my atheist friend had written about in his email- many people may be atheist due to hypocritical Christians or because they have been misinformed of Christian teaching.

That being said, I will say that I have a low tolerance for those atheists that try and tear God out of every sphere of human living. I can't stand those atheists who think Christians are un-educated and superstitious. They post offensive writings and create sacrilegious works of art. Sometimes I wonder if these people really don't believe in God. They seem to believe in God, but they just hate Him SO much they don't want anyone to know Him. We as Christians have the right to defend our beliefs. They need to realize that most Christians who try to evangelize to them are doing it out of genuine love. We want our atheists brothers and sisters to be happy to their fullest extent.

The door swings both ways when it comes to being charitable. If Christians are supposed to be kind and compassionate toward atheists, then atheists should also show that same courtesy. If the mantra of the atheist way of life is to "be a good person" then shouldn't atheists refrain from being rude and obstinate toward Christians? Pride caused the fall of human nature. I believe pride gets in the way of charitable dialogue between Christians and atheists. A Christian "wants to be right" and "prove a point." An atheist refuses to be open minded and learn about what all this God stuff is about.

We as Christians should be loving toward everyone, and that includes people who have different beliefs. We should be careful to examine our own way of living before we condemn others.

On an end note, I just have to say that the Christians I most admire are those who were former atheists. Their spiritual life and the lessons they teach are so rich, full of Truth and simply beautiful! I know of an atheist who is in the formation process of becoming a priest. Jennifer Fulwiler writes a beautiful blog called "Conversion Diary." She was a former atheist who describes her past way of thinking as "vocally anti-Christian." I have learned so much from those people who used to be atheist.

7 Quick Takes Friday Vol. 7

1.

The sun has been shining the past couple of days! Praise be to God! The no sun, the fog and gloom have really been affecting my mood! This winter has been rough....I am so ready for spring!

2.

One thing that has uplifted my spirits is the new bird feeder my husband bought to put outside our patio doors. Some beautiful cardinals and other pretty birds that I don't know the names of have visited and brought a little joy to our life. My mom said that once I start feeding the birds I won't be able to stop. She was right! I feel guilty whenever the bird feeder is empty!

3.

I went with my mom to one of her meetings in Jefferson City. It was really neat to wander around the capital building. However, after seeing all those politicians, plus hearing Obama's State of the Union address, I've officially determined that I hate politics. I know the goal of politics is supposed to be a good one, but man what a stressful job that must be. I've seen politics divide families and cause hurt feelings.

4.

I've been thinking a lot about "turn the other cheek." At what point do you keep quiet or stand up for yourself? I'm going to write a blog post about this in the future.

5.

Ryan and I have been thinking about buying a new washer and dryer. However, the only kind that will fit in our apartment is a stackable washer and dryer. I never realized how much more expensive stackables are compared to regular side-by-sides. I'm ready to do laundry in our own place instead of going over to our neighbors or across the street to the motel's laundry room!

6.

Speaking of living in an apartment.... I'm ready to live in a house. OK, so I've been ready to live in a house since I've lived in my very first apartment!

7.

I just got off the phone with my dad. He's been doing well after his surgery. Coughing is still painful, but he hasn't smoked one single cigarette since before his surgery! I'm very happy that he is doing well! Thanks again for all your prayers!

The Story of How We Met

This photo was taken literally two minutes before he proposed!

The happiest day of our lives.... so far!


South Dakota honeymoon!

Someone left a comment asking me to tell the story of how my husband and I met. Part of the purpose of this blog is to tell the tales of newlywed life, so I thought I'd start from the beginning! (The other part of my blog is to explore Catholicism, but I'm still struggling to piece together an interesting, enlightening post. Stay with me faithful followers- I promise these posts will get better!)

It was my very first day of class at Benedictine. I was so incredibly nervous. Even though it was an 8:00 a.m. class, I dressed my best and even put make up on! (This is a rarity for me.) I got there twenty minutes early and sat anxiously at my desk. The classroom was very small, something I wasn't used to since in the rare times I did go to class at CMSU and Northwest the classrooms were huge and nearly every seat full.

When 8:00 drew near, only seven other students had joined me. The teacher walked in and right behind her was Ryan. He had a gray Chiefs hoodie on (I thought, "This dude has great taste!") He had a ball cap partially pulled down over his eyes, but I could still see his dazzling baby blue eyes. He had a semi-comatose/zombie look on his face and carried a Dr. Pepper can. He sat down two rows in front of me off to my right side.

It was a speech class, so I was even more nervous. Thankfully public speaking doesn't freak me out too much, so my fears slowly went away. It was a small and very fun group of classmates I had, so that helped a lot too.

We had a week or two of just lecture and learning about the structure of speeches, voice dynamic, etc. so we didn't have to worry about giving a speech just yet. I noticed Ryan always turned around and looked at me, but I didn't have a clue who this guy was so I didn't think much on it.

Finally we had to give our first speech. The topic was "The scariest/most memorable moment of your life." I gave my speech about how I was in my very first car accident. My boyfriend at the time and I were supposed to go to the Plaza in Kansas City, but instead went to another town where the roads were slick. After my speech Ryan came up to me and said, "I'm from the area around the Plaza." That got us talking. I told him I had a brother who lived in Kansas City and worked as a police officer. He had two uncles that also worked in the Kansas City Police Department. That conversation started our friendship.

We spent the rest of the semester practicing our speeches together, making late night runs to Wal-Mart, pigging out at Sonic and expressing to each other our romantic woes. He was in an on-again/off-again relationship and I was trying to find the man I would marry but was having a heck of a time. There was a time I met one of my ex-boyfriends and his buddies for a couple of beers and I called Ryan out in the parking lot for some encouragement. After this "date" didn't go so well Ryan assured me that my heartache wouldn't last long since some guy would sweep me off my feet someday.

He quickly became my "best guy friend." He was always there for me, always made me laugh and I knew he was one of those genuine good guys. The only point where we would disagree was with the subject of religion, but whenever I explained my point he would have an open mind and say, "I never thought of it that way." He was far too stubborn to admit that I was right, but he wasn't a close-minded jerk.

That summer we didn't talk as much as I would have liked. We kept meaning to meet up but work or girlfriends or other plans got in the way. Finally we planned a "friend date." He picked me up and we ate at Hooters (classy and dignified, I know.) We sat there talking about what we had done that summer and our recent romantic crap stories. He told me something that made me VERY upset. He said he thought he'd never get married. I was appalled. I was upset for him because I knew he'd make some girl really happy and make an awesome father. I told him this and he shrugged his shoulders. We spent the rest of the meal talking about how many children we'd like to have and speculating what our lives would be like if we married each other...

After our lunch we went driving around and saw some people selling puppies and stopped to oooo and aaaahhhh. Then we went driving around this new development and complained that no one ever builds houses with big front porches. A big front porch was a requirement for both of our future houses.

He dropped me off after a fun-filled day and I suddenly started to freak out. I felt I was developing a "crush" on Ryan. But usually my crushes are along the lines of "I wonder what it would be like to hold his hand" or "I'd love to go on a date with him." But the feeling I was getting was, "I can seriously see myself marrying Ryan and having his babies." This scared me to death because Ryan was such a dear friend that the thought of dating him and possibly breaking up was unbearable. I dwelt on this for a long time, but eventually got it out of my head.

The next semester we didn't have any classes together but we hung out quite a bit. He introduced me to one of this dorm buddies and he thought I was Ryan's girlfriend! Speaking of Ryan's girlfriend, he and her were having great difficulties. My first and foremost concern was Ryan's happiness. His girlfriend never seemed to like me (in hindsight I can see why...) He finally broke up with her and what came next was Ryan and I deciding to become a couple.

Our relationship was a happy one. Since it was built on friendship and we actively tried to include God in our relationship (there were many times we failed at that) we had a solid relationship. Sure we argued, but we always resolved it.

Marriage to each other was on our mind from day one of dating. I had always had visions of getting married to the men I had dated before but it always kind of frightened me. Not with Ryan. I knew our relationship was special and was marriage material. We went ring shopping occasionally but I never had a clue when Ryan would pop the question.

The fall semester of 2007 was a crazy, insanely busy. I was taking 19 credit hours, my grandfather had passed away and I was behind on homework. I was doing 20 hours of observation for an education class and had to build a volcano and come up with a Religion Jeopardy, had two papers due, plus about 500 pages worth of reading to catch up on all in the same week. I was a tad bit stressed so Ryan promised me a date on Friday night. Before we went to see "A Bee Movie" we stopped by State Lake because Ryan thought I'd like to see how pretty the scenery was in the fall. I took my camera to snap some photos.

I took the photo displayed at the top of this post then Ryan pointed across the lake at a very pretty scene. The sun was setting behind the trees that were emblazoned with orange, gold and brown. They reflected perfectly on the lake. I snapped the picture and turned around and Ryan was down on one knee with a ring in his hand. I was beyond surprised and happy!

He had asked my mom and my big brother for their blessing in our engagement. After Midnight Mass we had our engagement blessed by my hometown priest. I knew that wedding planning was going to be a stress, but I knew our marriage was going to be a wonderful journey.

These past nine months we've been married have been amazing. We've had many ups and downs in our lives but have faced them head on together. He still makes me laugh and he takes such good care of me. When I look at pictures of him when he was a tot with big blue eyes and curly blonde hair I long to hold a baby that looks just like him in my arms- that's how much I love him.

For the sake of making this too mushy and gushy, I'll end this for now.

How did you and the love of your life meet?

"I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he is rich."

My mother and her brothers at my Grandpa Chub's funeral in 1986

This weekend I went to my mom's because my Uncle Alan and Aunt Joy were coming to visit from south Missouri. A good time is usually had by all when they come, and since Ryan was working a five day stretch and since I was getting a touch of cabin fever I decided to go visit.

We discussed a wide range of topics, but one we always talk about is family. We pulled out some old photos and some old silent family movies from the 1960's. After a lot of digging we found a cassette tape with a recording of my grandpa talking with my uncle about his life growing up and what like was like as a married man with seven children!

This weekend has made me realize just how blessed I am by having such a close-knit and loving family. Our family is B I G and scattered all across the United States, yet we still find the time to get together every summer for a family reunion in Tightwad, MO. (Yes, that is a real town!) The population of Tightwad is about 63 people, but when my two living uncles, their spouses, my mother, my brother and his family, plus my thirty cousins, their spouses, and their children come to town we more than double the population!

Sure our family reunions are usually held when it is 100 degrees outside. There are bugs, sweat and a few cramped spaces and some cousins we raise our eyebrows at (my brother being the main one!) But we always have a great time. Thanks to our creative and wacky side we usually have some interesting themes and activities for our family reunion. We've done a full Western play, an auction, a holy card swap, a toga party, American Idol karaoke, St. Patrick's Day in July, a scavenger hunt, obstacle course and numerous other activities. At the end of the day we wind down, pull our lawn chairs around the campfire, drink a few beers and talk into the early hours of the morning.

Don't get me started about the funerals in our family. My family and I put the F U N in FUNeral! We celebrate their life, we laugh more than we weep, and we walk away from the event with a sense of joy and comfort.

I just loved looking at all the photos of my family. My mom and her brothers are a very close-knit unit and it was very evident in the photos and home videos. I wondered what the secret was for this closeness. My mom and her siblings weren't very close in age; my oldest uncle was twenty years old when my mother (the youngest and only girl) was born. They weren't a rich family by any means. Grandpa worked two jobs and they still didn't have all the luxuries of life. My grandpa in his cassette tape interview talked about all the sacrifices they had to make and boy were there a lot! Despite that, my mom and uncles have said they never once felt deprived while growing up. There was always food on the table and love in the home. Just goes to show that financial stability doesn't guarantee happiness.

Now, don't get me wrong- we McAdams are not perfect. There have been sins, wrongdoings, heartaches and tears. There has been some news that could have torn our family apart. I'm sure there's a rather large section reserved for McAdams type people in Purgatory! Despite all the negative things that are a part of our family, we all continue to remain close and choose to look at the good.

Seeing my mom and her family reinforces my desire to have a somewhat large family (or however many God wants to bless us with!) I have nothing against small families, but I grew up seeing how much love and closeness can come from a large family. I told my mom this weekend I was envious of her and wished she would have had more children. I remember working in a nursing home and never once did the elderly folks say, "I wish I had fewer children." They always said they wished they had one or two more. I'm sure there were times when my grandparents wondered what in the world possessed them to have seven children, but the end result is so worth it. Seven people were born, some of the kindest, funniest and caring people in the world. They had children who make a small yet mighty impact on the world. All because two people fell in love.


I still haven't figured out the secret to my family's closeness. Perhaps it is not a secret at all, but just a way of living and loving.

Trusting God

Some of you may have heard this story about relying on God's help. (It has been years since I've heard this, so I'm sure I'll screw it up somehow.)

A massive flood was covering the town. A man camped out on his roof. His neighbors who were in the process of evacuating begged and pleaded with him to get down and get to safety. He told his neighbors, "I'm not going anywhere. God will help me."

The water got higher and higher and reached the roof.

A man in a small motor boat came by and told the man sitting on the roof that he was there to rescue him. The man said, "No thank you. I'm staying here. God will help me." The man in the boat pleaded and begged the other man to get in the boat, but to no avail.

The water reached the top of the roof, just about a foot away from washing the man away. A helicopter came by and dropped down a rescue ladder. The pilot yelled out, "We're here to save you! Grab on to the ladder before it is too late!" Despite the water rushing over his feet, the man said, "No thank you. I'm staying here. I know God will help me!" Despite the pilot's begging and pleading the man stayed put.

The water overtook the man and he drowned. He went up to Heaven and in a bewildered state asked the Lord, "My God, I had faith that you would help me, and I ended up dying. Why did you not help me?"

God said, "My child, I did help you! I had your neighbors try and convince you to come to safety. I sent a man in a motor boat and a rescue helicopter to save you, but you didn't go. I did help you, just in ways you didn't expect."

I have a hard time trying to figure out where to draw the line of where to meet God when it comes to trusting Him to help me.

Living on one income hasn't been easy. There has been a lot of stress, anxiety, and worry. Our goal is to move closer to the city where there are more job opportunities and where we will be closer to family. But things haven't worked out that way yet.

I learned long ago that the saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans" for sure applies to my life. Some of my plans included going to Hollywood to be an actress. I was going to be a life-long sorority girl and meet a nice fraternity boy and marry him. I was going to be a pediatric nurse. My plan for after graduation from college was to settle in with my new husband, start teaching at a Catholic school and plan on waiting six months to start having babies.

Well we all know how that last one turned out.

In these times of stress and uncertainty I've come to rely on the power the prayer and letting go and letting God take over. He's the one ultimately in charge anyway. I started praying a 54-day novena that brought a lot of comfort and peace. This novena also brought many small unexpected blessings. My student loan payment was lowered. Ryan got a small raise. Our parents' generosity was more than we could have ever asked for.

But we didn't just sit back and wait for the blessings to come roll in. I had to make the call to get the lowered student loan payment. (The blessing was that it was lowered more than I thought it would.) I told someone I was praying this novena and he told me, "You have to ask God to help yourself." I realize this is partly true. I am not going to be like the man on the roof during the flood and just wait for God to do all the work.

But where does God's help begin and helping myself end? I know there are situations where God and I have to work together. But what about the situations where things are completely out my control?

How about times of deciding whether or not it's the right time to have a baby? There are some people who wait to have their own house, have some financial security and have a couple of years of marriage under their belt before they even think about having a baby. And when they decide on children, they believe in their heart that finances will only allow them to have one or two children. But then I look at women who have four or five (or seven or eight!) children, stay at home and have wonderfully fulfilling lives. I know they make many sacrifices. but I know they also ask God for help as well.

Where do you draw that line of completely depending on God and then putting yourself in the equation?

Feelin' Crummy

Sorry for the lack of posts, folks. On top of the stress of my father's surgery, I've been feeling very sick. I have tons of ideas of what to write about next but no motivation to write. My mom even gave me some good ideas to write about, but my brain is like a glob of mush. All I've been eating is crackers and 7-Up, and I'm yearning for more delicious foods, but alas, I feel like poo after I eat them. I've felt better today and my husband even offered to cook supper tonight. (First time in our marriage....maybe even since we've met!) I'm afraid I'll take two bites and push it away, but he knows that I've been feeling icky. Hopefully he won't take it personally!

On a side note, my dad is doing well. He will be released from the hospital either tomorrow or Wednesday. He's in a lot of pain but seems to be getting better everyday.

We've been in a fog for the last few days. It's bad enough there's no sun, but when it's foggy and gloomy...well my emotions soon match it!

Hopefully I'll have something more interesting to post in a couple days.