Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Cervix Envy and Feeling Like an @ss...

This past Saturday night was rather interesting.

Ryan's parents had a pig roast at their house. A lot of family and friends were there and I was having a wonderful time (even though my feet were super swollen and you could fry an egg on the sidewalk!)

Around 11:00 p.m. I felt something strange.

A "gush."

Oh my gosh.... did my water break???

I went to the restroom to investigate. It had soaked through my underwear and pants. I didn't freak out initially because there are times when pregnant women can mistake their water breaking for peeing themselves.

But I had no clue which fluid it was. I started freaking out since I was an hour away from my doctor. I called my best friend who is a labor and delivery nurse for her opinion. She said to go have it checked out. I even called the labor and delivery department at the hospital where I plan on giving birth for their advice. They said the exact same thing my best friend did. So off we went to labor and delivery at the hospital near Ryan's parent's home.

I was there an hour for a non-stress test. Baby C looked perfect and was kicking up a storm. They did the test to determine if my water broke. It hadn't. They checked my cervix to see if there was any chance I was leaking amniotic fluid. According the doctor there my cervix is very high, very thick and very closed.

So... yep- I pee'd myself!

I'm not too embarrassed. It happens. And I'd rather be safe than sorry.

I'm grateful to God that everything turned out well.

However... I'm a little discouraged. I know of other women who have been checked at 37 weeks and they've been dilated 1 cm. Their cervix has thinned. The baby has dropped. The first steps in welcoming their baby to the world have begun.

I think I have cervix-envy because none of that has happened to me and it seriously bums me out. Why does my cervix have to be up practically by my lungs? Why can't I be just a little bit thinned out and dilated? Some women go into labor already 2-4 cm. I am convinced my cervix is a steel trap and will never ever open.

My doctor's appointment today confirmed that my baby boy hasn't dropped and that the doctor seriously doubts that he will come early. (Even though everyone who sees me has me convinced that I won't last until my due date!)

I left the appointment happy that both baby and I are healthy. I'm also quite happy that he has been head down for the last couple of weeks. I'm so scared of having a c-section and at least having him head down eliminates a very small chance of that happening.

But, I'm sorry, folks- I'm getting miserable. It's all totally selfish. I want to be able to sleep on my stomach. Heck- I just want to be able to sleep. I can't breathe. I hate being confined to my recliner all day and not being able to be out and about. I hate not being able to go outside because it's eleventy-billion degrees out. I hate how my hands have swollen into gorilla-hands. I've stopped counting stretch marks and trips to the potty.

I'm kind of in denial that I'm going to have a baby. I feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever. That this is just a condition I'm going to have to live with for many years to come. I feel like I've been pregnant for 58 months. I want so badly to meet my child, and I feel that three weeks is going to take fooooooreeeeeeeverrrrrr..... It's like when I was a little kid and I knew my mom had an awesome present for me for Christmas and I would beg and beg to open it early. She'd never give in and I felt I was in pure agony!!!

But then I saw something online that nearly made me break down in tears. There are 33 men trapped about a mile below the earth in a mine in Chile. They have been trapped for 18 days in a space the size of a hotel room that is 95 degrees with 95% humidity. They have survived by rationing food to where they only eat about every other day- a couple spoonfuls of tuna is their meal. Thankfully they have made contact with the outside world and are being supplied water, food and medicine. Recently, when speaking with rescuers the miners broke out in song- the Chilean national anthem. It doesn't sound like they are complaining too much... which makes me feel- excuse my language- like a complete ass for complaining so much!



Sigh... I suppose waiting three more weeks isn't that bad....

15 comments:

Patty said...

One of those looooovely prego things! :)

Yup. Very good of you to see others' awful situations. You can offer up all the end "yucks" for those men down there.

Jenny said...

I feel the same way right now! I want to meet this new little one and it is so hard waiting when you are so miserable. Thankfully today the heat relented a little. Keeping you in my prayers!

Katie S said...

I know how you feel - pregnancy seems infinite towards the end. I was dialated at 1/2 cm all the way until my inducement date, which was 6 weeks long. I had to be induced b/c I had gestational diabetes - rough stuff for sure. Hold on! He'll be here SO soon!

Rae said...

Okay, I know that I'm not supposed to say this as someone who has never been pregnant but... late-term pregnancy is miserable. It isn't "selfish" of you to want it to be over, it is normal! Yes, 1 in 100 women will love pregnancy and want to be pregnant forever, but it is *normal* to be tired of it at your point.

And believe it or not it will be over soon. :-)

Natalie said...

I feel your pain on the peeing your pants, but it does happen!

I would however say that having your doctor tell you at 37 weeks that there's no way the baby won't come early... and again at 38 weeks, and again at 39 weeks due to the progress you've been making. Thinking you're going to go early and not might be worse... at least I thought it was torture! Haha!

Emily said...

Sorry to hear about that rather embarassing incident, but glad Baby didn't decide to come too early.

I'm 34 weeks and I am really getting tired of being like this. I feel your pain. I'll be feeling it more in a few weeks... By the time I'm where you are, you'll be nursing your sweet son!

I wouldn't worry about your cervix. They are unpredictable old dears, as I learned with my daughter. I was 2 cm at 37 weeks and was all excited. It took me 24 hours of labour to make it to 5 cm. This time, I am not even getting it checked before actual labour starts. Too depressing.

Hang in there!

Kerrie @ TFK said...

With my last pregnancy, my cervix wasn't dilated and the wee one never dropped. I ended up being induced the day after my 40 wk appointment due to sudden onset of Pre-E. So, medical science broke my water, dilated my cervix, and coaxed the wee one down. And he was healthy :)

Anonymous said...

Yes, the end of pregnancy is rather miserable. you are normal. Try not to worry about what other women do. And remember...lots of times first-time babies are slightly overdue...around 41 weeks. I will say some prayers for you! Hang in there!!!!

Melissa said...

Ohhhh, you poor thing. The last 6 weeks or so gets really really long. And don't worry, the cervix thing works out. mine was high and tight all the way till the day of labor and the baby still arrived. :)
Also, I'm not convinced you peed yourself, I swear pregnant women have extra fluids in there from somewhere. At least that's the way it seems.

Rebecca said...

Prayers that baby comes sooner rather than later.

Joy said...

Hugs, glad all is well with the baby ~ and very likely in the next couple of weeks your cervix will get the memo that it has done a wonderful job holding the baby safe and secure within the womb but it is now time to soften and open.

Please continue to talk/write through your doubts and fears but also try and enjoy this last weeks of holding within you this squirming, kicking wonder of new life.

That Married Couple said...

The beginning made me giggle! And the end made me glad to have you sharing your experiences so I can learn from them and not think it's just me in a few months. Also, I agree that it seems better to not be dilated at all yet, otherwise you would be chomping at the bit when it could still be such a long time!

Jamie said...

Maggie, I have been away from blogger for a while and I knew it was time for you to be delivering soon, so wanted to stop in. I'm glad I didn't miss the main event.

For what it's worth, the slight odor of your water breaking is distinctive - it smells sterile (it is!), almost like bleach. If you smell it once, you'll never forget it.

I never, ever dilated before I went into labor. My water broke first both times, and I never had one of those appointments where I was 2cm dilated and looking forward to impending labor. It really means nothing. Your body is still making way for baby!

Best of luck, my dear, you are in my prayers.

Sarah said...

Thanks for keeping it real my friend! I know I'll be looking back at this post when I am miserable during "the most wonderful time of the year" (aka the month before Christmas, aka my 9th month) and you're posting pictures of your son in a reindeer onesie. ;)

That said, I understand about "cervix envy." I am having a def. case of "bump envy". I am 21 weeks and I feel like I still look so small compared to others. Oh well, I'll be regretting that thought by week 30 I'm sure!

Hang in there friend, I am praying for you!

Colleen said...

Just wait until you poop during delivery. That'll make peeing yourself seem like no big deal :)

It's really tough at the end. You just want that baby out!! But offer it up for all the women who would die to be in their 37th week of pregnancy and can't.

I remember looking down at my huge belly and thinking that there was no possible way something that big was going to come out of my body! But, they do! Even though I've done it 4 times, it's still just as hard and exciting and amazing. Hang in there!

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