Harebrained Idea: Nursing School

I've had many a harebrained idea in my day.

They go all the way back to the days of elementary school. I had plans with my friends to form a real baby-sitter's club, just like the books. We were going to have officers and meetings. I even had my mom print off some flyers with that old school print shop program.

That idea didn't pan out.

Fast forward to the days of attending my first college. When I quit I had big plans. BIG plans, I tell ya. I was going to go work at the Kawasaki factory, save up some money, then move to Los Angeles to pursue an acting career. Oh, yes. I'm serious. I even tried out for the Broadway show The Lion King.

That idea REALLY did not pan out.

When I was working maintenance and housekeeping at our local hospital I felt really lost in life. I felt like I had no direction and was stuck in a rut. The solution to this problem? Why, backpack across Europe, of course! (I wish I was making this up.) I would save up my money, hop on a plane and have a grand ol' self-discovery journey!

A few years later I got another harebrained idea, but I really do think that this was the Holy Spirit guiding me. I decided to move to Atchison, Kansas. I had visited the town before, but I did not know a soul there. I was going to move there and be all by myself, quite a ways from my family and friends. This was going to be the first time living on my own; no roommate to split bills with or to keep me company. I just had to get away from the toxic situation I was in at the time.

That plan of mine worked out very well, I think. I moved to Atchison, had a reversion back to the Catholic Church, met my husband, and finally graduated from college.

Since my vocation had come to fulfillment in becoming a wife and mother, my schemes have dimished a bit. I did have a desire to get my masters in theology from Franciscan University. I even wrote an enthusiastic post about it!  I did have a crazy one a couple months ago. I wanted to start decorating cakes. You know the really cute, detailed and very time-consuming cakes you see in the magazines or on Pinterest? I would save you time by making them for you! I practically had dollar signs in my eyes when I thought this up. Yeah, that was a no-go.

Well, another idea has been brewing in my head for sometime now. I don't know if it's Holy Spirit material or just another Hollywood/backpacking/cake decorating deal.

I want to go to nursing school.

Now, in all honesty, this isn't a new idea. When I quit my first college, and after I realized my Hollywood plan was foolish as all hell I decided to go to nursing school. I got a job at a nursing home. I hated the staff and administration, but I LOVED the patients. Even the really crazy ones that would hit and scratch at me and scream at me to get the hell out of their room. I really did enjoy working with the residents and trying to make them feel better. I loved the feeling of helping others.

My first step to get into the techincal college for nursing was to take a sort of entrance exam. I passed and the next step was to apply. However, I was informed that since I still owed a substantial amount of money from my one month at CMSU I would not be allowed in until it was all paid. That put that idea in the pooper.

When I decided to move to Atchison my plan was to go to nursing school at the technical school. I planned on working full time at Wal-Mart to save up some money and then apply. But then I met my awesome neighbors who were students at Benedictine College and a few months later I was a student there starting my major in theology.

Over the years I've thought about nursing, but I didn't want to work in a place where I would miss out on family activities. I wanted a job with weekends and holidays off. I wanted a job where I could help people, and nursing would definitey fit in that category, but it just didn't seem like the right fit for me at the time.

So when did this idea of going into nursing make such a resurgance? Right before I went in to have my c-section. I was going in every week to my doctor's office so I was seeing these nurses all the time. One of them actually became a friend of ours. Ryan and I were in the elevator at the office when he suggested I become a nurse. "I think you'd be really great at it." I kind of shrugged my shoulders and thought it would be nice to work in a doctor's office so I could be a nurse but still have nights, weekends and holidays off. Plus, ever since I have learned about NFP and about the female body during pregnancy and childbirth I've been fascinated with the human body. Blood doesn't bother me. I actually wouldn't mind having a mirror so I can see my c-section being done. When I had my ear infection the nurse told me my ear was full of fluid and my ear canal was swollen I was dying to know what that looked like. I know that sounds super weird.

While I was at the hospital both Ryan and I marvelled at how awesome the nurses were. One of our favorite nurses, Ginny, talked about how much she loved her job. One of the night nurses sat and talked with me for quite awhile. We just chit-chatted about being mothers and breastfeeding and other random stuff. She talked about how much she loved her job and how flexible it was for her. She worked part time so she was able to stay at home part of the time and still bring in a nice chunk of income. It never occured to me that I could still work a little bit AND still be able to stay at home part of the time with my kids.

Ever since my stay at the hospital I have had nursing school on the brain. I messaged a friend who is a nurse to ask her questions. I talked with my husband about this idea. I've been praying about it as well.

Is this just another crazy idea? Will the excitement and curiosity wear off soon?

The reason I think this is a serious idea is because I have been praying to God for years now to guide us into how to handle our financial situation. We would be doing just fine except for my student loans. They are astronomical. I don't think it is feasible for me to stay at home without bring some sort of income. I had big dreams of being a free-lance writer, but as you can tell, that's not really panning out so well. I don't have any other talents that I can think of that would help us out. I always told myself that I would get back out in the work force once all my kids were in school, but it might have to be sooner than that. (I'll write more about mommy guilt and staying at home vs. going to work in the future.)

Another thing that is holding me back besides worrying this is just a dumb idea is pure, unadulterated fear. First of all, I would have to take some pre-requisets to get in. The thought of taking chemistry and microbiology scares the crap out of me. Then there is the process of being accepted into the program. What if I don't even get in? What kind of program should I do? Should I just go whole hog and get my bachelors of science in nursing? Should I do an accelerated one year program? Should I just stick with getting my R.N. and do a two year program?

How would I finagle going to school full-time when I have two very small children? I can't even go to the bathroom in peace. How would I be able to study for a very intense program? 

Probably the biggest fear is paying for school. I know there is financial aid, but is it really worth it to add even MORE debt to my ginormo mountain that I already have? I feel like that is the one big thing holding me back.

I fear I'm just setting myself up for disappointment and failure. This would be a huge undertaking. Am I up for it?

I'd appreciate any prayers for me to make the right choice and to REALLY listen to God's will for me. I wish he'd just send me an email!

Sam is Catholic!

I promise I will start blogging again soon. I know all of you are anxiously waiting every day for a brand new post from me. :-) I have a newborn that wants to be constantly held and nursed and a toddler who still likes to sit on my head, so typing doesn't come easy for me these days!

These past 3 weeks have flown by it seems, but everyday feels like the longest day in the history of the universe. I'm waiting for the 6-8 week mom-zombie-fog to lift soon.

I have a lot of posts in my head. I want to write about not getting my VBAC. I want to write about adjusting to life as a mother of two and how I'm still scared crapless at screwing up my kids. I don't know how you mommy bloggers of many littles manage to post so often!

I do want to share some highlights from this weekend. Our Sam was baptized yesterday! I just love baptisms! I know this might sound weird, but the moment my sons have been baptized is when I truly feel like their parent. When the priest looks at me and explains my duty as a mother to raise my child up in the Church and their ultimate goal of heaven I get this huge feeling of fear and honor. I look at my baby in my arms and I get this overwhelming feeling of protection and love. It is the moment I really feel like a mother.

Fr. Rogers gave an amazing talk during the baptism ceremony. He talked about how he often presides over funerals of folks from "The Greatest Generation"- those that lived during WWII. They worked hard. They prayed. They cared greatly for God, family, and country. Fr. Rogers encouraged my husband and I to raise Sam to be more of The Greatest Generation instead of the typical immoral culture of today. Of course he said this all so much more beautifully! I often worry about the moral decay of our society and how extremely difficult it will be to raise my children.

I think we are off to a good start getting Sam baptized and taking seriously the baptismal promises we made to care for our son. We picked some pretty great godparents as well. Ryan's brother is Sam's godfather and Michelle from Endless Strength, who has become a dear real-life friend, is godmother. It was a beautiful, grace-filled day.

This is what happens when Daddy is in charge of getting Joe ready for Mass...

Wearing the same suit his Daddy wore at his baptism!

Beautiful Michelle and her godson!

Washin' away that Original Sin!

The Lion King Moment

Fr. Rogers loves the babies!

Parent's Blessing

The Baptism Gang

Our little family!

Sam is Here!

You will have to excuse the quietness around here and the fact that I never posted a birth announcement.

I have a toddler who likes to sit on my head and a newborn that wants the boob all the time and who poops a lot. Needless to say, it's hard to type out a post.

On Monday, August 6 at 8:53 a.m. we welcomed our son, Samuel James into the world. I did have to have a c-section, but it went wonderfully. Sam weighed in at 9 lbs, 3 oz and is 21 inches long.

I'm not going to lie, it's been a tough adjustment. Recovery has been a little tough this go-around and I'm battling some baby blues. But I just take each hour at a time and thank God that I have wonderful help in my husband and mom!

I'll post a birth story soon and how we are adjusting. But right now I have the munchies and Joe is threatening to throw his sippy cup at his brother.

Here's a bunch o' cute baby pictures!

Brand new!

He's a biggin'

Meeting my son!

Ryan holding Sam for the first time.

Finally get to hold my baby!

Joe meets his little brother

Kisses!

I think he likes him!

Best buds!

One week old!

My boys!

BABY DAY!!!

Tomorrow is baby day!

YAY! YAY! YAY!

I am so, so ready- physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I got a special blessing at Mass. I got a pedicure with a great friend. I spent some one on one time with my mom. I ate dinner with my mom, brother and his family.

It has been a wonderful, wonderful day.

I've enjoyed this past week of waiting. I've enjoyed doing all the fun things to try and induce labor naturally. It has been fun and entertaining. Lots of laughs have come out of it!

I have also enjoyed the last few days of being just a family of three. The other day Joe brought out his pillow and blanket and laid down on his little fold-out couch. Ryan and I laid next to him and cuddled and he kept giggling and looking at us. There has been lots of cuddling and tickling and laughing. It has been bittersweet.

And guess what? My little boy... who says many words- trash, cheese, hat, brush, poop, bath.. NEVER says Mommy and Daddy. Until today. When I went out with my mom he was yelling "Mommy, Mommy!" out the window. Ryan recorded it and it just breaks my heart and makes it melt at the same time.
I am at peace.

I am very much at peace. I am going into this surgery with happiness and excitement.

I cannot wait to meet my son. I cannot wait to share him with you!

Thank you for all your prayers and support!

Baby announcement to come soon..... :-)

Yesterday's Test

I forgot to update y'all on how my biophysical profile test went yesterday!

First of all, the ultrasound lady was very pleased with the fluid levels, the practice breaths and baby boy's movements. She said it is usually hard to get good measurements with a late third trimester ultrasound, but she was able to get great measurements.

She did say my placenta was showing signs of being mature, which is pretty normal at this stage. But the baby is still getting enough blood and oxygen through there so it's nothing to be concerned about at this point.

Her estimation for weight is 9 lbs 3 oz give or take 1.6 lbs. She said she doesn't think it's + 1.6 lbs and that ultrasound calcuations for this late in pregnancy are not very accurate. But considering Joe was 8 lbs 15 oz at 2 weeks early, I am not surprised at all about a big giant baby in there! She showed me his fat pad on his tummy... I can't wait to tickle that big ol' belly!

I got to see his chubby cheeks and his hand resting by his nose. I just CANNOT wait to meet this little dude!

She was very pleased with the test and said I passed with flying colors. She said she thinks I'm making the right choice to wait a few days to see if I go naturally, but wouldn't feel comfortable with me waiting far past Monday because of my placenta.

I am at peace again, especially since I know that my baby is healthy! I am so excited that soon he will be in my arms!

I am trying all the good stuff to try and coax him out naturally.

It has been fun! ;-)