I also have a feeling that Joe knows his world is about to be changed forever in about 6 weeks. He has been very clingy lately. And even though it gets tiring reading the same dinosaur book over and over and over and over and over and over again, I need to treasure these moments of just him and me.
But I need help. Hopefully this post makes sense.
Joe's sleeping habits have entered a deep abyss of chaos.
This is how things used to go. It wasn't perfect, but it worked for us:
6:00: Eat supper
6:30-7:00- Joe runs amok
7:00- Bath, diaper change, brushing teeth
7:15-7:30- Prayer time, story time
7:30- lights out, we lay with him until he falls asleep
Sometimes laying with him can range from 30 minutes to an hour. Sometimes he gets up to play. Sometimes he just lays there. But usually from 8:30-10:00 Ryan and I have quiet time before we go to bed. Sometimes Joe will wake up again, but we just go lay with him for a few minutes and he goes back to sleep. Around 11:00 he cries again and we just bring him into bed with us because it is easier that way. We've been doing that for quite awhile now.
But now things are different. Our bed time ritual is the same. We start laying with him and he will just lay there. For nearly 2 hours. He won't get up to play. He won't whine for anything. He'll just lay there in the semi-dark with his eyes open. When he finally shuts his eyes and we wait about 20 minutes to make sure he is in a deep sleep, he wakes up when we make the slightest move.
For the last week and a half we both have spent from 7:30 to when we go to sleep laying with Joe. Finally we just determined that he isn't tired and let him stay up with us until we go to bed. But then he sleeps in the next day. I cannot believe I am complaining about that, but it just throws our whole schedule off the next day.
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| Screw going to bed. I'm going to watch the Stanley Cup final instead. |
We've tried skipping naps, but most of the time that doesn't matter. He'll just lay there forever. And I know he needs naps because when I lay with him to nap he will fall asleep almost right away.
I thought perhaps he is beginning to teeth with his 2 year molars, so we gave him Children's Advil before bed and that does nothing.
We just don't understand why he lays there. He knows that it is bedtime. After we brush his teeth we say, "Binky bed time!" and he runs to the drawer where we keep them during the day. We give him his binky and sippy cup and he runs to his bedroom and gets on his bed. He points up to the shelf where we have the picture of Mary and Jesus. Usually before we're done praying he runs to get a book. He knows the routine. He just lays there and doesn't try to get out of the room or play with his toys.
We've finally resorted to leaving him in there by himself. We still have our video baby monitor and we watch him FREAK OUT. I mean it is horrible screaming and crying. Sometimes he will run over to his book shelf and look at a book all still while screaming bloody murder. He'll run to the door. Run to his bed. The longest we've gone is about 10 minutes. When we go back in you'd think he would try and run out of his room but he runs right back to his bed. We will lay with him but it is still more just laying and staring into space.
I know there are many mysteries and phases of parenting a toddler. But this one just has us scratching our heads. It is frustrating because when Ryan gets home he spends a lot of time with Joe so I can get a break. I can't lay with Joe anymore because I'm too preggo, so Ryan is stuck spending the hours in there watching him stay awake. I feel bad because Ryan doesn't get a chance to relax after work. I don't relax because I try and help soothe Joe the best I can.
Are we doomed to never have alone time again? Should we just let him stay up? Should we let him cry it out? I'm really concerned with how things will go when the baby arrives. I don't want Joe to share our bed forever, but I just don't even know where to begin...
Heeeeellllllllllppppp mmmmeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
6 comments:
I don't have a baby that age, but we did struggle with Annamarie's sleeping habits. Thankfully now she's doing pretty well. We give bath around 8, or 7:30 if she's really tired, and generally she's always in bed (in her pack and play) by 8:30 or 8 if she's tired. We put her in, say good night and tell her to go to bed. Some nights she cries a bit but then falls asleep. If she's still crying, we take her out, let her play or eat a bit then try again.
I guess what I'm saying, is, have you tried putting him down and leaving, when he freaks out, go comfort him but put him back in bed, say good night and walk out. Do this for as long as needed until he tires out and falls asleep?
I'm just thinking he's used to you guys laying with him and he's milking that. I don't believe in letting a child cry it out, but I don't have a problem doing something over and over until they get it. I know what it's like to have no alone and down time. That sucks. So I would think that you need to figure it out so he can sleep alone. Especially since now you'll have another one, and won't get a break if they both are clingy at once.
Maybe I'm not making any sense. But I feel for you, I do!
Annamarie is still too young to understand if we tell her not to do something really, hence why one of us spends Mass out in the vestibule, but I'm thinking if he knows your bedtime routine that well, he will be able to understand eventually that bed time means you lay down and go to bed at that time. So maybe you just need to figure out how to get him to understand that?
When my oldest was about 15 months, I went to the doctor for his checkup and started complaining about his sleeping habits at night. The doctor's first question was "How often does he nap during the day?" and I told him twice for almost 2 hours each. The doctor said "Well, he's sleeping too much during the day and isn't tired at night". It was like a big lightbulb moment for me. That next day, we pushed back his morning nap until 11:30 (right after an early lunch) and he slept for 2 or 3 hours, then we put him to bed at 7, and we kept that routine with each of our children once they turned one. I don't have any advice for the laying down with him to sleep, because we don't do that, but hopefully someone else can help with that one! I know you must want to get him as independent as possible before his little brother comes along :)
Oh Maggie, my heart goes out to you! Two hours is definitely a looooooong time to be lying there! I feel like I've read in several places the idea that you gradually move away from the child - so you go from lying down with him to sitting in a chair (it had better be comfortable! maybe bring a book with you?), then keep moving the chair a foot closer to the door every three nights or so, until you're eventually in the hall, then gone.
I would actually say that at this point - at his age and with only six weeks to go - you need an explicit plan. And believe it or not, I actually think it's okay for him to cry at this point. (I know - the attachment parent part of me just gasped!) Not for hours or anything. But at this point, he's old enough to be "securely attached" and he's crying because he's mad, not because he thinks you'll never come back. You've proven to him that you will indeed come back. And you would much rather him be screaming now than when there's a newborn in the house!
But before you go all super-tough CIO, look into the Baby Whisperer. I thought she was a great compromise between "let them cry until they throw up and then keep crying" and "never let them so much as whimper." I think the one that would be most applicable to you all would be "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems."
Talk to Ryan and figure out a plan that works for you all, with a goal of being completely done in 4 weeks (to give you some wiggle room and also hopefully give you some restful sleep before the new baby arrives). Get it done now, because even if he regresses, it will be easier to go back to your new normal than to start something completely new. And take everything I say with a grain of salt, since I haven't been in your shoes!
Not surprisingly, I've got nothing helpful, but sending you hope that he sleeps better soon!
Hang in there.We have 4 children.With us we kept at night after night .Just keep at it.It will get better...
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