When I graduated college this past May, I was done, D O N E, with school for a very, very, very long time. I remember when I finished up my huge research paper for my senior seminar. I could literally feel a huge weight being lifted from my shoulders. I could feel my blood pressure getting back to normal. My graduation was a joyous time because I knew I wouldn't have to do a bibliography, research, and MLA format EVER again!There were fellow classmates around me that were ready and rearin' to go to grad school the following semester. My respect for them was very high, but I thought never in a million years would I ever be going.
Well, God laughed at my plans once again, and now lately my curiosity has gotten the best of me. I have found that only having an undergraduate degree in Theology is making it hard to find a job.
I feel like I am ready to go back to school. I love to learn, especially about theology! However there are many things that have discouraged me from going to grad school.
There aren't many schools that I am familiar with that have good, orthodox Theology masters programs. There are even fewer that I know of that are close to home. I really admire those people who can live far away from their families, but I just could not deal with it. My mom lives three hours away, and my in-laws live about an hour and a half away, and that is just way too far for me. The good, solid grad schools I know of are in Texas, Florida, Colorado and Ohio. (I'm sure there are more, but I'm clueless when it comes to good Catholic schools.) Distance is a big issue for me.
Another issue I had was taking the GRE (Graduate Record Examinations.) Call me unmotivated, but the thought of taking an exam like that really turned me off of grad school.
I loved going to my Theology classes while I was at Benedictine. I thoroughly enjoyed the lectures and discussions we had. Quizzes and tests never bothered me. It was writing papers that I dreaded. Some papers I didn't mind writing, it would depend on the subject and/or professor. Maybe I never got the hang of writing a good research paper, because a lot of the comments I received were to the effect of, "Good work, just not quite there" or "This paper was more of an apologetic tone than research-based." I know there are research papers required in grad school and most of the time a long written thesis is required to graduate. The thought of writing a thesis makes me sick to my stomach...
There were many other things that discouraged me from thinking about going to grad school. Foreign language requirements, applications, letters of recommendation, and the fact that I would like to start a family soon are just a few to name.
Despite all my reservations I went on Franciscan University's website to take a peek. There was a tab that definitely caught my eye: Distance Learning Program
I was intrigued! I could take nearly all my classes at home! I would have to take 6 hours there at the campus, but I could do that during the summer. I could live in Ohio for one summer!
Then I kept reading all these things that were opening the door for grad school to be more of an option for me: no GRE required, no foreign language requirement, I could take up to 6 months to finish a class and at my own pace, I could have pretty much anyone except family provide me with a letter of recommendation, AND they don't require a written thesis; instead they do comprehensive exams (I do much better at those!) Plus, they don't emphasize narrowing a field of study to one thing (like Biblical studies, moral theology, Church history), instead they want you to dabble in a little bit of each subject, which I like.
This program was designed for people who are already working or who have families. It seems perfect for me because nearly everything that turned me off of grad school is not a requirement at Franciscan.
There are still some things that make me a little hesitant to jump into this whole getting my masters degree. Finances are one thing. I know I could get financial aid, but I already have so much debt from Benedictine that adding more just seems unreasonable to me.
It is our ultimate goal that I stay at home with our children until they go to school. When they do, I'd love to get into the work force if that is God wants me to do. If I had my masters I could teach a college course, work for the diocese or do something that really made a difference. But what if I don't feel called to go back to a job when our children are in school? Will have getting my masters have been a big waste? I think that is my biggest fear... wasting time and money.
Could I manage being a stay at home mom with little ones and do online classes and homework? I was overwhelmed when I was a just a single gal living by myself.
I sent off for more information, so it will definitely be something to think and pray about. If I did go, it wouldn't be for awhile, so I have plenty of time!
Thy will be done, O Lord!
5 comments:
"It is our ultimate goal that I stay at home with our children until they go to school. When they do, I'd love to get into the work force if that is God wants me to do. If I had my masters I could teach a college course, work for the diocese or do something that really made a difference. But what if I don't feel called to go back to a job when our children are in school? Will have getting my masters have been a big waste? I think that is my biggest fear... wasting time and money."
I know just how you feel. I am going into this whole applying for grad school thing with one eye closed, wondering if it's even going to be worth it. I'm just trusting God to make it clear. I hope he does the same for you!
It sounds like everything would be in your favor to do it now. I know there is a lot of 'what ifs' but you have the ability & determination to do it.
From my own personal experience: I didn't go back to school until my oldest was only 3. Went at a pace I could handle w/a child and a full time job (which by the sounds of this program would be at your pace too). I got pregnant w/my youngest when I was in school. I took a semester off only because she came the first week of classes and I would have had to miss the first two weeks because of a c-section.
My point: I am the world's worst student!!!! There is no doubt in my mind that YOU are capable of handling graduate school and anything that would come up during that time! If you can--go for it!!! And when you get your dipolma maybe your child will yell "Mom, you rock!" as you walk to get your dipolma. (Mine did) And it makes it all worth it!!!!
Hi,
Your post reminded me so much of what I was like before I went to graduate school. I wanted so much to have kids, but because of our infertility, it just wasn't happening. I thought I had to work, had to make myself "useful." It was not until later, that I realized how important my job was just being at home, being there for my husband, and preparing myself for what I really deep down in my heart wanted, to be a mother. So I ended up going to a grad school program and getting my Masters in Counseling. I did everything I could to prepare myself for a career. I even had two foster children towards the end that I wanted to adopt. Their adoption did not work out, unfortunately, due to circumstances outside of my control. However, it did make me realize how really, really difficult it is to go to school or work and have children. I was truly exhausted those few months that I had my girls and stressed most of the time. Then, after losing them, I finished my thesis, cried my heart out and said I would wait years before having children, so that I would not have to go through that type of heartbreak again. And then a few weeks before being accepted for a job, a beautiful child was born. When I looked into her beautiful eyes for the first time, I knew I could never put her in daycare or work as long as I had a choice about it. I cherish so much the time I have with her and would not trade it for the world. I finally came to realize that the best job a woman can have is to be a mother (spiritual or otherwise). I regret getting my masters as we are now in more debt and that limits us in so many ways. I did enjoy counseling people during my internship, but no job compares to being a mother. Having lost my first two children, I definitely appreciate the time I have with my daughter now.
Of course, this is just my own journey, and perhaps God has something different planned for you. The most important thing is to let God be in charge of your life and your plans. He always has something wonderful for those who trust in Him.
It sounds to me like you're definitely looking at it from the right perspective - the Lord's will! And it does sound like the program is a good fit for you if that is what you're being called to.
As someone who hasn't gone through the whole mother thing yet, I think my biggest concern would be finances. That seems like something that you and your husband would be able to prayerfully figure out.
I don't think education is ever a waste. I sometimes wonder what the point of getting my PhD is, if I'm going to stay at home and potentially never use it? But then I try to think of all the life lessons it's taught me, and I do think it's worth it. (It also really helps that I was certain it was God's will.) And learning theology would have lots more applications to raising your children than linguistics would!
Sending up a prayer for direction and clarity!
It's exciting to see the way that you are approaching a major choice in your life with such sound thought and reliance on God.
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