I should be sleeping right now. I'm emotionally, physically and spiritually drained. Plus I've eaten waaay too much chocolate today so I feel like crap. (I can't drown my sorrows in wine, so I have to go with chocolate.) I just wanted to jump on here real quick like and thank you for the prayers and comments. They are helping. Believe me.
Tonight I was reading Moo Baa La La La to Joe and I broke down at "Rhinoceroses snort and snuff." I was laying on the bed and Joe was sitting up beside me and he leaned down and laid his head on my belly and put his arm over me. He was hugging me. My 17 month old son who often drives me to want to bang my head against the wall, was hugging me. I hate breaking down in front of him like that. I can see the confusion in his eyes like, "Uh, lady, I'm the one who is supposed to have the irrational emotional outbursts. Not you."
Every time I put him on his changing table after his bath to lotion him up he always stands up and hugs on tight to me. (He also tries to bite my shoulder and neck. My little vampire.) But tonight as he was hugging me, he patted and rubbed my back. He's never done that before. I always rub and pat his back when I give him a hug when he's upset. Tears spilled over my eyes when he did this. (Ugh, they are now, too. Damn you, hormones!!!)
I love how he knows me so well. I love how he comforts me in his own little ways.
No matter what happens, a baby will be born. A new soul is living inside me. I keep thinking of this pregnancy as a medical condition and not the miracle it is. Ryan and I are adding to our family. We are giving Joe the gift of a sibling. There is so much more good in this situation than bad. I just need to keep focusing on that.
Again, thank you for your help and prayers. Keep 'em coming, because I am weak, and I need them! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
4 comments:
Anni does the patting... and I cry almost every time :). You are such a wonderful mommy (to ALL of your beautiful babies)! I know things are rough, but I truly believe in you and your family. My heart spilled over with excitement when I saw you were pregnant... I know how much your mama's heart has longed for children. Your babies are so lucky to have you two as parents. I hope our prayers can wrap you in God's love and peace tonight and every night. God bless you!!
Continued prayers! Liam pats my back or rubs my arm often when we hug; a definite upside to this age.
That's sweet. Kids are very perceptive, no matter how young they are.
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In Him, Shannon: http://allthisandheaven.blogspot.com/
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