It's hard to believe that in a few short weeks my little baby boy will be turning ONE. OK, so maybe it's not so hard because Joe is definitely taking on the toddler persona!Joe gets into everything. For. realz. He loves to take books and DVD's off shelves, throw every toy out of the toy box, and loves to trip up Grandma Mary's People magazines. (Thankfully we were finished reading them.)
Joe has become quite the little daredevil as well! He likes to scoot things up to the couch to aid him in his quest to climb up on the couch. He'll use a toy to step up on to reach the window blinds. He uses his walking dinosaur toy to try and get up on the coffee table. He tries to take flying leaps off the bed. He likes to crawl in small spaces and pick apart spider webs. He is all that is boy!
His personality is coming out LOUD and clear. He loves to yell and scream and make all sorts of goofy noises. He loves to be chased. He'll crawl a few feet and look back at you with a look that says, "Well, aren't ya gonna get me?" and when you go after him he squeals and takes off. There have been times I've taken my eyes off him for 0.2 seconds and I see he's climbed up 3 stairs and is sitting there with a huge prideful smile! Oy.. he keeps me on my toes!
I am not at all surprised at how wild my son is becoming. He is a boy, after all, and he is getting to that age where he wants to explore and destroy. I've heard quite a few stories involving my husband when he was a youngster. They involve smearing peanut butter on window screens, peeing out of 3rd story windows, and using a knife to spring his baby brother out of a play pen. I knew what I was getting myself into when I started having babies with Ryan!
However, there is this feeling inside me that I don't want to face. It's this thing I want to put off. It's this thing that I don't even know if it's the right time to deal with. It's this thing that I don't even know how to do.
This thing I write of is called discipline.
I'm sure I can look it up in the books, but I've become increasingly annoyed with parenting books and magazines, so I'm looking to you fine folks to help me out.
Yes, Joe is a daredevil and loves to destroy things. But I do know that he is barely a year old and doesn't know any better. But there are some things he does that makes me wonder if he really DOES know better.
Take for instance, our TV. It is a flat screen TV that is on a large table. The table is about chin-level with Joe. We keep our eyes on him like a hawk when he's in the TV room (which is also his playroom.) He usually pays no attention to the TV. But every once in awhile he will go up to the TV and put his hands on it. There is no way to get it out of arms reach for him and there is no way he can knock it over, but we still don't want him to even get used to the idea of touching the TV. We say "No, no." in a firm but gentle voice and pick him up and distract him with something else. Well..... Joe now thinks this "No, No" is a fun new game. He'll crawl over to the TV and pull himself up and look over at us with a little smile. Then he reaches up to the TV and when we say, "No, no!" and he squeals and gets back on all fours to crawl away.
I usually think it's funny and cute, but I'm beginning to realize that he is seeing how far he can push the boundaries. I don't even know if this is something to even concern myself with yet.
I've also come to realize how only-child syndrome can work. I've starting to babysit a 5 month old girl a couple days a week. The first day was quite interesting. Neither of them had really been around another crying baby, so when one would cry, the other one would cry and I'd have Joe's wail and Baby K's high-pitched shriek ringing in my ears. There would be pure silence for about a minute and the other baby would start right back in on the crying game. Thankfully that has subsided, but I have noticed that Joe does not like to share his toys. When I give Baby K a toy Joe will come and rip it out of her hands. I know he doesn't understand the concept of sharing, so I usually just give Baby K a different toy and distract Joe with another toy. Joe is too smart for that. He will grab her toy and make a stockpile of all the toys he has stolen from her, like a pirate with his booty. I try to distract, but to no avail. I'm just thankful that Baby K is still young enough to not get mad when her toys are stolen!
Like I said, Joe probably doesn't get the idea of sharing, but a part of me wonders when I should start instilling that in him.
I know that someday both Ryan and I will have to think about discipline. Sigh... this is where I will discover if I'll be a pushover or a stickler. Joe is growing up and discovering the child that he is. I am growing up too, and about to discover what kind of parent I will be!
Any tips or suggestions or your own ideas regarding WHEN and HOW to discipline a child? How early is too early? How long can you hold off being the punishing parent?
7 comments:
We had a great speaker come to our MOPs group last year discussing discipline and the right way and time to do time outs. She told us, generally around 15 months they start to have that realization "I'm doing something mommy and daddy don't want me to do."
Until the age of 3, the best thing you can do is redirect. And when he is really getting into something or throwing things, try sitting down and playing with him (kids don't learn how to build with blocks and sit and play with cars on their own - most of them need a model for what to do).
I could go on and on, but keeping it simple and being consistent are the two keys. (And please be careful with reading parenting books - most of them make me cringe because they try to apply cookie cutter solutions to all children and all kids are unique. What works beautifully with Joe is going to be a disaster with another child.
My best advice is to distract the baby or put up a gate around the TV. I actually had to "rubber room" our living room when my son was 1 and I had to tape a paper towel over the buttons on our tv so he didn't play with them all day. My son is 3 and his nickname has always been Captain Destructo!! My daughter is 18 months, and, while she isn't as wild, she definitely is starting to need more direction. She started to slap me to see what would happen and I had to gently tell her no and to say sorry. That worked. She also throws tantrums when she can't have "more" of her treat. But mostly, it happens organically. You can tell when your kid does something that needs disciplining: You won't be laughing at him anymore!!! I think my daughter is being cute most of the time and I just try to teach her. But sometimes she tries things out to test me now. But she is 18 months. Don't worry about it too much though. Your mommy radar will kick into high gear when you need to do real disciplining!!
Oh boy! This age can be so crazy. : ) The climbing and pulling things off of shelves does pass, so you know. It seems to be a developmental thing. I agree with Rebecca about the redirection and keeping it simple.
Discipline doesn’t have to be as scary as everyone makes it sound. I remember being terrified of what everyone would think of my kids, and I had already been smacking my first baby on the hand for several months by the time she was Joe’s age (something I deeply regret now). At this age, I would wager that kids really don’t get the whole “don’t do this or there will be consequences” thing. I’ve found that when my kids have been around age 3 they start to understand the “if- then” sort of discipline.
So with your TV dilemma, he probably really does think it is a game, he has no idea why you react when he touches the TV, but if he wants attention, he now knows an easy way to get it. I remember when my oldest was a baby, she kept emptying the garbage, and I told her no and smacked her hand every time she did it, and after crying, she would still go back and do it again. Sometimes she would go to the garbage can and she would put her hand out and I would hear her whisper to herself “no no” and then she would go and do it anyways. I really truly think that she just could not keep herself from doing it.
One thing that can help immensely, is if you go to your baby when they are getting into something. If you are just telling them no from across the room, it stays a fun game, but if you come over and re-direct while connecting with them and giving them the attention that they want, they will usually learn what to stay away from over time. For example: Baby touches the TV. Mom gets up and walks over to the TV and takes baby’s hands off the TV saying “No! Danger! The TV could fall!” with a worried face to demonstrate how she is scared. Mom then leads (or carries) the baby over to the couch to read a book or play with a toy. Repeat. If the baby gets over excited or “obsessed” with going to the TV, you may need to take them out of the room for a time, away from temptation. It takes some time and persistence, but I promise you it works. I’ve used this idea with 2 (very different) children so far, and they now know to stay out of the street, away from the oven when I open it, not to climb on the baby gate at the top of the stairs, etc.etc.
You are right about the sharing thing, and they are his toys after all! Lol! Have you tried teaching him the idea of trading? Sometimes if a toddler is getting overly “snatchy” I will tell them, “ The baby is playing with this toy. Do you want to bring the baby a different toy and trade?” and then help them go get a toy to trade with the baby. They may want to do this a bunch of times in a row. And you may want to practice a bit when there is no baby around. (Example: Mama is playing with this toy. Would you like to trade? Thank you!)
Anyways, the toddler stage can be tiring for parents, but it is so exciting for the baby! Imagine, it must be like getting out of prison and not even remembering what the outside world is like. Discovering what everything is and does for the very first time. : )
One of my favourite books (chock –full of wonderful ideas and examples as well as explanations of the different stages of understanding and ability) is “Discipline without Distress”. I often go back to it just to refresh my mind and learn more about each age as my children reach it.
http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Without-Distress-responsible-punishment/dp/0978050908/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1313712190&sr=8-1
We started out with a similar "discipline" with Jack when he was about a year old... starting around 18 months we had to do time-out a couple of times (definitely less than 5 times, still sticking to redirection most of the time). Now that we're well into the "2 year-old" phase, he get's time outs... 2 minutes for being 2 yrs old. He sits in his room with one of us in the door timing it. Usually he cries a little bit, but calms quickly and we talk to him about why he's in time-out while he's there. I honestly can see a bit of remorse when time-out is finished... he usually gives us hugs and is subdued (for just a little bit... he is still a 2 year old boy).
Every child is different... and so are families. This seems to be working for us!
He'll get used to sharing when he has siblings - seriously, that's the best way to teach them!
Disciplining was never really an issue for us...we just always told them "No" when they did something wrong or dangerous. They learned to stop right away. Just please don't be one of those parents who plead with their kids to do something/not do something. There's nothing that grates on my parenting nerves more than hearing a mom say "Bobby, will you please come back here and pick up the fork you threw at me. Please?" YOU are in charge and you shouldn't have to ask them nicely while disciplining them. They will learn their manners at all other parts of the day, but not when they are in trouble :)
Sorry Maggie but I had to laugh, my Dominic (17m) and Joe would really get along! I always say like you do, that he is such a boy. The only advice I have, is that you are a great mom. Just follow your instincts. You know him better than anoyone. :) God bless!
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