Tomorrow I go in to see my OB/GYN. He is going to see how my blood pressure is and determine if I need to continue taking my blood pressure medication or if I am finally free and clear of this pregnancy-induced hypertension. I took my blood pressure at one of those machines located at the pharmacy at Wal-Mart and it appears my blood pressure is finally back in normal range, but I question the accuracy of those machines.
I have a feeling that my blood pressure will be elevated somewhat tomorrow because I am anxious and dreading the one question that I know he is going to ask:
"What form of birth control would you like to be put on?"
Now, this is me being the glass-is-half-empty kind of gal, but I just have a feeling I will get a "look" when I say that I won't be needing any birth control, thanks- we use NFP. (Or will using the term "fertility awareness" make me sound less of a religious nut and more science-y?)
I have heard stories of women who tell their doctors they don't use birth control and the doctor rudely says to them, "OK, well, I will see you in a couple months when you get pregnant again." I doubt my doctor would have that kind of bed-side manner, but I just do not want to deal with the ridiculing look he may possibly give me.
The reason I dread this so much is because everywhere I read it stresses that breastfeeding alone is not a reliable way to space children. The authors stress the importance of using a back-up method of birth control. One of the nurses at the hospital made it quite clear that I need to think about birth control options because she had a cousin who nursed triplets and still got pregnant 6 months after they were born.
Now, I know that it isn't completely reliable to fully depend on breastfeeding to space children. I am aware that fertility can return even while breastfeeding. I understand that reading these fertility signs can be confusing while breastfeeding. Maybe perhaps part of why I dread "The Question" is because I am afraid that I will somehow screw up NFP and get pregnant without really planning on it and all the criticisers will think, "I told you NFP wasn't reliable." They'll shake their head and think, "Why doesn't she just get on the pill or have Ryan slap on a condom? It's so much easier."
For the first time NFP has become a huge challenge. Yes, it would be easier to go on the pill and not worry about trying to determine when I am fertile and when I am not. (Although going on the pill doesn't guarantee not getting pregnant. I am living proof of that!) Sometimes being a good Catholic is hard. Sometimes using NFP is difficult. But will I ever go on the pill just make my life easier? No. I cannot bring myself to do that. I know there will be people that think I definitely should go on the pill or some other form of birth control since I had such a rough go of pre-eclampsia. "What if you get pregnant again right away? That can't be good for your body" is what I can see them saying. Well, I'm going to pull an Albus Dumbledore quote out right here and say, "Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy." Well this is my time to choose.
I choose NFP.
I choose God's will over my own.
I choose to give myself completely to my husband and not hold anything back- especially my fertility.
Am I scared of misreading my fertility signs and getting pregnant in 3 months? Yes. Motherhood is the most rewarding job, but at this point it is sometimes the most terrifying job as well. (Especially for a perpetual worrier like me.) Ryan and I don't know when we'll feel called to have another child. But we both take comfort in knowing that if we do get pregnant sooner than we plan that it's all apart of God's will. There really are no "unplanned pregnancies" because all children are willed by God.
Ryan and I use the sympto-thermal method of NFP taught by Couple to Couple League. Part of this method is taking your basal body temperature every day around the same time when you wake up, preferably after about 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Well I haven't had 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep in a month, and I doubt I will be getting that many Z's any time soon. So I am worried that STM won't be very effective for me. But do we really want to learn a whole new method? How can we when we live out in the sticks and no one around here teaches any form of NFP?
I wrote a post in July about NFP and trust. This postpartum time is really going to teach me to trust God- for real. I'm praying for him to give Ryan and I wisdom and guidance. I'm going to really have to accept God's will. But I'm not going to only sit back and say, "God, take care of it." I'm going to research the crap out of postpartum NFP and breastfeeding, especially ecological breastfeeding. If any of you NFP moms out there want to give me some advice, I will GLADLY take that as well!
I'm probably overreacting about the dread I have concerning tomorrow. I mentioned to the doc at the very beginning of my pregnancy that we use NFP, so saying no to birth control shouldn't be a big shock to him. But I'm a product of fallen human nature so I worry about what others think of me. I'm sure there are friends and family who think my husband and I are nuts for using NFP, but very few have voiced their concerns. I don't know if I will be able to handle a doctor who, since he has oodles of education, thinks he knows everything and will try to sway me to use birth control.
This journey will be difficult, but I know with all my heart that it will all be worth it! Sometimes the best things in life don't come easy!
14 comments:
This is your time to choose between right and easy - love it! I'm saying a prayer for your appointment tomorrow and your ability to understand your fertility during this difficult time.
I'm also a bit nervous about the postpartum time. From what I've read, I wasn't going to bother with temps for a while. Also, there was just an article up the other day about ecological breastfeeding: http://www.insidecatholic.com/feature/talking-frankly-about-ecological-breastfeeding.html. Also, if you were really worried, I wonder if you could do something like use the ClearBlue fertility monitors? I'm not sure how accurate they are postpartum, but you might look into it if you're really feeling the need to postpone the next one. Good luck, and please share what you learn!
Ha, Elizabeth already sent the link I was about to post.
Will be holding you in prayer that your BP is fine. Regardless of your physicians reaction, you know what is right for you and your marriage so have the courage of your convictions...and know that there are many of us who will be answering that question the same way. Strength in numbers!!!
Yeah, I am dreading that too. I just *know* I'm going to get a look when we tell them we're using NFP. Oh well.
Also, CCL (Couple to Couple league) has an actual supplemental book on Post-Partum charting. I think they also offer post-partum classes. Maybe you could either take a class or get the book and read it together?
I know Creighton, which we use, has post-partum rules too, so I'm hopeful to make an appointment to learn them before the baby is born (or shortly thereafter). Maybe having a plan in place will keep those looks and comments to a minimum.
But, good for you on being open to God's will, and hopefully the appointment will go well! :)
NO worries a/b your doctor's visit tomorrow. My doc said at my 6 wks postpartum visit, "So what are you thinking for birth control?" I just told her that we're NFPers and she said, "ok - you just have to be super-attentive to your signs, especially once you start feeding him solids." No big deal. And if you're pregnant in 3 months it'll be way exciting b/c it'll be God's will!
On the other hand, I can totally identify with the nervousness that surrounds ambiguous fertility. "Let it be done to me!"
I told my OB we were doing NFP & when I went back she had typed "rhythm" in under birth control... I was furious! I went into my speech about how different they are.
We took our first NFP class when I was nursing our son. The CCL has a book on NFP & postpartum (I don't remember the title but its on their website) but I don't think it's pricey at all! I borrowed it from our diocesan office.
Personally, I didn't start my cycle again until LO was 6 months old. At that point yes, symptoms were all over the place for me but it was more confusing in the preovulatory phase of my cycle than postovulatory... so we were extra cautious on that timing! Just my experience, of course, but our instructor couple hadn't dealt with that aspect of NFP in years so they couldn't remember much.
P.S. The only two women I know whom have gotten pregant before they were "ready": one was on the pill & the other was not doing any prevention (yet was still frustrated at how she had gotten pregnant?)... God's will certainly will be done!
I can totally empathize with your feelings of anxiety about what the doctor may say. I too felt that way, especially after a nurse in the hospital asked what BC I wanted to be put on, and when I said we were going to use NFP, she asked "what's that?" But I was actually pleasantly surprised at my midwife's reaction. When I said "I know you're going to say that it's not very effective," she replied, "actually, LAM (lactational amenorrhea method, of which I probably just butchered the spelling) is very effective in the first 6 months, or until you stop exclusively breastfeeding, whichever comes first." So - you may be pleasantly surprised.
That being said: here's my experience with it! We've only used eco-breastfeeding so far; my daughter is sixteen months old, and my cycles haven't resumed yet, so we'll definitely have at least two years between our first two babies (as opposed to a friend who used the clearblue monitor, and is now having due with her second next week, and her first is fifteen months). I would say, definitely research it, and see if it will work for you. Sheila Kippley has several good books on the subject. The main key seems to be the frequency of nursing; for eco-breastfeeding to be really successful, you generally have to buck the trend of encouraging your child to sleep through the night at an early age, and to go long spacings between feedings (I think the rule of thumb is not more than 4 hours between feedings in the daytime, and not more than one 5 hour stretch at night). More frequent is better, though. My daughter still wakes to nurse probably 2 or 3 times a night, but I honestly don't feel like I'm missing any sleep at all, because I don't really "wake up". The hardest part of it for me as been choosing to keep my daughter with me as much as possible so that she can continue to nurse on demand.
BUT - the inconvenience of that was small in comparison to postpartum charting, in my opinion; with eco-breastfeeding, there's only a 6% chance of getting pregnant before your first period, so you don't have to actually chart before that first period if you don't want to (if 6% is acceptable).
I also have felt as though eco-breastfeeding is allowing our child spacing to have more to do with when our daughter might reasonably be ready for a sibling, rather than just when we might feel ready; we'll know that she's ready for less exclusive mothering when the frequency of her nursing slows down (which I'm sensing may be coming up on the horizon).
Anyway, I have so much more that I could share but I know I've already rambled *way* too much for a combox. If you'd like someone to talk to about EBF, who is currently right in the middle of it, let me know and I can get my email address to you :) Congrats on your beautiful son!
Also - my apologies for the ridiculous number of typos in my comment. I blame the aforementioned sixteen month old, who perform strike attacks on my computer keyboard, along with my own inability to maintain a coherent train of thought these days ;)
If your doctor asks tomorrow, you need to suggest that he put a note in your file that will always remind him that you do use NFP. This should help for MANY things...for example, when he prescribes medications, he doesn't have to worry about what hormones you're on...he'll have the note right there in your file. :)
Also, every woman is different. If what you do is ecological breastfeeding (not sure if you do)...you can postpone your fertility a lot longer than cultural breastfeeding. But even if you use a schedule and culturally breastfeed, get to know your cervix. REally. It's your best indicator.
We used STM for 7 years. We loved it. However, over time we realized my temperatures just really weren't as reliable as the teachers we had made it out to be. So...we use Marquette with the Fertility Monitor now and really really REALLY REALLY love it. Something to keep in mind if your worries persist.
Congratulations on your beautiful baby and definitely ask your doc to make a note in your file.
Ha! my word verification is "nopte"!!
It sounds as though you have a lot of great advice. Always ask those who have been there done that. There are many nurses who confuse themselves with doctors, and doctors who have no clue about NFP. Now, that is not to say there are no good docs and nurses out there. (I happen to have a NFP ob/gyn.)
Your faith will move mountains! Think of the mustard seed we all heard in church this past weekend.
You have gotten great advice and support from these amazing moms so I will just offer my heart and say I have been where you are several times and each time I think I am not sure if God can ever call me again to do this job and each time he opened my heart just in the nick of time. Glad I found your blog. Can't wait to read more.
Lisa
Oh Maggie, been there! When asked what form of BC we were planning on using, one doctor looked at us worried, and said "Is that the one where you use beads?" We were like, "What???". Another time, we got the "As long as you're okay with having another baby so soon" comment.
Now, having a brother and a siater who are doctors, I TOTALLY understand that they have to ask if we are planning to use BC for our medical records. However, I just want some respect when we tell them we use NFP. It's like when I was a teenager and the doc asked if I needed to go on the pill, and I said that I was waiting until marriage, and she said well, condoms are pretty reliable too. Hello? Did you even hear me?
I must say that the postpartum time is the scariest NFP time of all. Before your cycle returns, you just don't fully know what's going on. People say that if you breastfeed on demand, your cycle will not return for a long time, but I know too many women (myself included) who had their cycle return quickly even while only breastfeeding.
For me, I don't even think about NFP between the time after I heal until the baby is 3 months old. Then, starting at 3 months, I pay close attention to my fertility signs. Not my temp because I was up all the time at night. I knew when my fertility was coming back after the first and second babies. After the third one, I was shocked to be pregnant 5 months later, but God's will!!
Once your cycle comes back, I can let you know how we do NFP without charting or taking my temp or doing any internal checks. If you're interested, email me.
Good luck at your appointment today :)
My last doctor's office didn't even recognize NFP as an option. It made me mad so I'm very happy that my new office is more supportive. Maybe even a little enthusiastic?
And don't worry about having them close together. If you do, you'll survive. :) We had #1 and got pregnant 3 months later. Had #2 and got pregnant 3 months later. So our first three are each a year (or less) apart! It can be crazy, but it can be done. Baby #4 is due in 2 weeks and our youngest just turned 2, so this is a whole new experience for us!
For the record though, we weren't even trying to use NFP when we got pregnant with the first three. I'm nervous about trying to use it post partum too though. At this point though if we got pregnant "accidentally" I wouldn't freak out about it at least. What's one more kid?!
I hope everything goes well at your appointment!
I wasn't sure that my thoughts would be helpful since I obviously don't know what you're going through. But now that it's over I want to say that I hope it went remarkably well and I'm looking forward to reading your further thoughts.
Post a Comment