Happy Halloween!

Another classy family photo. Too bad Sam was sleeping!

I promise you this isn't always the look I have on my face.

Happy Halloween, y'all! Be on the look out for a bombarding of photos of my little cowboy and horsey... :-)

Thinking about the Scary...

***This is a thinking-out-loud post. So please bear with me while I ramble.***

A few weekends ago we went into a Spirit Halloween store. We were wanting to look for a costume for Joe. It didn't cross my mind that the contents of this store might scare the living bejesus out of our innocent two-year old.

We walked in the door and a ginormous animatronic spider jumped out at us. Joe Spider-Manned his way up Ryan's legs and clutched onto him in pure terror. We tried to comfort him while we were walking through the store, but it was extremely difficult with creepy Halloween music infused with anguished screams and moans, costumes with bloody axes and decorations like this hanging all around. This is really a decoration from their store.

I bet the factory workers who make this crap have some freaky nightmares. 

We finally found the children's section, but Joe was still pale-white scared and I admit I was a little uneasy as well. After a minute or two of browsing, we quickly left, making sure we ran past the scary jumping spider and sang, "LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!" to distract Joe.

We went to Target which was right next to the Spirit store and Joe quickly resumed his normal happy toddler self. Still, I couldn't shake the heartbreaking and unsettling feeling I had when I saw the look of fear on Joe's face. For the first time ever I somewhat understood why some parents don't allow their children to celebrate Halloween.

Now, don't worry. I'm not going to ban my children from dressing up and trick or treating. I won't raise them to believe they are worshiping the devil and only let them partake in Harvest Festivals. I will allow and encourage them believe in fairies, unicorns, Santa Claus and make-believe worlds. I will let them have fun with their imagination.

Here I am, glorifying Satan.

I don't think there is anything wrong with fantasy, fun, and a little bit of fright. But Halloween can be so... overly-scary.

It doesn't help that I was very sensitive and easily frightened as a child. I had a love/hate relationship with Halloween. I loved the pumpkins, the candy, the frivolity. Trick or treating was fun... until I reached a house that had a bunch of scary crap on the porch. Screw the candy, let's move on. It's pretty inronic I was like that since my mom was one of those enthusiastic Halloween decorators and had bats, spider webs, spooky music and this on our front porch that scared the ever living crap out of me each year:

Obviously not too scared to get my picture taken with this unfortunate woman. 

I remember other things that used to terrify me as a child. My cousin had a cassette tape of scary stories. The one I remember the most was about old widow Clamsey and her cat that strangled people. I remember going to a friend's house and she and her older sister insisted on playing vampire. I was the unwilling victim and I remember it feeling so real and scary. There was one time I went to a birthday party sleepover and the birthday girl rented Halloween. Yeah, I spent most of the time pretending to be asleep. Don't even get me started about Jurassic Park. These things didn't just scare me... they stayed with me. I would dwell on them and they would haunt me. Maybe because I was practically an only child and only lived with my mother did it seem that I was all alone and vulnerable.

Fast forward to high school and I wasn't afraid of ANYTHING. Fear turned into brass balls as I frequently went on joy rides with my friends around town all Dukes of Hazzard style. Movies like The Exorcist and Texas Chainsaw Massacre didn't scare me. And my favorite activity? Ghost hunting. My senior year my best friend and I looked up ghost stories on the internet when we were supposed to be working on the school yearbook. After our football pep rally bonfire a bunch of us got together to go explore abandoned houses. (Yes, I know this sounds like a plot of a horror movie. Or just really really redneck-ish.)

Three of my closest friends and I really got into ghost hunting and paranormal investigating. We spent our weekend nights driving around the country, snapping photos in delapitated houses and spooky old graveyards.We tried to talk to the spirits and use Ouija boards, which I know is just asking for trouble. However, we did start and end each ghost hunting session with a prayer, so hopefully that protected us. I was fascinated with EVPs and ghost stories and all that jazz. We never encountered anything paranormal. The scariest thing we experienced was walking upstairs of an old house and coming face to face with a giant raccoon, which we were pretty sure had rabies.

But once I hit my spiritual growth spurt, fear started to creep in. Watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose and Paranormal Activity scared the living poop out of me. Some of my friends and I went to a major haunted house in the Kansas City area. When we were waiting in line I was filled with dread. When we started walking through and a huge Satan popped out of a mirror I was terrified. It wasn't a fun-type of scared... I wanted to get out of there. The thought of hell and evil became much more "real" to me when I became closer to God.

So I've gone from cowering in fear to giving fear the middle finger. Where am I now in regards to fear and Halloween?

I'm still a fan of spooky, creepy things. I still love a good ghost story. I love Tim Burton's eerie weirdness. I find the old-school macabre fascinating. And, hello, I'm Catholic! We have all sorts of weird stuff. We have relics. We have All Souls Day, a day for honoring dead people. We have saints like St. Lucy who had her eyes torn out and St. Denis who was beheaded but didn't die and traveled around awhile carrying around his head preaching.

St. Denis- Bad. Ass.

EYE BALLS!!!!

Catholics have all sorts of other saint stories involving dragons (Satan), saints getting their boobies cut off (St. Agatha of Sicily) and war and blood and guts. And many of the aspects of Halloween that we treasure are not from the hands of Satan, but from Catholicism. (You're welcome, candy companies.)

But then there is the other end of the scary spectrum. Are there some things we do around Halloween that delight Satan? We dress up as serial killers carrying around bloody butcher knives and axes. Women objectify themselves by dressing up as slutty nurses and slutty Big Birds. (What the hell is that all about?!) We focus on the dark and the horrible.

Aren't there enough scary things in our world? We have people shooting up movie theaters. We have 17 year old kids kidnapping children and dismembering their bodies. We have nannies allegedly stabbing children. We have parents beating their 3 week old babies to death. 

Just turn on the news and we see real-life horror stories. There have been real screams of terror and pleadings for help. Do we really need that in CD format to play on our front porches for trick or treaters? There has been precious, innocent blood spilled. Do we need the fake blood and the fake knives? There are so many souls being tormented by real-life demons every day. Do we really need to decorate our houses with them or dress up like them? Do we really need another slasher movie? This is where I can see why some parents don't allow Halloween for their children.

I don't really know the answer to those questions. Still, I do see some value in the scariness of life. After so much dark and terrible we really find joy in the goodness of life. We breathe a sigh of relief when we see the sun rise in a horror movie, because the scary part is usually over. We are delighted when we see that helicopter come and save the people from the dinosaur-infested island. We wipe away our tears and cast our burdens aside when we see Jesus Christ has defeated Satan and death and Hell, and the glorious, light-filled and joyous Heaven is opened to us- where there is only love and no fear. With out all the scary stuff in our lives we don't see just how good the Good is. The scary stuff can be fun at times, but too much of it will cause us to hope in something with a little more happiness and light.

I will let my children trick or treat. We'll put up scary black cats and witches and goblins. I'll let them be spooked. I will let them become lost in the adventure of their imaginations. But I am still trying to figure out that balance of protecting them from scary things and letting them gain courage on their own. I am still trying to figure out how much scary I can handle.

What are your thoughts on scary stuff and Halloween? 

This Year's Christmas Card Photo?

 

This was taken this weekend at our annual outing to Vala's Pumpkin Patch. Just a few hours before a pregnant woman carrying around a 3 year old asked me how the transition from one child to two was for me. I smiled and told her it was a challenge at times, but worth the chaos. She should have asked a couple hours later to get the real truth. 

Here are some other snapshots from our day!

Ryan and Joe with the Storm Troopers. We briefly saw Darth Vader when we arrived but never saw him again. Must have had the runs or something.

Smilin' Sam.

Joe as a pig. Or "kig" as he calls them.

True love.

How was your weekend?

Wordless Wednesdays: Smiles and Love

Here I Go Again...

I find it odd that I wish for my pregnant body back.

Postpartum has not been kind to me this time around. Maybe it's because I'm taking care of two little minions now instead of just one, but I swear my body is just totally freaking out. I feel so utterly gross and flabby and have no energy.

The baby weight isn't really coming off as much as I thought it would. I suppose there is an upside of having pre-eclampsia- you lose like 40 lbs in 5 days. That coupled with nursing got me back to pre-pregnancy weight in about 2 weeks (granted I was overweight before I got pregnant.) I guess I have that mentality of the weight is supposed to zap off.

Before I got pregnant this time around I had reached my goal weight by using Weight Watchers. It was about a year ago that I reached that mark and I felt so great. It was awesome to shop for clothes and feel good about the image I saw in the mirror. More importantly, I just plain felt better physically.

So yesterday I started back up with Weight Watchers. I'm too poor to actually go to meetings right now. I'm hoping to lose some following the plan on my own and go back to the meetings when I have 10-15 lbs to get to goal. Going to meetings helped me tremendously, but for now I'm just going to wing it. My mom is also on WW and I plan on calling her at the same time each week to weigh in.

I fear following WW will be hard this time. I barely have time to eat because I'm taking care of the boys first, and when I do find time to eat I gobble up everything in sight because I am so hungry and it's usually crap food. It was hard enough today trying to calculate my points, but I know that will get easier as time goes on.

So, here I go. Off with the flab and on to the fab! :-D

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Today is my mom's 60th birthday!

I find it interesting how our relationship has grown over the years. Needless to say, we didn't always get along while I was growing up. I'm sure it wasn't easy for her being a single mother to a bit of a drama queen like me.

The roughest patch in our relationship was obviously my teenage years. We went head-to-head A LOT, especially about dating and boyfriend issues. But I think the most mad I've ever seen her was when I quit college the first time. Oy... just thinking about it now just makes me shudder.

Still, even as I was figuring out my life, she was supportive. She let me move back home. She offered me words of encouragement. She kept on loving me even though I was a huge pain in the butt.

However, I think the greatest gift she has ever given me is in her prayers. I know she prays for my older brother and me all the time. She prayed for me to decide to go to Benedictine. It took a couple of years, but God answered her prayer and I moved to Atchison, KS. It was there where I had my spiritual growth spurt. It was there where I completed my college education. It was there where I met my soul mate. Her greatest goal for me is to get to heaven. Not to own a house or have a successful career. Not to be financially stable and have a 401K. She wants me to get to heaven to have eternal happiness. The fleeting happiness of this world is not what is important for her children.

Her life hasn't been easy. She has faced a lot of challenges. Her mother passed away when she was only 12- right on the cusp of leaving childhood and becoming a young woman. That can be a very scary and confusing time. She had children with two different men. These men did not treat her the way she deserved. She had her heart broken. (But she got two kids who are relatively normal... I more so than my brother.) She's faced layoffs and car accidents and other spells of stress. But she has always risen above. She has always overcome. That's just how strong and smart and courageous she is. She's my inspiration.

Our mother/daughter relationship has definitely turned into a friendship. We talk everyday on the phone and I feel weird if don't. I tell her everything. I'm always kind of in awe of that because when I was a teenager I felt like she and I were from different planets and that she would NEVER understand me. But now she "gets" me perfectly. She listens when I have a problem. She supports me. She offers the gentle guidance that a mother does, but with the love and encouragement of a friend. Most of all, she treats me like an adult. She understands that she has done all she can to set me up for life on my own.

I hope someday to have a daughter of my own. I pray she is NOTHING like I was as a teenager, but I have a feeling I won't be so lucky... I just hope I can be a great mom. Luckily for me I have a wonderful example in my own mother.

Happy birthday, Mom! I love you so much!