Why I Wore Strapless

I think I’m safe to say that mostly everyone loved Kate Middleton’s wedding dress. It was elegant, beautiful and classic. Her veil was almost ethereal. She looked perfect. I was not disappointed.

Many are talking about her dress. Many are talking about how her dress with the lace sleeves will probably be the new fashion trend in wedding dresses. Many are also talking about how strapless dresses are simply horrible.

I agree that strapless dresses are not the ideal. However, I wore one at my wedding and I have my reasons.

Strapless wedding dresses are e v e r y w h e r e. It’s very hard to find one with sleeves. The strapless fad is just getting kind of overdone and boring. I think it’s time to move on to the next fad, and I think Kate Middleton’s dress will be a step in the right direction.

Not only are strapless wedding dresses overused, but many of them are simply God-awful immodest. There are just some women who should not be wearing strapless. How do you think the pastor feels when he is uniting a man and woman in marriage and he is trying hard to avert his eyes from a woman’s buxom chest overflowing out of her dress? Dear Heavens- what if a nipple popped out?! Wardrobe malfunctions aren’t just in Hollywood.

I don’t think many women take seriously the holiness and reverence that are a part of the wedding ceremony. A priest once told me that while he was in the sacristy after a wedding he looked out and saw the bride lying across the altar getting her photo taken. He quickly went out there and stopped that sacrilege. I wouldn’t have blamed him if he would have gone all Jesus-and-the-moneychangers on them. I’m not making excuses for her, but she was probably just very poorly catechized and didn’t realize just how inappropriate that was. There are many women who don’t realize how inappropriate their cleavage showing for all on earth and Heaven to see. Either that or they just don’t care. They want to feel good about themselves. Who cares about modesty?

When I embarked on my journey to find my wedding dress it was not fun. I wanted straps. I wanted to be modest. I wanted to be different. My mom REALLY pushed for me having straps or a jacket of some sort. You can say I’m making excuses for myself, but- we just couldn’t afford it. Getting fitted for a jacket (with my short arms) or having a seamstress sew sleeves on just wasn’t feasible for me financially. I couldn’t afford to go to a boutique where it’s easier to find a dress with straps. I instead made sure that my dress’s bodice would be high enough on my chest so that there would be no cleavage and that my veil would be covering my shoulders. I agonized over this choice. If it wouldn’t have been for one of my college housemates who is one of the holiest women I know wearing a tasteful strapless dress to her own wedding I would have probably worn a white sweat shirt over my dress or something. Thankfully my mother approved of my choice of dress and when it was fitted to my body I felt absolutely beautiful. I also felt at peace with the appropriateness of my dress

So when I read comments stating how one hopes that wedding dresses like Kate’s will come into style- I agree. However, when I read comments on how tasteless and horrible strapless dresses are I get offended. I’ve read comments like these in blogs for a while now, but now they are popping up everywhere now that there’s commentary on Kate’s wedding dress. We don’t know the reasons for women wearing strapless. Maybe they can’t afford straps or something modest. Maybe they ran out of time to find a modest dress. Maybe they had limited resources to find a non-strapless dress. Maybe they are just honestly ignorant in their view of modesty and appropriateness in church. But when I read comments echoing the though “Down with the strapless dresses” I feel like one is saying to me- Your dress was ugly. It was inappropriate. Shame on you.

Instead of addressing strapless dresses in a way of making women feel inadequate, how about we show women that they can be beautiful brides without wearing strapless. Let’s accentuate how modesty is a beautiful aspect of womanhood and how we should embrace it.

Or maybe I’m upset about this because I’m hormonal and sleep-deprived. I don’t know, but this is just my two cents.

This Mama Needs Help!

Being a mother to newborn Baby Joe was easy. Sure I was scared to death and worried every single second as a first-time mother, but looking back on those days… sigh… they were cake. Diaper changes were easy. He just laid there. Now he tries to do back flips and fling himself all over the place. Bathing him was easy. Now he splashes (which I think is funny) but still tries to do back flips and loves to wriggle around. It’s like trying to wash a 20 lb catfish.

The same goes for putting Joe to sleep. It used to be easy for the most part. Sure there was that one week where Ryan had to drive him around to get him to sleep, but other than that Joe went to sleep fairly well. I did suffer that bone-crushing exhaustion by getting up every 2 hours to nurse, but he always went right back to sleep and stayed asleep when I put him back in his bassinet that was right by our bed.

I never considered co-sleeping. I thought it was a nice idea and had no qualms with other parents who chose it as a way for their child to sleep. Both my husband and I were just too paranoid that we would roll over on top of Joe. Besides, he was sleeping very well in his bassinet so it was never a problem.

Then I went I spent two weeks at my mom’s house and that all changed. The room I stay in doesn’t have a rocking chair like my bedroom does back home. Joe would sleep in his pack in play and whenever I had to nurse him I would trudge down the hall to the living room and sit in my mom’s recliner. That got old fast, so I brought him into bed with me to nurse him. Sweet Glory in Heaven was that wonderful! I got the best sleep I had in months! Granted it wasn’t a full-night’s sleep, but whenever Joe would wake up all I had to do was either put his binky back in or nurse him and we’d both go back to sleep. No more getting up out of my nice warm bed! Plus I loved cuddling with him and seeing his bright happy face in the mornings.

Soon he outgrew his bassinet and we got him a crib. He would go to sleep easy and be put in the crib with no problems around 8:00. Around midnight I would bring him into bed with me to nurse.

But now there are three problems:

1. I miss sleeping with my husband.
2. He is just too mobile to be left in bed alone, thus making me a prisoner of my own bed.
3. He won’t sleep in his crib.

My husband won’t sleep with me when Joe is in the bed. I understand and respect his choice. I am comfortable co-sleeping with Joe knowing that he has plenty of space and won’t get overheated. But Ryan and I haven’t sleep together in months and I just don’t feel comfortable with that. I miss him next to me!

Part of me thinks that maybe not sleeping in the same bed as my husband is just a sacrifice we have to make for our son. But now his safety is involved. I cannot leave Joe in bed by himself because… sigh… pin me with the Worst Mother of the Year Award… but… ugh… I once sat Joe on the bed and turned around for one second and….. ugh…. he fell off the bed. He was fine… I cried harder than he did. But now while I do feel comfortable lying in bed with him I will not leave him alone. That means if I am here by myself and he’s sleeping in bed and I have to pee really really really really really bad- I’ll wait. If I realize I left my phone downstairs then it will have to wait. That means that I will lie in the same bed as him while he naps. I usually get on the computer or read, which is fine, but sometimes there is other stuff I need to do.

Finally… the big problem: Joe falls asleep fairly easy when I lie down and nurse him or if my husband rocks him to sleep. But as soon as we even slightly hover him over the crib there’s like a force-field that JOLTS him awake. We lay him down but he flips to his tummy and does this:

Yeah, I know.. maybe he’d go to sleep if we’d stop flashing a camera in his face, but he’s just too cute!

There have been a few times he’s fallen asleep but the past few weeks it has been impossible. We can’t put him in his crib drowsy like the books say to, because he jumps up and wants to party. I have books on how to help your child sleep through the night but how can I even get him to do that when getting him to sleep in his crib is IMPOSSIBLE?! Should I just let him play until he wears himself out? We usually just pick him up and rock him back to sleep but as soon as he is near the crib it’s over. We’ve tried being very gentle and used a heat pad at one point but nothing seems to work.

So now I’m suffering from slight bone-crushing exhaustion but also major frustration.

HELP ME, PLEASE!

Looking Back on Lent

Last year I wrote about how my Lent got off to a rocky start, but thankfully God broke through the wall of blah and I had a very happy Easter.

Well, I’m not meaning to burst anyone’s Easter joy, but my Lent this year was a stinker. Even my gloomy feelings carried over to Easter Sunday. (Thank goodness Easter lasts awhile. Hopefully soon I can appreciate the glory of the resurrection!) I keep making excuses for why my Lent wasn’t as spiritually fulfilling as I hoped it would be. After all, we just made a big move. I’m setting up our own little space in my husband’s parent’s house. I’m helping Ryan ease into the adjustment of starting a brand new job. I’ve slacked off taking my anti-depressant. Joe has grown by leaps and bounds and I’m struggling to keep up with his movin’, scootin’, rollin’ ways. Plus he’s teething so his sleep schedule is all sorts of screwed up.

I can make up all the excuses I want, but really, the reason Lent wasn’t great was because of my own selfishness. My Lenten sacrifice of giving up Facebook actually went well. But all that extra time was usually spent on some other time-waster. I kept complaining about how Lent seemed to last for.ever. I didn’t go to Good Friday services because I thought the church I would probably go to would make the service a little too theatrical for my liking. (I did however go shopping for an Easter dress. It was horrible. I am not big on shopping and driving across Kansas City to find a dress when you are starving and can smell meat in a 20 mile radius is not fun. It was definitely an opportunity to unite my suffering with Christ’s.) Instead of shaking off the shackles of spiritual laziness I just continued to slack off. Instead of watching The Middle maybe I should spend time reading something spiritual. Instead of making a to-do list in my mind and get increasingly frustrated when I’m laying down with Joe and he just won’t calm down and go to sleep I should pray. (Well besides my usual prayer of “Please, God, let him go to sleep soon… I have to pee!”)

I have written of my spiritual dry spells and laziness before. I’m not going to bore you all with my trials and tribulations. It’s the same stuff, just a different day. But I think something different this time has lead me to snap out of this spiritual funk.

My son.

I knew long before he was born that once he came into this world that it would no longer be just about me. Yes, I need to have a good relationship with God so I can receive my eternal reward in heaven. But it shouldn’t just be all I-want-to-feel-Holy-Ghost-goosebumps-at-every-Mass. It’s not about having that feel-good pie-in-the-sky feeling to enrich just my life anymore. I need to be a good example to my son. I need to help him get to heaven. I can’t snap out of my spiritual laziness just to make myself happier- I need to do it for Joe.

I feel like I’m facing a huge mountain when I think about getting Joe to love Jesus. I’m scared I will fail. I don’t even know how young is too young to start praying the rosary with him or to do nighttime prayers. I read him children’s Bible stories on occasion, take him to every Mass we go to (unless he is sick) and he sees us pray at dinner time, but that’s about it. I always worry that if I don’t get active in my faith that it will be a struggle to get Joe to embrace his faith. Well, instead of worrying I am going to take baby steps to stop being so spiritually lazy. Now that I live in Kansas City I can take advantage of numerous daily Mass times. I can get involved in different religious groups and activities. I don’t have the excuse of not having access to enrich my faith.

Dear God, please help me to glorify name. Please help me to show my son just how good and loving you are.

Clutter, Clutter Everywhere!

I have 50 bajillion things I want to write about. I want to write about how I actually will miss the little town we moved away from. I want to write about my hopes and excitement for the future. I want to write about how much I love my husband. (Today is our 2 year wedding anniversary!) The list goes on and on and on. I have a feeling this Holy Week won't be as spiritually uplifting as I hoped it would be. Oh well. Soon things will be in the right spot and not so chaotic. Then I can write my 50 bajillion topics. Happy Holy Week, everyone!

7 Month Snapshot!

It seems like just yesterday I was writing about how amazed I was that Joe was turning 6 months! This past Saturday he turned 7 months! I promise I won't go off describing my amazement at how fast time is going. (But it has! Holy Toledo!)

Joe is getting strong everyday! He can scoot around and can get on all fours in the crawling position, but just hasn't figured out the mechanics behind it. He can roll over in both directions very well and rolls all over the place. The other day he managed to roll/scoot over the the changing table and started taking empty wipe tubs off and playing with them. I think it's time to baby proof!

He's finally teething! His favorite teething toy is my finger and one day as he was gnawing on my finger I noticed a tooth coming in! A couple days later the one right beside it started coming in! He hasn't been too fussy. I think it bothers him mostly at night when he wants to go to sleep.

Joe has become a screamer. He'll babble, squeal and then scream in a high-pitched holler. I wonder how that will develop when he hits his toddler years... He LOVES to blow raspberries. Especially when he's eating. I need to wear a welder's helmet or hockey mask because I often get oatmeal splattered on my face!

He's getting better about eating solids. He really only likes oatmeal and bananas. He still isn't a big fan and would much rather have my milk. Speaking of breastfeeding a 7 month old- it's interesting now. He likes to look around and move his head. Sometimes he takes my nipple with him. Sometimes he'll nibble, look around, nibble some more, play with my face and hair, then go back to eating. It takes forever but I still cherish it!

We took these photos last night. I was too lazy to get a bib and sweet potatoes got every.where. But Joe had fun!

Joe is definitely keeping us entertained and so thankful that God has blessed us with the role of mother and father!

Answered Prayers!

Thank you all so much for your prayers! I could definitely feel peace and comfort in making this choice. I'm sorry I had to be vague in my last post. I just didn't want to announce anything before it was official. And no, I'm not pregnant!

After two years of praying and waiting for a door to open for us to move, God has finally answered our prayers! Ryan was offered a job in Kansas City!

He went in for an interview yesterday and was kind of shocked when they offered him the job right away. It is a position where he can work his way up the latter. The best part is that he works 8-5 and has weekends off! The job offers great benefits. Another perk- the owner is a great Catholic man with eight kids!

The only downside is that Ryan would have to take a big cut in pay for awhile before he moves up the latter. We can barely make it in the town we live in and the cost of living here is super cheap. We wondered how we could afford to make it in Kansas City.

I was very upset yesterday. I HATE how everything comes down to money. Was this truly a door opening or had we just hit yet another brick wall? But thankfully Ryan's parents graciously offered for us to live with them until we can save up money to make it on our own. With Ryan having evenings off I can work part-time at night and still be able to stay with Joe during the day.

I'm so excited to be able to be closer to family and friends. I'm thrilled that Ryan now has a stable schedule that will allow him to spend more time with his son and celebrate special occasions. I'm excited to be back into a community and have the chance to make new friends!

I write this post with a big smile, but still with a little fear. It's scary taking a full leap of faith in God. It's scary facing the unknown, worrying about failure, anxious about the future. But I feel so blessed to have such wonderful people like you all praying for us and most of all for the perfect man for me to hold my hand, hold our son and step out into this journey with me.

Please Pray

I hate to be so vague and cryptic, but I am asking you, my dear blogging and real life friends, to please pray for Ryan and me tonight. We have a very big decision to make by tomorrow morning. It's nothing life threatening or anything like that, but it is still a scary leap of faith for us. We want to do God's will, but are clueless as to what He wants us to do. We want peace and comfort in the decision we make. Thank you so much for your prayers. We need as many as we can get.

Hopefully I will be able to fill you in on what is going on sometime later tomorrow.

When Barges Attack!

How was your weekend?

Mine was pretty exciting. Well, as exciting as this teeny tiny town will allow!

We spent Saturday evening waiting for a runaway barge to pass by on the Missouri River.

I kid you not, folks!

We went to Saturday night Mass in a town about 10 miles north of us. We have to cross the Missouri River to get there. After Mass Ryan ran into the store to get a few groceries and heard that a runaway barge had struck a bridge about 30 miles away. Yikes, we thought. We prayed no one was hurt.

As we drove back home and approached the bridge over the river we noticed highway patrolmen and our town's volunteer firefighters on the bridge with their lights flashing. They were standing by their cars looking at the river. We wondered what the heck was going on! We turned on our local country station and they informed us that the barge was still on the loose and heading toward the bridge we had just crossed over. The police were there so when/if they spotted the barge they could stop traffic because if that sucker hit the bridge it would be bad news.

We drove to where there's a little lot by the river and of course tons of people were there. We were all waiting to see the barge and to see if it would crash into the bridge. Some of Ryan's co-workers were there and we had a good time visiting.

We stood around chatting with other people from the town, listened to country music, had a beer, watched as someone built a bonfire (it was getting dark and cold), and watched the river. That might sound totally redneck, but I had an awesome time!

We stayed there for about an hour. We got news that the barge had been located on a sandbar. Our town's mighty bridge was safe to stand another day!

I had to get a picture of the bridge in case it was destroyed.

Waiting for the barge. Even though we didn't get to see it we got a spectacular sunset. God is so awesome! Drinking the one beer made me so incredibly tired even though I had drank a Dr. Pepper late in the day. I usually never have caffeine after 2:00 p.m. I suddenly remembered why I don't drink it late in the day when my son was bouncing off the walls at 9:55 p.m. that night! (Note the clock in the background!)

It is the simple things in life that make me happy. Like barges, beer and baby smiles.

And in case you don't believe me about the runaway barge, here is the proof!

Attention- I Do Not Kiss Toilets!

My mother lovingly pointed out that this sentence in my last post might need some clarification:

"Now I like putting on make up but the problem with make up is that it usually looks like poopie within a few hours. Plus, when I wear lipstick or gloss I get lipstick all over the can."

Some people call a toilet "the can." And since I mentioned the word "poopie" in the previous sentence it can appear to seem that I put my mouth on the pot! The reason for this mistake was that I had a picture of my Diet Dr. Pepper can with lipstick marks on it in my post, but something screwed up and the picture didn't show up! So "can" means pop can... not a toilet! I'm sure no one else noticed this, and now everyone WILL notice it, but I just wanted to clarify so people didn't wonder what in the Sam Hill I was talking about kissin' cans!

Also, my wording in my post towards Goodwill makes me sound super snobby. I should clairfy that I USED to look down on Goodwill. The thrift stores that I have been to in the past are usually really gross and had crazy people who talk to themselves in there shopping. I am glad to finally get rid of my stupid pride over thrift stores! They have super cute clothes for a w e s o m e prices! I hope I didn't offend anyone by my words. OK, now that you know I'm not a toilet kissing snob, I feel better now!

Oooo La La! Look at Me!

On Tuesday I wrote a post about how I am trying to de-slob myself and embrace more of my feminine side. I got some very encouraging comments! Thank you!

I suppose I should tell you that I am very much all talk and no action. My plans to learn how to sew? Yeah, the Sewing for Dummies book is gathering dust on my book shelf. My plans to exercise? Still finding excuses to get out of it. My plans to update my personal journal? Last entry was August 25, 2010.

I figured that my plans of taking baby steps to girl-ify myself would go by the way side. But the small feminine part inside me took a stand and said, "NO MORE! No more men's sweat pants! No more not brushing your hair! No more, no more!"
So on Wednesday this is what I looked like:



I took a shower, blow dried my hair, put a bra on (!!!) and put WOMEN'S clothes on. Yeah they are too baggy, but it's a start! I even pulled my hair back into a half-pony tail. I didn't go overboard though. I didn't put my contacts in or put makeup on. Baby steps....

Yesterday we went shopping. Usually my "dressing up" for a casual occasion such as shopping is wearing a nice hoodie, jeans, and tennis shoes. Not this time!



I'm wearing a scarf, people! That's a big deal for me! I have lipstick on! My hair is brushed! I'm practically a movie star! :-) I still think I look frumpy, but at least it's a girly frump.
I have no where special to go today. But I still thought I'd step it up a little from my usual ratty t-shirt and over sized sweats. I got the shirt and pants on clearance at Target yesterday!



I put make up on just for fun. I "did" my hair by making a messy bun. (Funny how something that is supposed to be "messy" takes forever!) I put in a headband that I bought yesterday. I always think that headbands are nice accessories, but they always end up giving me headaches. But I bought one by Goody that is supposed to be more flexible and isn't so tight.



Yesterday while shopping we went to Goodwill. I bought a couple pairs of nice pants and these skirts. Yes, I said skirts! They were $3.00 each. I will admit I've always kind of looked down on Goodwill. But the vast majority of the shoppers there were very well-dressed women and college girls. They had some very nice stuff! Now I won't feel like such a slob going to Church. I usually always wear jeans to church. I always feel guilty because I know I should be dressing up for the Lord, but I just don't have the clothes. Now I do!

Now I like putting on make up but the problem with make up is that it usually looks like poopie within a few hours. Plus, when I wear lipstick or gloss I get lipstick all over the can. This is one of the reasons I don't like wearing anything other than chapstick. I don't like to get ooey-gooey makeup all over the place when I kiss my baby boy and my husband. I don't think I even wore lipstick during my hoochie mama days! Any make up wearers out there have any good tips for me? Any product recommendations?

While trying on clothes yesterday and looking at pictures of me with my new look I finally have come to realize why I dress like a slob. I make excuses- I want to be comfy, I have no where to go so why get dressed, I can't afford new clothes, etc. But really it comes down to that I am not happy with my body. When I look at myself in baggy clothes I think, "OK, so I don't look womanly, but at least you can't see my fat arms and pudgy belly." If I wear more feminine clothes, even in the right size I still feel so self-conscience. I don't have baggy-ness to hide behind.

This is something I need to work on. I'm still taking baby steps in finding my womanly-side and confidence in myself.