Thursday, August 15, 2013

My Sweet Sam and Mommy Guilt

Last week we celebrated Sam's first birthday. I just cannot believe a year has passed already. Don't you remember when you were a kid and it took 30 million years for Christmas or your birthday to finally arrive? Now a year takes place in 2.7 seconds.

I've gone through my blog and see just how little I've blogged about my dear Sam. He was five months old when I started back with school, and that's when my writing took a major backseat. I seemed to blog about every little thing with Joe... first smiles, first steps, first everything! I reached out to the online community for help with the typical problems of trying to get Joe to behave in Mass and to sleep through the night.  I blasted my blog with pictures of him!

I don't know if it's because this is my second time around with having an baby, or Sam is just that easy, but his first year of life has been pretty uneventful. He is such a laid back, happy little boy. He just got his first ear infection about a month ago. He was sick with a bad cold around the time we moved in April, but other than that, his health has been great.

He smiles so much. He gets this look on his face like he's cracking himself up. If you don't smile with Sam smiles you pretty much have no soul. So many have asked "Does he EVER cry?" (The answer is a resounding YES.) He is such a cuddle and love bug and he has definitely provided such joy to our lives!

It is so fun to see Sam and Joe interact now that Sam is older. They giggle with each other and Joe chases Sam around. There are many times when Joe is a typical big brother and pushes Sam over or tries to pick him up by his neck. Sharing? Oh my gosh... CONSTANT battle around here. Maybe that will be a future pleading for help blog post! I can't wait to see them grow up together and hopefully they will remain close.

Sam has had quite an interesting few weeks and I have a feeling that this coming year will be very busy. Sam got hives due to an allergic reaction while we were in Yellowstone. As soon as we got back his goopy eye, the one that's always had a little bit of crud and tears up all the time, got infected. Green pus oozed from his beautiful blue eye and it was practically swollen shut. In addition to that loveliness he hadn't pooped in two weeks. He usually only poops once a week, so this wasn't completely out of the norm. We called the pediatirican and his nurse called in some drops for his eyes and suggested a glycerin suppository. The drops worked like a charm and Sam must be a genius because as soon as I told him he was getting a suppository he pooped that day. And the next. And the next!

A few days ago we had Sam's one year well-child check up. There were two subjects I knew would be brought up and I was dreading that conversation. First of all, one of Sam's little testicles never descended. The doctor said he would give him a year to see if it would drop naturally. Well, it hasn't. He gave me a phone number for a pediatric urologist. I am hoping maybe this specialist has some magical testicular dropping exercises because the thought of surgery for my baby boy just scares me to death.

The other issue with Sam is that he doesn't eat solids or baby food. First of all, he hates being put in a high chair or booster seat, so that's a challenge in itself. We've tried and tried and tried to give him baby food but he has no interest. We give him table food to play with and he licks it and just throws it on the ground. Every so often he will eat some baby food or gnaw on a cookie, but it's not enough. He doesn't even drink out of a cup or sippy. He has never taken a bottle. The only thing he likes in his mouth is my boobie and a binky. He hasn't gained any weight since he was 9 months old and he might be slightly anemic. So we have to call an occupational therapist. Joe had to see one when he was younger because he had trouble swallowing. I don't know what the deal is with my kids and eating.

That's where the mommy guilt comes creeping in. I keep thinking that if I wasn't so darn lazy and worked harder on getting Sam to eat that he wouldn't have this problem. I've never pushed him to learn how to eat. I haven't helped him learn how to drink out of a sippy. This will probably sound horrible, but I feel like I haven't paid enough attention to Sam because so much of my energy is focused on Joe. He demands so much of my time and attention. I'm busy fixing him food or fixing a toy or playing Toy Story for the 700th time that day. Sam usually plays happily in the back ground, but lately he has been very clingy. It's hard to divide my attention. It was easier when Sam was a newborn. He loved to be worn and he slept a lot. When he needed to nurse Joe was fine to play by himself.

I know this too will pass. I know I'm at a tough period of life with having two very young boys. I just feel like I could be doing more. (Damn you, Pinterest, for making me want to craft and bake all the things!) I feel like I should get off my lazy butt and be more involved.

But no one said motherhood was easy, right?

Sam's party went well. Not as many people showed up as I had hoped. People were out of town and had to work, so that was understandable. Besides, our shoebox of a house wouldn't have held many more guests. Sam screamed bloody murder when we sang to him. There was no smashing of his smash cake. He got lots of wonderful presents (that Joe opened) and attention. But after everyone left I was feeling blue. I cried to my husband, "Sam hated his birthday! He's growing up so fast and I feel like I missed his first year!" Ryan suggested we all go on a car ride and get some ice cream. We did that often last summer when I was pregnant with Sam. Now the little lovebug is actually in his carseat with us, which is pretty awesome. I drove around with my little family knowing it would all be OK.

Because it always turns out OK in the end.

Due date was July 27... had to get him out August 6th!
Meeting Sam

One month


3 months


6 months

9 months


First Birthday cake!
Party time. Excellent.
Checking out his loot.
NOT HAPPY.
The extent of his smashing of his smash cake!
We love you, Sam!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, Maggie. Sam is fine. Joe is fine. You are fine. :)

I remember being where you are now (only I had 2 very young girls). Now it seems like such a distant memory and I have my half-grown girls plus three more kids to look at and see that truly -- it's such a short span of time. I mean...you will literally feel like you blink and Joe will be 12 and Sam will be 10 and you'll be looking at a couple of boys about to sprout into miniature men and you'll hyperventilate at the idea that you only have about 6 years before they are considered adults -- but they still look like your baby.

Just try not to sweat the small stuff. It works in parenthood as much as it works in other relationships. :)

Joy said...

Hugs!

Good that you are getting hooked up with some OT but please remember that now is just fine timing for introducing a sippy. This crazy idea that kids have bottles till 12 months and then at 12 months and 1 day they drink from a cup is crazy.

Again hugs, enjoy your happy laid back guy and know that he knows he is loved and cherished.

Kathy Seitz said...

Two of my three were horrible in the eating department! Emma ended up in OT for not eating much (and later not talking). And she only started using a sippy when we went on a trip and forgot the bottle (granted you can't leave your boobs at home). Nicholas will eat baby food but hates table food. It is good to go the OT route, but don't stress out! Anyone who is around you for two seconds can see you are a wonderful mother :)

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