Last year I wrote about how my Lent got off to a rocky start, but thankfully God broke through the wall of blah and I had a very happy Easter.
Well, I’m not meaning to burst anyone’s Easter joy, but my Lent this year was a stinker. Even my gloomy feelings carried over to Easter Sunday. (Thank goodness Easter lasts awhile. Hopefully soon I can appreciate the glory of the resurrection!) I keep making excuses for why my Lent wasn’t as spiritually fulfilling as I hoped it would be. After all, we just made a big move. I’m setting up our own little space in my husband’s parent’s house. I’m helping Ryan ease into the adjustment of starting a brand new job. I’ve slacked off taking my anti-depressant. Joe has grown by leaps and bounds and I’m struggling to keep up with his movin’, scootin’, rollin’ ways. Plus he’s teething so his sleep schedule is all sorts of screwed up.
I can make up all the excuses I want, but really, the reason Lent wasn’t great was because of my own selfishness. My Lenten sacrifice of giving up Facebook actually went well. But all that extra time was usually spent on some other time-waster. I kept complaining about how Lent seemed to last for.ever. I didn’t go to Good Friday services because I thought the church I would probably go to would make the service a little too theatrical for my liking. (I did however go shopping for an Easter dress. It was horrible. I am not big on shopping and driving across Kansas City to find a dress when you are starving and can smell meat in a 20 mile radius is not fun. It was definitely an opportunity to unite my suffering with Christ’s.) Instead of shaking off the shackles of spiritual laziness I just continued to slack off. Instead of watching The Middle maybe I should spend time reading something spiritual. Instead of making a to-do list in my mind and get increasingly frustrated when I’m laying down with Joe and he just won’t calm down and go to sleep I should pray. (Well besides my usual prayer of “Please, God, let him go to sleep soon… I have to pee!”)
I have written of my spiritual dry spells and laziness before. I’m not going to bore you all with my trials and tribulations. It’s the same stuff, just a different day. But I think something different this time has lead me to snap out of this spiritual funk.
My son.
I knew long before he was born that once he came into this world that it would no longer be just about me. Yes, I need to have a good relationship with God so I can receive my eternal reward in heaven. But it shouldn’t just be all I-want-to-feel-Holy-Ghost-goosebumps-at-every-Mass. It’s not about having that feel-good pie-in-the-sky feeling to enrich just my life anymore. I need to be a good example to my son. I need to help him get to heaven. I can’t snap out of my spiritual laziness just to make myself happier- I need to do it for Joe.
I feel like I’m facing a huge mountain when I think about getting Joe to love Jesus. I’m scared I will fail. I don’t even know how young is too young to start praying the rosary with him or to do nighttime prayers. I read him children’s Bible stories on occasion, take him to every Mass we go to (unless he is sick) and he sees us pray at dinner time, but that’s about it. I always worry that if I don’t get active in my faith that it will be a struggle to get Joe to embrace his faith. Well, instead of worrying I am going to take baby steps to stop being so spiritually lazy. Now that I live in Kansas City I can take advantage of numerous daily Mass times. I can get involved in different religious groups and activities. I don’t have the excuse of not having access to enrich my faith.
Dear God, please help me to glorify name. Please help me to show my son just how good and loving you are.
Well, I’m not meaning to burst anyone’s Easter joy, but my Lent this year was a stinker. Even my gloomy feelings carried over to Easter Sunday. (Thank goodness Easter lasts awhile. Hopefully soon I can appreciate the glory of the resurrection!) I keep making excuses for why my Lent wasn’t as spiritually fulfilling as I hoped it would be. After all, we just made a big move. I’m setting up our own little space in my husband’s parent’s house. I’m helping Ryan ease into the adjustment of starting a brand new job. I’ve slacked off taking my anti-depressant. Joe has grown by leaps and bounds and I’m struggling to keep up with his movin’, scootin’, rollin’ ways. Plus he’s teething so his sleep schedule is all sorts of screwed up.
I can make up all the excuses I want, but really, the reason Lent wasn’t great was because of my own selfishness. My Lenten sacrifice of giving up Facebook actually went well. But all that extra time was usually spent on some other time-waster. I kept complaining about how Lent seemed to last for.ever. I didn’t go to Good Friday services because I thought the church I would probably go to would make the service a little too theatrical for my liking. (I did however go shopping for an Easter dress. It was horrible. I am not big on shopping and driving across Kansas City to find a dress when you are starving and can smell meat in a 20 mile radius is not fun. It was definitely an opportunity to unite my suffering with Christ’s.) Instead of shaking off the shackles of spiritual laziness I just continued to slack off. Instead of watching The Middle maybe I should spend time reading something spiritual. Instead of making a to-do list in my mind and get increasingly frustrated when I’m laying down with Joe and he just won’t calm down and go to sleep I should pray. (Well besides my usual prayer of “Please, God, let him go to sleep soon… I have to pee!”)
I have written of my spiritual dry spells and laziness before. I’m not going to bore you all with my trials and tribulations. It’s the same stuff, just a different day. But I think something different this time has lead me to snap out of this spiritual funk.
My son.
I knew long before he was born that once he came into this world that it would no longer be just about me. Yes, I need to have a good relationship with God so I can receive my eternal reward in heaven. But it shouldn’t just be all I-want-to-feel-Holy-Ghost-goosebumps-at-every-Mass. It’s not about having that feel-good pie-in-the-sky feeling to enrich just my life anymore. I need to be a good example to my son. I need to help him get to heaven. I can’t snap out of my spiritual laziness just to make myself happier- I need to do it for Joe.
I feel like I’m facing a huge mountain when I think about getting Joe to love Jesus. I’m scared I will fail. I don’t even know how young is too young to start praying the rosary with him or to do nighttime prayers. I read him children’s Bible stories on occasion, take him to every Mass we go to (unless he is sick) and he sees us pray at dinner time, but that’s about it. I always worry that if I don’t get active in my faith that it will be a struggle to get Joe to embrace his faith. Well, instead of worrying I am going to take baby steps to stop being so spiritually lazy. Now that I live in Kansas City I can take advantage of numerous daily Mass times. I can get involved in different religious groups and activities. I don’t have the excuse of not having access to enrich my faith.
Dear God, please help me to glorify name. Please help me to show my son just how good and loving you are.
4 comments:
It's okay, Maggie...you're doing fine. And next time you think you might need some extra motivation to attend services somewhere, give me a call (now that you live here, we really ought to exchange numbers :) )
I'm not trying to give you another excuse...but just loving Joe the best way you can is showing him how much more God loves him. You are fulfilling Joe's every need and he lacks for nothing, he's happy and thriving (look at those cheeks!). Just seing ways you can improve shows your humility and faithfulness. And seriously, take it from me, the baby days are HARD! You're doing awesome!
In addition to what the others have posted...I recommend checking out Catholic Icing blog. She does such beautiful work with little ones helping and aiding the growth of their faith. And you know what? As parents, we continue to grow each day in our own faith as we teach our little ones.
EVERYONE has those dry spiritual days, weeks, months. Longing to improve; longing to turn inward and deeper means that you are growing in your faith.
When my children were younger, I had many dry moments. You are normal.
I felt similar this Lent. I was dragging my feet spiritually, and Lent seemed to go on forever. I'm with you.
I also hope to start setting a better example in regards to prayer with Maggie. I try to make the sign of the cross on her before we all eat, and bless her with the holy water at Mass.
I'm sure God loves our small steps toward holiness, and wants to egg us on to more. :)
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