Overdue and Feeling Fine (?)

Yesterday was my due date.

Still no baby.

It's so strange comparing this pregnancy with my last. With Joe I was nowhere near emotionally ready to give birth. I thought I was going to a routine appointment and before I could wrap my head around it all I was being induced that night due to horrific blood pressure. It all happened so fast.

Now time is draaaaaaaaaggggingggggg on... I don't feel like anything is going on down there. I had some major nausea and frequented the porcelain throne (not to throw up...) quite a bit the other night, which some say means labor could start soon, but there's still no contractions or anything.

I feel awesome physically. My back doesn't really hurt, my feet are fine, I'm not too hot and I haven't felt any kind of pain. Yeah, I'm a little bit exhausted. I'm bummed that I can't fit into my maternity clothes anymore and wish I could wear my own clothes instead of my husband's comic book t-shirts (although their vintage-y softness is an added bonus!) I have a bit of tenderness around my navel but it only hurts when a certain toddler pushes on it with his feet in the middle of the night.

Emotionally I'm not doing so hot. I'm impatient to meet our son. I want to hold him. I want to see Joe's reaction. Today Joe was playing with his Cabbage Patch baby doll and was hugging it and kissing it. My heart melted into a soppy mess of motherly love. I cannot wait to see him as a big brother. I want to see who the baby looks like. The very first thought that popped into my head when they brought me Joe was, "Oh my goodness, he looks like Ryan!" Will this child look like me? Will he have lots of hair since he's had more time to cook? How big will he be? I want to see Ryan hold him. I want to see my nephew Max's reaction because he has been very interested in my pregnancy. I'm ready for iddy biddy diapers and breastfeeding and spit up and swaddling.

I'm anxious as to when this will all start. Will my water break today? Tomorrow? At Mass? At the store? Will I get contractions in the middle of the night?

I'm nervous about my appointment on Tuesday. I used to LOVE going to my doctor's appointments, but this one I am dreading. According to my NFP charts I think my actual due date is closer to August 5th. I have an NFP-only doctor so I am sure he will listen to my concerns. I'm just hate confrontation and worry that I will be pressured into getting a c-section. Not just because of my small hips or because of the baby not dropping, but because I am getting impatient. But really there is no medical reason for me to get cut yet.

I want a VBAC so badly. I want to feel that pain. I want to feel the power and glory of how God made the female body. I want to experience what my mother did and her mother before her. I want to see my baby right out of the chute instead of waiting. I want my husband to see his son emerge from my body. I want him to be an active part of the process.

I have been praying so so so so very hard. I know I have others praying for me as well. I want to do God's will. But I don't know what that is. Is his will that I have a c-section because if I wait any longer the baby will be in danger? Is his will for me to be patient and I will have a happy, peaceful vaginal birth? This end of pregnancy has dropped me to my knees and begged for his help. But I don't hear him. I wish he would send me an email.

Lots of women go over their due dates. I know this. But considering my history of pre-eclampsia and the fact I want a VBAC and that I'm on the small size just makes it all more nerve wracking!

Hopefully my next post will be a birth announcement. Thank you all for keeping me in your prayers! I need them!