I Just Cannot Do It

Do you want to hear about my latest attempt in trying the cry-it-out method (CIO)?

Well here it is:

I quit.

For now, anyways.

I just can’t do it. Even if I wanted to put 100% of my effort into trying CIO my living arrangements make it pretty hard. Joe’s bed is right beside our bed so when he’s screaming bloody murder and looking right at you with a look of, “I see you guys- why aren’t you helping me out?!” it’s just too damn hard. Plus, Ryan’s parents’ room is right underneath ours, and it’s difficult to let Joe CIO when I’m under the stress of worrying about my son AND keeping my in-laws awake.

Last night was bad. Bad bad bad. I tried CIO once again but he cried for about an hour straight. He started coughing and gagging and spitting up. Enough was enough. I brought him to the bed (Ryan and I hadn’t gone to sleep yet) and as I was laying there with him and whispering to my husband my concerns Joe drifted off to sleep. This is where he was happy. Then my husband and I made a decision- since Joe is bigger now and I’m used to not having a lot of room while sleeping anyways, Ryan decided to come back to bed. It’s a family bed now. We’re happy that way.

Joe still wasn’t happy though. He screamed and cried all. night. long. His nose started getting clogged up and he kept arching his back in pain. He wouldn’t take the binky. The only thing that calmed him down was nursing him, which he’d spit back up.

I took him to the pediatrician today where he confirmed my suspicion that Joe’s reflux was flaring up again. He’s getting a cold which irritates the reflux even more. PLUS he has lots of little teeth just ready to pop on out any day now. So my mistake in trying the CIO method was that I didn’t rule out any medical reasons why his sleeping was so messed up. He has a prescription for Zantac which I will give him again and maybe after his pain has subsided we will try a more steadfast approach to getting him to sleep in his crib. (That gives me more time to read up on The No-Cry Sleep Solution and Dr. Sears Baby Sleep book) But for now he will sleep with Ryan and me. Ryan is happy that he doesn’t have to see me sob while our child is screaming all by himself and I am happy that I don’t have to see Ryan get increasingly frustrated that Joe just won’t stop crying.

There is one thing I’ve learned in this process and that is to never judge another mother in her means of parenting her child. When researching the CIO method I saw lots of nasty comments on parenting message boards from both sides. “How can you be so cruel to your child and abandon them when they need you? You are setting them up for major trust disorders.” “How can you be such a push-over and let your child dictate your life? You are setting your child up to be spoiled and dependent.” I know of very dedicated mothers who love their children fiercely that have done the CIO method and others who are just as equally dedicated that have not used CIO. Every baby is different. Every family is different. Every living arrangement is different. We don’t know the going-on’s of other people’s lives. Why make a new mother feel horrible for using CIO when that is all that may work? Why make a new mother feel like she’s destined to have a spoiled rotten child if she chooses NOT to use CIO? I’m not saying any of you are like this, but I’ve seen it elsewhere on the internet. (You ladies are awesome and I can’t thank you enough for your help and support!) The reason I say I won’t judge is because I USED to judge on lots of stuff. When I heard of CIO I just couldn’t believe that parents would do that to their children. The same goes for women who didn’t even attempt to breastfeed. There are many other things that I would judge other women for doing. (Of course this was all before I became a mother myself.) Shame on me for thinking these things. Everyone does the best they can with the situations they are given. I realize that now.

Hopefully Joe’s reflux will calm down so he can have a peaceful night sleep- whether that is in my arms or in his crib. Yes I have to deal with the worry of leaving him in the bed alone, but we might look into bed rails. (Any suggestions?) I’ve heard of making the crib into a side-car sort of thing- might look into that. There is a lot of stuff I’ll have to deal with, for instance, if we ever get pregnant again will I have a sleeping, kicking toddler to deal with while I’m dealing with the discomforts of preggo sleeping? But it’s one thing at a time. One night at a time. Joe is happy, Daddy is happy, and so is Mommy (even though she’s tired as crap today!)

Thanks again for all the encouragement. Y’all are awesome and I wish I could give you a big ol’ hug! Happy Mother’s Day to all you wonderful women!