I had my 39 week appointment today. I wasn't going to get too excited because I had a feeling that nothing had changed from last week. I had no progress then.
My blood pressure and weight were fine. The baby's heartbeat was fantastic. But the look on his face when he was checking me did not give me hope. He just kind of sighed and had that "I hate to tell you this" look on his face. He informed me that my chances for a VBAC were not looking too good at this point because the baby hadn't dropped. Since we are treating this as my first vaginal birth he said that by this time in my pregnancy the baby should have been somewhat engaged in my pelvis. The baby's head is nowhere near getting to that point. That fact that he is not could possibly mean my pelvis is too small for him to get down there.
My water could break and I could dilate, but if my baby's head is not down there is a risk for cord prolapse. Or I could start to push and my pelvis won't be wide enough for the baby's head to pass through. Both of these are serious risks with having a vaginal delivery.
He said he has been pleasently surprised before with women who he was convinced were not going to be able to have a VBAC. They delivered beautifully. He talked about how delivering babies is such a crazy game and you never know what God has in store.
Even though he is doubtful I will be able to have a successful VBAC, he told me that it was still my choice. I could schedule a c-section or wait another week. I decided to wait. My due date is this Friday and my next appointment is the following Tuesday. I wanted to give my body a little longer.
I did shed a few tears while driving home but I didn't have a full break down like I thought I would. I tried looking at the bright side. If I do have a c-section, I have been through one before and know what to expect. And unlike last time I know there is a possibility of a c-section. With Joe I was in denial about having a c-section pretty much up to the point to where they were wheeling me into the O.R. And I know what the recovery is like with a c-section and I had a very fast and easy one with my first c-section.
I haven't developed pre-eclampsia so far which is a HUGE blessing. I don't know how I could take care of Joe and a newborn while battling high blood pressure. It was a huge scary ordeal for me and really took away a lot of the joy in welcoming Joe to the world.
If my pelvis is too small to deliver vaginally then thank God for modern medicine and c-sections so that my baby and I can be safe from harm.
My doctor has assured me that just because I have c-sections doesn't mean that I have to have a small family. He has on many occasions delivered a woman's fourth or fifth child by c-section with no complications.
No matter what the means are to get the baby out, the end will be the same- a precious baby to hold in my arms.
I'm still pretty bummed. I know that there is still hope for a VBAC, but I am getting very discouraged. And even if my water breaks I will be scared that my baby hasn't dropped and complications could occur. Although my measurements have lined up perfectly with how many weeks I am, I still wonder if my due date is off. All these doubts and questions and worries are going through my head. I still get jealous of women when I hear about their vaginal deliveries. Now I will be jealous of those women who had successful VBACs.
I am praying a novena to St. Gerard that is to end on my due date. My prayers are to keep baby and me safe and for me to accept God's will regarding VBAC/c-section. I know I have many friends and family praying for me as well, which I am very grateful for. I'm just stubborn and want God's will to conform to mine.
Who knows what will happen in the next week. Like my doctor said, who knows what God has in store for us! I'm still anxious and nervous, but God knows best.
God knows best.