Saddened and Scared

Last night Ryan and his brother Conor left to go see The Dark Knight Rises. They were so excited, practically pacing the floors waiting to leave for the theater. They have loved everything and anything about Batman since they were little boys. I was excited for them and maybe even a little jealous that I could not go along.

Around 3:30 a.m. or so Ryan comes walking in our bedroom. There was barely any light, but I could see his brilliant, wide smile. "How was it?" I asked. "It was freaking awesome!!!" the big toothy grin answered. It was like he was on an adrenaline high. I smiled and fell back asleep, happy that he and his brother had a good time and watched a great movie.

But how many wives, mothers, and girlfriends woke up this morning and their loved one never came home? Did they ever imagine that something as fun and innocent as going to a midnight showing of a movie could result in their loved one's untimely death? They went to bed thinking they would wake up to their beloved safe and warm in their bed.

I woke up this morning and saw the news of the shootings at a movie theater in Aurora, CO. How easily that could have been Kansas City. It could have been my husband or brother in law that was injured or killed. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I have always had a great fear of mass shootings. I was petrified to go to class the week the Virginia Tech shooting massacre occured. I barely went to class that week. When I finally felt comfortable to go I would spent the classtime thinking of frightening scenerios and how I could escape. A year later one of my good friends was shot while at work. One of his co-workers' nutso ex-boyfriend came in looking to kill her. She got away, but my friend and his boss were shot. Thanks be to God they both survived, but it was a very scary ordeal that involved a lot of hospital and recovery time.

Since then there have been shootings in malls, in schools, political events, pretty much any public place. Sometimes when I'm shopping I get paranoid when I see that suspicious looking guy with the backpack or the kid leaning against a wall all by himself. I was planning on going to see The Dark Knight Rises tonight, but now I am not so sure. How can I enjoy it?

I'm getting sick of all these shootings and massacres. Is it really the international terrorists we need to worry about? What in the heck is wrong with these young people? Where are they getting these guns? Where are they getting these sick ideas to step into a movie theater dressed in a bullet-proof vest, wear a gas mask, detonate a smoke bomb, and shoot people? Did you know that one of those injured was a 3 month old? The baby is fine and safe with their parents, but seriously? An infant could have died at a movie theater? That's eff'd up. The whole thing is eff'd up. I find it ironic that the shooting occurred at a Batman movie. This crime sounds like something Bane or The Joker would take joy in committing. Instead, it was an ordinary human being. The sad thing is we have no real-life Batman to swoop in and take this criminal out before he can do any harm.

There are so many problems in the world. Childhood obesity, no jobs, you name it. Not to downplay any of these, but I think it is more important to focus on raising our children up morally and right instead of making sure they don't eat too many processed foods.

I don't want to live in a world where I am scared to go to the mall or theater or ball game because I'm afraid my husband or I will get shot. I don't want to live in a world where I am afraid to send my child to school because some classmate of theirs wants to kill as many people as he can before he takes his own life.

Why does this seem to be the trend now- the shootings, the bombings? Is it our culture? Our parenting strageties? Social media? Video games and TV? Why do some people feel the only way to express their anger or sadness is to take the lives of others? I don't get it. I suppose we will never understand evil in the world.

Is there anything we can do to stop these hateful crimes? Is there any solution?

I am 39 weeks pregant today and I wonder what kind of world I am bringing my babies into. Can I raise them to make a difference in this world? To be good people? What if I fail?

My heart and prayers go out to all the victims and families of the Aurora theater shootings. I have big respect for Warner Bros. for canceling their Dark Knight Rises events in Paris tonight out of respect for those who have died. My husband came home last night and cuddled with our son and me. Cherish those moments. Cherish life. You never know what tomorrow can bring.