Freaking Out..

34 weeks

Sigh...

I had my regular doctor's appointment today. They weighed me and I didn't look at the scale, as usual. Then I went into do my urine sample. I was quite impressed at how clear it was. All that water drinking was paying off.

I went into the room and the nurse took my blood pressure. It was 126/73. Just the fact that the top number was 6 over "normal" I freaked out. The nurse assured me that I was still within the normal limits. She even patted me on the back as I was talking a hundred miles a minute expressing my concerns.

When she left I started feeling jittery and nervous. I just felt like something was amiss. The medical student who is shadowing Dr. S came in and straight out said, "You've gained 9 lbs in two weeks and Dr. S. is slightly concerned about that, but your blood pressure is good and there's no protein in your urine." I completely broke down. All my fears of getting pre-eclampsia came rushing at me. It's almost like I have PTSD. What did I do wrong these last few weeks? Did I have one too many granola bars? Did I overeat? What did I do???

Maybe I got a little too prideful with a previous blog post about my pregnancy. But I've been exercising and drinking water.... Maybe I should have been taking calcium supplements. I know that there is nothing one can do to to prevent pre-eclampsia, but I still feel like I failed. (Even though I haven't been diagnosed at all.)

My doctor came in and said everything was fine. I do not have pre-e. Sometimes people gain a lot of weight in a short amount of time and the next week they barely gain at all. I have some slight swelling but nothing out of the norm.The baby looks perfect. He's right on track- not measuring big. But because of my history he wants me to come in weekly. That's not that big of a deal because originally I was supposed to come in in two weeks THEN start my weekly visits. So we're just starting weekly a week early.

He told me to lay on my side as often as possible and drink plenty of fluids. He assured me that things were fine.

I didn't ask him how this could affect my chances of having a VBAC. I didn't want any more possible bad news. Of course I will do everything I can to keep baby and me safe, but I just feel like everything is falling apart.

Who knows... perhaps next week will be just fine. I'm already having struggles with turning to God for help, so this whole situation is especially hard. So any prayers at all would be greatly appreciated. Everything is fine right now. I just worry way too much and see the negative. That's why I listen to this song over and over again.