What do you call what I am going through? It's not a spiritual dry spell, really. I guess what I think of as a spiritual dry spell is when I start having doubts of God's love for me, His will for my life, or even His existence. It's that udder despair when you feel the one reliable aspect of your life (God) is a ga-jillion miles away. Usually good ol' confession blasts that feeling away.That's not what I'm feeling. No despair here. I think reading blogs regarding religion has helped in that area. But no matter how awesome a blog post is, I have been feeling spiritually lazy. Just blah-ness. Maybe that is what I'll call it- a spiritual blah spell.
Maybe it is because of the parishes I go to for Mass. I know it's wrong to "parish shop" but I don't feel anything powerful when I go to Mass. I remember feeling so spiritually uplifted after Mass in my college home town or at my mom's church. What is the difference? I know I am getting the same amount of graces no matter how spiritually satisfied I feel after Mass... but I just feel.... b l a h.
Maybe I should start reading more spiritual material. But that is all I've read for the past 5 years whether it be in text book form or saint biography form. Instead of reading my Navarre Bible before bed I've been reading Harry Potter. (Don't even start with the whole H.P. is witchcraft devil voo-doo and that's why I am feeling spiritually blah. I will go all Chuck Norris on that argument!) I just felt I needed some non-intellectual stimulation.
But I know what my main problem is: my prayer life stinks. The only time I really pray is when my husband and I pray before bedtime, and even then sometimes I'm too tired to really put my heart into it, and other times we start going off into our own discussions.
Other times I get so distracted when I pray. It doesn't matter if I pray before I go to sleep or pray in the middle of the day. It's like my brain is channel surfing while I pray.
I know that steadfast praying can combat this spiritual laziness. I just have no motivation. I could pick up a rosary or a prayer book- I just need to get off my spiritually lazy bum and DO it. I have prayed since I was a child, but sometimes I feel like I don't know how to pray.
How do you pray? If y'all have any suggestions- please throw them my way!
9 comments:
I try to go to adoration once a week if I can. I also have a prayer journal. I like writing out prayers to God, it helps me to feel more engaged and to get less distracted. It's not for everyone, but it works for me! :)
Maybe that is one reason I loved my college town- it had 24 hour Adoration! No Adoration around here..... boo!
I think there are a lot of similarities between coming out of a spiritual dry spell and coming out of a physical dry spell. Have you ever heard of the "Couch to 5K" running program? It's a running program designed to get people in shape, and it starts slowly and gradually builds. I was reading about it recently, and a runner interviewed was quoted saying, "The problem with running is that people jump into it too quickly...and then they think, who would ever want to do this?" As I was reading it, I was identifying with growing as a runner the same way I grow in prayer. I always jump into praying like some out of shape runner...blowing off the dust on my Rosary and then trying to pray the Rosary everyday, and then I fall off the bandwagon. For now, I can pray sincerely and better when I grow gradually in prayer, committing 10 minutes a night to pray, rather than trying to run a spiritual 5K right off of the bat.
As for finding a church, I know exactly how you feel!! I have to say, that I actually think it is important to find a church that helps you to build your prayer life. I think church-shopping is only a problem when you just keep jumping around when something bothers you. But by all means, I don't think there is anything wrong with looking for a parish that invigorates you to grow.
I've just recently come out of a spiritual dry spell...and I think what helped me most was returning to a church that inspires me to grow closer to prayer. I go out of my way to go to my church because it is more reverent, and that really helps! I also try to go to the latin mass, because that helps me to feel more prayerful. :-)
I know exactly the spiritual blahness your are talking about! I have SO been there! Personally, what works best for me is to pray really, really simply. Like simply saying, "God, please show me how to pray." Moments like that are not my most eloquent! :)
Another thing is that I like to try to do is to thank God for those Masses that feel blah and boring. I mean, I want to make sure that I'm not in some kind of sin ('cause that's been the problem sometimes), but then I just thank God for the lack of feelings. It's so nice when we get powerful feelings at Mass, but it's also a great gift to be there for no other reason than for God, and to know that He is real, no matter what we are feeling (or not feeling).
I really like Katie's comment! Couch-to-5K for Praying! Awesome! I definitely think that is my problem...I try to do too much too fast, but if I could just start with 5 extra minutes a day and extend that to 10, then 15...maybe I could work more prayer into my day! I do know what you mean about a "blah" spell, I think it happens more often than lots of us like to admit. (((HUGS))) hope it gets better soon!
Um, have you been looking at my post drafts? Because I totally have one that says how I've been lazy in my prayer life, too! It's not that I don't pray - it's just that, like you said, my prayers are rather blah.
I also feel like right now is an especially important time to have a rich prayer life, with baby on the way, but it's like I just kind of say "Hey, please keep me and the baby safe, and help him/her to love you" and that's it. I want to do more, but I've just been too lazy!
All this to say, I don't have any particular suggestions but I sympathize! I'm going to try to get to some daily masses in the hopes that they help (although in your situation I don't know how helpful that would be - perhaps you could try some daily masses at other parishes?). Katie's comment was good, so I'm going to try it, too!
I don't have much advise. I go through these "blah" times. What helps for me is reading something spiritual. When I don't, then the blah-ness starts. That's what works for me, though. I know that for my mom, she was going through something similar, and was reading. She was getting hung up on Kings or Numbers or something, though. I finally got her to switch to something else, she started with the New Testament. But she's got this thing where she must start at the beginning, so I know what's going to happen, she's going to get stuck on John.
And, I just realized I can't pray right before bed. The other night I said "and I pray for my mom and dad and that all goes well with their restaurant business." The problem is they don't own a restaurant, they don't work in a restaurant, they hardly go out to eat. I don't know where that came from, but I don't think I can pray right before bed.
I also like the Couch to 5k for praying suggestion (I just used it for actual running and it worked great - and I tried the all-in praying by trying to pray a rosary every day during lent - I think I made it a day :( ).
That said, I too know what you mean about the spiritual blah-ness. And sadly, for me it is usually when things are going well. I feel very 'in-tune' when life is hard and I 'need' to feel God's Grace, but when things are good, I get so lazy. I've found that starting each day with a simple prayer devoting the day to glorifying God through my work and my actions helps immensely (and I keep a post-it on my steering wheel to remind me to do it). But, I also find that listening to Christian music really helps too. I listen to Pandora when I'm in my office at work and I don't have all Christian Music in my 'work mix' it's just a part of it - and those reminders throughout the day to praise and honor God are sometimes all I need.
Dont' get me wrong - I am not perfect or really good at this by any means, it's just what I've found helps a little bit to remind me to not just pray for things but to praise as well.
Is there any way that you could get to another Mass each week (I know that many areas don't have daily mass, but perhaps just one day in addition to Sunday?) or else get into your church during the week to sit and pray, even though adoration isn't available? Sometimes I find that I simply must make myself "show up." It might not feel rewarding, but we all go through times of "blah" and the important thing is to remain faithful, right?
Also, I have no idea if this is actually relevant to you, but I've heard other women describe feeling this way whenever they are pregnant, so it is possible that part of it may simply be something you have to live with. And then there will be plenty of time up alone at night to ask God for help with the crying baby, or perhaps pray the rosary as you rock your child to sleep. :-)
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