On this third day of Christmas...

I don't know why, but I always get sad when Christmas Day is over. Yes, yes, I know that it is technically still Christmas until the Epiphany, but I just feel like all the magic and splendor of the Christmas season is gone. Christmas morning comes, the presents are opened, and just like that- poof- it's gone. People take down their Christmas trees that day. The neighborhoods are cold and dark with no twinkling lights to shine in the night.

I always get so emotional on Christmas Day, probably due to lack of sleep. However, the days following it I am still morose. For some reason I hate New Year's Eve. I hate all the specials on TV about the year in review. I hate when things come to an end, even something as inevitable as the year. I've always had this melancholy depressed feeling watching the Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve with all the peppy pop culture hoopla and excited people lining the streets of Times Square. Maybe it stems back from when I was in elementary and high school. I knew that once New Years Day came then that meant back to school in two or three days, and that was no fun. Maybe it is because I know there is about three months of crappy, cold and snowy weather. Yes, the first few snows of winter, especially around Christmas are pure magic, but after that I'm sick of it and ready for spring.

I wish the joy of celebrating Christ's birth would storm into my heart. I wish I could be like this:



End of the year blah's. Yay. It doesn't help that I feel like the last 15 months of lack of sleep is catching up with me.

Hopefully this Mrs. Poopy-Pants attitude with go away soon.

Toddlers and Midnight Mass?

I really thought I'd get some great blog posts out during this Advent season. I have oodles of ideas in my head. One of them is how I don't feel close to our Blessed Mother Mary. At all. Another is how my idea of babies, pregnancies and infertility has changed since I was a teenager.

But I've been sooooooo veeeeeeeery tiiiiiiiiiired. My brain feels like a gobbily gook of mush and I fear I cannot get any intelligent words out. So I suppose these posts will have to wait until my brain solidifies.

However, there is one topic I want to address. I need opinions and experiences.

Should my husband and I take our nearly 16 month old toddler to Midnight Mass this year?

We took him last year, but he was only about 3 months old and slept through almost the whole Mass. I think there was one time Ryan had to take him downstairs because he was fussing. But I nursed him and he was back to sleep. No problems.


This year is a different story. We have a very loud, active and mobile little person on our hands. This is a little church so people will notice a screaming child. My hometown parish is very small so I doubt there will be many other little kids there adding to the chorus of jibber jabber. I also have to sing in the choir, so it will be up to my mom and Ryan (and my brother perhaps) to wrangle Joe.

It seems like it would be too much of a hassle to wake him up and bring him to Mass (which is actually at 11:00 p.m.) I have no idea how Joe would react to being woken up, even though he still wakes up frequently throughout the night. It just seems a little too tricky to me.

But I so want him to go! I know he's too young to really know what is going on, but I just want our whole family there. If Joe doesn't go, Ryan would stay home with him and it just wouldn't be the same. Then I keep thinking to the future, if God blesses us with more children, will it always be this way? I go to Midnight Mass with the older kids while Ryan stays home with the baby? Will I have to wait until all our kids are quite a bit older for us all to go as a family? That just bums me out.

I am a strong believer in bringing babies/toddlers/children to Mass. (You should read this amazing post by Kate Wicker!) I also believe that if they are being too loud and disruptive then it is appropriate to remove them from the situation until they can behave themselves.

I suppose we can just play it by ear. If Joe throws a holy fit when we wake him up then perhaps Ryan will stay with him. We will just wait and see!

So what does your family do? What experiences good and bad have you had when bringing your toddler to Midnight Mass? Thanks for any help you can give me!!!

Be Kind. Be Compassionate.

This morning I woke up to learn my favorite weatherman, Don Harman from Fox 4 News, had died. I have watched Don Harmon since I was a freshman in high school. Mr. Harman was hilarious and wacky. He had such a good camaraderie with the anchors of the morning show. The light-hearted, fun-loving atmosphere he created made me want to watch the news in the morning because it wasn't all about murders, scams, and car accidents.

The station was keeping tight-lipped about the situation because not all of his family members had been notified. I kept wondering what it was that claimed his life. Had he been in a car accident that morning on the way to work? Perhaps he suffered a heart attack. When I got on the internet the rumor was swirling around- suicide. Suicide??! How on earth could this man who was so funny, so fun-loving, and knew he was adored by many in Kansas City kill himself? This man who was only 41 years old, with a wife and a young daughter... what was going on inside his head that made him feel like he was beyond help? What was going on inside his head to make him feel that his life wasn't worth living?

I don't know why his death affects me so. I had never met him. I feel a heaviness in my heart, not just because Mr. Harman's death, but just because I am sometimes overwhelmed at what seems like an enormous amount of darkness and sadness in this world.



Don Harman's suicide makes me realize that you never really know what is going on in a person's life. He appeared so confident and happy, but that was apparently a mask. How many people do we encounter everyday that are on the verge of suicide or having a mental break down?

I saw on the news today that the number one reason people dislike the holiday season is because they are "forced" to be nice to others; others meaning mostly their family and friends that they would rather not be nice to.

What is wrong with being nice? What is wrong with being kind? I suppose if someone is nice as opposed to being strong-willed they are considered weak. They are considered fluff compared to a stone.

What is wrong with keeping our mouths shut when we want to say mean and hurtful things? We take delight in saying mean things because it's funny and a thrill to demean someone.

It is easy to lose our patience. It is easy for us to snap. The holiday is a stressful time, but we need to remember that we are not the only person on this planet. There are others out there that are just as stressed, if not more. Our feelings, wants, desires are not the only feelings out there.

Instead of snapping at a cashier to get the line moving faster why don't you take a second and look at her name tag. Yes, she is a person who has a name, not just a corporate tool that scans your merchandise and takes your money. She is a person who has worries and fears and joy and excitement. She is a person who possibly is a single mother and this is the only job she could find to support her two children. Instead of complaining to her, or even cutting her off and being short with her when she tries to make conversation, how about you compliment her earrings. Tell her thank you for what she does. Tell her how much you admire her for working in the retail business during the holiday season. Tell her Merry Christmas.

Instead of throwing a fit that you didn't get fries with your extra value meal why don't you take a second to remember that the gentleman who took your order doesn't have it out for you to make sure you don't have your fries. People make mistakes. People get distracted. Sure, there are the occasional lazy-bones people out there that don't put in the effort to make sure your order is correct, but have a little more faith in people. Maybe this kid who has taken hundreds of food orders that day is tired because he had to wake up extra early to take his mother to chemotherapy and has two finals to study for when he gets home. Maybe he is distracted for good reason.

There are some things in life that are good cause for us to speak up and say something. Voicing our concerns about some things in life is necessary. But let us keep our priorities straight. Being mean to the teen who bags our groceries for accidentally dropping the bottle of spaghetti sauce isn't necessary.

We live in a world where rudeness and hostility rule, a teenage girl can be hailed as a free-speech hero for making disrespectful comments to an adult (who happens to be the governor of Kansas) and where people can tear each other apart while hiding behind a computer screen. I stay away from comboxes where people can easily accuse the authors of being bad parents, bad Catholics, and destined for hell because they believe in XYZ.



The world can't be all lollypops and sparkly unicorn glitter. There are people out there who are sarcastic and cynical. God made us all different and it's good to have a little spice and crunch in our lives. But no matter what our disposition is, we must be careful of our words. We must be careful of our actions.

Our words and actions can make or break someone's day. Our words and actions represent more than just ourselves. They represent our parents, our church, our country. It is not all about me, me, me.

I see the darkness of life and the sadness that seems to overshadow everything. I sometimes wonder what kind of world I have brought my child into. I hope to raise my son and future children to bring LIGHT to the world instead of darkness.

I have a different take on Advent this year. I wait for the coming of our Savior. I see the darkness of our world and I know that Christ has defeated it and has brought light to our world. He does it every single day.

There is good in this world. There is such incredible good in this world that it busts through the darkness of sadness and tragedy. God helps us to become that light that crashes through. It can begin with us.


May God bless the soul of Don Harman and bring comfort and peace to his family during this tragic time. May he rest in peace.



May God bless all those who are affected by suicide.



May God bless those who are sad and lonely this holiday season.

Unusual Parenting Questions

There are some things you can't find in "the books." I have a few unusual parenting questions to ask y'all. You can tell I'm a first-time mom.

First of all, my son has a mullet. He's been a major baldy most of his life. However, his hair has grown at a very fast rate these past few months- but it is all in the back of his head! I've noticed that his hair is starting to fill out in the front, but just the front center part. He looks like he has a major receding hairline.

I've contemplated trimming his hair in the back. Sometimes it just looks so scraggly and gross. But other times I don't even notice. However, at Thanksgiving dinner, a family member pointed out his mullet. Their comments don't bother me (SHOCK!!!) but it just makes me wonder if I should attempt a trim.

Here are some pictures I took after his bath the other night. What do you think? (I think his hair looks longer since it is wet.)

Yes, he is brushing his luscious locks!

So if I should trim his hair, how in the blue blazes do I do that? Keep in mind this is the same child that I want to duct tape to the changing table when changing his diaper because he wants to do a double back flip with a round-house kick off the table. He is the same child that makes me think that bathing a 20 lb catfish on crack would be easier than bathing him. He is the same child that when I cut his nails it sounds like I am cutting his fingers off.

My next question- do you buckle your child in their car seat while they are wearing their winter coat? I read in a parenting magazine that you should take off the winter coat because it creates a kind of poofy air pocket and if there is a car crash there isn't as much support on the harness so there is a greater chance of injury. The author suggested taking the coat off when you buckle them in the seat. So you have their coat on for a total of 5 seconds while walking to the car before you have to take it off, and then put it back on again when getting out. It just seems like a lot of work. But I've never really had to buckle in a child during the winter, so I'm clueless! I understand if it is a long trip you should take it off because they'd get hot and uncomfortable, but what about short trips to the grocery store?

My final question- at what point do you put a pillow in the crib? Joe is a restless sleeper. I put him down to sleep one way and an hour later he is in the exact opposite position. I'm just kind of thinking down the road when we transition Joe into a toddler bed. I was going to get him a Sesame Street pillowcase and blanket, but I won't if it will be a waste of time and money.

Thanks for your help!

My Theological Defense/Critique of theTwilight Saga

I've always wanted to write a post defending/critiquing the Twilight series. I feel that almost every good Catholic blogger I frequent seems to think this series is pure crap and anyone who reads it is the most unintelligent peon known to mankind.

But I never really cared enough to defend the series. People are entitled to their own opinions and I have other posts I'd rather write. Besides, I felt I had to write a weighty tome of my defense and I have been too lazy to dive deep into Twilight.

However, after reading some comments in the blogosphere regarding this series that were simply redonkulous, I feel the urge to add my 2 cents. Not that anybody cares, but I just want those faithful, orthodox Catholics who are afraid to come out of the woodwork for enjoying this series to know they are not alone.

NOTE:

1. If you haven't read the books, I don't even wanna debate this with you. Period.

2. There are spoiler alerts galore in here.

First of all, I can see what the uproar is about. This series appears to boil down to the fact that Edward is a psycho-vampire-stalker-possesive dude. Who sparkles. And Bella is this chick who falls instantly in love with said dude so much to the point that she basically has a manic depressive shutdown for several months after he breaks up with her. Not exactly the type of relationship you want your teenagers to model.

I watched the movie before I read the book. I thought the first movie sucked big time crap-bags. The storyline is basically Bella and Edward staring intensely at each other and rock music in the background. Lots and lots of staring and angst. And then there is Bella walking around with her mouth gaped open like some fish out of water. Feel free to disagree, but I believe Kristen Stewart does not do the character of Bella justice. Sure, Miss Stewart's real-life antics are similar to Bella's- the clumsiness (she dropped the statuette she won at the MTV Movie Awards a couple of years ago), the shyness, the outsider-going-against-the-grain persona, etc. but for goodness sake, Kristen Stewart- show some emotion in these movies and close your damn mouth!






Ahem.

*UPDATE* Part of this was written before I watched the latest film Breaking Dawn. Kristen Stewart does a MUCH MUCH MUCH better job of acting in this movie. I felt like it took three movies for her to finally get Bella. But her mouth still annoys me. ***

So after I watched the movie I decided to read the book. I wanted to see what the hype is about. The book is always better than the movie, right? This proved to be true with Twilight. The plot was pretty much the same as the movie, but of course there was so much more internal dialogue in the book. All the times where Bella was looking like a curious, confused puppy dog at Edward in the movie- well, now I knew what she was thinking. She isn't as dumb as she looks in the movies.

*TEENAGE RELATIONSHIPS*

When I read the book I was still hung up on the very intense feelings Bella and Edward had for each other. It seemed over the top. But then I looked back on my own relationships in high school and how over the moon I was for my boyfriend. I remember the thrill and excitement of holding hands, first kisses and simply being with each other. And I remember the times I was dumped and how heartbroken I was and how I felt life would never be the same.

I can see the concern for young women reading this. They can get a pretty messed up view of what relationships are supposed to be. But let's give our teenagers a little bit of credit. Surely they know that this is a work of FICTION since there's that whole vampire/werewolf thing going on in the story. I feel like it is similar to the fears of children reading Harry Potter. Does reading Harry Potter set up kids for curiosities about the occult? Maybe, but not so much. Does Twilight set up young women looking for brooding, mysterious men? Maybe, but isn't that in like every romance novel ever written? I feel that it comes down to the parents. Would I let my teenage daughter read this book? Yes, when she is older and when I can talk to her about the story. I think it is a great way to open up the dialogue between parents and teens about young romance and how not to be stupid and think you are going to get married at 15 because this guy is PERFECT and how he would never break your heart.

The whole Edward following Bella around before they start dating and how he gets really possessive with her when she is with her guy-pal-werewolf, Jacob, is a touch creepy. The way they show it in the movies is REALLY creepy. However, I remember that this is FICTION and the reason for Edward's intensity toward Bella is because he is drawn to her blood and how he can't read her mind when he can read everyone else around him. It makes her even more alluring. It isn't normal. Because it is MAKE BELIEVE.

The possessive thing... well, that's a slippery slope. The impression I got in the books was the reason Edward is so possessive is because he is honestly concerned for Bella's safety. She was going into a community where when people get ticked off they turn into behemoth sized wolves and would probably tear her to shreds. And he isn't allowed on their land to protect her. It's not because he views Bella as his property. I think that is pretty reasonable. But, in the movie Edward and Jacob practically pee all over Bella to mark their territory... not really in the books.

*CHASTITY*

Some people see the books as a good example of chastity. Bella practically begs to do the horizontal mambo and Edward says no. Why? Because he'd probably snap her in half because he's a vampire and very strong. But mostly it is because he is from the early 1900's era and believes sex is for marriage. He doesn't want to cause Bella to sin. He really does love her and cares about her eternal soul. In the book Eclipse there is a scene where Bella is convinced that this will be the night that she loses her virginity to Edward. When I was reading this I was saying to myself, "Stephenie Meyer- do not give into the bull-crap of modern day society and have them do it before they get married! It would be so frakking typical!" She didn't disappoint.

I would have pulled some quotes from the actual book, but my Twilight books are in storage. So you'll have to settle with a quote from the movie.

Bella and Edward and making out on a bed. Bella starts unbuttoning her blouse. Edward stops and says, "Bella, would you please stop trying to take your clothes off." Bella stops and is confused and hurt. She shakes her head and says to Edward that she feels like a villain trying to steal his virtue. Edward then says he wants to "do it right" and get married first even though he knows that isn't a modern day notion. Bella sticks it to him- "Yeah, that's not modern. It's ancient." Then Edward says,

"I'm from a different era. Things were a lot less complicated. And if I'd met you back then, I would have courted you... would have taken you to chaperoned strolls, ice tea on the porch. I may have stolen a kiss or two, but only after asking your father's permission. I would have got down on knee and I would've presented you with a ring."

At this point Edward officially proposes (he had done so many times through out the series and she said no) with his mother's ring. Bella says yes. Does she say yes just so she can do the naked shimmy shake with Edward later on? Ehh... hard to tell.

Buuuuuut.... it also says in the books that Edward stays practically every night with Bella in her room. That's not exactly practicing the virtue of chastity. That's inviting the temptation to sin. Sure, it says they "talk" and have all these deep discussions, but come on. Beautiful teenage girl- handsome teenage (kind of) guy who happens to be a vampire laying together on a bed- add in the teenage hormones and it's just a big mess. It's just a tad contradictory.

*THE ETERNAL SOUL*

So there's a problem when your boyfriend is a vampire who doesn't age and you are a mortal human. It just turns awkward when you are an 90 year old wrinkled old lady and your hubby is a hunky 17 year old.

So what do you do?

Become a vampire, of course!

Bella is all about it. She's like, "Soul? Who needs a soul? Soul schmoul!" It seems that every other chapter contains a conversation between Edward and Bella about him turning her. She begs for this more than for doing the freaky freak in the bedroom. Edward says no. He believes that since he is a vampire and immortal he has no soul and is therefore destined for hell if he were ever killed. He doesn't want to do that to Bella's soul. If she were to become a vampire she could never see her family or friends again because she'd want to kill them and suck their blood. He wants her to grow old and gray and live a full life with her own babies and grandchildren. He would sacrifice his own happiness if it meant Bella leading a normal happy life and getting to heaven.

But Bella doesn't listen to him and arranges for one of Edward's vampire family members to change her, even though it would be more special if he were the one. He finally agrees to change her. If she'll marry him. So she gets sex and a vampire change if she gets married. How... romantic?

In hindsight I do see Bella embracing the thought of marriage and knowing the consequence of becoming an immortal. And it seems she wants to be a vampire not just to be with Edward.

"This wasn't a choice between you and Jacob. It was between who I should be and who I am. I've always felt out of step. Like literally stumbling through my life. I've never felt normal, because I'm not normal, and I don't wanna be. I've had to face death and loss and pain in your world, but I've also never felt stronger, like more real, more myself, because it's my world too. It's where I belong."

Edward says, "So it's not just about me?"

"No, sorry."

*BELLA AND THE HARRY POTTER COMPARISON*

Feminist is a tricky term. So it is hard to really go much into this topic.

I never really agreed that Bella is anti-feminist. Bella saves Edwards life twice in the series. She's not always the damsel in distress.

Sure she has a nervous breakdown when Edward breaks up with her. Many like to compare her to the heroines in Harry Potter:


Of course Hermione and Ginny are much stronger characters than Bella. But they were facing domination of their world by the most evil, sinister wizard that ever walked the earth. Bella was dumped. She wasn't facing certain destruction so I think it was acceptable for her to be a typical teenage girl and mope. And she didn't jump off the cliff to kill herself- just to clear up that little misconception. There is a quote out there supposedly by Stephen King that says, "Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength, and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend."

These are two completely different stories. Yes, they are both fantasy. They are both fiction. But they aren't the same. They just aren't. Yes, the stories of Harry Potter are 90 gazillion times better than the Twilight series. JK Rowling's storytelling is borderline genius. I'm not that much of a Twihard. But I just find it hard to compare these books.

I don't believe that Twilight is just about the importance of finding a boyfriend. It is about true love, facing danger, friendship and much more.

*PRO-LIFE*

This was one thing that really made me respect the series. In the final book Edward and Bella get married. They go on a honeymoon and renew their marriage vows. A lot. Then, unexpectedly, impossibly- Bella gets pregnant. This half-human/half-vampire hybrid grows at an alarming rate and is literally sucking the life out of Bella. Bella wants to continue with the pregnancy even though she may die. And then Edward goes and knocks himself down a few pegs on my respect-o-meter and wants to kill the baby.

Edward seems like a pretty decent moral being. He cares about Bella's soul. He doesn't her want to fall into sin. He wants to save sex for marriage. In the beginning of the movie Breaking Dawn it seems that Edward does show a respect for life. He confesses to Bella that when he first became a vampire he killed humans. (The Cullen family don't feed off human blood. They feed off animal blood.) He always targeted men who were murders and rapists. Bella reassures him, "You probably saved more people than you killed." Edward says, "I used to tell myself that, but in the end- they are still human. I saw the look in their eyes when I killed them." So Edward sees that the ends don't justify the means! Huzzah! But later on he wants to kill what is growing inside Bella. D'oh!

Bella's maternal instinct kicks in early and she fights to maintain the pregnancy. Finally Edward can hear what the baby is thinking while still in utero and comes to realize that this isn't a monster- it his child and they will figure out a way to help Bella through this fatal pregnancy.

I was curious how the movie would portray this topic. I had read in an entertainment magazine a few months ago that the producers and director were going to stay away from a primary pro-life message. Even Kristen Stewart scoffed at the idea that this movie would be pro-life. I was worried that the movie would straight up piss me off by changing the plot of the book and showing Bella having second thoughts on keeping her child. Then I read this article on LifeSiteNews before I saw the movie. I thought the article was a little over the top, but I was still concerned. After seeing the movie tonight I have to respectfully disagree with the folks at LifeSiteNews (although I agree with pretty much everything else they write about.) I was pleasantly surprised at how strong the pro-life message was.

When Bella realizes she is pregnant she is very surprised. In the book she suddenly realizes just how badly she wants to be a mother. It was a deep, hidden, natural desire. This comes through in the movie. When she discovers she is pregnant Bella stands in front of a mirror caressing her belly. While Edward is running around freaking out she is standing there not in fear- but in joy. In amazement. She smiles. Edward comes to her and tells her, "I will get it out of you." Her smile fades away. "It?" she whispers. Suddenly she is afraid. Not for her well-being, but for the baby. Their miracle, as she calls her baby later in the movie.

All except one of her in-law's (Rosalie) insist she destroy the fetus. Even her best friend Jacob tries to convince her. In anger he tells Edward, "I knew you weren't good for her." Edward's sister comes to his defense and yells "The fetus isn't good for her!" Rosalie shouts back, "Fetus? Use the real word, Alice! It's a baby in there! Just a little baby!"

Later on Edward is arguing with Bella to save her own life because he doesn't want to lose her. Carlisle, her physician father in law tells her that she will indeed die. She assures Edward that this baby will be a part of her that lives on. She emphatically defends the life of their child. There are so many other great pro-life quotes and examples in this movie. I wished I had a notebook to write some of them down.

Yes, there are anti-life attitudes in the movie. The reason Edward and his family are so against having the baby is because they don't think the baby is human. That sounds awfully anti-life- you know the whole "A fetus isn't human. It's just a clump of cells." But that's not the deal with Edward's family. Remember they are vampires and they truly believe that what is inside her is a monster-literally. I think it is important to show the anti-life side because it shows the beauty and purity of Bella's choice. The audience roots for Bella. They are on her side. When the side of life prevails it makes the story so much richer.

*THE BOOKS VS. THE MOVIES*

I have read the series twice now. I think they are great stories. I love how Stephenie Meyer dives into the back story of how the Cullen's became vampires. She also weaves a beautiful story of Jacob's Native American tribe and how they became wolves. I will admit that the author isn't the greatest writer in the world. I've read much better, but I have also read worse. She could have taken this series to the next level and really showed another layer of morality. But she didn't write this as a series on chastity or the everlasting soul or to further the pro-life cause. She didn't even really intend to write this as a published novel. She had a dream about a girl and a vampire laying in a meadow and just built on that. She wrote is purely for her enjoyment. She wrote this as a simple love story.

There are many other great writers and stories out there. Much better than Twilight. But that doesn't make this a bad story. It is intriguing and interesting. I always get sucked into the story.

The movies suck me in as well. They are by no means cinematic masterpieces. But I feel that if you like the book you like the movies because you see what you've been reading. That's the beauty of books being made into movies. Each movie gets a little better. One thing I appreciate about the movies is that they don't deviate much from the storyline in the books. (Unlike the Harry Potter movies. Don't EVEN get me started on the whole Burrow getting destroyed in The Half-Blood Prince. ACK!!!) But of course the books are so much better. It's not just pretty people staring all googly-eyed at each other and making out. There is so much more.

One reason I think so many people despise the Twilight series is because how saturated it is in pop culture. The movies appear to be weak plots behind a pop music tapestry. They are very MTV-esque. The fan frenzy is pretty ridiculous sometimes. It just seems mainstream, corny and juvenile. And the vampires sparkle. People seem to have huge issues with that, but it's FICTION. Stephenie Meyer just wanted to put a different spin on the legends of vampires. If you want the hardcore burn-in-the-sun vampires watch True Blood on HBO. Then you will appreciate the unoffending sparkle.

I still hang onto the hope there is redemption for Eric Northman!

There are the corny publicity photos of Bella and Edward clinging to each other in rivers and there are the screaming fans. There are the teenagers who really seem to think that Edward and Jacob are for really real real. And then there are the 40 year old housewives... I don't want to say too much, because I personally know some of these women who are dedicated Twihards.. but.... ah.... it's just kind of weird.



I think some people take this series WAY too seriously. Some people are simply fanatic about the books and movies. Others are fanatic about bashing them. They are books. They are for fun. They are FICTION. I enjoy these books, but they aren't my Bible. Yes, they are very popular and thus can greatly influence people. My line of reasoning defending these books probably have a ton of holes. But I think with the help of parents, an open mind and just plain common sense these books can be greatly enjoyed and appreciated.

RIP Hudson

I have a million and one things I want to write about. I am writing a post criticizing/defending the Twilight series. I have a post floating around in my head about large families and spacing children. All these things I want to write about.

This post, I wish I didn't have to write.

This evening we put the family dog to sleep.

His name was Hudson. Ryan brought him home back in 1999. "He's not that big, mom," he said. He wasn't quite truthful. The family that owned him were moving. He didn't have the greatest upbringing. I was told he ate out of trashcans for his meals. They weren't even sure how old he was- maybe 2 years old they thought.

It's a good thing he found the Crawford household.

Hudson was Ryan's dog. But when he left for college, Ryan's dad took over. But he really was everybody's dog. We all loved him. He touched every one of our hearts. Give him a tennis ball, a belly scratch and a doggie cookie and he was your new best friend.

I remember seeing pictures of him on Ryan's facebook. I was nervous when we went to meet his family because I was scared that Hudson would jump up on me or hump my leg creating all sorts of awkward situations. But when we walked in, Hudson greeted us with a giant wagging tail and excitement. I immediately fell in love with him.

Before we were married and would visit Ryan's parents, we would stay in separate rooms. I would always let Hudson on the bed to sleep with me. He snored, but that was fine with me.

Over the years two new dogs came into the picture. Our beagle, Chandler, and Ryan's parent's new dog June Bug. When they got June Bug it seemed like Hudson was on his last leg. He had fallen and was injured. When Ryan's mom called him with the news that he might have to be put down Ryan cried. That was the first time I had seem him cry.

June Bug seemed to zap some life into Hudson. These past 2 years we saw the slow decline, but Hudson was happy and occupied by June Bug and Chan.

Just this week the back gate got unlatched and Hudson escaped. For about 10 minutes we waited and worried. Soon a neighbor about a half a block up came walking with him. I swear Hudson looked like a puppy. He was so energetic and happy! He had just had quite the adventure!

These past two days came Hudson's downfall. For the past few weeks we've noticed his legs giving out. Last night, after a trip to the vet, who happens to be a close family friend, the decision was made that today would be Hudson's last day on earth.

We all spoiled him and gave him extra attention. We were all bracing for 5:00 when we were to take him to the vet.

I didn't really expect to be in the same room as Hudson. I just figured I would wait in the waiting room. But it all happened so fast and I wanted to be there for my husband.

Hudson was happy at Dr. M's office. He was walking around slowly and sniffing. He was happy in the room with us and didn't flinch at the sedation shot. In about 10 minutes he was snoozing soundly. Deep sleep. He was dreaming. We were petting him, talking to him, kissing him. He was happy.

Then came the final shot. Ryan asked how long it would be. She said he would probably be gone before the injection was finished. As soon as she was done I noticed his side wasn't moving in his rhythmic beating breaths. One minute he was there. Now he was gone. I kissed him, said I loved him, and left Ryan to be alone with him.

We are all heartbroken over the loss of Hudson. However, I think there is a feeling of bittersweet relief. His pain is gone. He is happy. A lot happier than we are right now. He had a happy death.

I used to get semi-annoyed at "my doggie died" posts. Now I see the need to post. It helps us to heal. It helps us to honor our pet. I know there are debates on whether dogs go to heaven. I can't phrase it as well as Anthony DeStefano in his book A Travel Guide to Heaven, but I believe that we will see our pets again someday. God creates good. He created pets for us as good things. So why would they be taken away forever? In the new world God creates for us after the end of times, there will be beauty. There will be animals. Surely our pets will be there, too.

Hudson's death has hit Ryan especially hard. I hate seeing my beloved in such pain. That might be the hardest part for me. Yes, I will miss Hudson, but I know he's in a better place. I just wish I could take the pain away from my husband. I don't like to see him so upset. I want to make it better, but I know time, love and comfort from family and friends will heal his wounds.

This experience has made me resolve to spend more time with Chandler. He always so active running around with the other dogs that I haven't really had a chance to spend some cuddle time with him. I'm sure that he and June Bug will be out of sorts when they realize that Hudson is gone and won't be back.

I would rather write a post bringing on an onslaught of judgment and criticism for my enjoyment of the Twilight series or wanting a big family than this one.

Hug your pets tonight.

St. Francis of Assisi, pray for us.

Rest in peace, dear Hudson. We love you.