This weekend I went to a fabulous Lenten retreat with my mother, uncle and aunt. Tim Staples, Dr. Ray Guarendi and Johnette Benkovic were the main speakers.Each speaker was phenomenal. Tim Staples talked about defending the Catholic Church (coming from a former anti-Catholic, Bible-college graduate made his talk very cool!) Johnette talked about the deep spiritual power of suffering. Dr. Ray talked about raising good kids and having a well-rounded family. I enjoyed each talk, but it was Dr. Ray's that really stuck with me.
In a few days I will be 12 weeks pregnant. I'm still a little worried about having another miscarriage, but since I'm still having nausea and knelt down and had a one-on-one with my toilet yesterday, I'm feeling a little more confident that things are going well.
With my first trimester coming to a close, the worries and anxieties of what kind of parent I will be haven't crept up yet. I haven't freaked out about the whole "I'm going to be a mother, responsible for a little human being who I helped create and will depend on me and her dad to meet every single need and want she has. Responsible for a little soul that God has blessed us with." I'm sure those worries will come full-force in a couple of weeks. (Or maybe a little so now, since I've had time to reflect on it while typing these words.)
I know I will be a nervous wreck making sure I'm meeting all our children's physical, emotional, psychological and educational means. But one thing I'm particularly nervous about is feeding my child spiritually.
One of the most important duties a parent has is to get their children to heaven. One way of comforting myself when we lost Gus was knowing that he was probably the easiest child we'll ever get to heaven. His precious, pure soul was whisked away to heaven before he could ever even remotely think about sinning.
I take the duty of getting my future children to heaven very seriously. I'm not going to drop them off at CCD or Catholic school and expect other people to teach my child about Christ. Sure, they'll supplement, but the love of the Lord will come primarily from my husband and I. I'm not going to make going to Mass sound like some boring obligation. In fact I won't make anything related to religion boring- I will approach it with a sense of joy and excitement.
I have these goals, but have a fear I will fail at implementing them. Thanks to our digital age I have stumbled upon dozens of bloggers, web pages and links on how to make religion understandable and fun for children. (For all you Catholic mommies and future mommies who read my blog, you should check out Kate Wicker's post on Lent for Little Ones. I can't wait to do this stuff with my own children!) I'll read my children Bible stories, take them to daily Mass on occasion, show them the sign of the cross and how to pray, teach them about Jesus, Mary and the saints, do the crafts, pray the rosary, etc.
I can do all these actions, but how will I reflect on them as a Catholic woman? How can I do all these child-friendly religious practices when I barely do the minimum of the adult practices? I try and read Scripture, but could do a lot more spiritual reading (instead of Harry Potter like I am currently reading.) I've barely picked up a rosary since my 54 day novena... I am chicken when it comes to defending the faith. I want my children to be God fearing, God loving, well-rounded Catholic Christians. How can I expect that if I don't even feel like all those things? I won't let my own doubts about myself interfere with my plans of raising my kids right and having a close-knit family. Hopefully the grace of motherhood will shine through the day our child is born!
5 comments:
I am far from expert here, but I've found that having children makes you think about everything more. You are scared of what could happen to your children, so you pray. You wonder how you will explain that to your kids, so you look it up. You read the Childs Bible stories over and over because they ask you too. Your priorities and your way of looking at the world and life change forever, and your faith grows too.
The biggest thing my mom did for me to help me to grow in my faith was to live hers. She went to Mass out of love for God. And kids can tell! I still remember when I was little and she went out of habit. I knew the difference. Sometimes I don't think it's about making sure you do the extra things (though those things are important) but making sure all the things that you do are for the love of God. Don't know if that's helpful at all, especially since I'm not facing being a parent any time soon, but that's what I think of .
As one wise priest told me, "In the end, you do the best you can and you have to let your children make their own mistakes and trust that God will be with them through it all." Certainly you are right about not leaving religious formation up to others. You are the most important example that your children will ever have of what it means to be a Christian.
I agree that when I think about our future children, the most important thing I can do for them is foster a love of God. I think just by being conscious of this you are already on the right track! Of course I don't have any kids yet, but I would suggest that another way to supplement it would be to have friends with kids the same age who also take this seriously. I'm sure that's much easier said than done, though!
Sounds like a good conference!
They say that having children is one of the main things that makes people seek out God more. So I guess that you're in good company in thinking about what you can do to be a better parent in terms of being a better Christian! I don't have any advice as I haven't "been there" yet, but I commend you for focusing on what really matters.
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