Dear Gus

Dear Gus,

I have to make this quick. Your little brother is sleeping and we know that considering how the last few days/nights have gone, this is a miracle. The little girl I babysit is also napping. Again, two kiddos napping at the same time- miracle.

Two years ago was your due date. Two years. You would be TWO today! I can't believe that. Unfortunately for us, we found out the August before your due date that you had gone to heaven. It's a pain for us that has never gone away. Instead of the sharp, stabbing, unbearable pain we feel a dull ache. We ache for you, our little Gus.

Looking at Joe we have an idea of what kind of person you'd be. We never knew if you were a girl or boy, but we are pretty sure you'd be a very high-spirited toddler. We are pretty sure you'd be a very outgoing girl or boy. We know for certain that you would be so very loved. You are still loved.

I can't put a face to you. I only think of the yellow flowers that shaded the place where we buried you. But someday I will see your face in heaven. You need to pray for me, Little Gus, because I want to get to the glory of heaven, and need all the help I can get. I will get to embrace you someday. I will get to hold your hand in my own. I will get to kiss your cheeks. Even though you didn't look like a "baby" at 5 weeks gestation, you are still a person. You weren't a blob of cells. You have a soul. You have a dignity. You are our son or daughter.

I'm not sure what your birthday party theme would be. I don't know what your cake would look like. But I do know you would be showered with love by your friends and family. I know you would smile and laugh, and so would we.

Joe is too young to know he has an older sibling. I talked about you today with him and he ran off to climb on the toy box. Next year I think we will release a balloon in the sky with a birthday card for you. I will make sure Joe and his siblings know they have an older brother in heaven looking out for them. I will not let you become a distant, fuzzy, sad memory. You are worth celebrating.

It's kind of hard saying, "I have one child and another on the way." I don't mention my miscarriage often to people I don't know well because I don't want to make them uncomfortable. I have three children. One in heaven. One getting ready to wake and and scream any second and another tucked safely in my womb. God has blessed us. Oh my, how He has blessed us.

So happy birthday, my dear angel. Thank you for bringing us happiness and life lessons that have made us stronger and more faithful. Thank you for showing us how precious and fragile life really is.

We love you so much.

Until we meet again.

Love,
Mommy, Daddy, Joe and Baby Garfunkel