How Was Your Lent?

Now that Lent is over, I've been thinking back to these past 40 days and assessing how fruitful Lent was for me.

It is always the same with Advent and Lent- I have these grandiose plans to grow spiritually by leaps and bounds. Sometimes the blog-o-sphere can be a bad thing, because I find that I compare myself to my fellow bloggers and thinking, "Gee... it sounds like they are having a very spiritually fulfilling Lent and here I am watching Dancing with the Stars getting annoyed that Kate Gosselin is crying yet again. Shouldn't I be doing something a little more spiritually productive with my time?"

Sometimes I feel that I'm somewhat emotionally immune to the story of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Everyday I see a crucifix. There is usually some sort of reference of the Passion and Resurrection at every Mass I go to. When I pray the rosary and enter into the sorrowful and glorious mysteries I think about Christ's ultimate sacrifice and victory over death and sin. It's not that I'm not grateful for God overwhelming love for us, or that I don't feel horrible that it is my sins that nailed Christ to the cross. It is hard to explain.

After Good Friday services I felt kind of a letdown. I didn't "feel" anything. When I got home and checked my facebook there were some people's statuses stating how they cried during the service. (There I go again- comparing myself to others!) Looking back over the past Lenten days I wondered if I had grown at all.

The next morning I had choir practice and instead of singing slow, somber songs about the pains and suffering Jesus felt on the cross we were singing upbeat and joyful songs about Christ's resurrection. Later that day a bunch of my family came over and we had a great time playing outdoors. I could feel the glory of Easter shining through the environment around me. I could feel the joy by watching my cousin's two little boys hugging each other (and they weren't even told to!). I could feel it by seeing my own nieces and nephew playing with their cousins and by observing the adults in casual conversation while enjoying the warm sun. I could feel the power of God through the blooming flowers and the warm spring wind.

That joy carried through to Easter Sunday Mass. I thanked God for giving me the gifts of family, our beautiful world and the opportunity to be with Jesus Himself during the Mass. I realized that in order to feel this happiness, I had to feel the sadness of Christ's death. There can be no resurrection with out His crucifixion.

So I feel my Lent was a very blessed one. I realize that I need to put more effort into making Lent meaningful. However, I also need to realize that Lent isn't about making myself feel better or happier. It is about growing closer to God and developing a greater desire to be with Him for all eternity.

How was your Lent?