The Scream

This isn't my typical post of asking for toddler advice. (Although, I do want to thank everyone for their input!) This isn't really even a post to vent.

I just gotta write about how amazingly loud my son's screams are becoming.

I know the scream is a staple of toddler behavior. However, I think my Joe's screams are otherworldly.

The banshees of lore have nothin' on the kid.



Twihards and Bieberites? Pshh... they are like monks practicing monastic silence on top of a mountain compared to my Joe.


Joe can out scream a velociraptor.


***You can find a very authentic velociraptor noise here for comparison.

I feel sorry for our neighbors. Yikes... Yesterday was the first time we went to the parish we plan on regularly attending. My brother went with us and I'm pretty sure he has magical wizardry powers, because the last two times we've gone to Mass with him Joe has been relatively quiet. Buuuut around the time for communion the scream came out. Talk about making a good first impression on your fellow parishioners!

I hope it doesn't sound like I complain too much about Joe. I am just at a loss sometimes when it come to dealing with him.

I find it so fascinating to see his personality come through. He is definitely fearless. He walks right up to strangers and big huge dogs. He climbs everything. I do mean EVERYTHING! We're thinking we need to invest in one of these bad boys.



It is nerve-wracking, but I just keep things as safe as possible and remain thankful that he is a strong, mobile little boy.

It is hilarious to see him try to "jump" on his bed. He hasn't figured out how to jump, but he still has a grand, laughing time... until I say stop.

He has emerged to be quite the dancer. There was a family wedding on Saturday and guess who was the center of attention on the dance floor? Yes, Joe was out there shakin' his groove thing and twirling around in circles. He was quite the flirt with a little girl who was also there. However, he ate too much, spun in circles too much and vomited on the dance floor. Suddenly the dreams of him becoming the next pope are being replaced with images of him as a frat boy. We're working on it.

I'm wondering if in a few months he'll turn out to be like this little guy-



Sometimes when he's tucked in between his daddy and me, I just stare at him. He is becoming tall and lean. His hair is really coming in. I think of how he walks and runs and how stable on his feet he has become. I look at how long his fingers are becoming and how big his feet are. I still see that chubby baby fat on his wrists and thighs and it makes me happy that he isn't all the way grown up yet!

Joe is growing up and with that comes new adventures and new beginnings. It will be interesting to "do it again" with his little brother.

7 Quick Takes Friday: Toddler Questions Edition

I wish I had enough brain power and energy to come up with interesting and read-worthy Quick Takes. However, I really don't have the mental capacity to string coherent sentences together. Just last night I kept asking my husband to wash the microwave and he kept looking at me like I was a crack head. I could not for the life of me understand why he wasn't understanding what I was saying. Finally after a little meltdown from me, and laughter from my husband I realized I was saying microwave instead of pan. "Just wash the damn pan!" I finally yelled. Yeah, we have a super holy marriage.

But I have some questions that I REALLY need answers to. Please help.

1. Joe absolutely HATES to have his teeth brushed. I mean, I might as well look like this when I come up to him with the toothbrush.



He screams like I am torturing him. It's definitely a two person job- my husband holds down his flailing limbs and I have to hold his face and pry his mouth open. It is quite a challenge and it would be SO much easier to just not brush them, but I don't want his teeth to rot and fall out before he hits age three. Those darn little teeth were a pain in the butt to come in so you're damn right I'm going to take care of them!

I've tried being really cheerful and not show my anxiety and letting him "brush" his own teeth, but when he sees that toothbrush come out it's like I'm pulling out a butcher knife.

Any tips (besides tranquilizers) to help us brush his teeth? Or is this just a phase we have to endure for awhile?

2. I'm tired.



Like, really really tired.

I'm sure that this pregnancy is adding to the exhaustion, but it seems to be getting worse. From 7:00 a.m. -9:00 p.m. I'm chasing after Joe. When he finally goes to sleep I want some time to spend with my husband, watch TV and get online. I'm usually ready to crash by 10:30. I'm usually awake at 6:30. That's 8 hours of sleep, although those hours aren't always restful sleep.

My favorite time of day? 9:00-10:00 when Sesame Street is on. I sit with Joe in the recliner while he watches it and I doze off. But I feel like I need more rest than that!

So I'm just curious- what time do you go to bed at night and wake up in the morning? What gets you through the day? (I drink one Dr. Pepper a day and that barely gets me through.) Also, I understand that Joe getting up at 7:00 is late for some people, but for this grump who hates mornings, 7:00 is the Devil's Time.

3. I know I've asked this before, but how do you do time-outs?

Joe is really really loving pushing the boundaries. He especially loves to push the boundaries on the little one-year-old girl I babysit. He pushes her down, tries to bite her, hits her in the head and body slams her. So yesterday was the first time I put him in time-out. I did one minute in a certain spot. He kept trying to get up, which I knew would happen, so I just held him for one minute. Is that totally wrong and cruel and am I setting him on the path for serial killer-ism?

I look him in the eye afterward and explain why he was in time-out. And then he runs off and two seconds later I'm prying him off of the little gal. I swear it's not working.

4. Speaking of Joe going all ninja on the girl I babysit- I'm so nervous about when this new baby comes. I figure there will be jealousy issues, but now I'm more worried that Joe will try and drop-kick his little brother. I obviously know to keep a close eye on him when he's with the baby, but I really don't know if I will have the energy to keep Joe from hurting the baby. Joe will be about 23 months old when the baby is born, so maybe he'll have matured by then.

Did any of you have problems with this? Is there anything I can do to prevent it from happening?

5. When did you start potty training? How do you even start? We got Joe a potty chair for Easter and I don't think he is ready considering he puts his foot in the hole where the pee and poop go and tries to climb in it.

6. The awesome Kate posted an article on my Facebook that immediately made me feel a little better about Joe eating dirt and climbing up on the changing table. You can read it here.

7. Joe got his first professional haircut on Good Friday! There's nothing like sharing in Christ's sorrowful Passion than holding down a screaming, fighting, stubborn toddler while a woman with scissors comes near his head!

The before shot. He's happy to be in a Cars chair!

Getting a little suspicious, but his very first lollipop is distracting him...

But not for long! We had to go to a big-kid chair and have me hold him...

The after shot. He's happy now that the demon lady with sharp things is gone and he got another lollipop!

Have a wonderful weekend, y'all!

Happy Easter!

I hope you all had a very blessed Easter Sunday. Ryan and I got to enjoy a very fulfilling Mass because Joe slept through the whole thing! It has been many many months since he has done that! We had to sit in the very front row, so maybe that had something to do with it?

Anywho, our Easter was very chaotic, but simply lovely.

Praying that you all continue to feel Christ's victory in your life. God bless!

As much as I complain...

... my son is pretty much the light of my life. Check out these photos from our Sloppy Joe night. He sure has a dazzling smile! Now do you see why I feel guilty about losing my patience with him!?

Not gonna smile... not gonna smile...

OK! Cheeeeeeeeese!

OK, stop now. I'm eating.

I will destroy you if you don't put down the camera.

He might be ornery, but he's a cutie pie!

Toddler Terror and Mommy Guilt

I remember the days of being a first-time mommy of a newborn. I was scared crapless. I was absolutely paranoid of SIDS. I was heartbroken over Joe's acid reflux and seeing him projectile vomit everything he had just nursed down. Was he too warm? Too cold? I know there was a time or two I called my mom in tears in sheer exhaustion and frustration.

I never thought I would think those nerve-wracking days of having a newborn would seem like cake compared to dealing with Joe as a 19 month old.

There are things I expect out of a toddler boy. Just this weekend he took a shovel and started using it as a spoon to eat dirt. He licked the bubble wand repeatedly. He picked up a spider and handed it to me. He climbed up on the dining room table and stood proudly. He climbed on anything and everything he could. He had a runny nose and would rub it everywhere. He rubbed dirt in his hair. He rubbed macaroni and cheese in his hair. He screamed. He threw rocks. He looked gross, but it is everything I dreamed about with having a little boy.

Yummy dirt

Insisting on climbing it himself...

Yes, he threw that.

However, these last few weeks have become quite the challenge. Joe used to be a wild child, but now he is a pure challenge. Starting at around 16 months he got a little more rambunctious. Going to Mass became a challenge. Going out to eat was a chore. Now these things are becoming practically impossible. Since we have moved I think I've called my mom every single day in tears. I thought that was supposed to happen in the first few months of becoming a mother.

Every little thing is a challenge with Joe. He fights and squirms at nearly every diaper change. It is a two person job. He hates being in the high chair. He barely eats anything I give him, unless it is junk food. Giving him medicine is a struggle. Giving him a bath is practically impossible. There are times he constantly wants to be held which is getting harder and harder for me with my pregnancy. He won't sit still and just play or read. He has to be on the run. That means I have to be on the run. We've child-proofed the crap out of this place, but he still manages to find a way to nearly break his neck. I know that parenting isn't a job one does sitting down, but just one hour with this kid and I am on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Oh, and his scream. My Lord in heaven, he has a scream that puts Justin Bieber's fans to shame. It is loud. VERY LOUD. He's been in the screaming habit for quite some time, but I swear it is just getting louder and louder and louder. I've read to either ignore it or redirect him to something that will hopefully cause him to STOP SCREAMING! But now we live in an apartment complex so when he screams I get really really anxious. We haven't gotten any complaints (yet) and I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but it's nerve wracking. And when the neighbors above us are playing their music loud, do we really have the right to ask them to turn it down when I know that Joe's screaming probably disturbs them?

I know the move has probably really screwed with Joe. His schedule was pretty consistent when we lived at my in-law's:

10:00- Quiet time in his crib
11:00- lunch
1:30- snack
2:00- nap
5:00- supper
7:00- bed time

Now sometimes he wouldn't go to sleep right away at 7:00. On rare, difficult nights he would toss and turn until 9:00. But all this predictability is out the window. He naps at random times now. I still have his meal times the same. We've moved his bedtime to 8:00 because summer is around the corner-ish and it is so light outside. But he will not go to sleep. We've laid with him in his bed. He screams to be let out of his room. We lay with him in our bed. He screams to be let out. The only way he will sleep is if he is watching a movie. Even then sometimes he won't fall asleep until 10:30 or 11:00 p.m. I feel like I have no break. It's 6:30 a.m. to sometimes 11:00 of chasing him down, redirecting him, holding him, taking things away from him, stopping him from climbing, scolding him, cleaning up after him.... I am really at my wits end.

The worst part of it all? I really feel like a terrible mother. I am constantly losing my patience with him. I've always kind of prided myself in being a patient mother. When Joe has screamed and cried and had tantrums I've always held my cool. I can count maybe three times where I nearly lost it with him. But ever since we've moved here, I feel like I can't handle motherhood. I know there are deeper issues at hand here. I suffered from a deep depression when I was pregnant with Joe and I thank God I have an OB appointment tomorrow so I can get this issue taken care of. I swear this issue of Joe becoming a huge challenge consumes my mind. I can't get a break because he doesn't nap. Ryan thankfully takes over at night so I can have some "me" time and so I can go to bed early, but I lay in bed awake stewing over making the right choices in mothering Joe and finances, and if I'm really cut out for this SAHM thing.

I hate how I yell at him. I hate how I lose my patience. I hate how nothing seems to work, not even a swat on the hand when he is going for the electrical outlets. I feel so guilty for losing my cool. Moving from a place where he was very familiar to a completely new environment has to be hard on him. He's at that age where he is learning and exploring more and wanting his independence. Just a few days ago, after Joe climbed up his changing table I yelled at Ryan, "How can it be that the newborn stage was so much easier than this stage?!" He answered, "Because these critters think." I shouldn't be so hard on him.

I also feel guilty because there are women out there who would do anything for a child of their own and here I am complaining about my own. There are women who cradle their little toddlers who are suffering from childhood cancer. There are parents who had their children ripped from their arms during the recent tornadoes in Indiana and last year in Joplin. (Ah, geeze, why did I have to even write these sentences. Here come the waterworks...) Why do I constantly focus on the negative about Joe and not think about the joy on his face when he learned how to go down a big boy slide by himself?




Why do I focus on how exhausting it is to be Joe's mother and not the times where he comes running up to me when I'm crying and hugs me and pats my back? He actually wipes away my tears and if he has a binky in his mouth he will take it out and put it in my mouth.




I shouldn't let my anxiety and worry interfere with how I raise my son. But at this point I am confused on HOW to raise him. Joe and I spent the last few days with my mom. She now understands why I call nearly everyday in tears. Her only advice, "This too shall pass." I know this is a normal stage for Joe. I know I am not the only mother who struggles with a stubborn toddler. I know this crazy stage won't last forever and there will just be new challenges down the road. But I am so scared. The decisions I make in regards to discipline and structure will make a difference down the road. I feel like such a lazy mom when I pop in The Muppets for the 100 millionth time because Joe wants to watch it or because I need a moment of silence and peace. I see his comatose face and think that I should be doing more to engage him. I should be doing more. How can I handle two? Am I crazy to think I can handle a big family like Ryan and I have dreamed of?

Being a mother is the most important role I have. And when I feel like I'm failing at it, I feel like I am failing at everything else.

I know it will get better. I know that I am still learning. I just wish I knew what I was doing!

This Pregnancy...

Hey y'all!

We had our ultrasound yesterday morning! The ultrasound tech asked us if we wanted to know the gender and we said yes. The screen flashed two little legs and the unmistakable image of the main male body part. I knew before the tech said anything.

We are having another boy!

I am in shock because I was so certain this was a girl. This pregnancy has been so different. I also heard somewhere that if you are under a lot of stress when you conceive it will more than likely be a girl. I was under so much stress that I thought I might have triplet girls. A friend of mine also told me she heard the old wives tale that if your toddler son acts up when you first become pregnant that it must be because you are carrying a girl. :-)

The baby looks healthy and is growing just fine! It's nice to hear the ultrasound tech say, "Beautiful, just beautiful" over and over.

I haven't really blogged much about this pregnancy besides the hardships with figuring out my doctor and insurance. I'll be 23 weeks this Friday. By the time I was 23 weeks pregnant with Joe I had oodles of blog posts written. I've been so busy with taking care of a crazy on-the-go toddler and figuring out our moving situation. I've barely had time to put together any coherent thoughts on my blog let alone write about this pregnancy.

A lot of people have been asking how I am feeling. The main complaint? Freakin' frakkin' tired. However, I am not sure how much that is the little person growing inside me or the little person I have to constantly chase down and prevent from jumping from perilous heights and breaking his neck.

I didn't have a lot of morning sickness. With Joe I prayed to the porcelain god a few times, but none at all with this pregnancy. Just an overall blah feeling the first 10 weeks.

My hormones have been waaaaaaaaaaaaay out of whack. I have been so emotional. I cry at the silliest things. I've cried at the movie Cars. (Mater: "I knew it! I knowed I made a good choice!" Lightning McQueen: "In what?" Mater: "My bes' friend." Tear City.) I've cried at Irish step dancing. There was also a time I cried at a Children's Tylenol commercial. Then I started crying when I was describing the commercial to my mom. Thankfully with most of this I start laughing as well because I know how silly I am being. My anxiety is through the roof, which is my biggest challenge. I can't remember how far along I was with Joe before I started taking a low dose of anti-depressant, but I think it's about time to talk to my doctor.

It has taken me awhile to feel this little baby boy kick. I really felt Joe moving around 20 weeks but just now at nearly 23 weeks is when I'm feeling this baby kick. I always hear that a woman feels the baby kicking earlier with subsequent pregnancies. That was another big difference with this pregnancy. But now that I'm starting to feel him squirm around in there it feels a little more "real."

So far no swelling. I didn't really start swelling until 30 weeks. I am still paranoid about pre-eclampsia, but my doctor assured me that it was nothing I did in my last pregnancy that caused it. I do not want to go through that again. It was scary and stressful. I don't know what I would do if I got it again and had to be put on bed rest with a very active and demanding toddler. I've been praying a lot to St. Gerard Majella!

I'm still hoping for a VBAC. I'll probably post more about that in the future. My doctor and I are pursing a wait-and-see approach. He has assured me that if I do have a c-section I won't be destined for just 2 or 3 kids. He delivered a woman's 8th child- all were c-sections. We definitely do not feel called to have 8 children, but it's nice to know that c-sections aren't a huge determining factor in family size.

My doctor has been amazing. He has gone above and beyond his duties to help us with our insurance concerns. He is also an amazing Catholic man and a great doctor. He has put my pre-e fears and VBAC worries to rest for the most part. It's kind of nice to hear a doctor say that he's not into modern day society's idea of 2.2 kids per family. It's also very nice hear him mention the name of God. Ryan and I talked with the business office manager about some insurance issues and she raved about how awesome Dr. S is. She said she has been working with him for years and if there was one doctor she would have by her side if she were ever in the hospital it would be him. I'm very glad I found him and hope our patient/doctor relationship continues to grow.

This pregnancy has flown by and has seemed, oh, what's the word- quiet. I don't know if it's because Joe takes up a lot of my time, but I just haven't really "felt" pregnant. But in some ways I think that is a good thing. So far no aches or pains. No pregnancy carpal-tunnel syndrome which I had in my last pregnancy and it was HORRRRRRRRRRIBLE! Not even very many stretch marks- yet! I know little Garfunkel is growing healthy and happy and that is all that matters right now. Seeing him kick and squirm and that glorious heartbeat beating along on the ultrasound machine made everything right in the world.

Hopefully I will post more about this pregnancy. I am having a very hard time adjusting to this move, as is Joe. We're having a rough time in these here parts, but I hope to get some more writing in soon!

Moving is Hell

Moving sucks. While I am very glad to have our own place, I HATE unpacking and organizing and finding a place for everything. Plus, I've had no internet service so I feel like a pioneer woman who should be churning butter or something!

Joe is NOT adjusting well to the move. At all. It's been hell here. It's been quite an adjustment for me as well. Doesn't quite feel like "home" yet and I hate that!

Yesterday Ryan and I decided to take a break and relax and go see The Hunger Games in theaters. I'm such a dumb@ss thinking that watching that movie would cause my tension to go away. I've read the books- I knew it wouldn't be like watching a rom-com or something stupid. I got back to our apartment even more anxious than I was when we left.

But we find out the gender of this little knucklehead floating inside me on Wednesday! That gives me something to look forward to!

I just wanted to interrupt this blog silence with some randomness. Have a good day!