Why I think 3 will be fun

I just realized that the title of this post may convey why I think three CHILDREN will be fun. While I am sure that is true, this isn't some pregnancy announcement!

In less than a week Joe will turn three years old. Ryan and I have said for a couple months now that we think Joe might have the "terrible threes" rather than the "terrible twos." Our personalities are really clashing now that he's becoming more and more independent. There are more many, many, many, many more tantrums now than when he was two. Maybe they are more infuriating because we can't use the "oh we just can't communicate" excuse. There are days I want to pull my hair out and start hitting the wine bottle because maybe that would make the "I'M AWAKE! I'M AWAKE, MOMMY! I'M AWAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!" coming from his bedroom as soon as I put him down for a nap a little more bearable.

But as much as there are times I feel like my brain is going to explode there are those times that my face hurts from smiling so much. Joe has matured so much in the last few months. It seems like in lightning speed he's gone from a bumbling toddler to a little social human being.

I realized on Sam's birthday just how much fun Joe's birthday will be. Joe enthusiastically opened all Sam's presents and even started the chorus of Happy Birthday without being prompted. I think this is the first birthday he actually understands the concept of birthday. I'm so excited for him to see his party guests.  I can't wait for the excited happy look on his face when he opens presents. I wonder how he'll react to everyone singing to him. At least I know he can blow out his candles. Last year he just kind of blew raspberries at them. We're planning on decorating for the party the night before while he's asleep to surprise him the next morning. It's going to be a dinosaur theme. And we are so doing this for the party:

Don't judge us cuz we're awesome.

Thinking about how Joe is more aware of what's going on makes me excited for this upcoming holiday season. Each fall we go to Vala's Pumpkin Patch in Gretna, NE. We've gone the last two years with a group of my cousins. The first year, when he was one, he had a blast. Last year.. he had just turned two... and the terribleness was coming out. But this year I think will be fun. He won't be so afraid of the petting zoo and he'll probably want to do more the activities. Or he could be a holy hell terror... but I prefer to keep an open mind!

Joe when he was 13 months old

The one thing I am hesitant on is Halloween. I've seen the fear factor creep into his eyes these last few weeks. Just a couple weeks ago we were all sleeping in bed and he woke up saying there was a bear in the bed. He was pointing to Sam. I turned on the light to show him it was his brother. He said, "Oh." then looked a little closer to be sure, and then he really figured it out and said, "OOOOH!!!" An hour later he woke up saying there was another bear, but it was just a shirt hanging by our closet. Just this week he tells me he doesn't want to watch certain movies because they are "'cary" and has insisted I remove Buzz, Woody and Jesse from his bed at night. Just today he said the crack between the bed and the wall was scary. I think we are entering the realm of fear. I've written about my thoughts about the scariness on Halloween before, but this year I think we're going to have to be extra cautious. I do think he'll be excited to dress up and get candy. I'm sure he'll ask to watch The Great Pumpkin fifty times a day, but judging by the worried look on his face while looking at the inflatable Halloween decorations at Wal-Mart... this may be a tricky holiday.

I don't blame Joe for being freaked out.

Joe at 13 months helping us carve a pumpkin

I can't wait for fall and to show him how the season is changing. I can't wait to rake up leaves and have him jump in them. I can't wait to fix yummy crock pot meals and watch the Chiefs play when we get back from Mass. I can't wait to teach him about Thanksgiving and how we should count our blessings.

Don't EVEN get me started on Christmas. Oh, Lawdy. I revert into a seven year old at Christmastime... always have. But now that Joe will be a little more aware of what's going on... I'm going to go all Buddy the Elf. I will be just as excited as he will to see Santa and all the lights and presents because I will get to see that magic and wonderment in his eyes. So often I feel like I fail in teaching Joe about God, but I think Advent will be a perfect opportunity to start. Maybe, just maybe.... I can finally start doing all those Catholic liturgical crafts because Joe might understand it now!

Joe at 15 months being amazed at the Christmas village at Crown Center

I have always loved this time of year. It's magical to me. Even my melancholic personality seems to fizzle away in the months of September, October, November and December.

I really do think three will be a fun year. Sam is starting to walk all over the place and he laughs hysterically at Joe all the time. Joe often encorages Sam to walk and says, "Good walkin'!" I know there will be those maddening times when they start to fight over stuff, but absolutley cannot wait to see how their relationship develops.

And I can't wait to see how Joe's relationship develops with Ryan and me. He's talking so much now and we actually have conversations. Sometimes Ryan and I will be talking in the car and Joe will just butt in with some story about a lion and a dinosaur. We can actually sit down and watch a movie together and talk about it. He asks me to sing songs and how things work and what is the monkey's name and it. is. so. fun.

Seeing him run around in super hero underwear instead of diapers makes me realize just how fast he is growing up. So much has changed in a year and I know more changes are coming in leaps and bounds!

Happy almost 3rd birthday to my Joe. Words cannot express the love and joy I have in my heart because you are in my life!

Turning 2... he still looks so babyish!

Almost 3... my little hero!

7 Quick Takes Friday: Randomness Galore!

1.

So last night I was praying the rosary (the REAL rosary for all of you Cathsorority gals...) and realized that every time I pray it I always come up with a question or a general wondering. I thought it would be a great idea to fashion my 7 Quick Takes with all my rosary musings.

Well, I don't remember any of 'em. Seriously. Maybe I will start writing them down while I'm praying them.

Which brings me to a question... when you are praying a rosary as a part of a novena or for a particular petition, do you focus on the petition the whole time you are praying or focus on the mysteries? Or your does your brain wonder off and ponder if anyone has ever gone to the very bottom of the ocean or if some spiders are nicer than others? Oh, just me then?

2.

Let's get onto a very serious subject.

Ben Affleck as Batman.

NO.

I love Ben Affleck as an actor. But as Batman? No.

No.

No.

No.

Yesterday was a bad day because of some mixup with my textbook. I'm sick (it takes A LOT for me to admit I am sick), Sam is getting sick, and Joe is getting over being sick. Plus a day of trying to take Joe to the potty every 30 minutes with a clingy Sam who screamed whenever he was put down really wore me out. Then Ryan got a text from his brother saying they cast a new Batman. He showed me his phone and there was Ben Affleck's smug little face smiling back at me.

"This REALLY has been a HORRIBLE day!"

Might as well drag out the nipple-laden Batman suit from the Clooney era, because this won't be pretty, folks. Granted, I was pretty much the same way when they cast Heath Ledger as the Joker and we all know he captured that role perfectly.

Maybe he will surprise us and it will be awesome. Or maybe we'll have another Daredevil debacle.

I think they should have picked Jon Hamm. He is well-known, but not known for a lot of roles in the movies. He's deep, he's dark...he didn't star in Gigli.

But whatever. End of rant. :-)

3.

My Lord! My husband has turned me into such a nerd! 7 years ago I had never seen a Batman movie or knew the difference between DC and Marvel. I didn't know what Comic Con was. I knew it had something to do with comics and nerdy stuff and I had no desire to learn about it. Now I would LOVE to go!!! I have a blog post planned on all the things my husband has taught me from sports and superheroes to trusting in God.

4.

We started potty training around these here parts. It actually isn't going too terribly bad. I just hate it with a passion of a thousand fires and my house smells like pee. I hope to write a more detailed post about this adventure, but I just HAVE to share... Joe pooped in the potty today! I've heard that the whole pooping in the potty part of training is difficult, so I was very pleased at the poop! Ignore the sloppiness of the potty chart... it was a delirious-on-Nyquil-midnight project.

Joe was pleased as well! 

5.

I went to Hobby Lobby yesterday to get some stickers for a potty training chart. Going into that store makes me wish so badly that I could sew or crochet. I tried teaching myself to crochet and sew a long time ago, but it was an epic catastrophe. Is sewing and knitting/crocheting something you have to pick up when you're a youngster and it's too late to start as an adult?  I've done a few of these very simple cross-stitch thingies before, so I bought this. Looks fairly simple, but I'm sure I'll find a way to screw it up!

6. 

My niece turned 18 yesterday. 18!!!! I just can't believe it. I still remember going to see her for the first time. It was around the first day of school and I had a Looney Tunes binder. I was eleven years old and had a perm. Those were the good ol' days. Speaking of good ol' days I read this last night and felt insta-old. Still, it brought back some awesome memories!

7. 

We started watching Breaking Bad this week. The first two episodes turned me off... I felt like The Walking Dead was more believeable. But some die-hard fans told me they thought the same thing and now they are hooked, so we are giving it a little more time.

Have a great weekend! Go to Jen's for more Quick Takes! 

Sam's Upcoming Surgery

 

Two days ago we went to Sam's urology consult. The appointment was at the big children's hospital here in town. As we walked down the colorful and happy hallways I felt anxious. I knew that the outcome of this appointment would mean Sam would have surgery.

We reached the waiting room and Joe and Sam immediately went to the activity center, which were much cooler than the activity centers in other waiting rooms. The room was packed with parents and their children.

The appointment was very quick. The doctor felt around and he did feel his little testicle, but it wasn't in the scrotum where it should be. He explained to us this was a better situation than if the testicle was way up in his body cavity. Sam has enough "give" on his deferens that putting it back in place should be relatively easy. Just two small cuts and they'll attach it to the underlying muscle. He said the surgery itself would take about 30 minutes, but with prep and all that it should be about an hour. It's an outpatient surgery so it's not a major deal. The recovery time is very minimal. The appointment was over before I knew it and the scheduling nurse came in and explained more of the details. We set his surgery for September 18th.

I know this surgery is needed. If his testicle stays up there the body heat could damage or kill his sperm, making infertility an issue in the future. The heat can also cause cancer to develop. Because it stayed up there for a year he is at a slightly higher risk and will have to check himself when he is an adult. So obviously the benefits of this surgery outweigh the risks.

Still, the thought of letting my baby go to strangers and having a gas mask put over his mouth to put him to sleep just breaks my heart. I know he'll be so scared and wondering what the hell is going on. He'll probably fight the mask and wonder where his mommy and daddy are. Or maybe he'll be his normal giggly self and it won't be a problem at all. (I tend to be a bit dramatic.) I hate having to give up that control. I want to know what is going on.

This surgery not nearly as serious as some other children's surguries. I saw infants in the waiting room with little oxygen tanks. I saw teeny tiny babies that were dwarfed by their infant carriers. I know there are toddlers in there with cancer or heart problems. I know of a couple who has their son in the NICU. He was born 13 weeks early and has had his fair share of ups and downs. There were memory quilts hanging in the hallway leading to the chapel and they had pictures of young children and babies who had died. When I was walking I was thinking "Don'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlookdon'tlook" because it just made my heart ache.

I have always admired those parents who have sick children. They show such bravery and strength. But now that I have become a mother I just want to hug them and cry with them. I cannot imagine the worry and heartache they experience. The thought of a young one being sick or suffering just nearly kills me. I'd have to be hooked up to a 24 hour IV of Zoloft if Joe or Sam were terminally ill.

I will keep you updated on the surgery and all the things that freak me out. In the meantime, let's keep those parents who have sick children in our prayers.

7 Quick Takes

1.

Three posts in one week? Now that's just cray cray. I've even dusted off the ol' Twitter account! (maggiemccrawgal, BTW.) It's nice to get back into the social media world.

2.

Last night our parish had 7:00 Mass for the Feast of the Assumption. That's like the witching hour at our house with bedtime looming, so I went to Mass by myself. I was guilt-ridden as I was leaving because Joe was begging to go to church screaming "JEVUS! JEVUS!" But it was soooo nice to be able to hear a homily and just bask in the holiness of Mass!

3.

I get in a strange mood when back to school time rolls around. I get all melancholic and bummed out that the fun of summer is over. The crickets don't seem as loud whenever school comes back. However, I used to always get excited for school, so it's kind of a love/hate relationship. And with the coming of school means fall is just around the corner and I LOVE LOVE LOVE fall. Hoodies, fall candles, candy corn, crock pots... I CANNOT WAIT!

4.

I handed in my nursing school application this week. I'm going back and forth between "A MIRACLE CAN HAPPEN!" and "What a complete waste of time and energy." I really doubt I will be accepted because of my math score, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to try. So any prayers you can throw out there for me.. to accept God's will especially, would be fantastic.

5.

I've been thinking about praying a novena regarding my nursing school application and just in general because I feel like Ryan and I are supposed to BE somewhere DOING something else rather then what we're doing, but I have no clue what that is. I was trying to think of the "best" novena for the situation.. Mary Undoer of Knots? St. Jude? St. Joseph? St. Agatha?

I'm doin' em all. Back to back, yo.

Or is that an overkill?

6.

Ryan and I are finishing up season 4 of Big Bang Theory. It's such a nice break from watching The Walking Dead. That show can get pretty heavy and depressing. Thanks to Jen's suggestion we'll probably get sucked into the show Breaking Bad. We're always a little behind on our TV show watching.

7. 

My big brother, Jamie, won Volunteer of the Year award for the diocese of Kansas City-St. Joseph for his work in youth group. You might know him as Roman Catholic Cop. I'm so proud of him! He can be pretty holy when he isn't being a huge butt head (to me.)

I hope you all have a great weekend! Go visit Jen at Conversion Diary for more! 

Boy-Who-Screams-A-Lot

 

My Sweet Sam and Mommy Guilt

Last week we celebrated Sam's first birthday. I just cannot believe a year has passed already. Don't you remember when you were a kid and it took 30 million years for Christmas or your birthday to finally arrive? Now a year takes place in 2.7 seconds.

I've gone through my blog and see just how little I've blogged about my dear Sam. He was five months old when I started back with school, and that's when my writing took a major backseat. I seemed to blog about every little thing with Joe... first smiles, first steps, first everything! I reached out to the online community for help with the typical problems of trying to get Joe to behave in Mass and to sleep through the night.  I blasted my blog with pictures of him!

I don't know if it's because this is my second time around with having an baby, or Sam is just that easy, but his first year of life has been pretty uneventful. He is such a laid back, happy little boy. He just got his first ear infection about a month ago. He was sick with a bad cold around the time we moved in April, but other than that, his health has been great.

He smiles so much. He gets this look on his face like he's cracking himself up. If you don't smile with Sam smiles you pretty much have no soul. So many have asked "Does he EVER cry?" (The answer is a resounding YES.) He is such a cuddle and love bug and he has definitely provided such joy to our lives!

It is so fun to see Sam and Joe interact now that Sam is older. They giggle with each other and Joe chases Sam around. There are many times when Joe is a typical big brother and pushes Sam over or tries to pick him up by his neck. Sharing? Oh my gosh... CONSTANT battle around here. Maybe that will be a future pleading for help blog post! I can't wait to see them grow up together and hopefully they will remain close.

Sam has had quite an interesting few weeks and I have a feeling that this coming year will be very busy. Sam got hives due to an allergic reaction while we were in Yellowstone. As soon as we got back his goopy eye, the one that's always had a little bit of crud and tears up all the time, got infected. Green pus oozed from his beautiful blue eye and it was practically swollen shut. In addition to that loveliness he hadn't pooped in two weeks. He usually only poops once a week, so this wasn't completely out of the norm. We called the pediatirican and his nurse called in some drops for his eyes and suggested a glycerin suppository. The drops worked like a charm and Sam must be a genius because as soon as I told him he was getting a suppository he pooped that day. And the next. And the next!

A few days ago we had Sam's one year well-child check up. There were two subjects I knew would be brought up and I was dreading that conversation. First of all, one of Sam's little testicles never descended. The doctor said he would give him a year to see if it would drop naturally. Well, it hasn't. He gave me a phone number for a pediatric urologist. I am hoping maybe this specialist has some magical testicular dropping exercises because the thought of surgery for my baby boy just scares me to death.

The other issue with Sam is that he doesn't eat solids or baby food. First of all, he hates being put in a high chair or booster seat, so that's a challenge in itself. We've tried and tried and tried to give him baby food but he has no interest. We give him table food to play with and he licks it and just throws it on the ground. Every so often he will eat some baby food or gnaw on a cookie, but it's not enough. He doesn't even drink out of a cup or sippy. He has never taken a bottle. The only thing he likes in his mouth is my boobie and a binky. He hasn't gained any weight since he was 9 months old and he might be slightly anemic. So we have to call an occupational therapist. Joe had to see one when he was younger because he had trouble swallowing. I don't know what the deal is with my kids and eating.

That's where the mommy guilt comes creeping in. I keep thinking that if I wasn't so darn lazy and worked harder on getting Sam to eat that he wouldn't have this problem. I've never pushed him to learn how to eat. I haven't helped him learn how to drink out of a sippy. This will probably sound horrible, but I feel like I haven't paid enough attention to Sam because so much of my energy is focused on Joe. He demands so much of my time and attention. I'm busy fixing him food or fixing a toy or playing Toy Story for the 700th time that day. Sam usually plays happily in the back ground, but lately he has been very clingy. It's hard to divide my attention. It was easier when Sam was a newborn. He loved to be worn and he slept a lot. When he needed to nurse Joe was fine to play by himself.

I know this too will pass. I know I'm at a tough period of life with having two very young boys. I just feel like I could be doing more. (Damn you, Pinterest, for making me want to craft and bake all the things!) I feel like I should get off my lazy butt and be more involved.

But no one said motherhood was easy, right?

Sam's party went well. Not as many people showed up as I had hoped. People were out of town and had to work, so that was understandable. Besides, our shoebox of a house wouldn't have held many more guests. Sam screamed bloody murder when we sang to him. There was no smashing of his smash cake. He got lots of wonderful presents (that Joe opened) and attention. But after everyone left I was feeling blue. I cried to my husband, "Sam hated his birthday! He's growing up so fast and I feel like I missed his first year!" Ryan suggested we all go on a car ride and get some ice cream. We did that often last summer when I was pregnant with Sam. Now the little lovebug is actually in his carseat with us, which is pretty awesome. I drove around with my little family knowing it would all be OK.

Because it always turns out OK in the end.

Due date was July 27... had to get him out August 6th!

Meeting Sam

One month

3 months

6 months

9 months

First Birthday cake!

Party time. Excellent.

Checking out his loot.

NOT HAPPY.

The extent of his smashing of his smash cake!

We love you, Sam!

BACK FROM THE BLOGGING DEAD!

Have I become that blog?

The one that's buried deep within your reader? The one that has become so boring and bland that you've just given up reading? Perhaps even deleted it off into a cyberspace grave yard?

Ah, I wouldn't blame you if you've left. What once was a blog full of insightful posts about Catholicism, motherhood, and musings on life has become quite stale. And I haven't had the chance to catch up on your blog either. According to my Bloglovin' page I have about 300+ unread blog posts. Half of you are probably pregnant, gotten a new job or remodeled your house and I wouldn't know about it!

But for the first time since June 3rd, I am at my computer with a blank screen in front of me and I don't have to worry about reading 500 anatomy and physiology pages, memorizing all the muscles, bones, and cranial and spinal nerves, packing for a family reunion or trip or preparing for some nursing school exam. Tonight was night one of putting Sam on a sleeping schedule which was a miserable failure, but he is snuggled in bed with Ryan. Any minute now Joe could come bursting from his room, but for now I am enjoying the hum of the air conditioner and the Civil Wars playing in the back ground.

My summer has gone by in the blink of an eye thanks to a very intense class. I loved, loved, LOVED my anatomy and physiology class, but it was a 6 credit hour class that is normally 16 weeks crammed into 8 weeks. I was in class Monday-Thursday 9:00-12:30. I had to drive about 30 minutes to get to my class during the morning rush hour and then drive 30 minutes back home during the busy noon hour. I don't think I have ever worked so hard for a class before, including my senior seminar for theology.

I feel like I missed out on a lot of fun summery-type things with my boys because as soon as I got home from class I hit the books. I would be ready to pass out at 9:30... which left me very little time for anything.

Class ended July 25th. Two days later we left for a 10 day vacation to Yellowstone and South Dakota. Then as soon as we got back we basically had to get ready for Sam's first birthday party by organizing, deep cleaning, painting and hanging up pictures that we still haven't put up since we moved here in April. Today is  basically my first day to finally take a breath.

My last post was a request for prayers for a very important nursing school entrance exam. I never updated on that little gem, because a wrench has been thrown in my plan. I did well on the TEAS. However, I had to take another test. It was a placement test and it placed me lower than the nursing program's accepted score for math. I had about 5 days to relearn algebra and retake the test to bring up my score (during finals week of my class and when I was supposed to be packing for my vacation, I might add.) I retook the test and got 9 points below the required score. Awesome. I still plan on applying for the program this week and hope my having a bachelor's degree will help. There's no interview process so I can't dazzle them with my witty personality. It's all paper. I am also planning on taking a math class and rearranging my schedule so I can take some other classes to apply for a different program next year.

I was extremely upset at first when this all went down. I have worked so. damn. hard. to do well in my prerequisite classes. I have sacrificed time with my husband and kids. My husband had to pull double duty- as soon as he came home from a full day's work he had to take care of the boys, clean, do laundry and cook and listen to me complain about school and how stressed I was. And it all could be for naught due to 9 points on a placement test. But who knows... maybe a miracle will occur and I'll be accepted into the program. Everything happens for a reason, right?

I have missed blogging and reading blogs. But in some ways it just seems like just another thing to worry about. I often wondered if I would be missed if I just stopped blogging for good. I felt out of the loop. Then I got depressed thinking about it all... I hate that I'm lacking that passion for writing. I used to jump into a post all excited and eager to express myself and for the world to read my words. Now I worry no one is left to read my writing. I worry more about the fact that I have no energy or motivation to write anything. Calah, Simcha, Jen, Hallie, Dwija, Cari... I want to be where you are. I want the right words to come out at the right time. I want my words to help others. Maybe I just need my words to help myself.

Don't leave yet. Trust me, I know, I get so annoyed with those people who constantly post those "poor me!" posts. It seems like everyone is going through something. And it seems like that's all I've really posted about. I've said for months and months that I need to get in to see a doctor about my depression. But I keep thinking "I have no problems sleeping, for the most part. I don't cry all the time. Everyone seems to be depressed so it must not be a big thing. I'm fine." But I have no passion. I have energy but no mental energy. And it's not one of those "I'm a mom to two small children" energy zaps. I just feel so spiritually blah. I've felt this way for a long long time. And I think it's time for me to get help. But, alas, I am the Queen of Procrastinators, so you might get a few more "I need to..." posts.

What I miss most is my passion for God. I used to get all Buddy the Elf giddy when something Catholic related came out. Now I'm all like "Meh" and play another game of Candy Crush. I used to devour Catholic books and what have you, but now I'm lucky enough if I have enough energy to read Entertainment Weekly.

Well, that's enough complaining for now. Now that I have my blogging mojo back, I'll spread out my misery in multiple posts. :-) It's picture explosion time! I'll post some photos from our summer.

Started the summer off by celebrating the 50th jubilee of my hometown priest, Fr. Reginald. He blessed our engagement, was the priest at our wedding, blessed my pregnancy with Joe, baptized Joe, and was a key part in getting me to Benedictine to start this whole journey!

Had our annual family reunion in Tightwad, MO. This year's theme was cowboy. Joe had a blast! He sang and danced and even won an award for his stick horse. Sam was just plain cute. 

These next bajillion pictures are from our trip that my dad generously paid for. There's a mix of the Grand Tetons, Yellowstone, Buffalo Bill Dam, rainbows in Wyoming, Devil's Tower, Mount Rushmore, fun in Keystone during Sturgis, Reptile Gardens, and Wall Drug. 

I hope you enjoyed these photos. I have even more from Sam's first birthday party, but I'll save those for another day! :-)

Thanks for sticking with me if you're still reading this!