A Little Bit of Clarification

I have read posts where other bloggers have had to write a "clarification" post regarding something they had previously written about. So here is mine!

The last post I wrote about regarding the rude comments that mothers and fathers of many children get from time to time received many positive comments. I also received some comments on some situations that I had never really given much thought to. There was one comment accusing me of being just as judgemental as those who make rude comments because I didn't address the topic of adoption.

There were a couple comments made that it's not only those couples who have a lot of children who are judged, but also those couples who either don't have kids (yet) or only a few. Many times this happens in the Catholic community. I have made a couple comments regarding this on my post but perhaps people missed them. The first time I read about this happening, I was in shock. Again, where do people feel they can judge any family's size? I will repeat what I wrote in my last post:

Couples have many reasons for their family size. Fertility issues, finances, emotional problems, abuse, family crisis, you name it. God's will isn't for every family to have 8 kids. Some feel called to only have a couple children. I just have issues with those couples who choose to buy a new boat rather than be open to another child.

I want to add that I could have added hundreds of more reasons to the list above for limiting family size. Some couples may feel they are not called to have children at the present time. If a couple honestly feels in their heart that they are not ready to have children yet, then by no means should they feel obligated to start a family. Maybe they are only called to have one child.

Like I wrote above, God does not expect every family to have a bunch of kids. All God asks of us when we profess our marriage vows to each other is to be open to children and to be united to each other- when we have intercourse. Even though God asks us to be open to life he's not some tyrant who demands us to do things we aren't physically or emotionally capable of. (Remember- God is good and merciful!) God doesn't point down a ginormo finger from heaven and say- "YOU BETTER HAVE A BUNCH OF KIDS! I COMMAND YOU! I DON'T CARE IF YOU BARELY HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE OR PAY YOUR WATER AND HEAT BILL, I AM EXPECTING 12 KIDS FROM YOU. I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION OR A MEDICAL CONDITION THAT WILL BE DETRIMENTAL TO RAISING A FAMILY YOU BETTER BE HAVING INTERCOURSE EVERY MONTH DURING YOUR MOST FERTILE TIME SO YOU WILL MOST LIKELY GET PREGNANT."

The issue I have is if that couple doesn't want to have children because they want to pay off their entire debt, buy a big house, buy a brand new car, travel the world, establish their career, preserve their physically fit bodies, basically anything that puts their own comfort, pleasure, and wants before the good of their spouse and future children. But I still can't judge because I don't know if that couple has no children or only 2 because of miscarriage after miscarriage or because they'd rather landscape their back yard. There are just reasons for postponing a family. But it is very important to involve God in this decision rather than your check book or desire for a hot tub.

The reason I didn't address the topic of those couples getting judged for only having a few kids is because I have no experience with it besides reading it in a blog. All around me it is the norm to have only a few children and no one has issue with it. I have never been around people who say, "Oh, but you should have one more." But if you have those three children close together or add that fourth, then people think you are going overboard. That's where I've experienced the rude comments.

My apologies to those people who read my post that were upset or offended that I didn't include those families who get criticised for having a small family or for not having kids. I understand there are couples out there who dream of a big family but are having financial or fertility problems that prevent this. My heart breaks for them and I always pray to St. Gerard and St. Gianna for those families who dream of having children. I know first hand how it feels to lose a child. And perhaps God's plan for me is to only have one child. Who knows. And those couples who don't suffer from infertility but who don't have children yet, I do not judge at all, because I don't know what God's will is for you! That's why no one should judge ANYONE! Again, my apologies, I'm just not used to people getting judged for small families.

There was one comment wondering why I didn't address the topic of adoption. Honestly, I didn't have time to address every topic regarding family size. But to clarify- I believe adoption is a holy and good thing and I didn't mean to brush it aside like I looked down on it. If a couple honestly follows their conscience and feels God is calling them to adopt rather than bear their own children, then that is between them and God. Following God's will is always the best thing. The only problem I had with the commenter is they mentioned "an already overpopulated planet." I do not buy into the overpopulation myth at all. I don't believe that a couple should adopt because they don't want to add an extra child to the earth's population. I'm not going to get into that debate, but like I said, if a couple is confident they are following God's will in adopting rather than getting pregnant themselves then I have no room to say anything.

The reason I wrote this post is because I have experienced first-hand negative comments for my husband's and my desire to have a big family and WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A CHILD WE CAN HOLD IN OUR ARMS YET. There are super loving, sweet and very holy women that write amazing blogs and they write about the negative comments they get regarding their family and I just want to reach out and defend them. I don't know these women personally, but they are still my sisters in Christ and no one should feel bad for following God's will.

I probably caused more confusion that clarification! But that's all I gotta say about that!