Wondering Wednesdays Vol. 10: How Can We Afford It?

Today I am wondering- can we afford for me to be a stay at home mom?

I want to be a stay a home mommy to as many kids as God wants to give us. I want this with every fiber of my being. While growing up I had many career dreams- teacher, actress, and Olympic swimmer. When I got out of high school my career dreams were half-hearted. As I got older and my heart longed to be a part of a good marriage and to have children of my own, my dreams turned from career to devoting my life to my husband and growing family.

***And as a side note, I'm not saying that being a working mom is a bad thing. I think it is important to have mothers present in the workforce. So please don't comment, "You know if you have to work, it wouldn't be a bad thing." I know it wouldn't... but I feel in my heart that I belong at home. This isn't a post about stay at home vs. working moms.***

***Another side note- I do hope to supplement my husband's income somehow. I would love to be a free-lance writer, but lack the confidence at the present time.***

I look at other stay at home moms (SAHM) and my heart swells with admiration. I know being a SAHM isn't easy- you are by yourself taking care of the children and household. You have very little contact with grown ups. You are under appreciated. But I'm willing to take on those challenges. I know the rewards will be worth it.

But then... what really gets me down... is finances. I look at other SAHM's and see that their husbands have fairly good jobs. Farmers, lawyers, doctors, college professors... I know that no matter what job one has, if a couple cuts down to one income there will be financial strain. There will be budgeting. But a SAHM with a doctor as a husband might have an easier time with finances than a SAHM with a janitor as a husband. Perhaps I am wrong.

I am so proud of what my husband does. He loves his job. He works with troubled youth. He helps them to help themselves to rebuild their lives in a positive way. He works long, odd hours and has to deal with the frustrations of working with boys that don't want to change, or who do change for the better only to fall back into their old habits and come back to the facility. But he and everyone else says that the youth counselors are extremely underpaid. It makes me wonder if we will be able to afford for me to stay at home if he stays at this job. I have always believed that it is more important to be at a job you love rather than a job you hate, but make more money. I stand by that belief.

Then I feel an overwhelming sense pressure from family, friends and society about finances and having a big family. I feel like people look at my dreams of being a SAHM and think, "Yeah right, like that will ever happen." I see them look at my husband and me and think, "But I want them to be financially stable." When I announced my first pregnancy, someone I love very much said immediately, "How can you afford a baby right now?" I was devastated. When I talk about having a bunch of kids I've had other people I love very much say, "But that just might not be realistic. I don't want you to worry about money."

I know these people think/say these things only because they love us. They want what is best for us, and for that I am deeply appreciative. But it has planted seeds of doubt. Maybe we won't be able to afford for me to stay at home. I know this sounds dramatic, but if I have to go to work and leave my children with a stranger I will be crushed. For those women who have to work when they want to stay at home with their kids... my goodness.. I have HUGE admiration for you.

I get a little jealous of those people who get to vacation all the time. Who get to experience the excitement of buying their very own home. To get brand new matching furniture. Who get to remodel or build a home. Who get to go out to eat and shop all the time. Who get to buy their kids cute clothes. Who can buy a new car whenever they want.

But I know, in the end, that sacrificing those things to have children and stay at home with them will be worth it. I grew up without those things and I had an awesome childhood. I had garage sale toys and hand me down clothes. We had mismatched furniture and a porch that was on the verge of falling apart. But I was happy, safe and loved.

My mom grew up in a family of seven kids and the stories of them all growing up together make my heart smile. My grandparents were poor; however, they still had a happy home. (When I look to them as an example, I know there are people saying, "But that was a different time." Blah...) A sibling is a gift. A vacation will last a couple days, but a sibling will last forever. When Ryan and I are long gone our children will have each other. That's why when I saw this snack commercial on Faith and Family Live I bawled my preggo eyes out:




Like I said, the sacrifices will be worth it. I know God is trying to ease my burden by sending me little signs that being a SAHM with a large family is possible. In the last week I've read two awesome articles on Faith and Family (I love that website!) One is about how large families are environmentally friendly, and the other is finding joy when you don't have a lot of fancy things. (I highly recommend reading them.) Reading these have brought me comfort and peace.

I know having a newborn isn't that expensive. They don't need a whole lot of stuff. But what happens when we have another baby, then another... then another? That's going to add up. Our insurance will go up, our food bills, etc. Ryan and I may be making a big life decision in the next few months to move, but it may be to a town where rent is much higher. Will we be able to handle it? What about Catholic education? To be honest, not sending our kids to Catholic schools has never been an issue with me, but I know it is important to Ryan.

I feel spiritually drained and I feel I'm not praying hard enough for God to send us guidance. I wish He'd FedEx me a manual of how to budget, where we need to move, what we need to invest in, etc.

But as much as I am worrying, I know everything will turn out fine. Maybe someday, when Ryan and I are 80 and we live in our own home in the country and all our grown up children and grandchildren are gathered around us, we can start off stories of how we first started out our marriage and parenting being "poor as church mice." God has taken care of us so far, and I know He won't stop, no matter how much it feels like He's ignoring us. Our family, friends and even strangers have helped us out in ways that we can never repay. I know we have family and friends and blogging buddies that pray for us as well.

I just wonder when the doubt will fizzle away and knowing what God wants of us will come SOON!

A Way to Open the Living Room Blinds.... Slowly

Maybe since I'm unemployed I should start on a contraption like this. I wonder if my future son will tinker around like these geeks!

Click here!

Kate Gosselin

Last Tuesday Kate Gosselin was voted off Dancing With the Stars. I'll have to admit I was very much relieved, because watching her dance the Paso Doble was like watching a drunk cat walking on stilts. Plus, I was tired of her weekly sob-fest and her dashing partner Tony Dovolani standing there looking all uncomfortable while she lamented over the latest drama in her life.

But through the cringing and rolling of my eyes, I still felt sorry for her.

I used to love watching the show where Kate made her debut, Jon & Kate Plus Eight. There were critics of her and her husband from the very beginning, accusing them of exploiting their kids for money. I understood their accusations, but my love for big families and my own dreams of being a stay at home mommy with my own brood of kids won out, so I watched the show.

I admired how they refused to abort any of their children even though there were serious medical risks to carrying and delivering six children, not to mention the financial strain. They weren't afraid to proclaim they were Christian, even though the channel that produced the show, TLC, didn't showcase that part of their life.

I cherished the episodes where Jon and Kate took their children to the pumpkin patch and to the zoo. When I saw the episodes of potty training adventures, Kate cooking soups and stews to freeze for the winter, their grocery shopping trips to Sam's Club and their cookie baking fiascoes during Christmas, my heart swelled, because I couldn't wait to do that with my own family someday. When Kate and Jon took their children to their hometown 4th of July parade and a family barbecue I was already picturing what cute little red, white and blue outfits I could dress my own kids in.

Sure, there were the not so glamorous parts of the show- Kate losing her temper with her kids and she and Jon bickering while being interviewed. I figured that's just how life goes when you have eight kids under the age of seven. All mom's lose their cool every once in awhile, right? Spouses get on each other's nerves sometimes, and I figured that was the case with Jon and Kate. (Although much later we learn that wasn't really the case with these two.)

I enjoyed the show because a majority of what I saw was the reality I dreamed for myself. Yes, the Gosselin family was unique because Kate had twin girls, then a set of sextuplets. But for the most part, the show seemed like the typical life of a family with lots of kids and a stay at home mom. Kate didn't always look so put-together, but her sweat pants with the disheveled-hair-look made me admire her. They lived in a modest-looking home, had a strict budget and faced the same challenges other parents do (the potty training, the chore charts, the sickness that hops from child to child.)

However, much to my dismay, I saw the show evolving to something not so pretty. Jon and Kate were getting their teeth whitened together. OK, maybe some married couples do that, but most people I know consider getting their pearly whites even whiter a very extravagant expense. Then they started getting free ski/spa trips to Utah. I thought, "OK, so that's a perk of the show" but it still didn't seem right.

Kate started to change as well. Soon the sweatpants were off, replaced with mini jean skirts, bikini's and chunky heels. She started to tan and soon was sporting some nice French manicured digits. There is nothing wrong with a woman embracing her feminine side and wanting to look nice, but she was starting to look like a 22 year old sorority girl instead of a down-to-earth stay at home mom.

Then they moved into their multi-million dollar home and things really began to change. Suddenly this "reality" show didn't seem like reality anymore. Do other regular families get Emeril Lagasse to come cook for them? Do other mom's have to worry about the paparazzi snapping pictures of her and her children as they go to the grocery store, therefore hires a bodyguard? I don't think so.

Then the dirty laundry started to be aired. Jon and Kate weren't being interviewed together anymore. Jon started sporting some rediculous diamond studs in his ears and had a custom-made motorcycle created for him. The tabloids started coming out all over the place and it was obvious their marriage was falling apart.

I started having issues with the show I once loved. I thought since they were going through a tumultuous time in their marriage it was time to shut off the cameras and work on their problems in private. Well that didn't happen. They got a separation, announced it on television and the media circus really began.

Jon became a person I lost all respect for. There are a bunch of names I could call him, but I want this blog to remain a Christian-type blog, so I will refrain for now.

Soon all the attention went to Kate. That's when I really, really felt sorry for her. Here she has lost the love of her life and the father of her children. Her own brother and sister in law, who had been featured on the show, suddenly came out and claimed Kate cheated on Jon and some other bogus claims. She had to face the cruel world essentially by herself.

This is when I was really hoping she would turn away from the spotlight completely and focus on regrouping herself and her kids. This was a crucial time to get her priorities straight and set goals for the future. Divorce isn't easy for anybody, but it has to be even harder when all those private details are suddenly made public.

But then came the People magazine cover stories. "It Feels Like I Failed" was one of the titles, I believe. It seemed like every other week she was on The Today Show, or Good Morning America, or *shudders/gags* Entertainment Tonight. Then came The Joy Behar Show and Larry King Live. And then another People magazine article shows up about her new hair extensions.

The crowning jewel of Kate Gosselin's latest schedule: Dancing with the Stars. I've already written about how I felt about that.

But here's where I get conflicted. Kate claims she does all this publicity to make money for her children. It kills her to be away from her children, but she has to pay the bills. It seems that Jon isn't doing much to help her out financially. Doing all this celebrity-type stuff seems like an easy way to make significant amounts of cash, but at what cost?

Leaving her children with nannies and babysitters can't be affecting her children in a positive way. Someday her children will be old enough to be able to see her interviews and read her articles. Hopefully they see her fierce love for them, instead of what looks like a woman possibly addicted to fame.

Does she really need all that money? Does she need those hair extensions, the tanning, the super nice clothes? Does she still need that multi-million dollar home, the bodyguard, the team of nannies? Yes, it does cost money to raise a big family, but I know of many large families that have gotten by happily, and they aren't guest co-hosting with Mary Hart.

I just pray she finds another way of supporting her children instead of jet-setting across America. I can't imagine the predicament she is in, but surely there is a reasonable solution out there. When I say "pray", I mean it. I do pray for Kate Gosselin and other celebrities. Lord knows they all need it BIG TIME!

Well, that's about all I have to say about that subject. Why did I contribute to the many other blog posts out there about Kate Gosselin? Because my preggo hormones are making it hard for me to sleep, then all these strange thoughts pop into my head (like Kate Gosselin's predicament) and I have an itch to write them down!

Drumroll Please.....

Our little BOY Crawford is measuring 19 weeks, 5 days and weighs 12 oz. He was not shy at all and showed his little boy parts right away! He is looking very healthy! Ryan and I are beyond thrilled!

Thus ends the streak for my big brother... he has 4 nieces and 0 nephews, until now of course!

I'm going to have a son... oh BOY!

St. Gianna and St. Gerard... please continue to pray for us!

Wondering Wednesdays Vol. 9: Boy or Girl?

Tomorrow I have my 2nd trimester ultrasound. We have decided to find out the sex of the baby. So of course I am wondering- boy or girl?

I keep thinking it is a boy, but I keep having dreams that Baby C is a girl. Ryan keeps saying he thinks it is a girl, but I think he's doing it just to ruffle my feathers.

I wonder if this child will have inherited both his mommy and daddy's stubbornness and have his or her legs crossed to where we can't see the little private parts on the ultrasound. Thankfully my next doctor's appointment is next Tuesday, and doc said if we can't tell the sex tomorrow, then we can check at his office.

If Baby C is a girl.... will she be a girlie girl? I never really was. I liked dressing up for special occasions (sometimes) but am much more of a jeans and t-shirt gal. I did admire Disney Princesses, but also loved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers.

Will she be the kind of teenager like I was? If karma is real...... I am in deep, deep, deeeeeeep trouble! I am not ready for that!

Will she and I be super close? Or will she be a Daddy's girl? Will she be funny? Will she be serious?

If Baby C is a boy, will be be a rambunctious little fellow? (Like his Daddy...) Will he follow his dad around and watch ESPN with him, watch geeky movies and go to Toys R Us to look for action figures?

Will he be an athletic super star? Or will he want to be on the chess team? Either way, him getting involved in something would thrill us to death!

Will he want to tinker with stuff? Build things?

Will he be super protective of his mommy and other siblings? Will he have a deep respect and honor for women? My husband does toward his mom and sister, so I'm sure he will instill that in his son.

Regardless of if this child is a girl or a boy... what will he or she be like as the oldest child? (if God does let us have more than one child.) Will they be spoiled? A leader?

I'm wondering so many things today. We are beyond excited to learn more about this little one growing inside me! I think I'll go clean the entire apartment... that should make today go by faster, right?

Our appointment is at 4:00 in the afternoon, and thankfully my mom will be coming to distract me during the day. Look for a post later tomorrow night!

Lessons I've Learned in Our First Year of Marriage

The wedding is just a day... a marriage is a lifetime

The leaders at the Engagement Encounter Ryan and I went to drilled this saying into our heads. When I heard this I was annoyed because we were a month away from our wedding and still had tons of planning to do.

I had always envisioned a nice church wedding, but as the planning progressed I was having some major freak-outs. I refused to become a bride-zilla so I wasn't taking control in areas where I should have been. I was thinking that my grandparents had the right idea when they got married- elope and get married in the priest's living room! I knew that there was no Church canon law that required the white dress, the flowers, the musicians or the caterer.

Then a friend gave me the best advice. She said that no matter how carefully you plan your wedding, something will go wrong. But your wedding day isn't about the details- it is about you and your husband starting the rest of your lives together. After I heard that, the freak-outs subsided and I focused on the most important part of the wedding day- the sacrament.

Ryan and I went to confession a couple days before our wedding, and it was so freeing to know that we were free from major sin and could completely receive all the grace God had to offer. And when we were standing up at the altar administering the sacrament of marriage on each other, I could really feel God's grace flowing through us. Now, it wasn't like God's grace was magical pixie dust and I was getting Holy Ghost goose bumps, but I could feel something amazing as I was looking into Ryan's eyes. Peace, joy, happiness, an overwhelming sense of love. Confidence in knowing this man standing before me was more than a soul mate, "other half", or a best friend. I felt near ecstasy in knowing that we were now "one" forever and always. I felt pure joy in knowing that he was going to be the father of my children and we were going to grow old together.

The best part of focusing on the sacrament was that all the planning, the flowers, the guest list, the music- it just created an added beauty to the sacrament. Standing there surrounded by our family and friends, with all the hard work countless people had put into our wedding- it really was the perfect day.

I really do agree with the saying of "A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime" but I learned that by opening up to God's grace during our wedding day has been very beneficial to our marriage.

Pick your battles

I'm a bit of a clean-freak. So when I go to the bathroom and see my husband's facial hair sprinkled on the sink after he shaves, or his toothpaste flecks on the mirror I get a little irritated. OK, a lot irritated. But I learned quickly that this is not worth picking a fight over. It is not a crucial topic. It doesn't completely affect our lives. And guess what.... one time after brushing my teeth I realized (much to my chagrin) that I too leave toothpaste flecks on the mirror! (And I thought I was destined for sainthood every time I wiped off his toothpaste gunk without complaining!)

Another thing that I am currently working on is gloating after a disagreement that I was "right" about something. Most of the time we do this jokingly, but every once in a while it bruises both our egos. This makes me think of the following quote:

To keep your marriage brimming,

with love in the loving cup,

Whenever you are wrong admit it;

Whenever you are right shut up.

-Ogden Nash

But some disagreements are good!

Anytime I hear a couple say they never fight or disagree I want to gag a little. It is my opinion that due to our fallen human nature that no one can get along 100%. Of course it is ideal to be in harmony and peace with each other, but I think that the times of challenge and difficulty can be very beneficial. It helps us to grow closer to each other by learning more about each other, learning to compromise, and to keep our pride in check. Plus... making up after some disagreements can be FUN! :-)

COMMUNICATION IS KEY!

I read about how important communication is in any relationship. It is especially stressed in marriage prep. Boy, oh boy... are they right! Sometimes after a disagreement, or even times where I feel stressed, or Ryan feels overwhelmed- it's easier to shut down. Sometimes it takes a lot to muster the strength to sit down and talk. It makes us vulnerable and uneasy.

Sometimes we do need a couple hours to regroup our thoughts and feelings before talking. But taking the step to actually talk and communicate has helped our marriage by leaps and bounds. Keeping certain things bottled up is like poison to a marriage. When I have felt depressed and not talked to my husband, it creates a tension and unease. As much as I hate talking about my feelings, when I do talk to my husband it has made me feel better and helped our marriage in the long-run- every single time.

Natural Family Planning

I'm used to being looked at like I have four mutant heads when I tell people that my husband and I don't use birth control. But what we choose in our marriage isn't about other people- it is about my husband, myself, and God. I won't go into much detail here... my big brother reads my blog and I don't want to scar him for life or anything. But I will say this- NFP hasn't been easy. It is a challenge to break the bond of having sex rule our relationship. But the good things in life aren't always easy. As much as it has been a challenge- it has been so amazingly worth it. When Ryan took the time to learn about how the female body works, he started looking at me in a whole new, lovely way. I am genuinely blown away by how amazing he treats me and respects me because of our use of NFP.

I am not alone

Living in a small town, away from all my friends and family has proven very difficult for me. I feel very lonely. I find comfort in knowing that I am really NOT alone- I have my husband. He is always there for me. There are other times that I fall into a pit of despair because I am Catholic. I feel even more alone because I feel I am a part of a huge minority because of my beliefs, especially because a large majority of my friends and family don't share my beliefs. I've opened up to my husband about this (there's that communication thing!) and he has reminded me that I am not alone. "You have me," he has told me. There are two or three things we don't agree on in regards to religion, but for the most part we are in the same boat. It is nice to know that I have a partner who shares the same faith, the same goals, the same beliefs.

Take advantage of the circumstances God gives you

Being unemployed this last year has been tough on both of us. It has taken a direct hit on our finances. I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt for not contributing financially. Finances can make or break a marriage, and thankfully we have not let finances rule our marriage. (Communication... could have something to do with that!) But this time of me being at home I believe has strengthened our marriage. Ryan's work schedule is all over the place, and if I had a job, it might have gotten in the way of spending quality time together. I'm not saying that is a good excuse to not get a job, but having this time together during our first year of marriage has strengthened our relationship.

When we lost our first baby to a miscarriage, we were both incredibly devastated. This is a circumstance that I did not want God to give us. But His will is the best, even if we don't understand it. This event strengthened our marriage in ways I can't even name.

These are just a few of the lessons I have learned in our first year of marriage. I know there will be hundreds more as the years go by! I thank God everyday for sending Ryan into my life, and for giving us the grace and help to have a happy and healthy marriage!

Our Anniversary

Yesterday was our one year wedding anniversary. We didn't do anything super special, but we're just not big anniversary celebraters. We did have a wonderful weekend full of laughs and looking back on our relationship. I have a post all planned out about the lessons I've learned in our first year of marriage, but it is still tucked inside my head. Hopefully I will get around to writing it tomorrow!

In the meantime... here are some of my favorite wedding photos. I have about a hundred favorite photos, but I figured y'all would get tired of looking at pictures of Ryan and me!

Ryan's groomsmen praying for him... do they think he needs it?

We had a memorial table to remember our family and friends who couldn't share
in our special day.

Ryan's "Plan"

My brother walked me down the aisle. This is one of my favorite pictures!

Vows... letting God's grace flow!

After communion

Our first dance as husband and wife

I love this man!

Anniversary Weekend!

No Quick Takes today. No lengthy blog post. I'm going to enjoy this weekend because one year ago this Sunday I married my soul mate, so I want to spend as much time as possible with him.

April 18th seems so long ago, yet it feels like it was just yesterday I was standing outside the sanctuary with my brother ready to escort me down the aisle, waiting to see my beloved.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Wondering Wednesdays Vol. 8: WWJD in 2010?

Sometimes the weirdest thoughts pop into my head. They aren't theologically significant, just kind of silly (OK... very silly.) There are other times that my husband likes to ruffle my theological-undergraduate-degree feathers and pick silly arguments which makes me wonder even more about the weird theological thoughts. (This first paragraph makes me sound crazy... I know. Just bear with me.)

For example, my husband likes to walk out onto our spider-infested deck without any shoes.

"Just put your flip flops on... I don't want you to get bitten by a brown-recluse and complain for 3 weeks."

"I don't need shoes! Jesus didn't wear shoes, why should I?"

Then I get into a dither (what's a dither anyway?) "What are you talking about?! Jesus wore shoes- sandals actually. It's right there in the Bible! John the Baptist says, 'After me comes he who is mightier than I, the thong of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie.' (Mark 1:7) Besides, Jesus did A LOT of walking. You really think he would walk all over Palestine bare-foot?" Wife: 1 Husband: 0

"But Jesus is GOD. He walked on water, rose from the dead... you really think a few rocks in his feet would bother Him?" D'OH! Husband, you have a good point...

"BUT He is still a human being!" Victory shall be mine!

"OK, OK. Well, if He were preaching today, he wouldn't walk. He'd drive barefoot in a 1967 Volkswagon bus." Wait.... what?!

"JESUS WASN'T A HIPPIE! Sure, he was counter-cultural and went against government authority. But He wasn't some Rolling Stones groupie, pot-smoking, guitar pickin' flower child!"

I see my husband on the verge of laughter, with that pain-in-the-who-know-what glee in his eye. He's just trying to egg me on. He's good at that.

Then we started a discussion of what Jesus would wear if He were alive on earth today. No, I don't think he would wear a tuxedo t-shirt... although Ryan thinks that would be hilarious. I think Jesus would have much more class than that. I think he wouldn't wear anything too fancy. He helps the poor, so no suits or ties. I don't really picture him in a polo and khakis either. Maybe some nice jeans and a plain white t-shirt. With some sort of shoes.

But He is Jesus... maybe He would wear something a little more sophisticated. I don't know.. I still picture him with his long hair and beard though. "Yeah, his hippie beard!" my husband says mischievously. I ignore him.

Afterwards we started having a silly discussion of wondering what Jesus' occupation (pre-public ministry, of course) would be if He were alive today. Ryan suggests radio D.J. I can't imagine Jesus in the studio saying in that fake Ryan Seacrest-like voice, "Alright, alright, helllllloooo mankind! We got Jesus C. in the house ready to send you on your morning commute by rockin' you down the interstate!"

No, no... that's not right at all.

I can see him as doctor. He did heal people after all. He'd be the coolest doctor. He'd put his patients at ease. I can also see him as a college professor. He was a dynamic public speaker and taught to thousands. I wonder how tough a grader He would be. No one would fall asleep during his lectures. (I never once did that in college..) Maybe he'd be a police officer and rid the streets of evil-doers... just like he cast out demons. Perhaps he'd own his own winery.... he does make some tasty wine according to the Bible.

I do NOT see Jesus as a professional soccer player. You know those pictures of Jesus playing soccer with a bunch of kids? They just weird me out.

But what I can picture Jesus REALLY doing... is doing what he did thousands of years ago before his public ministry- carpentry. Working with your hands, building something out of nothing- what a noble profession.

No matter how He dresses or what His occupation would be, He'd still be loving and almighty. The more I think about it.. the more I fall in love with Christ. He's pretty awesome.

My brother just texted me with a question: "Do you think Jesus had allergies?"

Hmmm.... another thing to wonder about!

Love Thy Neighbor: "But Do I Have To?!"

This pregnancy has served me up a nice concoction of hormones. This lovely cocktail has brought out some crazy mood swings. One minute I'm a happy goofball. Five minutes later I'm snapping at my husband for no good reason, he offers to get out the Holy Water to sprinkle on me, then I burst into tears that my husband thinks I'm Satan in bodily form.

I'm finding lately that I get even more easily annoyed than I did before I was pregnant. What really annoys me is inconsiderate people. You know, that woman who you hold a door open for and she doesn't say thank you. Or that dad in the Wal-Mart checkout line who lets his kid throw grapes at your head and says, "He's going to be a Major League pitcher, ain't he?"

So what is it that has really, really, really, really been annoying me? My neighbors. I've mentioned before that I live in a four-plex and the people in the other apartments are all related to each other.

Ryan and I get along with our neighbors. But it's the little things they do that drive me nuts. Wearing steel-toed boots and POUNDING up and down the stairs in the morning. It is so loud it has waken me up at 8:00 a.m. and has confused my doggie (he thinks it is someone knocking at our door so he starts barking and growling.)

They slam their front doors numerous times a day. They fight outside our apartment. They ride their wake-the-dead-they're-so-loud go-karts around the perimeter of the apartment. They play their ghetto hip-hop music and the bass carries to our apartment so loud we can barely hear our TV. One of them has been arrested for drunk driving and drugs and spent a week in jail. There are many other things that drive me crazy, but I'll stop the list here, lest y'all think I'm a complainer. :-)

Some of you might be thinking, "Gee... how come you haven't high-tailed it out of there?!" Others might be thinking, "You need to get over it. It could be a lot worse. Be thankful you have a home to live in. Be thankful you live in a safe town and not some hood where everyday you walk out the door you face the risk of getting shot."

There are many times I'm thinking the former of the above statements. "Poor me." But then I open my eyes, realize that darn, pesky Original Sin is distorting my reason and judgement, and I start to realize the latter of the above statements is what I should be thinking.

But that's not all I should be thinking. I shouldn't just grin and bear all the annoying things. I should love.

When the rich man comes to Jesus and asks what he must do to have eternal life, Jesus says to keep the commandments. When the young man asks "Which commandments?" one of the answers is, ".... you shall love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 19:16-19)

Sigh... so that means I can't say "I love my neighbors" and then turn around to my husband and say, "They annoy the living poo outta me." I wouldn't want someone saying that about me.

What makes it worse is that as much as I complain, our neighbors are so charitable and kind to us. Whenever we have asked to do laundry at their place they have never said no. When I went to take Chandler out to potty one of them stopped me and expressed how happy she was that I am pregnant again and how sorry she was to hear about me losing our first baby. They have helped us out numerous times without even thinking of what's in it for them. Then the guilt creeps in.....

There is always going to be someone who drives us crazy or makes our lives miserable. There is the supervisor that we are convinced hates us and we are tempted to spit in their food. There is the family member that seems hell-bent on controlling our lives or be mean to us and we would just rather not show up to the family reunions. There is the lady that is standing in front of you at the "10 Items or Less" register at the grocery store and you know there is at least 30 items in her shopping cart, but she doesn't seem to care that there are six people behind her carrying toilet paper or just a jar of pickles in their hands and that's all. There is that good friend who is so sarcastic you often wonder if they are kidding around, or if they really are that mean.

Why are we supposed to love others who we'd rather hate? Why does Jesus demand so much from us? I'm sure there is some great theological answer out there that would blow our minds. But I like to keep things simple.

Jesus is God. God is love. God loves us and wants what is best for us. Really, He does! He's that Ultimate Parent- when we whine, "But do I hafta?!" He says, "Yes, because I know what is best for you." And then we stomp off and pout, because deep down we know He is right. Do we really want to go through life harboring resentment and anger towards others? Many times we do, just simply because it is easier. It is easier to focus on others' annoying habits or bad deeds rather than focus on our own shortcomings. Believe me... I'm sure I have some habits that annoy the living poo out of my neighbors, but it is so much easier not to think of that.

But we all know, that when we find the strength and wisdom to look past the annoying things of our neighbors and focus on the good.... well that makes life a whooooooole lot better.

This is one big thing I need to work on spiritually. The next time I find myself getting annoyed, angry or irritated, I'm going to try my hardest to smile and go above and beyond to be nice. I think I need to make the Beatles' song "All You Need is Love" as the soundtrack to my life! I'll try to keep the Darth Pregger in me from emerging so often!

7 Quick Takes Friday Vol. 12

1.

Is anyone else tired of hearing about Tiger Woods? I enjoy watching the news, but every time I turn it on, there he is in all his post-scandal glory. My husband, ever the SportsCenter fanatic, is getting annoyed as well because almost every piece is about Tiger Woods and they even have his golf score from the Masters posted on the side at all times. Gag me.

2.

I brought back two huge totes of old photographs. I need to organize and put into photo albums pictures from 2001 to the present. I have to get pictures printed off my computer from 2007. Looking back at my senior year I thought, "Dang, I was SKINNY!" I'm sure I'll look at pictures of my post-baby body (I don't even want to know what that will look like....) 10 years from now and think, "Dang, I was SKINNY!" Oh body image.... my fickle, fickle friend!

3.

My newest pregnancy fear: delivering a 10 pound baby.

4.

The nearest Wal-Mart (25 miles away) is really frustrating me. We went grocery shopping and I wanted to pick up some baby carrots. They were completely out. Three shelves that once held baby carrots- empty. We asked the produce guy and he said there should be more coming in on the grocery truck later that night. I used to work at Wal-Mart so I know how some of the grocery associates fib so they don't have to walk all the way to the back to check. I gave him a skeptical look, thanked him and went on my way.

I wanted to get some Special K multi grain crackers. They didn't have any. I thought my search for healthy food was an epic fail so I wanted to look for those Keebler Elf sandwich cookies. They didn't have any.

This isn't the first time this Wal-Mart has let me down. Reason #254 why I want to move.

5.

Speaking of getting frustrated, last night I tried to burn a DVD of all our holiday videos that were saved to my husband's computer. It took about 3 hours for it to burn completely. I popped it in the DVD player- nothin'. I popped it back into the computer- nothin'. Thankfully I was too tired to throw a temper tantrum.

6.

OH my gosh... I can't believe I almost forgot to mention this. This news almost deserves its own post.

WE GOT A WASHER AND DRYER!!!

Oh glorious day! We can do laundry whenever we want! We don't have to ask our neighbors to do laundry anymore! Whenever the dog pukes on the blanket we can wash it right away instead of storing it in a trash bag until our neighbor's washer is open! Now our house smells like laundry soap and dryer sheets! Huzzah!!!

7.

My sense of smell is heightened a bit more since I got pregnant. Cool Ranch Doritos makes me gag. I was worried the smells I usually love- fresh cut grass, the lawn and garden department at Wal-Mart, would become too strong. Nope- still some of my favorite smells!


Have a happy weekend!

Writin' About the Big Stuff

I love to write. I love to make up stories, inspire others, make people laugh and to inform. I have a folder full stories I wrote as a child. I have numerous journals starting from about 3rd grade (oh those playground woes... they were brutal!) I remember the satisfaction after writing a really awesome paper for my classes in high school and college. I may have even fist-pumped after a few of them...

I started this blog in September for a lot of reasons. First of all, I was unemployed and searching Monster.com and working on my resume only took so much time. I had also caught the blogging bug from reading an article about Catholic mommy bloggers. It is my dream and vocation in life to be a mother, so I would spend hours reading about the blessed chaos of motherhood.

I knew I wanted to write about a variety of subjects. My big brother's blog, Roman Catholic Cop, inspired me to write on Catholic apologetics (which I haven't... I will explain later.) I wanted to write about tales of being a newlywed, a recent college grad with no job, and my future goals as a mom.

I started writing and thought, "Ugh.. my life is booooooooring." But in my head was a bunch of ideas just bursting to be put on the computer screen. Issues like being an orthodox Catholic in an overly secular world, birth control, abortion, my struggles with depression, apologetics, finances, pop culture... the big stuff.

There are two reasons I haven't gotten on my soap box.

First of all- I'm lazy. I want to spend a lot of time on these topics and choose my words carefully. That takes time, patience and discipline. But then Facebook, FailBlog and Awkward Family Photos get in the way of writing about important issues.

The second reason I haven't written on these topics is because I'm a coward. I stand by my beliefs and am not ashamed. However, I don't want to upset anyone or make people uncomfortable. I don't want anyone to argue with me because I am very uncomfortable with confrontation. Plus I have a bit of a temper and have a tendency to get carried away...

I've realized that no matter what "side" one writes for, there's going to be someone that isn't happy. Even if a mother writes on the subject of breastfeeding there is a possibility that she will be lambasted and scolded. If someone writes about depression there will be someone who thinks that author shouldn't be so "open" and let everyone who has a computer know their feelings.

So what does all this mean? Well, I'm going to put my big-girl pants on and get on the soap box a few times. The purpose of this blog is not to be soap-box-ish. I'd much rather write about stretch marks in pregnancy and my latest craving (pepperoni.... mmmmm...) But every once in awhile a sticky subject may come up. Will they make people mad? Perhaps. Is that my intention? Of course not.

I would love to be a free-lance writer. I don't think an editor will pick up my writings about my shopping trip last Thursday or my fears of my future child becoming an ax murderer. That means I need to branch out, get some courage, and work on my grammar and punctuation skills! (That also means I should lay off the FailBlog.....)

How Was Your Lent?

Now that Lent is over, I've been thinking back to these past 40 days and assessing how fruitful Lent was for me.

It is always the same with Advent and Lent- I have these grandiose plans to grow spiritually by leaps and bounds. Sometimes the blog-o-sphere can be a bad thing, because I find that I compare myself to my fellow bloggers and thinking, "Gee... it sounds like they are having a very spiritually fulfilling Lent and here I am watching Dancing with the Stars getting annoyed that Kate Gosselin is crying yet again. Shouldn't I be doing something a little more spiritually productive with my time?"

Sometimes I feel that I'm somewhat emotionally immune to the story of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Everyday I see a crucifix. There is usually some sort of reference of the Passion and Resurrection at every Mass I go to. When I pray the rosary and enter into the sorrowful and glorious mysteries I think about Christ's ultimate sacrifice and victory over death and sin. It's not that I'm not grateful for God overwhelming love for us, or that I don't feel horrible that it is my sins that nailed Christ to the cross. It is hard to explain.

After Good Friday services I felt kind of a letdown. I didn't "feel" anything. When I got home and checked my facebook there were some people's statuses stating how they cried during the service. (There I go again- comparing myself to others!) Looking back over the past Lenten days I wondered if I had grown at all.

The next morning I had choir practice and instead of singing slow, somber songs about the pains and suffering Jesus felt on the cross we were singing upbeat and joyful songs about Christ's resurrection. Later that day a bunch of my family came over and we had a great time playing outdoors. I could feel the glory of Easter shining through the environment around me. I could feel the joy by watching my cousin's two little boys hugging each other (and they weren't even told to!). I could feel it by seeing my own nieces and nephew playing with their cousins and by observing the adults in casual conversation while enjoying the warm sun. I could feel the power of God through the blooming flowers and the warm spring wind.

That joy carried through to Easter Sunday Mass. I thanked God for giving me the gifts of family, our beautiful world and the opportunity to be with Jesus Himself during the Mass. I realized that in order to feel this happiness, I had to feel the sadness of Christ's death. There can be no resurrection with out His crucifixion.

So I feel my Lent was a very blessed one. I realize that I need to put more effort into making Lent meaningful. However, I also need to realize that Lent isn't about making myself feel better or happier. It is about growing closer to God and developing a greater desire to be with Him for all eternity.

How was your Lent?